Black, White and Grey
by Jenna Linda
Summary: ON HIATUS. Twins, Alex and Lara are being sent to Hogwarts by their strictly pure-blood sadistic father and uncaring mother. There they meet a group of four boys who violently shake up their lives. Love, pain and hate in a world of black, white and grey.
1. To Fight

**Summary: Alex and Lara Grey are being sent to Hogwarts by their strictly pure-blood sadistic father and uncaring mother. There they meet a group of four boys who violently shake up their lives. Pain, Love and Anger await them it a world of Black, White and Grey.**

**WARNINGS: There is a slash relationship, there is no explicit sex, only brief mentions. There is TORTURE AND DARK THEMES AND CHARACTER DEATH. _But_ there is a happy ending. ****This, as you may have noticed, is a OC fiction which I know many people may not be as keen to read but please do give me a chance - you'll get to know Lara and Alex fairly quickly. ****This first chapter is more of a Prologue to me so do not judge the whole story by this chapter alone.**

**This was written over a long period of time without a BETA so sue me if there are spelling mistakes or slight wavering. I don't know.**

**As expected I love reviews so...**

**P.s. I DONT OWN (dun dun duuunn) I will not be putting up any more disclaimers, it's on my profile and tbh I doubt any of you either care or are idiotic enough to think otherwise.**

**So full steam ahead!**

* * *

To Fight

**_Lara_**

How did we get here? It had happened so fast; one moment we heard the news, the next we were grabbing a Portkey to a whole new world. In a matter of hours we'd left the home we'd grown up in and landed in a new country. It had been raining when we reached the grey manor house. Typical. Mother had left us there and a house elf had led us away.

I thought about when our parents had told us we were moving. Then, without even asking, we were being transferred to a new school. A big, new famous school...

The scene played out in my mind's eye:

"SILENCE!"

Father held up his hands, his face turning redder and redder. We stilled, the echoes of our voices falling dull. Had we gone too far? We knew what Father was like when he was angry – we had seen the way he treated those who conflicted or disobeyed him. Enough times, we ourselves had been on the receiving end of his anger.

We were in the living room which was more a cold stone room with a silent green fire and a few uncomfortable chairs. Mother sat in one of them, her back ramrod straight and her hands lightly and sophisticatedly perched on her crossed knees. Father stood next to her as firm and confident as ever. Mother looked her usual un-ruffled self. Her lips were pursed and her dark eyes were absentmindedly admiring her neatly polished nails. She'd briefly looked up at fathers order and I thought I might have seen a flash of warning directed at her husband in the corner of her eyes.

"You will obey our wishes to the line. There will be no more complaining. You will attend Hogwarts. You will take your exams. You will excel." His voice was perfectly smooth and polished but I knew both me and my twin, Alex, next to me could hear the compressed tension and anger that threatened to literally spring. The use of commands was not lost on us either. His grey eyes narrowed, as if daring us to even grunt in annoyance.

"This is a fantastic opportunity for our family," said Mother in her brusque, elegant voice as if she didn't know her husband was on the edge of bursting. "The Dark Lord can offer us dignity and power for our loyalty."

I could see Father swell with cunning at the thought of even more control over others, and I swear I saw sparks flare from the end of the wand hidden in his inside pocket.

Ah, yes. Mr Alexander Grey Senior's never ending desire for the influence of powerful people. He already had the German Ministry of Magic wrapped around his wand: this wasn't a very difficult thing to do though, thanks to the chaos created by the Dark Lord in England. But he wanted more. He wanted to be in the lime light, and now that the Dark Lord's servants had come offering him a place in their crowd – well, he couldn't resist.

I wanted to defy him. I wanted to tell him he couldn't decide our lives for us. But I knew the truth as I looked into the cold, uncaring eyes that were so alike to mine and my brother's, and yet so different.

I clasped my brother's hand tighter in my own and sent him a silent message. There was little we could do. Father wasn't one to change his mind – especially in the face of a business opportunity – and no amount of shouting would change that. We would be fools to try.

Alex Grey Junior sent back a confirmation. We would just have to let it sit for now.

"Very well father."

"We'll begin packing."

And with that, as one, we turned and walked out of the living room. Our abrupt change of mind didn't seem to faze our parents – they were used to it, like everyone else that spent time in our company.

"We will just have to speak to them later," I whispered to him as we walked hand in hand up the large stair case, neither of us looking at the other. "Perhaps we can persuade them - especially Mother."

"Perhaps," he replied.

We looked at each other now and both saw the doubt in the other's eyes. We had always known what the other was thinking, had always been able to finish the other's sentences since we learnt to talk. We always knew when the other was lying.

Like now.

We may be brave, but to stand up to Father, to try and made him change his mind, was not something to be taken lightly. He could be cruel, and anything that tried to stand in his way was as good as dead. We had learnt the hard way that his only children were no exception.

And so we began packing.

"I doubt we could persuade her, she's smart enough to see the way father is," Alex argued as I came in and began picking up the books that I'd been studying in his room earlier.

We could try though, I said with a look, stomping around angrily picking up the random items that were mine. I was always the most bold and rash of the pair of us, while Alex seemed to head more towards reason and caution. This meant that between us we usually found the best course of action.

I went to my room, arms full of books and clothes.

And where would that get us? A short distance from homeless, or worse, is where, he reprimanded as he came to collect the stash of his robes that lay strewn on my floor. I was busy shoving stuff carelessly into my trunk

"We can't just do nothing!" I called to his back as he walked out of the door that joined our rooms together; he raised his hand, without looking back, as if to question me on an alternative. I didn't have one.

Sighing, I sat on my bed and stared at my hands.

Alex and I were the complete opposite of our parents. Perhaps it was because we had always had the other that meant we hadn't soaked up every word and view of our strictly pure-blood parents. They believed very much in the Pureblood versus Mudblood argument and helping You-know-who was like a dream for them. We, however, found the whole ordeal sickening and shaming and horrific. People were being murdered and tortured for no good reason all over England – we had heard countless stories here in Berlin of the Death Eaters and their reign of terror. Every time I remembered that that was what my parents wanted I desired to curl up into a ball of disgrace and dread. It was what my father wanted: this death and this pain being suffered by so many.

I had to hold to the knowledge that, while mother wouldn't stop father and did believe in what the Death Eaters were fighting for, she was just as horrified as me and my brother. It was the only thing that was keeping me sane, that fact, that my family weren't complete monsters. Sometimes I wanted to talk to her about it but she was so distant and 'socially superior' that I would always chicken out at the last moment.

"I know what you mean."

I looked up and saw Alex leaning against the door frame with a face that must have been a mirror of mine. Quiet and calm, yet holding such pain and regret in the depths that he could only be thinking of one thing – the same thing as me.

"They say at Hogwarts it's like the eye of a storm. It's safe there, with Albus Dumbledore. They say the resistance is strong," I whispered, trying to reassure him and myself.

"Father will want us to be in Slytherin."

I nodded, he would. It was a simple statement and summed up our ultimate fear. The likelihood of us being placed in the Dark Lord's house was very, very slim, and once father realised we didn't agree with his views we would be in big trouble.

We will just have to stick together and brave the storm, I whispered into his mind, getting up to give him a hug. We will just have to fight.

**Please review :)**


	2. To Begin

**To Begin**

**_Alex_**

A red, gleaming train was visible through the fog and crowd of people. Hundreds of people were around us, all tearfully saying farewell to relatives or comparing summer news with missed friends.

There was a dark undertone to everything here though. The children who said goodbye to their parents had glints in their eyes, as if wondering if they would see them again. Adults, even here, were looking nervously over their shoulders or shooting suspicious glances at others. I saw families that looked as if they had spent the last month in total tears, their eyes red and bulging. It really was a war zone.

Lara, next to me, was radiating shock and uncertainty and kept throwing me apprehensive looks. In Germany we had never seen the full effect of how normal people were being constantly affected by the war. It certainly didn't bode well for the next two years we would have to stay here.

Mother was with us, even though my sister and I couldn't really see the point. I mean what did she think she was going to do? She certainly wasn't going to give us any useful advice or even a quick peck on the cheek and I would be shocked into stillness if she said she'd miss us. No, she would stand there, her nose scrunched up, beadily eyeing the other parents and students. She would stiffly tell us to uphold the family dignity and inform us that we would be coming back for Christmas. Lucky us.

So there we stood, in front of this large, noisy train and as expected mother said:

"Remember, you are to uphold the family name at all times, me and your father have little doubt that you will not disappoint us. You will come home for Christmas – lord knows what type of dirt stays at school during that time" she grimaced "we will see you then."

"She is so predictable" Lara muttered next to me, I snorted in agreement.

We disposed of our trunks and went off in search of a compartment. We were both nervous; there were so many people. At St. Amalia's academy, our old school, there had been about seventy people in the whole school – ten per year – and we had known basically everyone. It had been a private stuck up school that our parents had paid for to avoid us mixing with what they called 'common blood'. You weren't even excepted if you were anything but pure blooded and they had dutifully taught us dark magic and how Muggles were nothing but animals. But now we were here, on our way to Hogwarts and we had no idea which groups supported who.

I clasped Lara's hand in my nerves and sent her a general idea of my feelings.

"I know, we will just have to use our instincts"

In one compartment was a group of boys and girls our age who were lounging on the seats looking smug, dark green cloaks lay forgotten on empty seats. I recognised the emblem of Slytherin on one trunk.

_No, I can guess where they stand._ I said with my eyes, she nodded fervently in agreement.

Here was a group of rowdy second years – clearly not going in there. A group of girls all lathering makeup on, Lara snorted. _Honestly, you'd never believe there was a war going on by looking in there. _This one didn't look to bad, but it was all full.

One of the last compartments had four boys sitting in there, all about our age. One sat in the corner, seeming completely immersed in a heavy book; he had blond hair and wore messy clothes. Next to him, sat a plump boy, who, to be honest, looked a little dim. On the chairs opposite were two boys who seemed to give off an air of confidence: One with carefully cut, shiny black hair and an effortlessly handsome face and a boy with messy black hair and a certain amount of charm.

Lara seemed hesitant to enter a compartment dominated by boys but by this point we had run out of choices. She sighed and I knocked onto the glass of the door and gently pushed open the compartment.

* * *

**_James_**

It was good to be back with my friends. Moony – as per usual had his head stuck in a book, which Peter was looking over his shoulder at, looking baffled. Bless. Sirius was lounging on the seat next to me, his feet up and the good old cocky grin in place. I ran my mind through all times we had sat like this and planned pranks. This was going to be a good year I could just tell.

"Oh come on Moony, take that nose out of your book, we've only just got onto the train" Pads said, laughing at our friend fondly, he really hadn't changed.

Remus looked up briefly and rolled his eyes before continuing to read the tome like book in his hands.

Just then there was a knock on the compartment door and I looked up to see two people I didn't recognise. They both looked about our age and seemed unsure what they were doing (must be exchange students I mused). The boy, who was standing in front, was slim and tall with shoulder length silver hair, grey eyes and very pale skin he was wearing a plain shirt and jeans. The girl behind him had to be his sister. She was smaller than the boy though she was still rather tall and had long hair the same strange silver as her brother. Her eyes were wide and grey and I noticed that she looked a little nervous and kept sweeping hair from her eyes. She wore a simple black top and tight skinny jeans.

They were like duplicates of the same person in different genders.

"Excuse us; I don't suppose we could sit in here? All the other compartments are full" he said, his voice was cultured and had a faint German accent I recognised from one of my father's friends.

"Course, go ahead" Padfoot said moving his feet off the chair; his eyes were zeroed on the girl. I sniggered, Paddy was obviously eyeing up this new girl; there can't have been a girl in a year radius (excluding most of the Slytherins) that he hadn't dated at some point – the minx.

"I'm Lara Grey and this is my brother Alex" she said as they sat down – didn't I tell you they were siblings – she gave Sirius and odd calculation look before turning away.

* * *

**_Lara_**

So we ended up sitting in a compartment of boys throughout the journey and guess what? We seemed to have found the cockiest pair possible. Just our luck.

James Potter and Sirius Black seemed to believe everybody worshiped them. They were obviously intelligent from the careless talks of magic and the brief mentions of very advanced spells, much like the ones my brother and I would attempt in our dormitories when everyone had gone to sleep. They were jokers as well, constantly making and planning jokes and pranks on various teachers and students. And they were simply fun. There was no other word for it, they were fun. They made me forget about the war and the pain that I knew too much about and I could tell they did the same to my brother.

The other two, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew were quieter. Remus had been reading a large book when we'd came in and though he'd put it away shortly after that. He remained distant from the rest of the conversations and stared out the window for a lot of the time. To me is almost felt as if he was nervous though, so maybe this wasn't his normal behaviour. Peter seemed like the classic tag along, desperate to be a part of the cool guys club.

Alex became instant friends with them, the marauders, as they told us later. Alex, in serious situations, is always the more cautious of the two of us. However, once he's at school with a bunch of mates he becomes the carefree and rule breaker while I stand by and role my eyes at his silly antics. It had been so long since I had seen this relaxed Alex, he had been avoiding most of the students at school all year.

"So, how come we haven't seen you around?" James asked me from across the compartment.

I exchanged glances with Alex. We were unsure how much we should tell the people we met at this new school. In our old school our parentage was fashionable to most and very few were publically against the Dark Lord.

"Well, we lived in Germany most of our lives and went to a private school there. Our parents wanted to move here... for a business opportunity" I hoped nobody noticed me hesitation, though the statement was basically true.

The boys nodded and I felt Alex relax.

Sirius, however, seemed to find this news strange and he was looking between us with a small frown.

"Why would you parents want to move here? I've heard it's fairly safe in Germany – apart from that mad man who's taken over" Alex instantly condensed into his caution and he subtly grasped my hand; that mad man was our father and it was obvious these boys were not supporters of the Dark Lord.

"We're not sure... we told them this was not a good time to be moving but, well... they aren't very rational" Alex said and I snorted. Everyone looked at me. Rational! More like moral! Oh, they thought they were being logical, picking the strongest side was their views but they'd forgotten their humanity in the process.

Alex squeezed my hand, _I know._

_Why do we have to have such stupid parents? Why do we still have to 'protect' them? We should just tell these people what a cruel person father is, what a cowardly mother we have! I don't want to defend and hide them!_

_I know._

_Should we?_

_Let's wait; we don't know these people yet and we don't know how fast our words can travel to back to father._

_Hrmph._

I could see his point, it just annoyed me. I continued to fume in silence and I took me a while to realise that our companions had been trying to speak to us during our conversation and were now exchanging confused looks.

On the side which wasn't Alex, Remus leant into me and said in a whisper:

"You don't seem to like your parents much"

I looked at the quiet studious boy next to me and shrugged, trying to forget the shiver that went up my back when his breath had tickled my cheek. He'd caught on very fast, that was for sure.

"How was your summer Padfoot?" Remus said straightening and I had the feeling he was trying to change the subject for the benefit of me and Alex.

"Well aside from running away last week... as fun as it ever is" he said, his voice darkening "although it did pick up when I changed Reg's hair gold and red, really made my dear mother really happy"

We all laughed though I had a felling there was something more to the joke.

"What house are you two gonna be in?" Sirius asked us.

"We don't know yet"

"I suspect we'll find out when we get there" I added.

"Although our parents want us to be Slytherin"

"Like them"

Everyone in the room cringed; they plainly weren't fond of Slytherin.

"Ugh, you don't wonna be in Slytherin"

"Yeah, you'd have to share a room with Snivellus, Alex"

Me and Alex looked at each other and smiled. We had always known we weren't like our parents and now the truth would come out and father would kill us, but at least we'd have friends.

"What houses are you lot in then" I asked curious. I didn't know much about the other houses, apart from Gryffindor which my parents hated.

"Gryffindor" said James proudly "we all are"

Figures...

Sirius was still looking at me; it was getting a little freaky. I mean, it's not that he wasn't good looking, on the contrary he was very handsome – with his black shoulder length hair and that dark look about him – but I didn't go for the boys who wanted to be the centre of attention all the time. Not to mention the fact I didn't even know him.

I met his eyes across the compartment and raised an eyebrow at him, throwing subtlety out of the window. His face broke out into a wolfish grin and he stretched himself out on the seat. Huh?

"My parents wanted me to be in Slytherin too, the whole family has been in that house. Bit of a shock when I got put in Gryffindor instead" Sirius smirked. Alex and I, caught in the same thought, laughed.

"Perhaps your parents can give ours some advice"

"When their only children get put into a different house"

"Although they might be a bad influence on each other"

The train journey continued. I found myself speaking to Remus, who they called Moony, and found him to be intelligent and insightful although he seemed to hide sadness in that brain of his that I couldn't figure out…


	3. To Sort

**To Sort**

**_Lara_**

Later, when we decided to change into our robes, I left to find a boy free compartment. There was one just a little further down the train which only had three girls my age.

"Excuse me, I need to change into my robes" I held them up as evidence "I've just escaped from a compartment of five boys, do you mind?"

After they had certified that they in fact did not mind me using their compartment, we got down to introductions.

"My names Lily Evens, sixth year, nice to meet you" said an attractive girl with long dark red hair and green eyes. She held out her hand which I took, a little surprised.

"Evens? I think I heard the boys talking about you, James Potter ring a bell?" I said thinking back.

She looked mutinous at the distant James while the other two girl burst out laughing.

"Ugh, that little toe rag has been asking me out for years – he just can't face the fact I don't want to go out with him" she explained and I grinned. It seemed like to me that Lily would be the perfect balm to calm crazy little Potter into sanity. I decided however, for my own good, not to mention this perception.

"I'm Alice Smith and this is Eliza Attia" said a small girl with a sweet round face and short black hair.

Eliza was a slim girl with long blond hair that fell down her back in ringlets and she had a crazy bouncy feeling. Her silvery blue eyes were wide and insightful as she looked at me.

"You looked scared, you are alright you know. Nothing will hurt you at Hogwarts" I didn't quite know what to say to that so I just smiled and shrugged.

"Haha, don't worry about Eliza here. It takes time to get used to her observation and the occasional bangs that come from her side of the room" Alice told me as I pulled my robes over my head.

"Well, you have to test a spell if you want to go telling people, don't you?" Eliza said, not seeming to mind the comments about her.

"What house are you in anyway?" Lily asked, polite as before.

"I don't know, I've just moved down from Germany with my brother" I explained to the girls as I pulled my boots back on.

"You speak English very well, can you also speak German?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, I can speak German. My parents always spoke English to us though; something about them believing England is superior or something daft like that" I said guiltily, it was another of those moments when you realise you might have said too much and people would start trying to kick you away.

"I used to be able to speak some French, but I've pretty much forgotten it all" Lily said and I sighed in relief.

I sat there talking to this group for a while but eventually had to excuse myself. They seemed like an entertaining group and I looked forward to becoming better friends with them, perhaps even share house with them. However I felt lonely without my brother. He was like my second half, he completed my sentence and I could always feel him as a part of my thoughts. There was some sort of magic there I was sure, the way we could communicate, talk into each other's minds, was not normal.

"I'll just tell Potter that you send your love, yes Lily?" I said over my shoulder as I began to close the door.

"NO! DON'T YOU DARE!" I laughed and sent back, to the now red faced girl, a grin.

Entering the boy's compartment my eyes locked onto Alex before sliding to Remus's pale blue eyes, who had looked up at my entrance. His robes looked a little patched in places and I frowned. He was like a mystery I had to solve and I found myself running through possibilities.

"So, James, what the hell did you do to make Lily Evens hate you so much?" I said as I sat down in my original place between Alex and Remus.

"Nothing! I swear I have done nothing – apart from hate Snivellus who used to be her friend and let's face it, he is a slimy little git"

I had heard all about this Snivellus guy, who was the Marauders enemy, all about his greasy black hair and how he preferred the company of potions to actual people. The boy they had described didn't seem to fit what I would think of a friend of Lily's and left me in doubt at who had the right end of the stick.

"We're getting close to Hogwarts" said Peter, his small nose flat against the glass of the window.

"Don't do that wormy, you won't even be able to see it from here" said James.

"Yeah and you'll get you're slimy bogies all over the window" added Sirius.

The train screeched to a stop and there was the sound of hundreds of people getting up, opening doors and jumping onto the platform. Alex seemed to be getting agitated and I reached over to clasp his hand in mine.

_What house do you think we'll be in?_ He asked me.

I shrugged.

_Ravenclaw doesn't sound too bad, we are pretty smart._I replied.

_Or Gryffindor, though dad would kill us even more if we are._

_Yeah Gryffindor seems the best to me._

We jumped off the platform and began to follow the stream of students heading in one direction.

"Firs' years! Firs' years this way" said a loud, rough booming voice. I looked up and saw a tall man who towered over the students.

I bit my lip, should we count ourselves as first years? Alex was unsure as well, _we_do_need to be sorted, and this_ is_our first year?_

"No. Alex, Lara come with us" called James ahead of us, seeing our indecision "we had some exchange students a few years back and they went in the carriages before being held up just before they went into the hall"

We followed the Marauders toward a line of carriages and then stopped in shock.

In front of us snorted a black horse like creature with large folded up wings. Its thin and lucent skin stretched over a skeletal frame and its face, with two glowing white eyes, was lizard like.

"Thestrals, the school has Thestrals?" Alex said shocked.

"What are Thestrals?" asked James, we looked at him shocked and I simply shook my head and climbed into the carriage.

Me and Alex had watched our uncle die when we were young and being the nerds we were we'd read about Thestrals a couple of years ago.

The Thestrals drawn transport rocked into motion and me and Alex eagerly watched down the road to see our first sight of Hogwarts.

* * *

**_Remus_**

Lara and Alex joined us in the carriages a moment after me and Prongs had climbed up. I was secretly glad they weren't going on the boat ride; I had got used to their strange combined presence.

They both seemed to complement each other and I noticed moments when they seemed to be talking quietly together without actually saying anything. They would sit there, their hands in each others, and effortlessly played off each other. When Lara had left to get changed though, Alex had seemed, for a moment, to be a little lost. He'd sat there looking unsure until James had started to engage him in conversation.

The moment I had seen Lara, however, I had been stuck by her strange beauty. She was sophisticated and elegant and yet it was like she was hiding a wild and passionate energy inside her. I'd found myself being irresistibly drawn to her and I'd had to make my face seem ordinary when she'd sat next to me (probably avoiding Pads obvious flirting).

I'd caught James smirking at me throughout the journey and I knew he'd noticed my interest. The others had been trying to get me to date someone for years but I knew that was not a possibility for me. I couldn't risk getting to close to someone.

They would be horrified, disgusted when they found out my affliction.

The two of them were leaning excitedly out of the carriage windows, keen for a glimpse of Hogwarts.

As we turned the last corner I heard them gasp and I smiled and exchanged looks with Pads and Prongs. I was naturally very proud of my school. I was lucky to be able to attend Hogwarts and wanted to share my wonder with others.

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry gleamed down to us in the evening shade, its countless windows glowing seductively. The many towers rose majestically above the horizon and were reflected in the flat expanse of the lake, disturbed only occasionally by the giant squid. Surrounding the school the mountains climbed into the air and a faint rustle could be heard from the boarders of the forbidden forest. I was home.

The moon high in the air was a thin slice that reminded me that I wouldn't be changing for a while and made the night even more amazing.

Alex and Lara seem to be silently talking. Their eyes didn't seem to be taking in what they could see because there was not even a flicker behind them. As I watched Lara's hand squeezed his shoulder lightly and their faces became the same grim worried look they'd shared before when we'd been talking about their parents.

"Do you recognise the surname Grey?" I whispered to Sirius. He cocked an eye brow in my direction knowing what I hinted at. The families that he would be familiar with were not usually the nicest, being a Black.

"I'm not sure… it might be- but no, I doubt that. I could ask my Uncle, he wouldn't mind…" I nodded and concentrated on the castle coming further into view.

* * *

**_Alex_**

It was beautiful, there was no doubt about that, and had a homely glow to it. Lara and I exclaimed our amazement to each other.

I felt my heart clench though; some might not understand our fear of our father but then they did not know him. It wasn't just going to be an embarrassing howler or even disowning us – he would get angry. He was bound to torture us; he was mad and uncontrollable like that. Mother could usually calm him but if he did decide to it wouldn't be the first time for either of us. Then he would take us to the Dark Lord and make us swear our allegiance to him. This was if we were put in Gryffindor.

Father hated that house but he didn't mind the others as much. Ravenclaw was just a bunch of no-it-all's, and after all, intelligence was important (even if he didn't have much of his own). Hufflepuff was just a lot of cowards, who needed loyalty and fair-play? But they really weren't that bad; they would be easy to control. But Gryffindor… stubborn and argumentative, they always have to have their way and Dumbledore, the old crack pot, was the worst of the lot… blah blah blah…

He was mad. He'd lost his sanity. And he just didn't care.

Lara tightened her grip on my shoulder.

_We'll find a way._

The coach stopped and we climbed out and walked towards a pair of large double doors.

The entrance hall was grand and looked as if it could fit a small house inside it. The large marble stair case twisted its way up and high above in the ceiling the crystals of chandeliers glistened. Every thing seemed to glow with its own subtle interior light and I watched as ghosts drifted in and out of walls, greeting students as they went.

Everybody seemed to be heading towards another pair of grand doors and I could hear a great commotion from within.

A witch stood looking over the students several stairs up. She had a strict manner about her and her greying hair was bound tightly in a bun. Her lips were pursed and she seemed to be looking for something. Just then her eyes met Lara's and she called over the head of students:

"Oh, Miss Grey, Mr Grey - over here please"

People's heads tuned towards us as we pushed our way through. I saw James give me thumbs up and Sirius and Remus were watching my sister. Hrmph. I'd never get used to the idea that boys might wish to date my sister – it was just weird. I'd have to give them a nice brotherly chat later.

"Good, now, welcome to Hogwarts. My name is Professor McGonagall, deputy head mistress. As you are probably aware, students at Hogwarts are sorted into Houses. These houses are like your families, you earn and lose points for your house and you live and spent time with your house in your common room. Usually students are placed in their houses in first year but you two will have to be sorted tonight with this year's first years. You will wait here for Hagrid to arrive with them."

We were waiting for about ten minutes before a group of about forty eleven year olds came into the entrance hall. It was amusing to see their awed faces and the mixture of nerves and excitement that played across their face. Many of them looked at us curiously at us and I could almost hear what they could see, their emotions were so high.

_There were two tall striking figures standing above them. What if they throw me out? An incredible hall, the ceiling was almost out of sight. Each has glossy silver hair that glinted in the light. I can't wait! I'm going to learn magic! Their identical grey eyes followed us as we moved forward. Marble was sparkling under foot and up a winding stair case. Wearing black and looking over us, their skin pale. If only mother could see this. Who are they?_

I blocked out the thoughts coming from them and felt Lara do the same next to me.

A tall, shaggy man accompanied them, the Hagrid Professor McGonagall had mentioned. He looked like a giant although black beady eyes peered out kindly from in amongst his messy brown beard and hair. I remembered him from when we had got off the train.

"Ah Hagrid, thank you, that will be all" McGonagall said appearing out of nowhere.

"That's all righ' McGonagall. I'll just go set meh'self up in the hall, shall I?" and he lumbered off in the direction of the hall. The professor meanwhile had begun to welcome the newbie's and explain about the house system.

It didn't take long. Soon Lara and I were standing at the back of the line of nervous kids. The doors were swinging open and we were walking forwards, almost as unsure of ourselves as the first years. The Marauders had skilfully neglected to tell us how we would be sorted into our houses and we were nervous about being the oldest in this ceremony.

We entered the most spectacular room. The ceiling seemed to open out onto the night sky which was clear tonight. The stars glinted above and matched the hundreds of candles floating in midair above four long tables. At the tables sat the rest of the school all staring avidly at the line of nervous kids (and us). We were walking down the centre of the room and soon came to a halt.

Professor McGonagall was standing ahead of us next to a small stool, upon which a grubby patched hat sat. Then just as I was about to ask Lara next to me what she thought we should do, because we had been standing there in silence for a while, the hat began to sing.

[Insert song from Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone– you all know the one]

Everybody cheered and Lara next to me muttered "I'm gonna kill those blasted Marauders – all we have to do is put the hat on"

McGonagall began calling the eleven years old up in alphabetical order and we waited for the G's to come up. But Grail, Gareth became Hufflepuff and then Harper, Bethany became Ravenclaw and we were still standing there. Finally Zabini, Drew became Slytherin and we were the only people standing, in the centre of the room, alone, with everybody looking at us.

_Err… this is awkward!_

"Now lastly we have two students who will be joining sixth year. Grey, Alex" with one last look at Lara I walked toward the hat. As I put the hat on and sat on the stool I felt the eyes of everyone staring at me.

_Well, well another Grey and look at that - another waiting below. Such a connection, fantastic. So where to put you?_

A voice in my head rasped, I could practically feel the hat searching through my thoughts, which was a very uncomfortable sensation.

_Well you are certainly intelligent and very logical, Ravenclaw would suit you well. Or it could be Hufflepuff, there's certainly enough loyalty and the push to work for something… But then all that bravery, oh yes, you'd make a good Gryffindor but also a good handful of power to go with as well, which could be Slytherin… A thirst for independence, though your sister seems to be a key element of yourself… yes, yes…but where should you go?_

Oh great, I could go into any of these places apparently, I wish you would just make up your mind. I could feel Lara ahead of me growing impatient.

_Now, now a tricky customer needs time to find the best place, it's out of two choices I'd say – and I know best… now, better be… GRYFFINDOR!_

I jumped as the hat shouted out the last word.

* * *

**_Remus_**

I watched as Alex walked toward the hat and placed it on his head. Lara was standing awkwardly in the centre of the room watching her brother. Just then, while I was still watching her, she turned her head and looked directly in my eyes. I stared at her and she stared back.

After a moment something seamed to distract her and she turned back to her brother. It had been on his head a long time and people all over the hall were shifting impatiently. I wondered what was taking the hat so long.

"Can't decide, eh? I hope they're put in Gryffindor" James muttered next to me and Sirius nodded in agreement.

Another minute passed and finally the hat opened its mouth and shouted for everyone to hear:

GRYFFINDOR!

Our table went crazy as we all clapped and cheered. Alex Grey walked over to me and the other Marauders and sat down next to Wormy, his eyes never leaving Lara.

"Gray, Larissa" McGonagall called, which seemed slightly pointless to me, seeing as she was the only person standing.

* * *

**_Lara_**

_And here's the other Grey… you are a lot like you brother I must say. Intelligent, loyal, brave, powerful… not as much logic but then not even your brother made Ravenclaw, though it suited him well… but you are so very bold, yes and strong… well, it seems it would be foolish to split the two of you, as linked as you are, it seems one must learn with the other before you may eventually live apart… has to be GRYFFINDOR!_


	4. To Settle

**To Settle**

**Lara**

So there we were, the two Grey, Gryffindor twins.

Lily Evens and Alice Smith greeted me with big smiles as we were leaving the hall and proceeded to link my arms with theirs as we walked up the stairs. (Lily pointedly ignored James: "Evens will you go out with me?"). Their other friend, the odd blond, was a Ravenclaw and I found myself feeling a little disappointed I wasn't going to be hearing as much of her funny thoughts.

The castle was an extraordinary place with portraits everywhere, the inhabitants weaving from picture to picture, and suits of armour that seem to me to be a little bit too alive. The long staircases seemed to move from place to place and the two girls tried to explain the complex timetable for them as well as the hundreds of shortcuts and secrets.

How on earth would I ever be able to navigate this place? It seemed to me that it would take a lifetime to know even a half of the secrets in this place, this school.

We eventually came to a large portrait of a richly dressed woman who surveyed us regally as we approached us.

"Password?" She said majestically.

"Tabulas novas" Lily replied and the portrait swung open to reveal a whole in the wall, which we climbed through.

We entered a warm room with lots of large sofas, thick carpet and a roaring fire in the grate. The only people in the room were the Marauders and my brother who were all laughing about some joke James had just told. I sent Alex a goodnight message and followed Lily up a staircase.

I was then introduced to my other roommates.

There was Tabby Grant, a girl with brown coppery hair and modern thick framed glasses, and Amy Farmer, a tiny girl with thick black curly locks and huge brown eyes. Amy was the most hyper girl I had ever met. She kept bouncing up and down and she was forever talking at a speed much too fast to comprehend. When she saw me she immediately ran to me and began gushing over me, her eyes sparkled in her happy little face. Tabby, the more subdued of this duo, had to physically hold the girl down by her shoulders to prevent her hitting the roof.

I'd laughed and found myself loving this crazy girl who barely reached my shoulder.

"Sorry about her" Tabby said, fondly patting the girl on her head "beginning of a new year, y' know – it's a very exciting event for her, all that pent up energy from the summer just goes crazy"

Amy had answered by giving me an unbelievable beam that seemed to touch her whole face.

"Well it's very nice to meet you. It's been us four in here for a long time now. Five years in fact. Not that I don't love everyone here, which I do. But it's lovely to have a new person. It almost make this year seem new to me as well, it's so exciting! That can be you bed if you want, right next to the window which is cool, though you might not like it. Some people are awfully afraid of heights –"

"Don't worry, that's brilliant" I interrupted her stream. She managed to make her initial sheepish smile into a full blown grin (quite an achievement if you ask me).

"Sorry, I do tend to ramble on. I'm just so excited!" she jumped up and gave me a hug around my waist.

After detangling myself from the energized sixteen year old, I began to settling into my new four poster bed. Amy had been right when she'd said I was right next to the window and I found myself staring out into the night. It was a lovely room, it was warm and cosy, and I was with the friendliest people I had ever met. My old friends from Berlin had been colder and harsher than these bubbly people; they would have turned their noses up to Amy's enthusiasm. I had always just let things flow when I'd been with them and I would suit myself to fit in with their ways; It's not that they were mean, they were quite kind almost all of the time, they just had a sort of reserved detachment about them.

I could feel people's consciences relaxing around me, dulling with sleep, and I pulled out my night dress and shut out their thoughts.

Alex sent me a sleepy message saying goodnight from his dorm and I replied, feeling his tired state pull me toward my own slumber. It was always difficult not to feel sleepy when surrounded by others, especially Alex, who felt tired or were asleep and so it didn't take long for me to slip into slumber.

* * *

**_Alex_**

Me and Lara got word from father the next morning while we were eating breakfast.

It came in the form of a howler that our family owl, Erin, delivered with lofty impatience. Lara had been the first one to notice the scarlet letter and, after nudging me, we'd exchanged uneasy glances. I queasily reached for the now smoking letter and paused. I had nearly decided to run for it when Lara had impatiently grabbed it from me and opened it.

_No point delaying the inevitable._I briefly heard her say before the voice of Alexander Grey had boomed out across the hall.

Every one stopped and looked at us, their hands over their ears.

**HOW DARE YOU DISCRACE OUR FAMILY! DIDN'T WE EXPLICITLY TELL YOU TO HOLD UP OUR FAMILY NAME! YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE NOW BEING DOUBTED, AFTER EVERYTHING WE'VE WORKED FOR, BECAUSE OF YOUR INSOLENCE AND CHEEK! WE DIDN'T SEND YOU TO THAT SCHOOL SO THAT YOU COULD SHAME THE NAME OF GREY! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU TWO YOUR GOING TO REGRET THE DAY YOU DECIDED TO DISOBEY US!**

And the letter burst into flame.

* * *

**_Remus_**

The room was silent after the letter had finally burst into flame and I was reminded of the day Sirius had got a similar letter from his mother. That morning everyone had began talking soon after it had finished, probably thanks to Sirius's smug, if shaken, smile. But this time was different, the war was in full flow and such a letter with threats like that held more meaning now.

The twins were even more pale than usual and were staring at the smoking pile. Lara seemed to be beyond anger while Alex just gazed blankly at the wisps of smoke floating into the air.

This fiery girl jumped to her feet, her lips were quivering and her hair had come out of its tie, she looked like she was about to scream. Alex just sat there, his vacant stare almost as frightening as Lara's electric emotion.

I looked between the two nervously.

Then, just as I thought the tension in the room was about to explode, Lara's fury and Alex's indifference both changed instantly.

Lara seemed to become suddenly drained and collapsed onto the bench her face in her hands and Alex stood, took out his want, and vanished the pile of smouldering ashes. He looked around at the many face turned in his direction and did the last thing anyone expected of him.

He smiled.

"You can all stop looking at us now you know. I happen to be looked forward to eating my toast – an activity I don't need anyone else's opinions on thanks" and he sat down and, true to his word, began eating toast.

The room relaxed and everyone returned to their previous conversations and food.

"Wow, you were really telling the truth when you said your parents wanted you to be in Slytherin, eh?" James said to Alex across the table.

"Oh yes, I bet I bet they were just thrilled to learn we weren't the same Death Eater scum that they are" Lara said tiredly raising her head to look at the group of people surrounding her. Her eyes met mine and she smiled reassuringly.

"You and I both, my family is on the verge of disowning me because I hate You-Know-who" Sirius said with a sad smile.

The twins looked up empathically and smiled.

"Well, this is all much too depressing for breakfast talk if you ask me" James said, buoyantly breaking the tension "how would you two like to help us in a good old start of term prank?"

"Uh ow. Resist the temptation Greys, you don't want to get mixed up in this toe rag" came a familiar voice from behind me.

"Lily Flower! Will you go out with me?" I chuckled at James' never-ending pursuit of Lily.

"No Potter I won't" she said stubbornly, throwing her hair over her shoulder.

"You know Lily I think I'll take your advice. I'd much prefer to take the micky out of you lot and my dear brother when you get detention than join you" Lara said grinning and standing to leave "I'll see you a break and yes Alex I am that mean"

Alex pouted, gently punching his sister on the arm. She laughed and began to follow Lily, who had linked their arms.

"Fine then evil, have fun in Ancient runes" he called after her jokingly, the sarcasm thick in his voice.

"Ha, Arithmancy!" she shouted back – equally teasingly and left the room with Lily.

I shook my head in amazement.

"You two are so bazaar!" I said, grinning at the strange boy in front of me.

"Of course, you'll get used to it after a while." He replied knowingly.

I checked my watch and saw that lessons started in fifteen minutes. I got to my feet, swinging my bag over my shoulder.

"Do you know your way to Arithmancy Alex? I could show you, it's on the way to Ancient Runes."

He agreed and we left the hall together after giving James, Sirius and Pete a quick wave, they had a free period.

"So you're another Rune person? Ugh, great, you'll like my sister then. She's all into that" he said, grimacing with a disappointed voice.

I chuckled, blushing internally at the mention of Lara.

"How come you don't like it?" I asked inquisitively.

He grinned, sending me a sly look.

"Well, it's not that I actually find it that bad to be honest. I took it third year with Lara and she took Arithmancy with me, but they weren't really to our liking so we ditched them. It's sort of like an ongoing argument between us and we tease each other about the lessons. Also, we like to magnify and draw attention to our differences"

I nodded and puzzled again over these strange twins.

We had come to the top of the main stair way by now and I steered us towards the stairs that would take us up to the sixth floor. I mentally mapped out our path, noting that the staircase I usually used wouldn't be going the right way because it was the Monday of an odd year. I turned to the left and pushed open the door that pretended to be a wall.

"I'll never be able to find my way around this school! There are so many staircases that move and doors that hide and god knows what else!" Alex said in horror as I muttered a spell to open a hidden staircase to the fourth floor.

I laughed and patted him sympathetically on his shoulder.

"Don't worry, that's what we all think. You start to pick up shortcuts fairly quickly. And you have the added advantage of being friends with the Marauders" I smile and lead the way.


	5. To Remember

**To Remember**

**_Lara_**

The Ancient Runes classroom was small room, with white walls and two rows of desks. Large windows covered two sides of the room, letting in the fresh light of Scotland. The view was beautiful, the mountains picturesque, the lake sparkling and the clear, pure blue of the sky surrounding us. There were about twenty chairs, though Lily had told me there were only sixteen students. Our professor was a small witch with thick black hair and dark chocolaty skin. Her name was Professor Lisha Gueye and, according to Lily, she was a very straightforward teacher who was very relaxed with the rules. However I soon came to realise that her conditions to this was that she expected you to be just as enthusiastic as herself e.g. exceedingly curious and perpetually passionate which was pretty hard anyway.

I was sitting next to Lily, idly flicking through my book looking at all the things this class had covered. It was pretty much the same, though I noted I was several chapters ahead and would have to wait for them to catch up. I was studying a page when I felt Remus' conscience come towards the room. It was strange how quickly I had begun to recognise people's thoughts. I already knew Lily and the Marauders, though Peter was still fuzzy, and the other girls in my room were becoming clearer. In my old school it had taken years to develop a proper sense for the people I called my friends; something which had taken less than a day to initiate with this group.

It was like the castle wanted me to know the people here. Either that or they were like no one else I had ever met.

Remus came through the door and after quickly analysing the room he started walking toward our table.

"Hi Remus. Good summer?" Lily asked him as he slid into the seat next to me.

"It was alright. I spent most of it at James'. They were trying to make me play Quidditch but I think I failed" he said and my jaw dropped.

"You don't like Quidditch?" I said, my voice coming out hurt, he, however, simply looked amused.

"It's not that I don't like it. I just don't like flying very much. I'm guessing you do?"

I merely nodded (of course!) my eyes probably glassy.

"Bordering on obsession. Alex thinks I'm mad, he runs in fear when he sees a broom" I smirked, his phobia greatly amused me.

"Are you going to try out?" Lily asked, though she didn't seem that bothered.

"Probably, I played Chaser at the last school I was at"

"So does James, he's captain of the Gryffindor team" Remus added, I would have said more but at that moment Professor Gueye started speaking and I was forced to listen.

The lesson passed uneventfully and I soon grew bored from the repeated subject. I took notes anyway – of course – but a lot of the time I jumped into Alex's lesson down the corridor. Arithmancy wasn't particularly interesting, looking at a bunch of numbers and finding out their properties (whippy), but it was new information and my brain soaked it up. When the bell rang we got up and walked towards defence against the dark arts, Lily was talking animatedly to Remus and I listened lazily to their conversation.

"I hope our teacher is better than last years, Vitto was such a bore" Lily said.

"Yeah I know, better than Gamiro from third year though, I swear he never even let us even take out our wands. Professor Nye wasn't too bad."

"Nor was Tulley, she was really interesting, though she acted as if we were nine"

I was getting really confused.

"What the hell are you two talking about?" I asked.

They both laughed and Lily linked my arm with hers, as if realising I was standing next to her. The casual gesture warmed me and my thoughts were again led to my old friends...

"Sorry. That must have sounded so weird from the outside. We were talking about all our different DADA teachers, we've never had one for longer than one year" she said as we walked down a stair way. Half way down she stopped me and jumped over a particular step, I follow suit, slightly confused.

"Everyone thinks there's a curse on the job" Remus said also jumping over the mystery step as if it were the most natural thing in the world "oh, and you don't want to step on that because you'll fall through it" he added seeing my bemused look.

"Oh... ok." This school was just weird.

* * *

**_Alex_**

After Arithmancy (which I enjoyed, finding it much better taught here) I had DADA. I sat with Lara, Lily and Alice and we were learning about the effects of the Cruciatus Curse.

It was one of the tensest classes I had ever been in and Lara and I had to fight the desire to run from the room. We really did not have to know the technicalities of the curse. We didn't want to know how it could turn a person mad when prolonged. We just didn't, we knew what the curse did quite well already thanks.

I'd found myself clenching my chair for most of the lesson, fighting the memories fighting to the surface. Lara had already snapped one of her quills.

"As you should all be very much aware (and if you didn't you need a reality check), the Crusiatus curse causes intense pain to the victim. The caster, to perform it, must have a strong will and must mean it or the spell will not have the intended result. The strength of the spell is determined by the casters desire to cause pain and their magical power and ability." Professor Somnia told the class.

She was a tall woman, with a proud face and long mahogany hair. Her mind was tightly closed, not even a whisper of her emotions reaching me or Lara. She reminded me of my aunt Marilyn; they had the same demand for attention, the same sophisticated way of speaking and moving and they both had fire in their eyes. She was alert, prepared and detected everything.

"Fighting or breaking the curse becomes almost impossible once under it, as the pain is all consuming. No spell with stop it, only the caster may remove the spell. However, the caster must be concentrating on the spell for it to remain in effect, so if they were to be distracted, the spell would be broken."

Almost daily word would come of people being put under this curse by the DE's. I could feel the emotions in the room and they we all grim, grieved or scared. I remembered the day I found out my cousin (the one father refused to speak about) had been tortured and killed; it hadn't been a good day.

I shuddered internally, trying to push memories best left alone away determinedly. Unwittingly, I saw in my mind's eye a long room, the floor made of pale tiles of ceramic. All down the room tall windows rose from the floor and stripes of light and shadow patterned the floor. There was no artificial light, the crystal chandelier hung in the gloom, unlit. Everything was black and white and grey. Apart from one, vivid, splash of colour.

I pulled myself away.

Lily was staring at me, her thoughts worried and confused. I shrugged and unwillingly continued to listen to Gueye's lecture.

* * *

**_Lara_**

After the disaster that was second lesson we had History of Magic. History was so, so boring. It was beyond boring in fact! It was... the most pointless, mind-numbing, hour of my life. The ghost teacher droned on and on in the same tone about the same goblins and the same wizard who did the same thing over and over and over and over...

I was going to fall asleep at this rate.

I stared, with my head on my arms, at the grains of wood. Alex was in the same lesson as me so I didn't even have his thoughts for escape.

I had enjoyed this lesson at my last school and I'd decided to take it as a NEWT. Now I wasn't so sure. I mentally took note that I needed to see McGonagall (I'd been told she was head of Gryffindor) about ditching this subject. What was one less subject? Seven NEWT's weren't too bad, the ministry here required five passes so I would be fine.

There were only eleven people in the class: Alex and I, Lily, Remus and seven others (three Ravenclaws, two Hufflepuffs and two Slytherins).

_Soon there will only be nine, _Alex said, _you can count me in on the ditching idea, this is so boring._

I nodded sluggishly.

My thoughts were drifting and were pulled, unsurprisingly, to our last lesson. Memories I had shut away in tightly closed boxes into the furthest reached of my mind had begun to beat at the locks holding them. There were several times, terrifying moments in which I clung to the present day, when I thought I would succumb then and there to the recollections.

Even Alex had slipped momentarily before slamming them back into the recesses of the brain. I had always been worse with the memories and I always carried, in a small leather case, several phials of calming potion.

The lesson dragged on and I found myself staring at the back of Remus' head, who sat just in front of me; fine, pale blond hair which was carelessly hanging around his face. He pushed in back now and then and I saw the hidden muscles in his arms and back sliding over each other. He had scars too.

Scars crossed his arms and there was a long jagged one at the back of his neck, pearly white now. He had known pain.

How had he got them? What had happened for him to have scares like that?

Once again that mystery tugged at my thoughts.

* * *

**_Alex_**

I could feel Lara was on the verge of breaking. I could feel the way she was pushing it down and how it kept springing back up ruthlessly. I could only watch and hope that she would get away before it released. No amount of calming potion would prevent the recollections, we both knew, it only helped with the side effects and delayed it.

The lesson dragged on and once the fifty minutes were gone we gratefully left the room.

It was lunch time and after that we had a free lesson, then Herbology.

"I'm going to the dorm" she muttered and I was about to follow when James ambushed me.

"Alex. I think it's time we initiated our newest friend to the world of pranks. What do you the Pads?" He was smiling broadly and had slung he arm over my shoulder. I shifted uneasily.

"Most defiantly. Ahh... Mr Grey you have so much to learn..." Sirius replied, patting my shoulder elder brotherly.

I looked at Lara and she sent me a feeling of acceptance. I didn't want to leave her though.

_I'll be fine. Go._

I sighed.

"Are you coming Moony?" James asked the quieter boy.

"No I've got to go to the library quick"

"WHAT! How can you go to the library on the first day?" Exclaimed James and I laughed with Sirius.

Remus simply smirked and waved goodbye to the group.

"Come on then. Let's find Wormy. See you in Herbology Lara"

The two boys led me off and my sister watched us go. I regretfully followed without protest.

* * *

**_Lara_**

I ran into the common room. It was empty. I could feel the flashbacks coming, they were pounding at me. I could see the room. That long stone, monochrome, room. I fell to the floor.

I wasn't going to get to my room, I just wasn't.

Everything was red – the carpet, the sofas, my thoughts.

I dragged myself to the widow seat and pulled myself up.

The room was empty, the chandelier above glinted. In the windows the sun was hidden behind clouds. It was so cold. I was shivering, mother never got the elves to light fire in this room because it was where father like to 'entertain guests' as he said.

I curled into a ball, resisting the pain but yielding to the memories.

* * *

**_Remus_**

I climbed through the portrait hole and began to walk to my dorm, I'd come to collect some forgotten books before going to the library.

I'd nearly reached the staircase when I heard a noise from behind me. I span around and searched the room, resting on the coiled form of –

"Lara?"

She was shaking heavily but her face was hidden in her knees. Silver hair covered her back and legs. She didn't look up.

I ran forward, pushing her shoulders back and sweeping the hair from her face. Her eyes were red rimmed and glassy. Her face was set into a mask of terror and her lips were quivering. She couldn't see me.

"Lara!" I didn't know what to do! Something was wrong with her and I had no idea what to do!

She was whispering something, so quietly that I had to lean in to hear her.

"No – stop it! Just leave him alone, use me instead! No, I swear I didn't! He didn't either! Stop it. Please. No!" She was begging somebody. Her whole body was twitching and shaking and I felt and shiver run up my spine.

* * *

**_Lara_**

Memories hurt.

I never thought they would, but they do, almost as badly as the actual event.

I had locked mine behind cages. I'd buried them deep in my brain but they always got out eventually. They hurt me. I would feel the dancing fire on my skin.

They were like a disease. They reached out their sickly red tentacles; they wormed their way down my spine, my arms and legs and they latched onto my nerves and twisted them to their will. The pain would come crashing down on me. I wanted to twist and lash out. I wanted to scream till my voice burnt out. I didn't though. I wouldn't.

It wasn't always my pain either and somehow that made it even worse. I could feel the knives and flames still but I also had my guilt, my horror, my denial.

The real world ceased to exist to me because I was somewhere else all together, here where the curse found its way.


	6. To Remiss

**To Remiss**

**_Remus_**

"Lara! Lara can you hear me? Look at me!" I shouted urgently to the sobbing girl I hardly even knew.

Her eyes were still unfocused and she whimpered in my arms.

"No! I beg you! I beg! Stop! Mother! Get him to stop! Do something – why not? How can you say that! Can't you see how sick it is! I didn't mean that! No!"

"Lara! You're here, in the Gryffindor common room! Lara!" Finally I saw a flicker in her eyes.

Wide grey eyes found mine, like out of the darkness, and her shivering subsided a little. She relaxed a little and I watched, shocked, as tears leaked out of her eyes. Before I realised what was going on she was sobbing raucously onto my shoulder.

We sat like that for a long time and gradually her tears calmed. It was about at this point that Alex came into the room. I nearly jumped to my feet in relief when I saw him. He would know what was best for his sister. He would help her best.

He didn't seem surprised at her condition, which struck me as odd. Instead his face was sad and stress lines appeared between his eyes. He looked at us for a while, his eyes on Lara, and then he turned and picked up Lara's bag, sitting by the door. I hadn't seen it as I'd came in and I briefly wondered how he'd know it was there. He came back over and sat in the chair opposite us and began to rummage through it. He pulled out a leather wallet.

"Nein Alex. Eine Dosis ausreichend sein werden." Lara hiccupped weakly for next to me; he looked up at her and nodded slowly.

I recognised the language as German but I had no idea what she'd said. However, I could tell that I had stumbled upon a very private matter between the twins and was unsure if I should excuse myself. They probably didn't want me here, Lara certainly wouldn't and that fact was proven by her use of German.

"Don't worry, you can stay Remus, if you want" Alex said, without looking up, and I had a weird feeling that he had sensed my worries. His voice was tired and it sounded like he was trying to recover just as much as Lara was.

He pulled out a thin glass tube, plugged by cork and filled with a pale blue liquid. He handed it to his sister and she opened it, tipping the whole thing in her mouth without hesitation.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left" Alex said, rubbing his head.

"Don't be stupid, stupid" She replied with a roll of her eyes.

"Maybe you should go to the hospital wing?" I asked quietly and they turned to me, their looks clearly saying that was out of the question. I shrugged and examined Lara again.

She was calming, her breath slowing but I noticed her hands still shook as she handed the phial back to her brother. They were staring intently at each other and as I watched they both stood up in unison.

"Come on. We'll be late for Herbology at this rate" Alex said resigned.

* * *

**_Lara_**

Remus stared at me all week. I avoided his gaze as much as possible; I was embarrassed to say the least, he'd seen me in a state nobody was meant to know about. It didn't happen very often, once every couple of months something would trigger it. My aunt had told me it was common with people who had been… you know, and that it would fade with time.

I remembered seeing his blue eyes pulling me out of the darkness. They were incredible, clear as fresh water and bright as the sky and I could see that flecks of gold speckled the surface, like fairy dust had fallen there. His eyes, Remus Lupin's, which held so many secrets, had captured me.

Usually I could say I was above the girly crushes which seemed to plague other girls but I wasn't so certain with Remus. I'm not sure it was a crush, parse, in fact I wasn't really sure of what it was. Alex found it all very amusing.

However, Remus _was_ different and he intrigued me. His mind had a slightly different texture to other peoples and his though processes had a slight… edge to them. I really couldn't figure it out.

As well as this, I was settling into life at Hogwarts. I knew the basics of how to get around, including my own clutch of shortcuts, which was a relief – I hated having to ask people where to go. I'd officially dropped History of Magic (thank Merlin) but I was still overwhelmed with the amount of homework I was getting. It wasn't that difficult, the work that is, it was just difficult to organise it into my day.

Lily and I had become fast friends. We enjoyed all the same things, she was intelligent, fiery and I was always comfortable around her. I also became great friends with the Marauders, much to Lily's displeasure.

James and Sirius were just as arrogant and free willed as on the train and I laughed at their smug looks and the way they swaggered around the school. I watched amused with Lily as they left giggling, red faced girls in their wake everywhere they went. I was immensely glad they didn't have that effect on me, I mean, how embarrassing! I simply snorted when one of them gave me a smug look or a lopsided grin that usually had teenage girls misty eyed. However I could sense in them a fierce loyalty which drew me irresistibly to them

Of course, Sirius was trying his best. He had been flirting with me ever since the train journey and I was really beginning to get annoyed by it. I knew how to cope with _him_, that wasn't difficult; it was just the death stares I was getting everywhere I went. I mean honestly! It's not like any of them were even going out with the boy, hell I wasn't even going out with him! So why did they stare at me like I was some kind of attention seeking slag who had slipped a boy a love potion? I just hoped Sirius would realise I wasn't for him before the hate mail and poisoned pumpkin juice started coming my way.

Peter was much like I'd expected him to be; Quiet for the most part and yet jumping in now and then with random little comments. He had a free (slightly hysterical) laugh and he agreed with almost everything that his friends said, unless he believed it to be too risky. His eyes glinted happily when people admired the Marauders and he bounced happily along with his popular friends. For some reason I felt sorry for him, even though it was irrational. He was, after all, a part of a group of friends who were loyal and trusting (never mind admired) and so there was little reason to feel sorry for him. Yet I did.

Many times, much like with Remus, I had a sense for a person. Remus was different and Peter was cowardly. He was so frightened of being weak and insignificant all the time and this was one of the reasons Alex did not trust him.

_How do you know that feeling might not lead him to place his loyalty elsewhere? I know you pity him but that is a possibility. _He said once.

I did not know what to think…

Peter had his own place in this group of friends, a part he had been in for five years. He was a Marauder, just as much as they were. I was an outsider by all terms; it was not my right to judge his place.

* * *

**_James_**

Me and Padfoot walked down the stairs to the common room discussing the prank to be played on the Slytherin house tomorrow. It was Friday already, I couldn't believe it. We'd been a bit slack this week and had yet to greet the New Year in style. When we walked into the room, Sirius made a beeline for a certain silver haired girl sitting in front of the fire reading. I bit back a chuckle at my friends much too obvious interest.

"Hey Greyette! Managed to find the door to the library, I see? Remus mentioned you looked like you were planning to live there for now on" He said joyously, jumping into a nearby couch.

"Hey Blacky! Managed to work the door to your dorm, I'm impressed! Or did James help you?" she countered looking up from her book and grinning at us.

I could really see what Sirius was on about when I really looked at her. She was very pretty, in a mysterious way. Whereas Lily was all about colour, with her vibrant red hair and vivid green eyes, Lara was all black and white. Her skin was perfectly smooth and fair, her long waist length hair was silver and her wide eyes were grey and stormy. Her black robes only accentuated this complete lack of colour. Her name was well suited.

I laughed at the two. They had been biting holes at each other all week, almost like me and Lily though slightly friendlier. Lily usually made her insults sound real when talking to me, not that she meant them, of course.

"Well… I may have had a slight hand in it…" Sirius looked at me affronted, making me laugh even more.

I sat down and Grey put her book down. I lounged and looked around, catching the eyes of a pair of fourth year girls who descended into giggles. Girls are weird, I looked away, smug.

"So, Remus mentioned that you might be up for Chaser trials?" I asked casually. I was curious to see if she was a good flyer, June Brooks had left last year so we had a space open for chaser – if she wanted it. I said as much.

"Really? Yeah I'd like to try out, I played for my last school though I don't know how good I am" She said uncertainly dragging her hand through her hair.

"Well trials are next Friday so you have a week to decide. I'm a chaser too and Sirius is a beater" I told her and she grinned and nodded.

"I'll be there"

* * *

**_Lara_**

I couldn't stop thinking about Quidditch trial next Friday but on Tuesday something happened that wiped it from my mind.

I was sitting with Sirius, James and Peter - Lily and Remus had prefect duties and Alice was with her boyfriend of a year, Frank Longbottom. We were talking about their resent prank on the Slytherins, in which their food on Saturday morning had turned a vibrant sickly green. Yum.

I felt Alex running toward the portrait in a panic and I jumped to my feet. Moments later Alex ran in and headed to me. His thoughts were jumbled and fearful, I couldn't understand him.

"What's happened?" I said urgently as he gasped for breath.

"He's here!"

"WHAT! Father?" I shouted. How could he be here, surly he couldn't do anything. Could he?

"No! No, no not him" I sighed "Lara, Darien is here – you know – Darien Irvine! What if he-"

"You know Irvine? The Slytherin?" Sirius cut in.

Darien. That piece of filth was here? My anger boiled at the thought of that double crossing, betraying monster. Of course he was in Slytherin, where else. He was a coward for what he's done to my brother.

I could see him, in Alex's thoughts, sitting smugly at the far table, blowing a spiteful kiss and waving jokingly. He looked much like he had before; a handsome Italian face, long black hair, olive skin and dark eyes. I remembered seeing that face blush and smile indulgently. I remembered stolen kisses in the shadows and burning hands.

He was here.

"Him. That bastard is here? Oh, if he dares say a word to us then I swear nobody will have the power to stop me" I growled.

"But what if he tells people that…?" Alex asked uncertainly.

"Then we know what to say back. Too much is at risk for him, I doubt he'll say anything. But just let him do his best"

"What the hell did that bastard do?" shocked at the intensity of my anger, James asked, which, inevitably, calmed me immediately.

"It's in the past. It matters not" I said, looking back at the boys.

Sirius was looking worriedly between me and my brother and James was at his side frowning. Both boys were on their feet. Peter was still sitting, looking confused. I turned back to my brother. He looked calmer but he was still shaken. I steered him to the seats and we all sat down again.

"What do you know of Irvine? We haven't seen him in a year." I asked them which was answered by Sirius.

"Well, he's our year in Slytherin. Hangs out with Snivellus and other foul pieces of work like Avery, Rosier, Mulciber and Wilkes – all of them are in the Death Eater hopefuls' crew. They nearly got caught in some seriously dark magic on Mary McDonald last year but we can't prove it to the teachers, much like many other cases" He scowled.

Alex was getting more and more agitated.

"Basically he's a rotten in all senses then?" I asked sarcastically.

"Yeah. That sound about right" James said darkly.

"How do you know him?" Peter asked.

I shifted in my seat. I didn't know how much to tell them, how much did Alex care for them to know. Just as I was about to answer Alex answered, to my surprise.

"He went to our old school, Amalia's Witchery Academy, before coming here last year. He was… our friend, back then he was generous and fun but then he went away for the summer and he came back malicious. He slandered us, made us laughing stock of the whole school and made our father livid at us. Which… is no small thing" he said suggestively. I cringed at brought back memories.

Everyone looked at us in a way that showed he had created even more questions than at the beginning.

* * *

Our second week sped by. The boys served their first detention on Monday and I was amused to see my brother had been dragged along. Alex had recovered from his meeting with Darien and I had my eyes open for the bastard. Other than this, Quidditch trials were here.

I was nervous. I really wanted to get onto the team but I had no idea if I was any good. My last team had been a small thing and basically anyone who wanted to play could because so few people wanted to. The coach had said I was good… but who knew if I could make a Hogwarts team. Sirius seemed to think I would get on no matter what and kept talking about how good it would be if I were on the team. However I think this was mostly just another flirting ploy.

So when Friday came I followed the boys to the Quidditch pitch and crossed my fingers. Lily and Alex would be watching from the stands and the thought slightly calmed me. It was only a tryout. It was only a tryout…

There was a cold wind in the clear blue sky that chilled me to the core. I rubbed my arms as we walked to the changing rooms, noting that pitch ground was springy. My Nimbus 1500 (otherwise known as my pride and joy or the reason I once_ nearly_ hugged my father) was over my shoulder and I felt its gentle vibrations in my hand, willing to fly.

After we had changed, James directed the Chasers to one side of the pitch and explained what we would have to do. In the first exercise we would get into pairs and fly from one side of the pitch to the other, passing the quaffle between us as we went. This went ok, it was a fairly easy test to separate the micky takers from those who actually could play (or fly). I was paired with a boy from fourth year who was alright. A lot of his throws went amiss though and I would have to dive to get them. My passes were fairly neat, though the boy nearly dropped one which bounced off his hands.

The second exercise had us trying to score against the keeper, Glen Fisher, five times. Glen was a sixth year, like me, who had dark brown curly hair and a slim frame. I'd watched him dart from side to side for the others and I levelled him off as a tough opponent. Nobody had yet got more than three goals.

There was a young girl, probably third year who did surprisingly well. Her first two managed to go through, though her third landing straight in his hands, the fourth one went in as well and her fifth nearly went in – but not quiet. I grinned at the little thing as she flew back over, grinning madly, her plait bouncing, and I congratulated her warmly. She seemed flushed at my praise and scurried off sheepishly, to my confusion.

"Miss Grey, you next" James called and I giggled to myself. Boys become so serious once in the air, James had this superior look to him and was talking to everyone very formally.

I flew into the air, loving the feel of the wind on my face. I had tied my hair into a knot at the back of my head to keep it from blowing in my eyes during the tryout.

My first three attempts went directly through the hoop much to my pleasure and I vented a bit of my feelings by doing a loop in celebration. My fourth was caught, unfortunately, by a very skilled save by Fisher. I thought my fifth would be caught too when Fisher flew to my desired hoop just after I'd thrown it but I used a tactic I'd seen in a German match (Blitz verses Unschärfen) where I kicked the quaffle in the far hoop just before it reached the waiting hoop and keeper.

I heard Alex and Lily cheering (as well as others I didn't know) and I felt my heart elevate. Alex mentally patted me on the back. I landed gently on the floor and waited for the trials to end. James would be telling us who got into the team after the others.

"Well done. You flew well, I was watching" someone said and I turned to see Remus sitting on a nearby bench smiling "James is bound to put you on the team"

"Thanks, I didn't know you were here." I said, sitting next to him awkwardly.

Remus' mind was in turmoil and I felt he wanted to say something, ask something. _I wonder what_, I thought sarcastically, thinking back to my last episode. I waited patiently, looking out at the pitch and the remaining hopeful chasers. He didn't seem to be getting anywhere.

"You might as well ask, Remus" I said softly, looking at him.

* * *

**_Remus_**

I was taken aback. How did she know I wanted to ask her something?

"Oh. Err, well…" I searched for words. There were so many things I wanted to ask.

"You want to know about… last week, in the common room?" She asked me and I nodded.

I heard her sigh and she removed her penetrating gaze from me, staring instead at the flyers above.

"I thought you would. You see… a few years ago, and you may have figured this out, I… watched a person being tortured and then…" she tailed off

"Who was it?" I said quietly. I had been hoping that it wasn't something like this, though logic contradicted me.

She snorted.

"Who? Who was the caster or who was the victim?" she sighed again, shaking her head. Her eyes were glazed, like the times with Alex.

"If I tell you, you must not tell anyone else. No matter what." I nodded again in accent.

"Well… my father is a hard man at best, he hates disobedience of any type, and at worse he becomes… crazed. One day my brother and I… we made him really angry, though it was Darien Irvine's fault that he even found out. The anger was directed most at Alex though. So father used the Crusiatus curse" I remembered her tearful, shacking moment and shivered "I could feel it through him. Feel the pain coursing through his bones and skin, like daggers. I begged him to stop, obviously, but he didn't listen. Not until I demanded he use me did he release the curse. He'd been waiting for that. He knows the best way to punish one, is to punish the other. So that is what happened." She finished.

I was silent for a long time and she was equally so.

Her own father? How is it possible for a person to do that to their own children? How could he? These two Grey twins, who looked more mature than their years, they who held secrets in their gaze and words. It became clearer to me.

_No – stop it! Just leave him alone, use me instead!_

Looking at her, her eyes was distant with memory and her fair face was sad.

_No! I beg you! I beg! Use me! Stop! Mother! Get him to stop!_

"What about your mother?" I asked softly.

"She can do nothing against him and she'd do nothing that jeopardizes her marriage. There are times, I'm sure when she does manage to calm him but she can't always." She whispered back.

"Will he be that angry about you being in Gryffindor?"

"I don't know"


	7. To Change

**To Change**

**_Lara_**

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the charming Greys, did you really change school just to get a second look at me?" a sneering voice said behind me.

I turned on my heel, my wand out before I even registered what had been spoken by whom. Alex, Sirius and James had done the same at my side. It had been three weeks since the start of the year and we'd been walking down a deserted corridor, on the way to lunch when the refined German voice was heard.

_Oh shit. Lara!_ Alex said, recognising the boy leaning casually in a nearby arch. He looked much like he had a year ago and I remembered all the years, all that had changed was the expression.

Four of his friends stood around him and I acknowledged Snape with his greasy black hair and hooked nose. They all sniggered at us and I felt my blood boil.

"I've beat you in a duel before Irvine. Don't make me do it again." I said through clenched teeth.

The familiar face bored into mine as his friends cackled with laughter. Slowly his face twisted into a smirk.

"Now Larissa darling, that is hardly how you should greet old friends, hasn't your pappy taught you proper etiquette? You haven't even given me a peck on the cheek yet." He gave me a fake puppy dog frown and fluttered his eye lids; I really wanted to hex him about now.

"Come on Lara. We haven't got time for this lot" Alex snarled, his own mind red with rage and his hand clenching his wand. Irvine turned to him and I wandered what he saw when he looked at my brother.

"What's wrong Ally? Jealous? Do you want a little kissy too?" The Slytherins roared with laughter, although they couldn't know the full cruelty behind the question. And Darien knew it; I could see the glint in his dark eye.

How dare he?

Suddenly Sirius stepped up next to me. He radiated the same anger that had swallowed my mind.

"Think you're clever don't you, Irvine? How about you shut the hell up before I make you?"

"Aww. Sweet. I didn't know you'd found a new boyfriend so quickly Ally."

* * *

**_James_**

I looked between the twins. Both had been boiling with anger before but both had suddenly changed, just with that one comment. They had the same expression, so similar they looked like one person.

Their faces were smooth, calm and still as stone but flames seemed to dance in their eyes. Their right hands both held two pale wood wands at their sides. They looked chillingly at Irvine and I suddenly realise these twins, so quite normally, were powerful, unnervingly so. I was taken aback.

"You're walking a very fine line Darien" they said with one voice, no louder than a whisper but heard clearly even over the Slytherin's rapidly diminishing laughter.

I looked at Irvine and saw in his eyes a flash of, was that fear? He stiffened his jaw and determinedly pasted a sneer on his face.

"Ouch, was that a threat?"

"Actually yes it was" They replied in the same soft voice, a hint of sarcasm added.

The boys were looking between each other uncertainly now, though Irvine took no notice, this was obviously not what they had planned. I caught Sirius' eye and he raised his eye brows in slight shock.

* * *

**_Alex_**

_I'm not scared of you. _Darien's thoughts said quietly and determinedly. It was obvious he had projected it; he'd always had a way with doing that.

"Oh but I think you are Darien you never were that good at hiding things from us." Lara said.

"Ich habe deine Gedanken gesehen. Ich kenne die Wahrheit und du weißt es. Du fürchtest die Wahrheit, fürchtest sie genug um sie wegzuschieben. Ich? Ich habe keine Angst mehr. Dank deines kleinen Stunts letztes Jahr." I said

[I have seen your thoughts. I know the truth and you know it. You fear the truth; fear it enough to push it away. Me? I am no longer afraid. Thanks to your little stunt last year]

"You know nothing" he snapped viscously, I had hit a nerve it seemed "tell me how did your pappy react when he found out? Eh? I wanted to be there, of course, wanted to see you squeal like a pig. Who knows maybe I still will, I'll just keep my fingers crossed. Better watch your back Greys."

Then he stormed off, his friends in tow. His handsome face and grown red in his anger, twisted into forms I hadn't seen until after his visit in the summer, the visit to England.

I watched his retreating back, my mind elsewhere. The past memories of better times coming to me.

* * *

**_Sirius_**

"Nicely handled, may I say? You had him scurrying off like a dog with his tail between his legs" I smirked, clapping Alex on the back.

Alex was staring down the corridor his eyes distant and Lara smiled sheepishly at me.

"Yes, well. He knows we can get revenge if he does or says anything" She said, her eyes glancing at Alex every few seconds.

James laughed and practically skipped to our side.

"Well, looks like we shouldn't get on the wrong side of these two, Pads. The way you spoke together was just downright freaky!" she said with a signature lopsided smile.

Alex seemed to suddenly focus on us and grinned, looping his arm around his sister's shoulders. His grey eyes looked playfully at us.

"Indeed, one of the many advantaged of being Legilimens from birth" He said looking at us slyly, his sister chuckled.

"Yes, one of many" She said suggestively.

I raised my eyebrows in shock, my jaw dropping, and James seemed to be chocking. They could read minds? All this time they knew what we were thinking – shit! Did they know about Remus? Or about – no! I had to stop thinking! How was I supposed to do that!

Suddenly the twins were laughing out right, clutching each other to stop from falling. I stared at them in bewilderment, talk about hysteria.

"We're sorry! Ha! The look on you faces!" Lara said.

"That was so worth it!"

"Couldn't figure out if you were going to jinx us"

"Or knock your selves out to guard your thoughts!"

Me and James exchanged baffled looks.

"So... are you saying you can't read our minds then?" James said uncertainly, he was fingering his wand nervously.

The twins calmed a little.

"I'm sure we could if we wanted to"

"Which we don't"

"But we never try it"

"It's the worst breach of privacy ever to do so"

"We can only sense if you are near"

"Or your feelings if they're particularly strong"

They grinned. It was so weird when they spoke like this, though I had sort of got used to it since I'd met them. I'd always wondered how they knew what the other was thinking or going to say. They would sit there having their own conversation but nobody could hear it then they'd both get up with a fully formed plan between them. So this was the reason.

I didn't know if I should feel comforted by this revelation that they could sense thoughts. If Alex ever saw... but he wouldn't, I would make sure of it.

* * *

**_Remus_**

We Marauders were sitting on the grounds by the lake. It was lovely weather; the sun was shining brightly in the clear sky and its rays glistened on the shimmering surface of the lake. Peter was stretched out finishing some Charms homework, chewing the end of his quill absently. Sirius was lounging at the foot of a tree inducing giggles in some nearby fifth year, very deliberately. James was writing a love poem to Lily, grinning excitedly; I shook my head in amusement as I saw he'd dotted the 'i' of her name with a heart.

The full moon was in four days. I didn't want to think about it, but it was always there.

I was staring across the lake to where four other people sat.

Lily, Alice and the Greys were sitting talking and laughing together. As I watched they were joined by two others – Amy and Tabby. I swear I had never seen one without the other (unless Tabby was trying to catch up with the energy packed girl) and I smiled as Amy skipped down the path and threw herself at the gathering. Lara was laughing as she caught the full brunt of the excited teen and was push flat on her back, under the mass of tangled limbs. Her face was clear to me and seemed to glow. Her joyful face radiantly stood out.

Once Tabby had helped the girls up (Alex had stood by laughing at the pile) I watched as Lara dusted herself down. She was wearing a tight fitting, black and white stripy top and snug black skinny jeans. Her clothes hugged her elegant figure and showed off her curves. Her waist length silver hair fell down her back loosely like spun water that seemed to float around her. She was so beautiful.

Three and a half weeks, less than a month, and she had already seized me.

I thought over the revelation that her and her brother could do Legilimency. I wondered if she knew how she made me feel. I hoped she didn't. She wouldn't want me, who would? I was the untidy boy with damaged robes and not enough money for more. And then even if she did, she never would once she learnt of my affliction. I would sicken her, surely. Besides, I was too dangerous, I couldn't let my wolf hurt her. I wouldn't.

Lara Grey, three and a half weeks and she'd already taken me. She was so strong and free, she was perilous and fiery, soft and kindly, sad and broken. She had been through so much pain and horror and yet she could still laugh and joke and tease. How did she learn to trust people after everything that had happened to her? How did she move on from what her family had done to her?

Could she see or hear my thoughts? The way my mind dragged itself to her, like my eyes. Could she sense the struggle inside me? The way I longed to just forget I wasn't human, wasn't worth her, that I wasn't dangerous. I wished with all my might that I was normal; that the fact the full moon was coming had no bearings on me, other than for astronomy homework.

Four days and I would change. The pain would hit me like daggers, I would lose my mind again, lose my control over my body, again. The wolf would jump free and pounce, I would forget about Lara. She would be nothing. It was just a vicious animal and if she stood in front of the wolf then it would... I wouldn't be able to stop it, me, I would be able to stop myself! Me! To think I could hurt her, that I could bite her, I could...

I could kill her and I would wake in the morning knowing what I had done.

Three and a half weeks.

Whether be known to her or not, she had stolen this werewolf's heart.

* * *

**_Alex_**

I sat alone in my room. The Marauders were gone.

I wouldn't have thought much about it if they hadn't lied. They often went off to accomplish some prank, although mostly I joined them. I wouldn't have been surprised if they didn't invite me, it wouldn't have bothered me but still, usually they told me. Usually they didn't lie.

I knew they'd lied. My mental senses pricked up at a lie, you couldn't lie to me unless you had your thoughts guarded, which they didn't. Lara was the same.

James had said they were looking after Remus' ill mother while his father was away. This was James, James who never lied, not seriously, not like this. He was good at it, oh yes, I could tell that much just not good enough though. James said that they did this every month, just for a night.

Remus had defiantly seemed shaken. Too much so, if you ask me. Black circles had lined his eyes and he hadn't slept in two days – I'd felt him, lying awake, tossing and turning. He was quivering, subtly from the inside, and in his eyes was a silently veiled fear. Could all this be because of his mother?

The Marauders had been talking quietly to themselves a lot lately, shifting subject when me or Lara came near.

I didn't know what to think.

I got up and paced the room. Lara, in her own dorm, was doing the same. We were both thinking hard. I went to the window and looked out into the night. The moon, glowing and round as a galleon, sat in the sky and lit up the grounds.

I had known these people for just under a month and yet I felt as if I'd known them my whole life. But no, less than a month...

* * *

**_Remus_**

I shivered violently, my whole body wracking with denial. I was so cold. Icy needles stabbed my exposed arms, legs and torso. My clothes were in the tunnel where my friends would soon be, I didn't want to rip them, again.

I could feel the moon rising into the sky, all my senses pricked with its movement, as it moved higher and higher and...

I whimpered, hot tears running down my face, and my legs collapsed beneath me so that I hit the splintered floor of the shack. I didn't notice. I clutched myself, as I always did, unwilling for the inevitable. Even after my friends joined me I held myself close at this point, as if I could hold myself in this shape, this mind. I knew the pain was coming when I felt the moon reach its highest. It beckoned to me, drew me in and my wolf sprang into action.

I screamed in a very human way, the last of the night.

Curled up, my bones cracked and thrust and stretched, even as my skin and muscles tried to keep up. I was on fire from within and from my still humanised hands claws knifed their way through my skin. The same was happening in my half snout with my teeth. I shrieked again, or perhaps I howled.

The spine was growing, the flesh stretching like dough with it. Fur was sprouting from every inch of the, now grey, skin. Long, bony, paws had pushed themselves out of the feet and the senses had picked up speed with the new nose, ears, eyes and mouth.

The wolf howled.


	8. To Lose

**To Lose**

**_Lara_**

I was sitting in the common room, it was two o'clock. Alice and Lily were talking amiably together and I was trying to finish my Care of Magical Creatures homework but failing. The room was warm and the fire chuckled happily in the corner. The cosy smell of burning wood drifted over me.

I was unreasonably confused and worried about the Marauders. It was silly really, when I thought about it, they were allowed to have secrets and they were allowed to lie. I had known them for a month. A single month, and yet I had this tweaking feeling at the back of my mind like a persistent twitch that was telling me it was important. And important things deserved my attention, right?

_What is the best way to treat a Violet Salamander from Fumomorbia? _

It was only two hours until the boys got back from visiting Remus' mother - If that was what they were doing.

_To treat the Salamander it must be removed from its flames and sheltered from the smoke._

Why had they lied? It was so uncharacteristic of the four loyal boys. It must be a big secret. Or maybe they really had gone to his mother's? No – they had lied, there was no loophole there - no matter how hard I tried to find one.

Perhaps it was a simple, but important, prank? Maybe they wanted to surprise us. That would explain their hushed voices, could that be it?

_Wearing dragon hide gloves, carefully grasp the Salamander, holding the head and tail still as you do so._

But then why had Remus been missing so much sleep – could he be the ill one? Perhaps he doesn't want to mention it? Could that be it? Perhaps he had to visit St. Mungo's every month. Why wouldn't he want to tell us?

_The Salamander must be fed pepper throughout the duration it is out of the fire. Do this by gently squeezing the neck and raising the head and pouring a pinch directly down throat every minute._

What should I say when they get back? Should I just ask them? Surly Remus wouldn't mind. Or should I just let them be? That might be the politest way; they might think I'm nosing into their business if I ask...

Maybe I was just reading too far into it…

_To cure the Fumomorbia, pour a boiling cleansing potion (Type cleans41smoke, with added pepper) using the same procedure as when giving pepper. This should remove the dry ash from the throat and allow the inner fire to course through the system properly._

The nagging feeling was back though. I saw the shadows under Remus' eyes and felt the apprehension soaking his mind. I saw him yawning and dragging a restless hand through his limp blond hair. I saw him hovering at the top of the stairs, his hand clasping the banister thinking no one saw him.

I felt the sympathy of his friends and his gratitude towards them.

_You should consider working in pairs to do this, with one person holding the fire lizard and the other administrating the pepper and potion._

It was not my business though. I was just a friend, not a best friend, not a Marauder, just a simple friend, one who hung out with them now and then. I wasn't his girlfriend and I wasn't close to becoming it so it didn't affect me. I didn't even spend most of my time with them. Every so often yes, but mostly I was with Lily and Alice.

_'Secrets are made to be found out with time.'_ Came Aunt Marilyn's voice from my mind and I sighed, knowing it was the truth.

_To prevent it occurring again feed the home fire dry willow, previously soaked in salt minerals. You could cast a smoke rising charm to sweep away any remaining fumes. Only replace the Salamander once the fire is back to its red state._

"This is useless. I'm just not going to be able to do any work now, ugh!" I said in aspiration, surprising my friends and chucking the book away, glaring at it.

"What's up Lara? You've been agitated all day" Alice said, concerned, picked up my book from the seat next to her and setting it on the table.

I shrugged and looked out the window. The sky outside was grey and dreary, rain was coming and the very air was moist.

"Has this got anything to do with the Marauders by chance?" Lily asked knowingly and I looked at her surprised. She had a small smile on her lips and her hands supported her face, which was cocked to the side.

"What makes you think that?" I said slowly, knowing full well that I didn't fool her at all. She was too smug.

She rolled her eyes at me and exchanged a look with Alice, whose lips were twitching in amusement. I felt like I was missing some sort of joke and wondered briefly if Alex and I made people feel that way.

"Several reasons. Number one: the one day where you get all jumpy and restless just happens to be the day the Marauders have their monthly visit to Remus' parents. Coincidence? Unlikely. Number two: you've been looking at the clock every few minutes since you woke up, obviously waiting for something. And number three:" She grinned and chuckled "My powers of detection has come to the very certain conclusion that our dear Lady Grey has a certain little crush of a certain pretty eyed boy"

She said this all very factually, while Alice sat there giggling.

I felt my cheeks enflame and I gapped at them. Before I knew it, I was blabbering.

"I do not – Remus is just a friend! A friend! And that's not why I'm nervous- who said I was nervous anyway. I'm just tired, really tired – that's all. I have no feelings for- what are you laughing at!"

The girls were full out laughing now and I sank into my seat further.

"Who said we were talking about Remus, eh?" Alice says in between laughter and I blush even more crimson.

"You said – I just assumed -" I spluttered and their laughter increased again. Woops, I sort of asked for that.

"Nope, you came up with that one all on your own!" Lily said gleefully, her eyes twinkling.

I huffed in indignation. This was so unfair. I didn't even have a crush on him, we were just friends. Sure I noticed how handsome he was, how he brushed his hair from his face, the way his eyes glistened – but I noticed things like that about everyone. I was just observant – that didn't mean I had a crush on him! I was worried yes and perhaps I liked him the best out of the group of boys, but really!

I remembered opening my eyes again. This thought that had come to me so many times, replaying like a broken video in my mind. It was still just as vivid. Blue eyes met mine, the fairy dust shimmered. And that sense that I was safe again.

"Ugh you two are hopeless! Have I ever told you that I hate you?" I threw my hands in the air and crossed them, hoping to stare them down. I had a feeling this effect was diminished by my red cheeks.

"Not as hopeless as you are in love" Lily retorted and I just gapped at them.

"And don't be such a spoil sport – we know you love us really"

Just at this point I felt Alex walk over.

_Get them to stop! _I pleaded to him and I heard him chuckle.

"Now, now girls. Teasing Larissa Grey isn't the safest thing to do, you know. She has the memory of Sphinx and a scheming talent you don't want to get on the bad side of." His voice said at my shoulder.

"Oh come on. Even you can't deny she has her eye out for a certain blond!" Alice said smirking.

Alex pretended to think about it and I punched his arm. However, the problem with sharing the mind with somebody is that they always apprehend you. My fist landed in thin air and he grinned at me.

"Well, I don't think I'm at liberty to say, sorry" he said, smiling.

"Whatever. I'm going for a walk." I got up, rolling my eyes, and pacing out of the room, their laughter following me.

I was walking aimlessly through the many corridors of the school. I didn't think were I was going and I didn't care.

Right now the only thing I wanted to do was lose myself.

I stopped to stare out of a nearby window. It was dark outside; the thick grey clouds shielded the sun. Grey as my eyes, I thought. Next to me there was a painting I had never seen before. It showed a wizard, dressed in long purple robed and waving his arms up and down like a conductor. In front of him two trolls were standing looking as dumb as they ever did, wearing what looked like ballet costumes. An inscription bellow said _Barnabas the Barmy._ I turned my back on the painting, baffled. How idiotic would you have to be to try and train trolls to dance? There was a door there. It was ornate; the dark wood had black steel enlaced into it in beautiful patterns. Where did that come from?

I approached it carefully, raising my wand as I did, and reached out a hand to the knob. It was cold under my touch and it twisted smoothly, making a small clicking sound as it did. I pulled the door open and looked inside.

It was a large room, with a tall, church like ceiling and the floor and walls was made of a glittering marble of many subtle colours. I gazed around in awe. The space was filled with a pleasant soothing light and although everything was stone, it was warm and relaxing. At the far end a grand piano gleamed black and a beautifully gold carven harp sat proudly. Leant against or hung on the walls around me were a variety of instruments. On my right brass instruments glittered gold, they were cold to me though and I didn't approach them, although I did see a flute amongst their bullion colours. Violins, Violas, Cellos and bulky double basses lined the other side, their deep red woods warmly called to me.

I hadn't played in so long, not since I'd joined Hogwarts. Alex and I had spent hours of our childhood learning as many instruments as we could with our feisty aunt. She had drilled us in everything. She loved to play, she loved he music that could be made, the beauty of the solitary instrument and this type of magic that was universal in its simplicity. As we grew older though, instruments were slowly left out. First to go for both of us were the cold brass instruments: the saxophones, trombones, trumpets, tubers, horns and the rest. They were too heavy and loud for us.

_"How can you know what instrument most matches your soul, if you haven't tried them all, eh?" _ She'd said when we asked why we learnt so many. It made sense now.

By thirteen we had both dropped all but the harp, violin, cello and piano, Alex favouring the latter two, though I still held a soft spot for the flute.

We both sang as well.

_"Singing is the purest instrument there is, it is a direct link to your heart – if mastered properly._

What was this room? I had never heard of it before, never come across it. Could I play these instruments? Or was it not allowed. It was like the room had made itself for me, magic resonated everywhere around me. I had wanted to lose myself, wanted to forget and to calm my mind, what better way than music?

I approach the violins, there were three in total, each beautiful. My favourite was an old looking one, with dark red and orange varnish. Carefully, looking over my shoulder as I did, I removed it from the wall, picking up the bow next to in.

I tucked it under my chin and grinned at the familiar pressure. Raising the bow, I drew out one pure note. The sound touched my core as it danced across the room freely. The noise swirled around me, untouchable and untainted it jumped into the world. I took a deep breath, walking to the centre of the room and raised the bow again to the strings.

I was gone from this word now. My bow was flying across the strings and my fingers ran up and down the fingerboard. The violin and my soul cried into existence. It was a sad tune, heartfelt and beautiful. It opened me and I lost my self to the sound.

* * *

**_Lily_**

It had been an hour and a half since Lara had - I guess you could say - 'stormed off'. I still chortled when I saw her indignant dazed face in my mind's eye. She was obviously caught up in the quiet book boy and there was no way she was getting out of it. Her pale skin had turned bright pink, the most colour I'd seen on her, and solidified her guilt.

To think, one of my friends had fallen for a Marauder! Sure Alive once had a crush on Sirius, in third year and I'd had my own shy moment with Remus but now was different. We were older and more responsible with our love, or not so much responsible just... solid. I rolled my eyes. They would make a cute couple, nevertheless.

Remus was obviously stricken with our new Grey lady. I'd seen him watch her, smiling secretly in her direction as if nobody could see him. It was so sweet!

I wished somebody would look at me like that, as if I were something precious. As if they noticed things about me, the little things, that nobody else saw. If it wasn't for Potter I might have had a boyfriend who did that. He scared away all my previous boyfriends, playing pranks on them constantly and such. As if he thought I was _his. _Bastard.

_"If he'd really wanted your relationship to work he wouldn't have backed down" _was his comeback. Ugh I hated that boy; I knew how to handle myself for goodness sake. He couldn't get it through his thick, over bloated head the fact I would never, ever go out with him. Never.

Anyway...

Remus had never really done anything about any infatuations he'd had in the past. I doubted it was because of his shy nature, I mean – he is shy – but I think he wouldn't be as scared to ask out a girl if he wanted. He wasn't scared in that way, not the actual act of asking out a girl, or her response, but I didn't know what was stopping him.

There was a possibility... something Sev – Snape –_ he _had suggested. I'd thought over it and had come to the same conclusion, not that I told him that, but I wasn't positive. Either way, I doubted Lara would mind if she found out and it would explain Remus' reactions.

Lara still wasn't back which surprised me, seeing as Remus and the others would be back soon. Alex was sitting opposite me, reading Lara's discarded book. I nibbled my lip and he looked up at me. I was a little startled but I recovered quickly. He must have felt my attention on him.

"Do you know where Lara is?" I asked. It was a silly question really, how could he know, when he had been here ever since she'd left and she hadn't mentioned where she was going. However, I had grown to forget reason when it came to these too – or at least, as much as possible.

"Erm..." he looked deep in thought, eyes misted over "somewhere on the seventh or sixth floor that way" he pointed to the west.

I shook my head in amazement. These twins never ceased to amazing me.

"I don't suppose you could tell me what she's up to, to?" I chuckled.

He smiled.

"No, she'd too far away. I can tell you she's fairly calm though" Just as he said this, leaving me to laugh at the impossibility of the twins, the portrait swung open. I noticed Alex sat up a little straighter and turned in his seat towards the door. There was a funny look in his eye, it confused me.

Three boys walked in and I recognised them immediately as Potter, Black and Peter. They strutted to our table and sat down, Sirius and Peter next to Alex and Potter next to me. Aren't I the lucky one?

"I thought you weren't coming back for another hour or something" I grumbled, shifting away from Potter.

"Naw, missed me did you Lily Flower?" He said playfully.

"Ugh. You wish. If I'd known you were coming back so soon I would have been better prepared to leave; the less time I have to spend in your company the better" I replied gloomily. Dammit, I should have just left the moment I saw him – now I was trapped.

"I don't have to wish because I know it's true already." He said, just as buoyant as before. He effectively ignored the rest of my statement.

"How was your visit to Remus'? Speaking of, where is he?" Alex asked.

His face and voice were nothing but casual, calm and effortless, like he was asking about the weather. Too calm. He seemed too intent into the answer, his word sounded too well chosen to my ears. What was he really asking?

"It was okay, I suppose you could say, she's not looking her best. Remus is still there" James said, remorsefully. Poor Remus, his mother was so ill; it must be so hard for him...

I saw Alex's lips clench slightly and a subtly confused came to his face. He shook his head, frowning and looked out the window. The Marauders exchanged a meaningful glance.

What the hell was going on?

* * *

**_Lara_**

I was walking back from the music room, a new spring in my step thanks to my now light heart. It was so refreshing to be able to simply play music. I'd released my worried energies. The boys would be back soon and I would allow them their secrets. What did it matter? Their minds were theirs to keep and their secrets included.

I was walking to the common room when I felt a familiar mind on the floor bellow me. It was sleeping, I was sure, and though it was faint I knew who it was. But he wasn't meant to be back yet. Another half an hour – and he should be back. So why was he fast asleep downstairs it a random part of the castle? That was just weird!

I hesitated. Should I investigate? I had told myself they could have their secrets and they could. I should just walk away... but I couldn't. I wanted... no needed, to know, at least to see why he was fast asleep downstairs. That was it, right?

I felt curiosity nagging at me though.

My feet carried me away. I didn't think about it, I just walked. Taking the approaching stairs two at a time (jumping the fake one) and I gathered speed. Questions were beginning to crowd my head again. I didn't think about them though. I knew where I had seen his mind – in relation to me – and I knew I wasn't far away.

His slumbering thoughts came closer and closer, I stopped myself from running pell-mell down the corridor.

There. Ahead of me a pair of double doors ended the corridor. There were a couple of others behind the door, all calm but busied. I stopped at the sight of them. I didn't know where I was. Remus' sleeping mind was behind those doors. I knew it. His dreams were tense, uncomfortable, I shied away from them. He was so tired.

I was uncertain now. What was going on? Should I find out? What was that room? It seemed important... but why?

I approached the door, my heart hammering. I raised a hand and knocked with my knuckles. The thuds sounded quiet to my ears and I wondered if they'd heard me – whoever 'they' were. I waited for a moment and then I felt an approaching mind. The door opened and I saw a woman, of about thirty, standing in front of me with a disapproving look. Behind her I could see rows of beds, mostly empty. Screens were set up around some of them and behind one, quaking, I felt Remus. The woman in front of me was wearing dark red robes with a white apron and collar. On her head she wore a white cap that covered all of her hair. I gapped at her and at the room.

She was a matron and this, this was the hospital wing.

"Yes? What can I do for you?"

Remus was in the hospital wing. He was sleeping restfully. He was ill? What do I say to this woman now? I must look like an idiot. Should I just run for it?

"I, um, I..." I stuttered, before swallowing nervously "I was, um, wondering if I could... apprentice here?" where the hell did _that_ come from?

I really need to communicate better with my own mind! I'd been doing too much listening to Alex's to realise I'd abandoned mine.

The matron surveyed me from head to toe. I could feel her mind sieving through everything she saw and I stood a little straighter.

"Oh I see. Why don't you come into my office and we can speak about it" She said stepping back to let me in.

I stepped uncertainly in, still processing my minds decision. It wasn't really that bad an idea, really... not when I thought about it. I'd always been curious about the idea of becoming a healer and what better way to find out if I wanted to be one? Not to mention I would probably pick up lots of useful skills along the way.

Wow... well done self conscious.

* * *

**_Remus_**

I suddenly awoke. I was lying in my bed, surrounded by screens. I was aching from last night, predictably, and a particularly bad bite on my arm was bandaged lightly. Not all of my cuts could be magically healed and most left scars crisscrossing my skin.

I heard voices nearby, one of them was Poppy, and I figured this was the reason to why I was being woken up.

"Have you had any experience of healing?" Poppy asked her companion.

"A little; I know a few simple cleansing spells and how to heal basic cuts and a charm to conjure bandages but not much more, though I'm eager to learn" A familiar voice said. I gasped.

Lara! Lara was here, in this room. She would know I'm here; she would be able to feel my mind! What was I supposed to say to her? I was meant to be at my mother's house.

Poppy and Lara were walking into the office and I heard their voices dull as the door was closed.

Shit!

I searched my head for something to say. _I just came in to collect some meds for my mother. _No! That was stupid; if mother really was ill then I would get them from St. Mungo's. _I was visiting a friend. _No, she would know nobody else was in here. _I fell and broke a bone. _No... I'd need more evidence for that one, not to mention the boys upstairs would have said something. _I was splinched on the way back. _No. _I had to collect a sleeping potion – because of my stress for mother._ So why was I behind a screen...? _I'm a werewolf just back from full moon. _Great, just fantastic, what was I supposed to tell her.

Nothing. I'll just say I can't tell her. It seemed a poor thing to do, after everything she'd told me but what else could I do?

The office door opened again.

"Very well, I will see you this Saturday then. I look forward for the extra help. Can you show yourself out?" Poppy said.

"Yes, thank you Madam Pomfrey. I'll see you then. Bye" I heard Lara walking across the room, past my bed. The office door clicked shut. I sighed, what was I going to do now?

I suddenly realised something. Lara's steps had stilled, I held my breath. I heard them, quietly now walking towards me and I panicked. I looked at myself, seeing my bed clothes and bandaged arm, I pushed myself into a sitting position.

"Hallo? Can I come in?" I heard her whisper, she sounded nervous and hesitant. I could see her silhouette through the screen, slender and graceful. I sighed, wasn't anything else I could do.

"Yeah, I suppose so" My voice was a little ragged and I coughed.

She came in, biting her lip with a face of worry on her face. My heart clenched. She paused, looking over me and sighing before looking away to stare out the window. I found myself blushing for some reason. She walked forward, sitting on the seat reserved for guests. There was a crease between her eyes and her lips were clenched.

She was here, at my bed side, a concerned friend.

"I don't suppose you'll tell me why your here instead of at your mothers? No, don't answer. It's your secret, don't mind me... Just answer me this; are you okay?" She asked and I wanted to weep at her resigned tone.

How hard to hold secrets, I wished I could just tell her.

"I'm... alright, nothing serious, don't worry" She nodded and turned to look at me again.

My eyes met her Grey ones and I stilled. It was another of those awkward moments again, the ones I despised but I just couldn't draw myself away.

"So... you're an apprentice here now?"

* * *

**_Lara_**

I sat with Remus for a while, we talked about ordinary things. I told him about my thoughts on being a healer and he seemed deeply impressed. He told me he had very little ideas for his future and I sensed a slight bitterness in his voice. I didn't question it, but filed it away in a mental folder named 'the Remus conundrum' for later use. We talked about studies and books we'd read.

I studied him constantly. He seemed exhausted and in pain; each movement he made was stiff and accompanied with a wince. His left arm was bandaged, though he tried to hide it beneath the covers. Dark circles rimmed his eyes. My heart was twisting.

There were moments of slight awkwardness, born from the knowledge of secrets between us and moments when I was caught staring at him – or he me. But other than that it was relaxing sitting there talking to him and I had to dull my laughter many times because Pomfrey didn't know I was here. I was smiling and so was he.

A little later I left him to change and we headed up to the common room in comfortable silence. My thoughts were not so soothing though. I unconsciously sensed every one of his flinches as he walked, there was a slight limp on his right leg and he was involuntarily rubbing his temple as if he had a headache. The stone halls were long and twisting ahead of us.

Everyone gave us funny looks when we walked into the common room, the Marauders included. They were looking at us with surprise, shock and uneasiness. Perhaps they thought I knew their secret – which I sort of did, or at least just a little.

Alex's eyebrows rose when he heard the story in my mind of what had happened and he too surveyed the blond next to me, concerned.

The look I saw on Lily's face was the most awkward though. Satisfaction, scheming, slyness. This one was not trustable, uh ow. I blushed under her suggestive look and she grinned. She was uneasily pressed between the window ledge and James and I gathered that he had trapped her. I waggled my eyebrows at her and she scowled.

* * *

That night, in my dorm, I opened my trunk and from its extended depths I pulled out a black case. Laying it on my bed, I opened it, as if it were a lost treasure. Inside, on black velvet, there laid a gorgeous violin. It was as familiar to me as my own hands and I ran a finger lovingly over the Latin inscription carved into the side.

_Venimus ab astris_

"We came from the stars" I whispered the Grey family motto quietly.

The violin had been handed down from generation to generation for years, each owner restoring or editing it with magic or craft. Most instruments played by Wizards were enhanced with magic; this one never had and never would. The only magic laid into the wood of this violin was of a different sort.

It was mine, only I could play it, save my aunt before me, being my father's sister. Any Grey could try, but the instrument would repel them, make playing it seem tiring and opposing. Everybody else wouldn't be able to make a single sound on it. That was the true magic of it; only one person per generation of the Grey lineage could ever wield this violin. Marilyn Grey had been the one before me and before her it had been my grandfather Everett Grey.

Father didn't know I had it. Marilyn had told me father had always admire the handsome violin for what it symbolised in the family but had never had the patience for music. My grandfather had tried to teach him how to play but he couldn't be bothered. _"You must work for music; you cannot just pick up an instrument and expect to be able to play like a master. Your father didn't like feeling like a novice" _She'd said. However, it was a Grey family heirloom and he would love to have his hands on it – even if he couldn't play it.

Alex had been jealous at first, I knew, but he'd got over it of course. After all, he didn't play violin as much as me and didn't enjoy it half as much as the piano.

In the case there was a small compartment that only the owner could open. It was about the size of pack of cards and inside… well, that was my secret.

I picked the violin up and felt reunite at the feel of its warmth. It and the bow felt like limb of my body, an extension. It was made of a dark red wood, varnished in black, which had become thin near the centre, allowing the natural red to come through. It was aged and yet timeless.


	9. To Puzzle

**To Puzzle**

**_Lara_**

I was flying across the Quidditch pitch, listening to James voice inside my head as I followed the new moves he's told us earlier. The quaffle whizzed from James to me to Sirius, who was the other Chaser. Sirius seemed to have 'taken me under his wing', at least in Hogwarts Quidditch, which I found very amusing. I had begun to notice he'd stopped flirting with me, which was a great improvement, though he hadn't tried to stop our mutual banter.

"Oi Greyette! Call that a throw?"

"Don't blame me for your bad catching skills Blacky!"

The rest of the team was entertaining and amiable too. There were two other girls, Elaine and Anaya Levet, both of them fifth year. Anaya was a warm girl with long brown hair and a pretty olive face with large hazel eyes and Elaine was slender with equally long blond hair, pale skin and blue eyes. They were cousins, though they looked nothing alike, and this duo made up our Beaters. On the ground you would never expect these two forth year girls were Quidditch players, and beaters at that, but once on a broom they were vicious streaks of energy, slamming the Bludgers violently across the pitch.

The seeker, Asha D'Argo was a fourth year who was, like most seekers, light and speedy on his broom. He had a happy oriental face, dark brown hair and a very fine body which my teenage mind had no problem admiring. I thought he was a good player and I quickly grew to like his warm booming laughter and had no problem working with him.

I had been practising with the team for about three weeks now and I was looking forward to the first match of the season against Hufflepuff in a month.

I landed lightly on the pitch and walked to our changing rooms, catching up with the Levet cousins as I did. They were chatting happily to each other about the up and coming Hogsmeade weekend. I had never been to Hogsmeade, though I'd heard it was the only muggle free town in England so I was looking forward to it.

"What do you think I should wear? I don't want to put him off by wearing something really special but I need to make an effort, it _is_ our first date" Anaya said desperately and I chuckled internally.

"I think you should wear that dark red shirt, I've always said it looks really good on you" Elaine replied earnestly.

"I suppose... Do you have a date yet?"

"No… I don't think I'll go, I've got that CMC assignment due the Monday after" She replied glumly as we walked into the changing rooms.

The room was boiling compared to outside and I quickly pulled of my goggles before they could steam up. As I pulled off my gloves and began to unlace my Quidditch boots, I heard the boys arguing behind us as they came in.

"Nonsense, you're just hoping Lupin will ask you!" Anaya said gleefully "If you're that desperate you should just ask him"

"Shhh!"

Elaine was now bright red and waving her arms to quieten her cousin who was now laughing. She was looking over her shoulder around the room and our eyes met briefly but hers slid away. I knew she was looking for James and Sirius, but unluckily the damage was done.

"Ah! Does our little Elainie poo have a crush on our Remus, eh? How sweet!" Sirius said mischievously his eyes laughing. Poor Elaine was cringing and glowing deep burgundy as she hit the brunette around the head.

"I do not!" She shouted indignantly but I could tell she was lying; I didn't need to hear it in her words either, in was plain on her face. I turned my back on the scene and pulled off my boots. I felt a weird about this discovering and as unfounded as it was, I couldn't help but undergo annoyance over it.

"That's a guilt expression if ever I saw one, isn't it Prongs? I'm sure he going to be interested to hear this!" He continued to laugh as he walked away.

I could feel James looking at me and my back tensed up. His thoughts were... concerned? Odd, there was nothing to be worried about. It was only a small thing and it was completely stupid anyway. So what if people had crushes on Remus, he was one of the most popular people in the school.

"Ugh, you are such a bitch Anna" Elaine whispered angrily to her cousin.

"You love me really. Don't conceal it" was the cheerful reply.

"And it doesn't matter anyway… Remus doesn't date, everyone knows that" she muttered glumly "Remember when Mel asked him? Or Tally Hawk from Ravenclaw? He never says yes and never asks anyone"

Was that true?

I got changed and showered quickly, my thought mulling on Remus. Why wouldn't he date? Perhaps he just hadn't found the right girl? Being a Marauder he must have been asked out by lots of girls and apparently he'd never said yes.

I sighed as I began to walk up the hill to school. The infuriating mysteries of Remus Lupin.

* * *

"Lily?" I said from my perch on bed.

It was evening now, I'd been silent since I'd got back from practice and I knew Lily was curious. The common room had been full, noisy and steamy when I'd arrived after practice. In one corner Amy had been challenging second years to games of exploding snap and her squeals of excitement about losing (I know, I don't understand it either) played a main role in the cacophony of noise. Tabby, ever watching over the crazy girl, had rolled eyes with me when our eyes had met. In another sofa, so tightly wrapped together I couldn't figure out who was who, sat Alice and Frank who were… doing something I supposed was kissing, though it looked more like they were trying share skin. They were succeeding.

After weaving my way through the crowd, tripping over a gaggle of first years who had decided to sit in the middle of the floor in the process, I climbed the stairs to my dorm. It was blissfully quiet in there, with only Lily studying on her four poster bed. I sat on my own and pulled my potions essay towards me. Needless to say the lines and lines of script about blood replenishment potions didn't really manage to do anything but glide in and out of my thoughts.

So here I was now, staring out of the window next to my bed, waiting for Lily to reply.

"Hmm?"

"Is it true Remus doesn't date?"

There was a pause and I looked up to see her studying me intently.

"Well?" I prompted.

"It true that he's never had a girlfriend at Hogwarts – at least that I know of."

"How come?" Merlin I felt like such a teenager by asking these questions.

"Don't know" She shrugged and then grinned at me suggestively "hey now, why'd you want to know?"

"When are you going to fall for James Potter?" I retorted, she scowled and I stuck out my tong, turning away. I grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill. I was going to make a list. _The Lupin conundrum:_

_His mind feels different.__Once a month he and his friends disappear for a night, saying they're visiting his mother.__Several nights before he finds it difficult to sleep and he's stressed.__He came back exhausted and with wounds.__He's got lots of scars.__He's bitter about leaving school.__He doesn't date._

I felt like it was staring me in the face but I just couldn't figure it out. What was going on? I started to randomly list things about him, hoping to find something – anything.

_He has blond hair, pale skin and his eyes are pale blue, with gold dusting.__He's a part of the Marauders.__He loves to read.__He's a prefect.__His nickname is Moony._

Why do they call him Moony? Was it like saying he was dreamy? Did he particularly like the moon? Maybe it was one of those 'you had to be there' moments which gave him that nickname. However, none of the other nicknames made much sense; Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail?

Maybe it was nothing. Maybe I was overreaction. Maybe I was just being a lovesick teenager stalker girl, just like all those other girls I detested.

* * *

**_Remus_**

"Remus, I just got this from my Uncle. Here read it" Sirius said handing me a letter. I was sitting on my bed in the dormitory, doing my Transfiguration homework. I looked at him curiously before beginning to read. The paper was heavy and expensive and the elegant script was written in dark green ink. My scowl got more and more pronounced as I read.

_Dear Sirius,_

_It is good to hear from you. I'm glad to hear that you plan to leave your parents house, they had it coming to them with all that Slytherin nonsense. If you ever find yourself in need of a place to say then my house always has a spare room should you need it._

_As for the name Grey there are several possibilities. I know for certain that there is a particularly influential pure-blood family named Grey. They are an ancient family, perhaps as old as ours, and they are similarly strict about purity of blood from what I've heard. The most notable of the Greys is Alexander Grey who took control of Germany. I remember your mother tried to court him when she was younger but he moved away and quenched her dreams. Did you hear about him? The German government became unstable after the chaos created by Grindelwald and Alexander Grey took control in the mayhem. They say he's a cruel leader, mad and unstable. I've even heard hints that the Death Eaters tried to recruit him but that's just rumour._

_If it's an old wizarding family then that seems like the strongest bet, though I'm sure there are others with the surname Grey. I feel real sympathy for anyone related to him; then again, I have sympathy for myself for being brother to you mother – don't we all._

_I hope I may have helped. Good luck with your NEWT's if I forget to say so later._

_Your Uncle, Alphard Black_

I threw the letter away. I'd forgotten I'd asked Padfoot to owl his uncle. Cruel, mad, unstable – how about sadistic and cold-blooded, or perhaps heartless bastard…

"I take that the Greys are related to this Alexander man then?" Sirius asked scowling.

"Oh yes, that's him, their father" I spat.

He stared at me, obviously miffed at my violent reaction to the letter but decided not to ask. He turned away to go back to the dormitory.

* * *

**_Sirius_**

I was shocked at this turn of events. The grey's father was the mad-mad of Germany? Bloody hell, no wonder they were scared of him. I remembered the booming, infuriated voice of the howler and I shivered. I'd heard about him before, mother was resentful of him and yet basically hero worshipped his feet, but I'd never related him to the silver haired twins.

Remus was seething, staring at the letter from my uncle as if he could set it on fire if he looked hard enough. I just hoped he didn't do accidental magic and set fire to my bed sheets too. I wondered what else he knew about their father, it must have been bad. I wanted to ask but he probably couldn't say anyway.

I decided to go back to the common room where Alex and James were. Wormy had got himself a detention when he fell out from under James' cloak just after a prank. Honestly. We'd just got back from practice and I knew Alex was curious about why his sister was in a weird mood. Don't know I was supposed to know, he'd be better to ask Prongs, he usually took notice of things like that.

I reached out a hand for the dormitory door but just before I got there the door was flung open and somebody came out.

"I've just got to gra- ugh!"

The familiar voice said before being cut abruptly off, by me. Whoever it was collided with me as if they'd been sprinting up the stair. I felt myself topple, the wind knocked out of me, and I saw a flash of silver before I was crashing into the floor in a tangle of limbs. I tried to struggle up but the person had fallen on top of me. I was finding it hard to breath; my arm was under me at an uncomfortable angle; there was something (an elbow?) sticking into my ribs. I gasped.

"Oops! I- um - sorry Sirius!"

The warm body that was Alex pushed up from me. His usually pale face was flustered and his silver hair fell around his face, curtaining him. His grey eyes were wide with shock. He tried to get up but the plain silver ring on his finger seemed to have got caught in my coat. He staggered to his feet.

I could hear people laughing and I plastered my lopsided grin onto my face before jumping to my feet. That was awkward.

Alex was still red in the face I noticed and his hair was as messy as Prongs' in the mornings. The laughers turned out to be James and Remus.

"Sorry Sirius, wasn't looking where I was going" Alex said sheepishly, I waved him off and lounged on my bed.

I tried not to think. I could do that, I'd done it enough over the last couple of weeks so I could do it now. Not thinking.

Remus was looking at me funny, it was making me uncomfortable. I decided to return the favour.

"Hay Moony, you'll never guess what we heard today in Quidditch practice?" I wiggled my eyebrows up and down.

James and Alex looked at me and rolled their eyes.

"Not a wise move Siri. Girls are dangerous when provoked" Alex said and I blinked at him. Since when has been calling me Siri? Nobody called me that and yet it sounded… normal when he said it. Alex frowned as if he's heard my surprise (which he probably did) and I quickly diverted my thoughts again. And anyway how would he know about Levet? Oh, right, Lara.

"Only if Remy here decides to shout it out to the whole school, which I think, we all know he won't" I argued, they didn't comment, only look at each other with annoying knowing looks. Remus was staring between us looking completely baffled.

"Well, you know Elaine Levet in the year bellow? The good looking blond who plays beater?" He nodded slowly. Everyone knew the Levet cousins; they were sexy, witty and were incredible Quidditch players – what more could you ask for? I, of course, had already dated them briefly but they were nevertheless notoriously hard to get.

"Well… she has a crush on you!" I pronounced proudly grinning at my quiet friend, anticipating his reaction. We all snorted in amusement as Remus went bright red and started blabbing. Mwahaahaa got you back.

"She does? Who me? Are you sure? How do you know? I don't really think…and even if it were true I not really sure that-"

"Oh come _on, _Moony. Elaine Levet, _Levet_ for Merlin's sake!" I said.

"Um. No, no I think, I think I'm good"

Honestly our silly friend. He thought that just because of his furry little problem he couldn't have a bit of fun. How often do you hear that a Levet is sweet on you? James and Alex were looking at me as if I was an idiot. What did I do?

"Ah Paddy… you are so very blind aren't you?" James said shaking his head and giving me his 'sympathy for the unfortunate' stare.

"What?" Remus and I said at the same time, I looked at James and Alex perplexedly. Alex looks mischievous and ever so slightly uncomfortable. Odd.

"Well I thinks it's fairly obvious why our little Moony hear isn't interested in Levet, don't you agree Grey?" James said leaning against the bed post behind him looking smug.

"Oh yes, it's extremely apparent. Unfortunately for me, though I suppose it could be worse" he wrinkled his nose, perching on the opposite bed from me. I thought I saw his eyes flick to me and away but I couldn't be sure.

I had no idea what they were talking about. I looked at Remus. He was staring wide eyed at Alex and turning redder and redder as the seconds went by. Why wouldn't he want to go out with Levet? There was the obvious reason, the reason he never went out with girls, but Alex didn't know about that one. Maybe he had his sights on someone else. I looked at Alex – Oh. Yes I can see how that must be uncomfortable for him. I chuckled. Ah these Grey twins had really shaken up our already hectic lives.

"Ahh, my sincere apologies Remy and Alex – I have great sympathy" I chortled and he gaped at me as the others laughed.

"Ugh!" Remus collapsed in his bed, his hands over his face and his Homework flying everywhere.


	10. To Meet

**To Meet**

**_Amy_**

It was the weekend! And best of all in was a Hogsmeade weekend! Let the residents of our neighbouring village prepare themselves. Let them take a deep breath in preparation for the pelt up, suppressed energy of forty days of school in about two hundred teenagers! Not to mention me.

Sugar waits!

I grinned and bounced down the stairs. If anyone asked at this moment I _may_ have conceded I was being a bit too energetic about the visit but as it was nobody did so I told myself it was perfectly normal – and most defiantly not over excitement. Bah, what was over excitement! I could never be excited enough! About anything! Chocolate!

"Good morning!" I skidded to a stop and dramatically throwing my arms into the air, a grin fixated on my face.

I saw Tabsie tripping down the stairs, pulling her pretty reddish hair into a braid as she did. She should have anticipated I would have left the dorm faster today than any other. She looked damn right terrified if you asked me – which I'm going to pretend you did – Silly Tabby loo! I turned back to my other friends started talking - as was my habit.

"It's the weekend! Saturday and Sunday lie before us again! And it's time to visit the lovely town of Hogsmeade! Aren't you excited! The first visit of the year! So much to do and so much to buy! LARA, you've never been there!" I shouted, spotting the shocked silver head "Oh my mad Merlin, we cannot have this! You wait – you have to visit Honeydukes! You're never getting out of it; I'll drag you if I must – don't think I won't!" I stared hard at her "Because I will! There's the Choco-Loco, the Lick'O'Rish Spiders! Don't knock it till you try it! Ow! You must try Pink Coconut Ice or Pixie Puffs, they're the best! No, no, no! Sugared Butterfly Wings! Or Shock-o-Choc! Oh you wait! It's the weekend everyone!"

I leapt into the air, just imagining the sugar made me wiggle with excitement. A passing second year tried to dodge me but I proceeded to hug her anyway. She ran away scared. How sweet.

So much to do!

My eyes were wide as chocolate coins and I clapped my hands excitedly. I ran for the portrait hole. Knowing Tabby was following. She seemed to have this idea I was dangerous when faced with sugar. She said I didn't need any more energy. Pah! What would life be without sugar? Silly Tabsie! In fact she usually tried to confiscate my wand – but only if she could catch me!

People moved out of my way as I sped down the corridors. Wise of them.

"Weeee!" I yelled as I slid down the banister. The portraits shouted at me as I whizzed past them with a permanent beam.

Watch out Hogsmeade, I was on my way!

* * *

**_Lara_**

The usually calm face of Tabby was now twisted into apprehension. I could see why. I was completely shocked, and a little scared, by Amy's outburst. Who on earth would sell _that _sugar!

"Hogsmeade weekend! Dammit I forgot! It's always the same! No! Wait up Amy! She off, I'll never catch her, damn!" The hysterical girl said before sprinting off.

"Is anyone else feeling really sorry for Tabby right now?" I said stunned as I watched her dash away after her manic friend.

I looked back at my friends and saw them looking amused and nodding earnestly.

"Oh yes. There is nothing scarier that Amy Farmer on a Hogsmeade weekend. You know it's a full time occupation dealing with that, Merlin knows how that girl manages" Alice said shaking her head disbelieving.

"Remember when Tabby was in the hospital wing last year during a Hogsmeade weekend?" Lily said and they both shivered at a memory.

Alice launched into a tale fraught with terror, screams and a twisted amount of on sale bonbons. I tried to stifle my laughter at the obvious fear in the girls' eyes.

* * *

**_Lily_**

"Lily" Potter said plonking himself down into the chair opposite me at the Gryffindor table.

"No Potter, I won't" I said without looking up from my toast.

"You don't even know what I was going to say, Lily Flower" he said smugly.

"Call me that again and you soon won't be able to remember either"

He simply smiled that god damn annoying lopsided grin and placed his chin on his cupped hands. He stared at me.

Bloody hell, why couldn't he leave me alone?

"Look Potter, I'm not going to go with you to Hogsmeade, in fact I'm never going with you anywhere so you might as well just find some other girl" I stared daggers at him.

"Ow, I'm wounded Lily Flower" he clapped his hand dramatically to his heart.

"You soon will be" I muttered.

* * *

**_Lara_**

The chilled air was fresh and there was an unnatural clarity to everything around me. The colours seemed the bounce and everything was sharp and focused around me. I felt so awake and alive.

Hogsmeade was pretty cool and reminded me of a town in Germany very near to my family home which was also muggle free. In places like these, the magical community had no fear (save from themselves) and you could see anything walking open. For instance, I skirted away from what looked suspiciously like a Hag as we walked down the main street and down the path a group of excited third years were emitting loud explosive sounds and sparks. You never find that in the main streets of Berlin or London. Lily frowned at them at them and I clenched her arm tighter in mine to prevent her going into Prefect mode. Everyone was excited about the chance to escape the confines of school; they deserved to let off steam.

It wasn't as enjoyable though, once we started walking past boarded up shops and broken windows. By the time Lily had led me to The Three Broomsticks we both carried grim faces and the third years had silenced. Students shuffled down the street in closely knit groups, speaking in mutters. Many of the older students, myself included, grasped wands inside pockets as if Death Eaters were about to spring out of the next alley. Something told me the next Hogsmeade visit wouldn't be as popular.

Entering the warm and cheerful pub was like releasing a prolonged intake of breath. We chose a little table in the corner and ordered two butter beers. The atmosphere was pleasant and filled with the voices and laughter of many students. I sighed and sipped my drink, relishing in the warmth that seemed to reach to my toes. Lily swept her dark red hair behind her shoulder and looked around the room.

The door opened and a group of forth year boys came in, pulling off Slytherin scarves as they did. My mind twitched. My sight was telling me nothing was out of the ordinary but my mind was saying quite the opposite. The two senses fought and contradicted each other. Was it just me but did that door stay open for just a little too long and wasn't that...

I laughed as I recognised the minds slipping to the room, cleverly concealed. Lily looked at me odd as the door slammed shut, I smirked at her. The tricky duo was carefully working their way through the crowds of table towards our table, their minds bent on us. Well, well, well; look who has an invisibility cloak. Honestly, don't these boys understand I'll know they're here? Well two could play that game.

"Honestly, I think those boys are a bad influence to my brother, don't you think?" I said casually, my eyes sparkling, feeling the boys settling into place behind us. Lily looked at me inquisitively, obviously confused at my change of subject, but she shrugged it off.

"Definitely, didn't I warn you to stay away? Poor Alex, I should have tried harder" She smiled and sighed dramatically, shaking her head; I could hear the grin in her voice.

"You know, and I may be wrong, but I have the smallest feeling that a certain Mr Potter may have a small crush on you" I chuckled.

Lily grimaced and I laughed as I saw a faint disobedient blush on her cheeks.

"He won't leave me alone! Every day its 'Lily will you go out with me' 'Evens I love you'. That boy!" she scowled.

"Ahh, but I think you like it really don't you?" I said slyly and she gapped at me.

"Wh- No! Of course - I mean, I don't!" She said, rambling a little, annoyance and embarrassment clear in her eyes.

A chuckle escaped my lips as I listened to the reactions behind me.

"I think you should give him a go. He may be a jerk sometimes but he is a good-hearted jerk. As much as you have been trying to ignore it" I replied humorously, yet I was deadly serious and she knew it.

She crossed her arms determinedly and glowered at me.

"If it's there I haven't seen it. Any way- he's just does it to get on my nerves, I know it"

I cocked an eyebrow in her direction. She thought he was just doing it to annoy her? Now that's unexpected. Based on that theory she would never actually see him for the kind loyal person he was. This problem needed to be rectified.

"You think that's the reason he does it?" I said incredulously.

She shifted at my obvious disagreement with her. Lily wasn't stupid, by far; she knew that when it came to a competent Legilimen she was at a disadvantage on knowing people.

"Well, yeah, it's obvious. He's been trying to annoy me for years – since the moment we met, it's only been in the last year or so that he's started asking me out" She said uneasily, a small frown on her lips.

"But he is so obviously smitten with you! He thinks about you constantly, no matter how much I try and block him. It's sort of annoying. He practically worships the ground you walk on, for Merlin's sake! I know that feeling a mile off and it's evidently not the thoughts of a boy trying to _annoy _a girl. How could you not have noticed?" I may have lathered it on a bit much, but it was just too satisfying to see the red cheeks of my friend and the shocked, mortified mind of the boy in question. Mwahaha.

"What! You're kidding right, as in lying! It's not funny Lara, that can't be true!" My friend cried, her face blooming burgundy. Her hands fluttered on the table cloth. I laughed in amazement. He couldn't have been more obvious and yet she hadn't noticed a thing!

"No, I am not joking! Honestly Lily, for one so clever I cannot see how you could be so blind"

"Well… either way, I don't think that…"

I rolled my eyes.

She crossed her arms and glared at my, her cheeks still pink.

"Well your one to talk, If I'm blind then what are you" she muttered. This time it was my turn to blush. Dammit, this wasn't where I wanted the conversation to go.

"Wh- what do you mean" I said uneasily.

Lily grinned wickedly.

"Oh well you know… I'm not the only one who has caught the eye of one of the Marauder's." Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

My cheeks felt like they were being pumped with boiling blood. I was so glad right now that it wasn't Remus beneath that cloak. Talk about turning the tables.

"Er… I don't really think that… that's a bit farfetched… I haven't…" I stuttered.

"I prove my point" she said smugly "The all knowing hasn't figured out her own admirer"

I stumbled to think of a reply, one that would divert her attention.

"If you're thinking about Sirius then you're out of luck. He moved on a while back, I'm not sure where" I smiled my own wicked smile "Or at least I don't think I do"

"I've been thinking about that too… I have a few farfetched theories but I can't be sure" Lily said contemplatively.

"Well, sometimes the most farfetched ideas aren't so improbable to others" I replied knowingly, hoping the boy behind be heard.

Lily sat there thinking on my words for a while then she seemed to snap back and she looked at me annoyed.

"Hey! Don't change the subject! We were talking about your admirer, not Black" She accused, poking my arm playfully "To be honest I don't know why you don't just ask him. You obviously like him – don't deny it - and I know he likes you" I cringed and dragged a hand uneasily through my hair.

"It's not as simple as that" I whispered, laying my head in my hands "And any way, as you said, he doesn't date – remember?"

I hoped the two spies couldn't hear me now.

"Nonsense!" Lily yelled and I flinched.

"He completely adores you; I've never seen him like that with anyone else. If there is anyone that will break that, it's you" She said and I heard a determined edge to her voice.

I shrugged and looked away, just in time to see the door swing open. I felt the familiar mind before I saw his cocky face. Dressed in dark green and black Irvine swaggered in with two other boys. He hadn't seen me and I tucked my tell tale hair into my hood; I wanted it to stay that way. Lily looked in the direction I was and gasped quietly.

"That's Irvine – the one you told me about" I nodded sharply once and clenched my wand tightly as I felt my anger boil "and that's Regulus Black – Sirius' brother"

I studied the boy in question and my eyes widened. The young man, about a year or two younger, looked exactly like Sirius. It was uncanny. They had the same neat black hair; the same eyes glistened under their lashes and the same carved physique. I though Sirius was handsomer than his younger sibling but Regulus was cuter. Both boys had a scene of danger but the younger looked more sophisticated.

They were speaking to the waitress, Rosmerta, ordering drink presumably. Irvine was flirting with her and her cheeks were slightly flushed as she waved her wand toward some flagons of butter beer. I growled quietly.

The two spying boys behind me were also becoming angry at their appearance and I could hear their mind ticking with cunning. I couldn't have that. I turned in my seat and looked directly at the place they were both hiding. Whoops cover blown.

"Don't do anything" I mouthed at them commandingly.

I felt their shock and I knew they had heard. I also felt their grudging consent and I smirked.

I looked around a saw Lily was looking at me confused, I shrugged.

But she wasn't the only one watching me; I could another in the room looking my way. I turned my head and my eyes met those of Regulus Black. His look was curious and I could see by the way his eyes rolled over me that he was checking me out. He sneered and I narrowed my eyes at him in disgust. His mind was concealed but I could read his face and it made me feel ill. _This_ was Sirius' brother?

"I want to leave" I said to Lily barely concealing my complete revulsion. She nodded in agreement, her own face contorted in aversion.

I got to me feet, pulling my hood over my head. If I had been more logical about this I would have waited for the boys to leave so they wouldn't notice me leaving, Alex would wait. But I didn't, so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when a hand clasped my arm. Before I could do anything however, I was pulled roughly around to face my captor. Irvine's eyes bored into mine.

"Is there something you want? Or did you just grab me for the hell of it? You see, I'm sort of busy" I said sweetly, ignoring the fact our chests were nearly touching.

"Darling Larissa, you haven't given me my hello kiss, again" He sneered, pulling me close and whispering it against my ear.

"Not my problem. Tell me, how is your fiancé these days" I replied, biting my lip to restrain my anger, he pushed me away. My eyes, familiar to his face, saw the look of contempt toward the pure-blood beauty. I sneered.

"Well, don't say I didn't warn you because you know that I did" I walked out of the pub without a second glance, though I could feel his eyes follow me.

* * *

**_Alex_**

Me, Remus and Peter were walking down the street. James and Sirius had gone off to presumably spy on my sister and Lily – I wish them luck. The whole matter entertained me, Lara would know they were there within seconds but they didn't really understand. I was looking forward to hear the full tale.

The three of us were walking rather aimlessly up the path, having just gone to the joke shop. I wanted to see the shrieking shack because I had heard it was the most haunted building in Britain. I'd sensed amusement from the two boys with me when I said so. I was still trying to figure out what was funny. We got to the top of the path, a dead end, where we could see the shack across the hill.

"Why is it so haunted?" I asked curiously, I'd always found those sorts of things rather fascinating. We'd had a pair of school ghosts and a ghoul at Amalia's which I'd 'befriended' and ever since then I'd been inquisitive.

Remus looked uncomfortable and he shifted his feet.

"Don't know, but they say that at night you can hear screaming. Nobody can get in though." he shrugged.

I stared at him. His words weren't a lie but they were entirely the truth either. What was he hiding?

"We tried to get in once but there are magical enchantments to prevent it. I thought it was a banshee though the others disagreed" Pete piped.

I thought on his words and found myself disagreeing with that theory. Banshee's screams killed and many people had heard the sound, and while I guessed there could have been spell to minimise the effect I doubted it. However, what I did find intriguing was his use of past tense…

"Ah Alexander. I so hoped I would find you"

I span around. Standing in the centre of the path, quite alone and dressed in a stylish grey suit, was a man. I felt the two boys with me turn as well and I heard their shocked minds. I knew what they saw. He was a tall stern looking man with short silver hair and grey eyes. He looked exactly like me, only older and the expression he used I hoped would never grace my face. My father, Alexander Grey senior, was standing staring at me intently with his coils of energy already tense in his eyes.

The dark irony about the correlation between this meeting and the one with Darien didn't fail to touch me.

Remus was becoming angry and I begged him to hold his emotions in. I knew that Lara had told him about father and I knew how he felt on the matter.

I stiffened my back automatically and tried to control my desire to gape, while my mind frantically tried to figure out what was going on. What on earth was he here? What did he want? What was he going to do? Shit!

"Father, this is a surprise. I wasn't expecting to see you until the holidays" I replied primly, as he had taught me.

I knew my friends were surprised at my change in demeanour but I paid them no mind. I couldn't falter now; the consequences would be beyond bad. Father was angry - he had been ever since we'd been put in Gryffindor but I didn't think he would do anything now. Not without Lara. I resisted the temptation to shiver.

"Indeed, that was the plan. However I saw fit to pay you a visit before hand, though I'm disappointed Larissa isn't here too." I twitched slightly at the mention of my sister. I saw his eyes sweep over Remus and Peter and a mist of distain was seen in the slight twitch of his lips. "I do not believe we have been introduced"

Peter gulped and Remus quivered with anger.

"Remus Lupin Sir it is an honour to meet you, I have heard much about you" He said formally and I sent him a shocked look. His words were tight and only just touched with sarcasm, I was certain father would notice. Bad!

"And this is Peter Pettigrew"

My father arched a brow and I saw his cold eyes linger on the fraying edges of Remus' robes.

"Lupin you say? I knew a Henry Lupin at school, a relative of yours?"

Alarm bells rang in my head. There was too much cunning and suspicion in that voice. I knew that tone, the amount of times I had fallen over at this point. Next to me Remus seemed to be feeling similar and he simply nodded. I recognised the name, it was Remus' father.

"And Pettigrew? Another familiar name…" he turned back to me, dismissively ending his notes on my friends.

"I came here to tell you that if anything else goes off plan then your mother and I will be taking you to see your Uncle during the holidays. Considerer your selves pre-warned." _Do not think you are getting out of your punishment for your insolence, and nor do I approve of your choice of companions. The Lupin family has a sour name and if this boy is who I think he is then he is a lying monster. _Father opened his thoughts precisely and coldly. I didn't have an uncle, was he suggesting he'd take me to the Dark Lord? I couldn't stop the slight shiver.

He stared at me for a while and I pressed my mental defences against my mind desperately. His eyes bore into mine and I saw a hatred and anger there, one that I hadn't seen before. The fists of his attack slammed into my mind brutally and I wavered. I was clinging to my control. He was trying to get in but I wasn't going to let him. I wouldn't. He was clumsy with his attack, though strength backed it up.

It was exhausting but eventually he drew his assault off and I struggled to stand upright. Remus and Peter hadn't noticed. It had only been a few seconds.

"I will take your advice into consideration and alert Larissa" I replied, keeping my voice as chipped and level as possible. I raised my chin slightly and stared back at him unwaveringly. He nodded coldly and without warning disapparated, with a small pop.

* * *

**_Sirius_**

Me and James walked up the path both of us caught up in what we had heard.

Lily had thought that Prongs was only asking her out to annoy her? That was… surprising. It did make sense, from her point of view but still seemed stupid from mine. James had been in love with that girl for years. Lara was right, how couldn't she have noticed?

Well either way she knew the truth now. It would be foolish to not believe a Grey and if there was anything that Lily was, it wasn't a fool.

And then there was the thing with Remus. I chuckled. She liked him! Oh he was going to have puppies when he found out. Honestly our silly little Moony, running from lovely little Greyette. I wondered if Alex knew, he must of…

My next thought had me cringing with embarrassment. Lara had noticed my crush on her. But that wasn't the worst of it… she had soundly like she knew who I like now. I pushed the thoughts away. I couldn't think about it. Not now. I just couldn't. The implications, the fears came rushed at me like a stampeding Hippogriff. I couldn't bare it. I wasn't ready for this feeling, I didn't understand it, so the very idea that she might know sent shivers down my spine.

But was I was really remembering was the eyes of my brother on Lara. My bloody brother! He was such an idiot, a suck up and coward. And the way he had looked at her... Ugh! Then that Irvine bastard had grabbed her. I'd nearly broken cover then and there but the exchange wasn't long and Lara had come out on top. I needn't have worried; Lara was a very capable witch and damn right scary when provoked.

We were approaching the end of the path and James and I slowed down. There was Alex, Remus and Peter standing facing us. But standing ahead, his back away from us was a man with silver hair dressed in a smart suit. He was a superior figure and he seemed to emit a vicious, powerful energy. He was dangerous. And he knew it.

Alex was staring at him, his eyes determined and there was a pulsing energy between the two. Alex was standing differently too and he looked proud, noble and just as perilous as his opponent (as I had named him in my head). His back was straight and his chin raised and in his eyes I saw power. It reminded me of the time when the twins went all unison mode in front of Irvine. I stared at him in surprise and awe, determined not to think.

"I will take your advice into consideration and alert Larissa" His said sophisticatedly and curtly to the man who simple nodded as popped away.

Within a millisecond of the departure, I watched as Alex visible sagged, looking like he was about to collapse. His face was entirely exhausted and I rushed forward without thought. I grabbed his arm and he looked up at me surprised but thankful. He looked like he had just been crushed.

"What happened? Who was that?" I asked. My shock and anger was palpable even to my own ears.

"That" He said tiredly "was my dear father He tried to get into my mind, but I prevented it"

I stared at him in shock. His own father had tried to hack into his brain? How the hell had he stopped him and stayed so calm? Before he had stood there proud and strong before his father, but it had been an act – a very good one at that. It must have completely exhausted him to block his thoughts.

I heard Remus growl and I looked at him curiously. He was grinding his teeth together, nearly spitting with anger. Wow, what did I miss? I had an ill feeling about the whole situation in the pit of my stomach, obviously Remus knew more.

When I was with my stuck up parents I didn't give second thought to what they thought of me, I encouraged it even. Alex was just as brave as me, if not more, so what was different about our situations that meant he did... that? What was he scared of?

I was going to have words with these twins, you could be certain of that.


	11. To Prepare

**To Prepare**

**_Lily_**

After we left the warmth of the pub we wandered towards the renowned sweet shop. Lara next to me was quietly frowning and her hand was twisting around a piece of her gossamer hair. I watched as she glanced up the hill towards the shrieking shack.

"What's up?" I asked, squeezing the arm linked with mine.

Could it have to do with what Irvine said? I didn't think so; she had managed to walk away from that encounter pretty well - considering things.

"Hmm… I'm not sure… I think its Alex, but he's too far away to tell" She said musingly. She didn't seem too worried so I figured whatever it was wasn't that bad. It didn't stop me from feeling a stab of concern though.

We continued down the street and approached the colourful shop. I wondered if Amy was still here…

The bell of the shop tinkled as we went in and the two of us squeezed in through the crowds. Lara was looking around with wide eyes and a small growing smile on her lips. Her eyes met mine and she sparkled with mischief. Uh ow…

"Lara!" I turned and saw the speeding over excited mass of Amy charge at Lara.

I laughed and grinned at the tired but fond expression of Taby as she squished threw the crowds to us. She was always just behind her crazy best friend who I knew she treasured like a sister. They were the oddest pair; Amy with her constant energy and the tranquil kind Taby.

"Oh thank Merlin you came! I was just about to hunt for you! Didn't I say I would drag you? Yes I did! But I didn't want to leave! Oh, come on I'll show you around. You wait! You wait!"

Lara laughed and sent me and Taby a pleading look as she was dragged away. I felt for her, I really did. Just not enough to intervene, no, it was much too amusing for that.

"How's it been Tabs?" I asked as we walked to a quieter corner by the weird and unusually (or the completely vile) section. I cringed as I saw the usually blood pops and the variety of sugarfied insects. Eew.

Taby sighed in relief as her charges squeals drifted across the room.

"Oh well, you know. Hogsmeade, first of the year, lets just say it was expected. I managed to get her wand though" She grinned and pulled out the absolutely tiny (yet sturdy) pale yellow wand, which chuckled little blue sparks. She examined it dotingly before putting it back into her inside pocked.

I laughed at the very idea of a person confiscating their friend's wand. The funniest part though was how necessary it was. Bless little Amy Farmer.

* * *

**_Alex _**

The Marauders and I walk back down to the main village. James and Peter were in front talking about the charms homework we'd been set (the discussion seemed to be based around the various different excuses they could use, which were getting more and more impossible). Remus was in the middle, his mind swirling and clenching. He was brooding, still angry at the appearance of my father. Sirius and I were last.

We weren't saying anything, just walking side by side in a tense silence. He, like Remus, was deep in angry thoughts.

I still felt the gnawing fatigue of my encounter with father. _He'd never tried to break into our minds_, I thought dejected.

_What! He tried to do WHAT! _Lara screamed in my head and I groaned. Trust her to act this way the moment I got into range, especially when my head killed. Ugh.

_He tried to hack into my thoughts, and could you _please_ be a little quieter. _I scolded her, rubbing my head. Sirius was looking at me concerned.

_Oh… right. Sorry… _she said sheepishly. She was still angry though and the feeling grated on my mind. I felt the bubbling anger and the pain from her nails biting into her fists. Amy was with her, looking at her with uncharacteristic seriousness. She was apologising and leaving the shop. I looked down the hill and saw her figure, standing out like blinding light amongst the crowd, walking to us.

"Is your head okay?" I looked up into Sirius' unhappy face. He seemed unsure of what he was doing and his awkward hands were at a loss.

"Yeah, it just… My sister is really annoyed, kind of uncomfortable on the mind when she starts mentally shouting at me" I said rubbing my head and chuckling.

He looked a little shocked for a moment then seemed to recover. He looked thoughtful for a minute.

"Well, I did say I was sorry" Lara said playfully and I looked up to see her guiltily smiling and walking towards us. I rolled my eyes at her.

James and Sirius seemed to become very entertained as my sister swept her eyes over us all. I figured it had something to do with the overheard conversation. I saw her blush slightly, probably hearing my thoughts.

_It was Lily's fault. Let's just say the discussion took a turn…_

She was avoiding catching Remus' eyes and I chortled. I walked down the hill to her, patting the said boy lightly on the shoulder. I clasped my sister's hand.

_Let's go, I'm exhausted!_

"See you guys later" Lara called and we walked away, comparing our stories of the day.

* * *

**_James_**

I watched the Grey twins walk up the path to school hand in hand. The magic seemed to vibrate around them and I knew they were talking silently to each other. Alex still looked weary.

I glanced behind my shoulder, smirked at my two friends still frowning in their direction.

"Is it just me Wormy, or are those two a little caught up in our good Grey friends?" I whispered and he sniggered.

"They do seem a little… distant" He replied and I grinned at him.

"Oi, dreamers! Are we going to the Three Broomsticks or are we going to stare at the silver haired twins all day" I called to them, watching triumphant as they both blushed. I caught my eye with Paddy's and grinned; he crossed his arms and stared defiantly back.

I turned away, a smirk on my face, and walked down the street. I saw a flash of red hair outside Honeydukes and I grinned, a new bound of hope in my chest at the memory of the overheard conversation, I thanked Lara silently in my head. I knew the exchange was her orchestration and I could wait to prove to Lily that I wasn't just doing it to annoy her… or at least most of it wasn't.

"Lily flower! How are you this fine day" I called, approaching her.

She looked up at me and tried to scowl. Instead it was a mixture of a light blush and a grimace. How beautifully my fire flower was. Things were going to change, I just knew it.

"What do you want Potter?" She said grudgingly, crossing her arms and turning to me "I don't suppose you've seen Lara anywhere"

"Yeah I have actually" I grinned, glad she was actually talking "But I won't tell you anything unless you go out with me"

She scowled and narrowed her eyes at me threateningly. I unconsciously rubbed the faint scar on my wrist from a previous hex.

"Go on, you know you want to" I teased, ignoring the way her hand drifted to her pocket.

"Lara went back up to school with Alex, we just met their father" Remus said good-naturedly from behind me and I sighed. Damn.

Lily frowned at Remus and nibbled her bottom lip.

"Is he okay?" she asked "did he… do anything?"

"Yeah he's fine, just a little tired. He tried to break into his thoughts" He replied and she nodded, frowning, and walked away without sparing me a second glance.

* * *

**_Lara_**

I pushed open the door to the hospital wing, hoping the door wouldn't creek and alert Pomfrey to my lateness. Luckily it didn't but I knew she'd have noticed anyway.

"Sorry I'm late Madam Pomfrey, I had a bit of trouble with Peeves on the way here" I apologised to the Matron when she looked up at me as I walked in. I hoped pulling the lucky card out with the Matrons dislike of the crazy prankster thing that buzzed around would help, it did.

"That poltergeist is a menace to the school; I don't know how Dumbledore can allow him to stay, humph!" She huffed and waved her hand towards her office. I took the hint and went to change.

I had been working in the hospital for about three weeks now and I found I was already learning a lot. I was given the easiest jobs of course, very little magic involved, but I still got to watch the matron at work. She had loaned me a large book all about the different potions, their effects, and the spells and the inner workings of the body. There was a lot of information and she told me it wasn't even a fraction of what healers had to learn before becoming a healer.

It was crazy how fast my ambitions had increased. I knew without a doubt that _this _was what I wanted to do. I wanted to help people! I wanted to look down at a patient and know that I could solve their problem, that I could save their life. It was inspiring and made my heart sing to watch the Matron work. I had finished the book she'd given me (three times) and I'd borrowed a whole stack from the library. Madam Pomfrey was impressed!

I knew that I had to get Es in Potions, Transfiguration, Charms, Defence against the Dark Arts and Herbology. I didn't know what type of Healer I wanted to be yet and I'd been asking the Matron hundreds of questions. It seemed to me Spell damage would be the best department for me.

Once I entered the small room reserved for changing I pulled open the closet that held a small plaque saying _Larissa Grey, Junior Helper._ I quickly pulled the plum red robe over my top and jeans and secured the apron around my waist. My apron wasn't the full length one that Pomfrey wore, but a simple white cotton one from my waist to just bellow my knees. I pulled my hair into a high pony tail and stepped out of the room.

"Larissa? Could get me two mild calming potions?" Pomfrey asked as I approached her and a weeping second year girl with what looked like a horse tail.

Ahh wizarding schools… Hospital wings in the muggle world must never be used without the danger of hexes, curses, jinxes and all the rest. I quickly went and picked up a pair of the small phials of pale blue liquid I recognised. They were the same (if weaker) as those that I used before and after an episode. I hadn't told Madam Pomfrey that, I could just imagine her react to the fact I had been tortured and suffered from reminiscing PCE (post cruciatus effects). Yes… that would be a bad move.

I carried them to the Matron and she took one from me and indicated to a first year boy in another bed for the other.

So my Sunday evening passed until the end of my duty. I delivered potions to patients, bandaged various minor cuts, changed the bed coverings, took note of patients in the hospital log and other such jobs. At the end of the day I changed out of my uniform and waved good bye to the protective Matron and her one remaining patient.

"How was duty?" Remus asked as I collapsed into the seat by the fire.

I grunted and he chuckled and went back to his homework.

* * *

**_Alex_**

"Miss Grey, Mr Grey? Could I have a moment please?" I turned back to McGonagall and she beckoned me forward. Lara next to me had a confused look on her face but also obliged. I waved off James and Sirius who looked like they were planning on waiting.

I looked at the transfiguration teacher curiously as she summoned the mirrors we'd been using to check the alterations to our appearance. I unfortunately still had about four hundred freckles thanks to James, something I wasn't happy about, to say the least. Then again, he had a mono brow now (… so not my fault…) so who was I to complain.

"It has come to my attention that you are both very musically talented and I was wondering if you would perform for the school at the Halloween feast. I have had the pleasure of hearing your Aunt, Marilyn Grey, and I know that she taught you, as well as the teacher at Amalia's Witchery Academy, both of whom speak highly of your skill. I'm sure your contribution would really add to the feast. We have tried over the years to encourage more students to take part in events like this but unfortunately they seem to be hesitant. Would you be willing?"

My initial thoughts screamed 'no' and I crossed my arms doubtfully. Lara too was preparing to give a negative response when McGonagall interrupted. She gave us a stern look and Lara bit her lip.

"I want you to think about it but I would like your answer by the start of half term. You may go"

We left the room, each deep in thought. Should we? I didn't particularly want to, I hated recitals as a rule, but I couldn't find sufficient reason not to. Who knows perhaps…

_Aw no Alex, resist the temptation! Resist! If you decide you want to do then I'm bound to be dragged along! _Lara said hearing the turn in my thoughts.

_It might not be too bad…_

"I think you should do it"

"Yep you are defiantly not getting out of it"

We looked up shocked and nearly walk straight into four boys. Four evil faces, four Marauder smirks, four brains swelling with cunning and determination. Lara grunted in annoyance and resignation.

_Great, now we have the brash quartet of stalkers involved – how the Merlin are we getting out of this one, all we need now is Lily to jump in. _I laughed at the nickname of the four boys.

James and Sirius were eyeing us smugly and Remus look curious and Peter excited.

"Is there any way of getting out of this?" She asked half-heartedly.

"No"

"Impossible"

"Not going to happen"

Sirius looked thoughtful.

"Well… you could always bless me with a kiss Lady Greyette?" He smiled sweetly and everyone else glared at him "No? Ah well, I'll get it eventually" He winked at Lara and she shook her head in amusement.

I shifted uncomfortable. Remus was bright red. Lara just smirked, I didn't like the sound of her thoughts.

"Well then I guess we will have to" I said, entertained.

My sister's large pleading eyes turned to me pleadingly and her voice in my head whined like she was five again, _don't wannaa!_

"If you don't, we'll tell Lily" Remus said with satisfaction dancing in his eyes.

Lara stopped; horror swelling into her eyes as she slowly turned to the boys and scowled at Remus.

_Traitor…_

I laughed and dragged my sister away by the hand, feeling her resolve collapse.

Now… what should we play…?

* * *

**_Lara_**

So now we were practicing for the Halloween feast. Yay…

I had re-found the music room from before. The weird painting of dancing trolls still hung where it had before. It had taken a while to get it to appear. When we had arrived the wall where it should have been we found it was tauntingly blank. Then after scratching our heads and pacing a bit (as you do) it suddenly began growing and pushing out of the bare stone. It's completely baffling but that hardly matters now that it's here.

When we entered Alex's eyes became as large as Amy's at the prospect of sugar. That is until I broke down into a fit of giggles.

Alex was playing the piano, after much debate, and I as ever was playing my trusty violin. Aunt Marilyn sent us some music for a duo, lyrics included. It was a German song, haunting but beautiful and I secretly (or a secretly as you could with a psychic brother) relished it playing it. I wasn't so happy with the idea of the whole school hearing it. Damn McGonagall. Damn the Marauders. Damn you Alexander Nathaniel Grey.

_What? Hardly my fault…_

Needless to say, I was out numbered.

We had two weeks to practice, on top of my increased amount of Quidditch practices, homework, hospital wing duties and fascination with Remus.

And now I had even more problems to add to my growing list; Regulus. The boy kept staring at me! It wasn't a crush (how disgusting would that have been) but a constant demanding curiosity. It was like he knew something I didn't and I really did not like it. His mind was locked and barred against me, even if I did want to break our code of privacy. And yet I could always feel him there, staring, watching my every move and interaction. I hadn't spoken to Sirius about it, scared of how he would react.

It was making me feel ill.

What did he know?

* * *

**_Regulus_**

I'd been watching her. I knew she'd noticed but I couldn't stop myself. The words of the letter from my father spiralled around my head constantly and I yet I still took to taking it out and rereading it. As if that would make the words vanish.

I wasn't so much as angry, I'd learnt that things like this were rarely under my control and disobeying would fracture the flimsy relationship I had with my mother. She didn't really trust me, not really, not after Sirius made such a failure. I didn't want to lose my mother's favour and risk suspicion from my master.

Nevertheless, I was a bit annoyed that I hadn't even been asked.

I pulled out the heavy parchment and looked back down at the black ink and the broken seal of the Noble and most Ancient House of Black. I didn't have to see the words to read them anymore.

_Dear Regulus Black,_

_ As you may or may not be aware, a pair of twins has recently joined Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Their names are Larissa and Alexander Grey. They come from a very strong and pure family of wizards, indeed they are your second cousins on your mother's side. Their father, Alexander Grey S. is a very influential person in the wizarding world and the new order._

_ Through much deliberation in both families we have arranged that you should be betrothed to Larissa Grey. This is an extraordinary joining of blood and should bring us much influence in the years to come. Through this you can hope to gain a high status in the new order._

_ At the moment, Miss Grey is unaware of this arrangement though she should learn of it this coming Christmas break. It is also during this time that you shall formally meet and become engaged. I would recommend you take this time to study your future wife. One who knows her well is Darien Irvine, who is also a member of Slytherin, and I should seek him out and question him of her._

_ I am also aware that you may be concerned about her alliance, due to her sorting but be rest assured that this will not affect your prospects. The Dark Lord himself has given consent and assurance on the matter._

_ I know you will be just as excited at this fantastic turn of events as your mother and I. _

_Your proud Father,_

_ Orion Black_

_'Your future wife'_. _My_ future wife. '_The Dark Lord himself has given consent'_. Bloody hell.

Bloody hell… I was going to get married. I rubbed my arm unconsciously, a nervous habit. I was getting married to my traitor brother's friend, a Gryffindor I didn't even know. I'd never spoken to her and yet I'd still managed to get her to dislike me. Great first impression, I know. I'm sure we would have just the _best_ relationship. Bloody hell…

I hadn't spoken to Darien about it. I could see he hated the girl, or tried to at least. I knew I would have to have words with him about how he treated her. I couldn't have him trying to kiss my betrothed, after all. I'd almost pulled her out of his hands that time in the Tree Broomsticks but I shouldn't have been worried.

To be honest I was rather smug about my soon to be wife.

Not only was she extremely good looking, all that unusual silver hair and pale skin, those large grey eyes. I thought the name Grey was ill fitted, Silver would have been more appropriate, more regal. But additionally she was strong willed and intelligent. Thank Merlin. Can you imagine being married to a bland, whimsy girl who had to be protected constantly, like most of the pure-bloods? I shivered at the thought. I seemed to have been dealt a lucky hand that was for sure. Now I just had to make sure my cards weren't about to run off.

Oh, I had no delusions that she would be willing in this arrangement; she was a Gryffindor after all. Them with their pride and fool hardy bravery. She, like my brother, was sure to throw away the opportunities given to her for some _noble_ reason. I wasn't going to let that happen.

I suppose I did feel a little sorry for her, like myself, but there was nothing I could or would do about it. It_ was_ a good match. Black and Grey.

My future wife…

Bloody hell…

* * *

**_Remus_**

Half term was approaching fast and with it the full moon. We Marauders were busy planning our next adventure, this time into the forbidden forest. We had to be careful not to bump into Hagrid, the gamekeeper, who we knew quite frequently entered the forest. Not to mention the nest of Acromantula and the Centaurs roaming the place (the latter mainly just stayed out our way though). Didn't want to bump into them… again…

This time though I felt some misgivings. Lara and Alex were suspicious, it wasn't hard to tell. I knew they hadn't believed our lies about visiting my parents and then there was the time in the hospital wing. She hadn't asked anything and she hadn't seemed surprised. But she was frustrated.

The mocking face of the moon was becoming rounder and rounder and I couldn't sleep. The nights dragged on as I tossed and turned. Every morning Alex would look at me with large concerned eyes and Lara would stare and her jaw would clench and unclench. Neither said anything though and I tried to ignore it. I knew it wouldn't take long for them to work it out.

And then what? I wanted desperately to believe they would accept it like my other friends but really I couldn't be sure. People hated… us. For good reason.

But I wanted Lara to understand, more than anything. The amount of times I'd nearly told her then broke off. No, I wasn't going down that route, I wouldn't…

I tried to think on the bright side, always. My friends were with me and the day after I left the hospital wing the twins would be doing their recital. That was something to look forward to. I hadn't known they'd played instruments and I was intrigued to hear if they were good. I didn't doubt they were.

Sirius' brother has been staring at Lara and it doesn't bode well in my mind.


	12. To Admit

**Well I managed to cobble this together somehow... not sure I like this chapter much...**

**To Admit**

**_Lara_**

I was sitting in the library, Alex, Lily and Remus sitting with me. It was quiet, as ever, and the gentle hum smoothed me. Tomorrow was the last day of school before we broke up for half term, explaining the emptiness of the library. It was growing late and through the window I could see the orange purple of the setting sun. Lily next to me was becoming drowsy with every line she read, not that she would ever admit it.

I had been watching her lately, seeing the quiet blushed that stoked her face and the renewed vigour of James' sparkling eyes. It made me feel fulfilled to know I had helped push her just that little bit further. I could see it in her mind, the subtle changes in her reactions to the messy headed boy. She had sworn that she hated the boy so many times but that feeling was slowly twisting, turning and rearranging itself, if it had ever really been there.

Said girl stifled a yawn and closed the heavy book on complicated charms.

"Well I'm off to the common room. I'll see you guys later" she said, sending the book away with a twitch of her wand.

"Yeah I think I'll come too, I've got to finish that Potions essay. Slughorn will go ballistic if I forget" Alex said getting to his feet and sending me a quick smile.

_Have fun_ he said sarcastically, sliding the blond hair boy opposite me a look, I stuck my tong out at him. He chuckled and bumped my rising fist with his.

"See you in a bit" I replied, I turned back to my book.

I tried to concentrate on the book in front of me. Don't get me wrong, it really was interesting; it was about the advantages and disadvantages of using spells compared to potions when healing. However it was just that what I found more fascinating at this moment was the occasional knock of a foot or leg against mine. The words about bone strengthening spells washed over me.

Bump.

I glanced up only to find my eyes meeting a pair of very blue ones. We both looked away. My cheeks warmed.

"How is your practising for the recital going?" his murmur caught me off guard.

"Huh?" I said dumbly and cringed inside at the stupid response "Oh yeah... yeah it's going fine, even if Alex doesn't stop trying to adjust the music. He such a perfectionist"

I looked at him again, this time without looking down in embarrassment. As usual, I found myself frowning. The dark circles had come back, dusting under his eyes, and I knew he hadn't been sleeping again. It was nearly a month since the last time and they were well due for their next 'visit'. I bit my lip gently.

Remus shifted uncomfortably and I tried to look away. I looked at his hands instead.

"You haven't been sleeping" The word sprang from my lips and silence settled around us.

"No" he whispered gently after a pause and I watched as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. A piece of feathery blond hair fell over his face.

Bad, he needs to rest... he needs to relax or, I don't know, sleep solidly for a couple of days... what _is _going on?

"Have you tried sleep-easy?" I said, the concern drenching my quiet whisper.

He nodded sadly, still not meeting my eyes. I sighed and shifted in my seat, my shoulders hunched and tense. I pressed my hands against my temples and stared uselessly at my book. In moving, my leg came into contact with his and the air around us seemed to ripple. I ignored it.

We stayed like that in awkward silence for a while, each pretending to read. I knew he wasn't either; I could feel the activity of his mind. I was trying to think of suggestions to help him sleep but nothing came to mind... if dreamless sleep potion didn't work then...

And then there was that ever presence of warmth on my left leg. It seemed to burn through my clothes, making the rest of me feel cold. The quiet sound of his breathing filled my ears and I found myself matching my breaths to his. We breathed in and out in time. His were less frequent than my natural speed, I came to note, but I didn't change it. It made me feel closer and more in tune with him.

What was going on? I felt as if the heart in my chest was expanding painfully, pushing its muscles out awkwardly. I felt light headed and breathless just thinking about him. Of all the many things that could be running through my head right now, all the homework, revision, Quidditch, music, why oh why was the only bloody thing that stuck in my head the fact Remus Lupin's leg was _still_ plush against mine!

What was going on?

_Lara Grey is in love! _A quiet and sweet sing-song voice chimed in the back of my head.

I stilled. Surly that wasn't it? It was just a small crush, nothing more; I wasn't _in love_ with him! Was I? No, I couldn't be. It was just a little, casual, teenage and quite normal crush... okay; well maybe it was quite a large one really... but it wasn't love. I'd only known him for two months. Just two tiny weenie months... I wasn't in love. I mean, I was only sixteen for goodness sake…

I glanced at him, seeing the crease between his shadowed eyes and his blond hair. His skin was pale and the muscles of his clenched jaw were tight. His hand looked soft and gentle as he held the delicate page of the book up, ready for turning, but I could see the net work of whitened scars. On his face I could see a slight dent of a scar on the edge of his jaw and another just above his right eyebrow. Hints of his mystery teased me.

_See this isn't so bad... you're not in love with him. _I tried to tell myself, though all of the evidence (the most prominent being the clench in my chest) disagreed.

I sighed and stared out of the window, just as the bell went. Fifteen minutes till curfew.

"I suppose we should go then?" he said, pushing the book into his bag, I wanted to cry I was so confused.

I didn't look at him as I too packed away, nor as we left the library and walked towards the common room. I was stuck in my thoughts. He didn't try and say anything. His own mind had become closed, hints of a sharp, rock hard emotion enforced around him. I didn't know what it was and I didn't push.

* * *

**_Regulus_**

I was lounging in one of the couches in the Slytherin common room. Everyone had gone to bed, well, nearly everyone. Darien sat lazily reading a book in a nearby chair. I was working up my courage to cross the unspoken line.

It had soon become clear to everyone, his closest friends most of all, that the subject of the Grey twins was not something to be mentioned. His eyes went cold and hard at the very sound of their names. Nobody really knew why, and nobody was stupid enough to bring it up. Darien Irvin had a presence that was sometimes compared to Lucius Malfoy; he was superior and icily cruel, he knew what he wanted and he knew he would get it. That's how he seemed.

"I heard from my parents last week" I started awkwardly (as much as I tried to keep up the snobbish facade).

"Hmm" He drooled, not even bothering to look up.

"Yes, they did. You are looking" (even if you're not looking) "at a betrothed man" I plastered smugness into my words.

This got his attention. He looked up at me and gave me a smirk like smile. It was the kind a man usually gave to another just after he'd scored… only warped slightly.

"Congrats mate, who the lucky girl?"

I ground my teeth, I can't believe I'm about to do this.

"Larissa Grey, know her? The good looking twin with silver hair who just joined" I said blasé, watching he reaction closely.

"Lara?" I watched as shock flashed in his face and then his jaw locked stubbornly. Oh, so it's _Lara _now? His voice became dead "Yeah, I know her."

He stared off into the distance for a while then blinked and he was back to his normal cold self and sneered.

"You'll have trouble controlling that one, stubborn as Fiendfyre and just a dangerous. Good luck. She _is_ a beauty though and comes from a _very_ good family, won't find a dusting of mud in her line, not to mention her father" he smirked viciously.

I found my self gulping, again.

"I admit I don't really know her, what do you know?"

He wasn't looking at me, but I could see his eyes darken.

"I know you need to practice your Occlumency"

I stared at him confused. Was he saying he thought she was a Legilimen? That she would break into my thoughts? He didn't elaborate; instead he got to his feat, stretched like cat, and gave me one last piercing look before going up to the dorms without saying a word.

* * *

**_James_**

We ran across the grounds to the forest, Wormy on Padfoot's back. Tonight was a good one, the air fresh and clear and Moony seemed more like himself. I could see him, inside the eyes of the animal he became, there in the gentle snort at the bouncy black dog ahead of us. I could see it when we exchanged looks; he was awake in here and fighting for control.

The trees of the forbidden forest no longer seemed oppressive and daunting to me. I cantered through the wide bodies of the trees, the werewolf just ahead of me.

I remembered the first time I saw Remus in this form, I remember the intense fear at the realisation that my friend, my quiet nerdy friend, had become a creature that wouldn't hesitate to kill me. I had to force myself that first time to see that it really was Remus not some raw animal. I was ashamed to admit that in that first moment I had seriously wondered what the hell I was doing. However that doubt was pushed aside when my eyes met his. They were the same eyes, the same sky blue, and I could see the suffering in them and the shame. Shame; yes that is what made me snap to my senses. This is my friend and friends stuck together.

We Marauders would never abandon each other, never, we were family.

Paddy circled us happily, his wet tong lolling out of his mouth, and Pete clinging to the thick black fir. I charged at them playfully and he bounced away, his tail wagging. Remus sat on his haunches and looked out into the dark of the forest.

* * *

**_Lily _**

Everyone was asleep, apart from me and Lara. I could see Amy curled up tightly on her side, her mass of black curls tangle around her small form. She always left her curtains open saying she suffered from claustrophobia and she usually woke up as a pile on the floor after falling out of bed. Tabby and Alice both slept peacefully from what I could hear behind their curtains.

Lara wasn't. She was sitting on her bed staring out of the window and I could see her nervously twirling and twisting her hair around her fingers. She knew I was awake but we hadn't said anything to each other.

I was thinking about James Potter, or at least I was trying to thing _around_ him but failing. Ever since Lara had told me she disagreed with my long standing argument against the obnoxious boy I had been finding my self thinking about him. I just couldn't fit it into my head, or maybe I just didn't want to. How could he like me? After all the years of teases and plain annoyingness he surly couldn't.

_'He fancies you, James Potter fancies you!' _Sev's voice exclaimed in my head. He'd known and he'd tried to tell me. Why was I thinking about _him?_ Severus hadn't been the boy I knew in my childhood for a long time and he'd stopped being my friend the moment he called me a mudblood. No, it was Lara's voice that I trusted.

I thought of the way my cheeks grew warm when he flirted with me now. I thought of how I'd found myself looking at him. No! I couldn't like James – Potter - I couldn't like Potter. I'd spent years deny it. What a fool I would look like if I succumbed to him after all the years of saying…

_Are you a Gryffindor or not!_ I screamed at myself. I wasn't going to let what people thought influence my decisions. Not that I was making a decision.

I slid out of bed and walked to Lara, who moved over without a word or turning around. I climbed into the bed next to her and stared out of the window.

"What d-"

"Are y-"

We both started at the same time. We grinned at each other and Lara indicated I should go first.

"Are you sure you think Jay-um-Potter likes me?" I whispered uncertainly, looking up at the stars.

She didn't say anything for a while and I turned my head to look at her seeing kind understanding eyes meet mine. They seemed to glow silver in the grey light of the moon.

"Yes Lily, I am sure. More than many would suspect, even his friends. It's up to you though if you want to give him a chance. I'll admit that I can see your point; he really is an immature boastful boy but at heart he is so very loyal and loving. Why do you think me and my brother were drawn to them?" She said gently, a small sad smile on her lips. She leant in and wrapped a supportive arm around my shoulders.

I sighed.

"I don't know what to think any more. I just don't think I can suffer him when he struts around the school like he owns the place" I admitted.

"No, that makes sense; you need to let him grow up."

We sat in silence while I thought over what she said. Well, there was little denying now, I just had to figure out what to do with this information.

"How come you can't sleep?" I asked but she didn't answer, only sighed.

"Is it Remus?" She looked at me and slowly nodded.

"Do… do you believe them when they say they visit his mother?" She asked and I once again found myself thinking about Severus.

_'There's something about that Lupin guy… have you noticed how he always get ill at-'_ I glanced out of the window again and saw the wide round moon sitting in the sky. Full moon. I knew what Sev thought and though I'd never admitted it to him I secretly agreed.

"Lily?"

I looked back the pale girl next to me. She was frowning and I tried to make my thoughts blank. I couldn't let I know, could I? It wasn't my secret to tell…

"Do you?" I asked quietly with a sigh.

She shook her head "I know that it's not the truth, I feel the lie in their words and the wariness written in his face. He doesn't sleep. His hands shake. His thoughts tumble inside his head" Her hands clenched mine "He was in the hospital wing Lily! The morning after the last time! What have they been doing? I feel like its staring me in the face and I am so worried for him. I…" Tears welled in her eyes and she leant into my shoulder.

"I don't understand why I'm so worried… I just am"

I wanted so much to tell her. It alarmed me how much she was suffering for him.

"I'm sure he can look after himself…" I said comfortingly.

"Do you… do you think that I… that I love him?" She whispered barely audible.

I was so shocked for a moment that it took me a while to reply.

"Why are you asking me?" I asked humorously and I felt her chuckle.

"Because Alex is refusing to answer me, a very big accomplishment I assure you" She laughed quietly before becoming serious again "Because I trust you to tell me your honest opinion and I can't figure out the answer"

I hardly had to think about my answer. It was obvious in the leaking corners of her eyes, the crushing frown and her words.

"Yes. I think you are" I said evenly.

"Alex was in love once and he was crushed" She said, her voice sounded uncertain and fearful.

"But you are not Alex and you cannot believe that just because one thing has happened before the same thing will happen again. Are you going to let that get in the way? That would be the worst thing to do. Remus is a kind person and he would never hurt you" I assured, not thinking about the implications of what she said.

"That is if he even feels the same way"

I rolled my eyes and squeezed her shoulder.

"You obviously don't believe me when I say he does. So I'll say this instead. You were put in Gryffindor for a reason: you're brave, so take a risk" I said sternly and felt her sigh.

* * *

**_Lara_**

I was the first to wake up the next morning, despite being the last to fall asleep. I was still thinking over Lily's words and the things she didn't say. I had this feeling that she knew what the boys were up to but didn't want to tell me. I still felt slightly uncertain about my feelings for him. Did I love him? I felt that I did and Lily agreed and yet a voice in my head argued that I couldn't. The struggle inside me was tearing me apart.

I climbed out of bed and jumped into the shower before pulling on a pair of jeans and a pale blue blouse. I ran a brush quickly through my wet hair and stared at my reflection in the mirror.

My large grey eyes stared back at me. I turned away and left the dormitory, going down the stairs two at a time.

_The boys minus Remus are back. Are you going to the hospital wing? Shall I meet you in the music room? _Alex called from his dorm.

_Yeah, I'll meet you there at twelve. _I sent back, walking out of the portrait (getting and earful from the Fat Lady as I did).

It was six o'clock and the corridors were empty, even the portraits were snoozing in their frames. I didn't meet anyone apart from Nearly Headless Nick who gave me a cheery smile and started to talk about his coming death day party. Why anyone would want to celebrate the day they died I'll never know…

Finally I reached the hospital wing where I hesitated. Poppy was inside, her usual busy mind familiar to me, and Remus was sleeping. I debated what to do before coming to my decision and lightly knocking on the door. It was just like a month ago when I did exactly the same thing; only this time I knew what awaited me.

The matron pulled the door open and looked at me in surprise. I wondered if she too recognised the situation and date.

"Larissa dear, why are you here? It's not your day for duty" she whispered, shocked.

I shifted my feet "I was wondering if I could see Remus, It's just that I know he's here"

Alarm flash across her face before she became soft and understanding.

"And do you know why he's here?" She asked slowly and sadly. I looked away and gently shrugged my head. "Well… you can see him but he's asleep, as should you be really"

I entered the hospital wing and she went back to her business, after pointing out the enclosed bed. I approached it and slipped between the screens. And there he was, fast asleep with dark furrows still under his eyes. I suddenly felt stupid. What did I think I was going to do? Admit my undying love to a boy completely out of it? Or uselessly standing here watching him sleep like some kind of stalker girl? He'd probably be completely freaked out when he woke and I was just standing here watching him. I sighed.

Well I wasn't leaving now. I sat in the chair next to his bed and studied him. He didn't have any bandages this time and he wasn't as restless, so that at least was good.

There was a window above his bed and through it I could see the sky begin to lighten. I could just see what looked like a children's moon, as I had heard Tabby calling them, the round, pale circle hung in the sky. It was a peaceful sight, strange but sweet. Tonight must a full moon then, if not the day after, or maybe yesterday. There was something about that that sent a chill through my heart for a reason I had yet to figure out. It was as if my reactions thought ahead of my brain but I felt as if I was coming over a rise, an idea at the edge of a hill. Full moon –

"Larissa? Could you give me a hand?" I snapped out of my ravine and the thought collapsed into my memory like soap bubbles popping.

"What?" I said stupidly, jumping to my feet in shock.

"Could you give me a hand with these order forms? There's so many" Poppy said as I saw her standing by the door of the screens.

"Oh... right, yeah sure" I said and relieved the Matron of her stack of parchment.

* * *

**_Sirius_**

I woke up very unwillingly the next morning, as ever after a full moon.

"Come on Paddy! Get your lazy tail out of bed!"

"Wah? Fie'm' minis" I grumbled, pulling my cover over my head.

"Nope that's not going to happen" Someone said and the cover was ripped from me, I shivered in the cold. I could hear Alex laughing and I cracked an eye open to see him sitting cross legged on his bed grinning. He was still in his pyjamas and his hair looked like a birds nest.

James was standing over me, already in jeans and a T-shirt, hold my quilt triumphantly. I scowled and crossed my arms over my bare (and very cold) chest. Prongs simply threw my covers to the floor and sat on the edge of Alex's bed.

"Late night eh?" Alex laughed.

I grunted, sitting up and glancing at James and Peter. They both looked tired too and Peter looked like he would have to tape his eyes open just to stay awake.

"So… how was Remus' mother?" Alex asked amused.

"Huh?" I said dumbly before realising what he meant, the others gave me evil looks. Whoops.

"She's fine, a lot better at the moment. So much so that Sirius here seems to have forgotten her already in favour of sleep and food" Peter said perched on the end of his bed.

"What can I say, I was very rudely awoken this morning" I shrugged and glared at Prongs who look annoyingly smug.

Alex just raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. I could tell he didn't believe a word we said, which didn't bode well. The other didn't seem to notice anything as they both jumped up and proceeded to walk out of the dorms.

"Hey! Where you two off to?" I called at them, dumbfounded at their speedy departure.

"Meet you at breakfast Padfoot, Alex" Peter called over James' chuckles and then they were gone.

"What just happened?" I asked Alex, really confused.

He shrugged his face slightly pink, he wasn't looking at me. I shivered and realised my shirtless condition. I jumped out of bed and grabbed a black long sleeved top from my trunk. I heard Alex get off his bed. I picked up a pair of jeans hanging over the end of my bed but I didn't recognise them.

"Hey Al, are these yours?" I said holding them up and turning to him. Just in time to see his pale bare torso.

I made my thoughts blank.

"Oh yeah, they are. Don't know how they got over there, sorry" I threw them to him and quickly turned away, trying to get the image out of my head. For someone who didn't play sport he sure as hell was well built. Damn him.

I fished around in my trunk and pulled out a pair of jeans and hastily pulled them on. When I turned again Alex was thankfully fully dressed and looking at me oddly (not so grateful of that one).

"What?"

He looked at me thoughtfully.

"Since when have you called me Al?" He asked curiously and my heat sank.

"Oh… um, I dunno… it just sort of came out I guess" I said rubbing the back of my neck uneasily and shrugging.

He was silent for a while then he shrugged too.

"I don't mind, just don't call me Ally" His eyes went dark.

"Why?" I asked confused (not that I had any plans to call him Ally), then a memory came to me.

_"What's wrong Ally? Jealous? Do you want a little kissy too?"_ I shuddered at the memory. It seemed an odd thing to say though, now that I thought about it.

"Doesn't matter. It's just an old… friend used to call me that." He muttered and we walked out of the dormitory.

**Review?**


	13. To Sing

**Sorry it took a while... it's show week for the whole school musical...**

**_Alex_**

Lara walked into the music room at eleven thirty, her thoughts filled with her usually babble about Remus. She sent me an evil look at that thought.

_What? It's perfectly true, _I replied smirking and she arched an eyebrow.

"Oh, because you're really one to talk! And don't you smirk! You've been hanging out too much with those blasted Marauders too much Mr I think I love-" I threw a pillow from a nearby bench at her and it sailed over her head as she ducked, already hearing my plan before hand. I found myself blushing anyway, even if the name hadn't been said.

She pulled out her beautiful violin and I caught a glimpse of the family motto before she tucked it under her chin. _So, we going to do this thing or not? _She said. I rolled my eyes at her and sat down at the beautiful grand piano. I had long ago put the music aside, learning it off by heart, just like Lara. We warmed up quickly then played the whole tune, breaking out into improvisation half way through.

I was nervous about tomorrow, even though I was basically the one who persuaded Lara to do it. I couldn't help thinking I would make some stupid mistake in front of the whole school. Lara wasn't worried about that, damn her and her stubborn bravery and cockiness, I doubted she would even care that much if we _did_ make a mistake. She couldn't care less what people thought of her, well, apart from Remus and Lily and the other Marauders. I however had been ditched by all of my friends before, just for... being different. It made me shudder inside remembering it. The dark looks, disgusted as they glared at me, avoiding my eyes, my friends of five years. Some friends, I know. It had made me slightly insecure – to say the least. Could you blame me?

And then there was Darien.

No, I will not think of him. It hurt too much.

He had been our friend for so long, since we were toddlers and then... then he had just changed. And that wasn't the worst of it...

**_Remus_**

I wondered toward the common room. I'd woken this morning to the gentle lulling hums of Lara who was sitting in the chair next to me. Much to my pride, I somehow resisted the initial reaction to jump out of my skin in shock and I took the time to watch her instead. She had been sitting there, a stack of parchment floating in the air in front of her with a quill whizzing across its surface. Her hair was pulled up into a high pony tail and yet it still managed to reach the middle of her back.

She smiled softly and her eyes slid to mine, obviously sensing my awakened state.

"Your mother well?" She asked sweetly and sarcastically. I'd chuckled.

"Depends on how long you have been here" I'd replied and she'd smiled sadly.

"Well... considering its ten thirty and this is the fifth stack of paper... quite a while" The parchment gently settled on the bedside table. "Pomfrey asked me to give you this when you woke, though she neglected to tell me what I was..."

She picked up a small unidentified bottle which I recognised as shape stabilization potion which helped my body recertify its form. She'd dutifully, with an air of practice, measured out a dosage and handed it to me. I saw her frown at the lurid orange colour. I could almost hear her brain trying to figure it all out.

The too sweet taste stuck to my throat and coated my tongue, even the smell seemed to clog up my nose. Ugh. At least I felt more comfortable moving now; without it my brain still though I was a wolf for a while and all my movements were jerky.

She'd sat with me for a while and we'd talked. I noticed her gently twisting her hair and wondered what she was nervous of worried about. I refused to think it was me.

Then she'd left, talking about meeting her brother and I had been alone again...

I reached the portrait hole without even realising and I started as the Fat Lady questioned me.

"Are you going to give me the password or not?" she said irritated.

"Oh... right. Pumpkin mash" I said distractedly.

**_Alex_**

I was walking back to the portrait hole when I was interrupted. Lara had gone off to the library and I was wondering through the complex network of corridors. I was debating visiting the kitchens, which I'd discovered with the help of the boys, and was thinking about the happy house elves there. I had house elves at home of course, I _was _from a snobbish pure blood family after all, but they were rarely happy. Father hated them, thinking them nothing more (and sometimes less) than slaves. It was one of the things (among many) that made me feel sickened by him.

The corridor was seemingly empty so when a voice came from the shadows I was naturally surprised. I hadn't noticed their presence, which shocked me.

"Alex. We need to talk" I looked up, frozen, and saw the familiar shadow of a young man in the darkness of a nearby window, almost completely blending in with the darkness. I reached for my wand as I watched him liquidly rise from the ledge seat and walk into the light. His thoughts were just as hidden as before, a cold imposing wall marring his brain.

I wasn't scared; he'd done the worst he could to me and none of his cronies were with him this time. Smart choice.

"What do you want?" I asked coldly, tying not to flinch as I saw the effortlessly striking face belying his Italian heritage. I _knew_ that face.

Darien Irvine stood still before me, the usual smug face he'd worn since he'd changed gone. I could almost imagine things were as they once were. Almost.

"Many things, but to the point, as I said, I want to talk" He said calmly, his accent wrapping around his word like I remembered. It was odd to hear that accent again, after living with it all my life and then it suddenly disappearing into the strictly English voices of Hogwarts. It brought memories flooding into my brain.

Stop with the nostalgia Alex!

"Well, I don't. Goodbye" I said stiffly before turning on my heel and walking down the corridor.

"Wait! Ally, I just want to-"

I span on my heel, my wand already out.

"Don't. Don't you dare call me _that._ You hear me? Don't you _dare_!" I spat at him, my tightly clenched lips quivering with anger.

The smirk came back and I gritted my teeth.

"Why? Don't you like the little pet name, eh? You used to like it" He leered and I stared at him in hatred "Look. I just want to talk, okay?"

"You have ten seconds before I curse you, you better hope you talk quickly" I said, my wand still raised and pointing at his chest. His rolled his eyes and I almost cringed at the familiar gesture. It made him look so god damn innocent.

"Fine. Whatever. You're making a mistake."

"You're right. Ten second is much too long to stand your presence" I sneered but he ignored the comment.

"Listen, for Merlin's sake. You are making a huge mistake. You know what I'm talking about. Your father _will_ force you either way, you know that right? You won't have a sliver of a chance. Don't you think it would be better to join now, on your own terms?"

I stared at him for a moment, letting the words process in my head. Then I laughed loudly as realisation came and he scowled at me.

"You have got to be joking me! Are you seriously, _seriously,_ trying to persuade me to join the Death Eaters?" I said disbelievingly.

Of all the things? Me? A Death Eater? Didn't remember _anything_ about me?

"Is that not what you're bloody birth right is!" He shouted, frustrated "It'll be a lot harder if you have to be forced first. You have no bloody idea do you? You think your _dear father_ was bad? Well, try being on the end of the Dark Lord's wand!"

His words were bitter, twisted and cruel. I felt a stab of sympathy – briefly – before remembering it was his own damn fault. The time for sympathy was long gone.

"Look, I know you hate the idea, but think about it. As much as it seems otherwise I don't want you to be hurt"

I snorted. Right.

"I find that hard to believe surprisingly" I said sarcastically, memories of his spiteful face surfacing in my thoughts with the added flames of the Crutiatus curse. I'd never believe before that he'd want me or my sister hurt but that time had proved me wrong and I wasn't going to make the same mistake.

"I'm sorry okay? I had to do it" he said tiredly.

"You didn't _have_ to do anything; neither Lara nor I would have done it to you" I spat at him; he didn't understand how much he had hurt me. Hurt us. He didn't get the emotional as well as physical consequences of his actions. He'd broken my heart. No; he'd done a lot more than that.

"Well aren't you both saints, no wonder you were put in mimsy-pimsy Gryffindor." He said sardonically, biting every word "I do what I have to do to survive. As should you and any other idiot who wants to live in this world. Things are changing Alex Grey and your precious side are losing. Don't you understand the opportunities being handed to you as if on a plate? You can get out of this war safe so easily!"

I had had enough.

"Your ten seconds are up Irvine, I'm going" I span on my heel and walked away but he continued to shout after me.

"You're already walking a fine line, both of you are, and it would make your life a lot easier if you ju-"

I turned sharply again, for the second time, to face him, my face boiling with anger. My wand spluttered silver sparks. The air around me seemed to boil and I could practically hear it churning.

"Easier? Oh yeah I'm sure it would. It's only going against every moral in your body, only being forced to kill, control and torture innocent people! Do you really think I would consent to that? Do you _really _think Lara would be able to raise her wand that way? _Lara!_ Merlin who the hell do you think you're talking about? Tell me, how does it feel to watch people writhe and scream at your feet? Tell me Irvine? Tell me! I'm all ears and who knows, maybe I'll actually believe you"

He didn't answer; I shook my head in disappointment.

I walked away without turning back.

The next day me and my friends arrived at the great hall and found that it had been decorated for the occasion. Floating above the tables a hundred pumpkins floated dreamily, the lights within flickering. Each pumpkin was carven with a glowing face, slightly cheesy but effective never the less. The orange light danced across the array of golden cutlery and serving dishes, now empty. It was a beautiful sight and even with my nerves at fraying point I found myself awed by the room.

The boys chuckled at my face and we walked to our usual seats.

I also didn't fail to notice the grand piano at the front of the room. I gulped and rubbed my hands.

Lara was already there talking to Alice and I saw I violin case on the bench next to her. She looked up at us as we came over and sent me an encouraging smile. We were going to be performing just before the feast and I was thankful as this meant I had nothing in my stomach which would be asking to come back up. I sat down opposite her and watched the remaining students take their places.

I didn't look towards the Slytherin table.

All too soon Professor Dumbledore was calling us up and I plastered on my calm face and straightened my shoulders. I didn't acknowledge the many eyes that follow us; I just listened intently to Lara's thoughts.

**_Remus_**

Alex looked like he would have been sick if there was anything inside him. It wasn't that obvious but I could see the signs there. His jaw was clenched and he kept flexing his fingers. I saw Lara sending him looks.

"And now I would like to introduce Mr Grey and Miss Grey who will be playing us a piece of music before we tuck into our voluptuous feast" Dumbledore ending his speech with a sparkling smile.

Alex stood, stiffening his shoulders and relaxing his face, while Lara gracefully rose to her feet, a violin case over her shoulder. The both walked down the aisle proudly and I could hear the quiet gossiping mutters of students. When they got to the front Alex sat down at the large black piano and Lara pulled out a dark glossy violin and bow. She tucked the instrument beneath her chin and raised the bow to rest of the strings. It seemed to me the whole room held their breath as a moment of tense silence echoed through the hall. And then, without any signal, Alex began to play and Lara drew out a heartfelt note.

I was completely caught in the music, as cheesy as it sounds. The melodies and harmonies seemed to swirl and dance around me and touched every corner of the room. It was a heartbreaking song, edgy and yet surprisingly peaceful, it wasn't the sort of thing you could describe, I found later. The music seemed to illustrate the twins, working effortlessly off each other, shifting here to complement the other, diverging mutually into a new tune. It was beautiful.

Lara's fingers danced and vibrated up and down the strings as her bow swept across them. Silver hair fell and swirled around her back and her face was peaceful and entirely absorbed. Even from here I could see her eyes were slightly clouded signalling her constant connection to Alex. She was wholly at ease and didn't seem to even notice the audience. Alex too seemed to have become relaxed and not just the forced calmness he applied to his face before. His eyes also were misted over.

Then suddenly the music changed and Lara slowed her playing. I was confused for a moment, thinking the piece must be over, that was, until Lara opened her mouth and began to sing.

**_Lara_**

It was times like this that I truly appreciated the connection between myself and my twin. Having him a part of my thoughts constantly was natural for me, there was always that presence in the back of my head and I always knew what he was thinking when he was there. I saw what he saw, felt what he felt. I always had a duo perspective. When we were apart I felt lonely and empty inside my own head. That surly wasn't natural.

However, with our music we seemed to double fold our connection. I could practically feel his fingers flexing and flowing over the keys of the piano. Merlin, I could practically feel him feeling _my _fingers on the fret board! Though, it wasn't just this; it was as if we shared one intricate broad mind. We were always evaluating where the other was taking the music and collaboratively we would twitch, develop and define the harmony, dynamics, tempo, melody, so that it was just right – all this while playing. It was the most polished, organised improvisation possible.

We did have a predesigned piece of music of course but this was more a basis for everything else. We never played the same thing but we always returned to that original piece.

So it was that the singing part was inlaid. The words flew from my tongue, sharp and clear, a beautiful German song. I felt Alex matching a harmony part delicately.

I didn't feel the minds around me; to me I was alone in the hall with my brother.

**_Sirius_**

I just didn't know where to look! I tried not to stare in amazement as Alex started to sing, really I did. However I felt just as self conscious looking at Lara. Remus, of course, was too absorbed to even notice my looks but what if someone else did and made assumptions? I mean it was Lara! Any other girl and I would think twice about people making ideas, hell I would encourage it. Yet Lara was different... she was more like a sister now or it would be like flirting with Lily e.g. I could lead to serious injury, if not from the girl but the relevant boy.

As for Alex. It would not be right to stare at my singing pianist friend now or ever.

Regardless of this I found my eyes drifting, my mind as ever disobeying me.

The music was poignant and their voices filled the whole hall. Alex seemed completely relaxed in a way I'd never seen him. He seemed to glow in the weak lighting as it sparkled off his hair. His hands effortlessly and naturally moved over the keys of the piano as if it was another part of him.

Their voices drifted away and Lara started to play her violin again.

It seemed too short a time before the song drew to an end and the hall erupted with sound. I nearly feel out of my chair as the people around me rose to their feet to clap. I quickly jumped up with Remus and clapped my hands together till they were numb. They gave a quick bow and then practically sprinted back to the table. Their faces were pink and flustered at the praise around them. Alex seemed to be taking this side of the recital better than Lara, who was now furiously wiping her hands and sweeping her hair behind her back. They both collapsed into their chairs and Lara was immediately attacked by Lily. Remus sat by with a soft look in his eyes – the bloody romantic.

Alex has his easy innocent smile on his face, not the cocky one he'd inherited from us, but a truly joyful one. His glittering grey eyes met mine and I gave him a grin.

"Well... at least that's over" He said just as the gold saucers filled magically.

"Well done" Was all I could say but he seemed to understand.


	14. To Fly

**A thanks to all of my superb reviewers! Blitz-gurl-42 , indescribable music , Lily-Grace-Black , Hpfangirl-1991 , Kiki Bombay , wRiTeR'S bLoCK is AWFUL , azuresilver , Luna Elen , voldy's gone mouldy 98 , IrishDancerAnime - you guys keep my fingers typing!**

**The Guidditch chapter has come, I'll admit that I was slightly unenthusiastic about writing this part... why oh why did I make one of my main characters a Quidditch player... what was I thinking... Ah well, I hope you enjoy it. I certainly enjoyed writing the second part :)**

**_Lara_**

James looked around at us all, a stern, rarely seen, face filled with the determination only ever seen in sport crazy males. He eyes us each in turn with the same expression that clearly said 'If you're not as serious as me right now then get out'.

James was in his Quidditch mode.

"Right people, the first match of the season: We _all know we can go out there and beat the Hufflepuff's blindfolded. We've done it before and we Merlin knows will__ do it again. This is the best team we have had for a generation. Every one of you has worked your socks off for this and I have never been prouder of all of you guys. We __will open this tournament with style. You don't need me to tell you this. So go out onto that pitch and show those badgers what we're made of!" We all cheered (and not even just to prevent getting murdered by James if we didn't)._

It had to be the cheesiest pre-match speech I had ever heard. Not that I particularly cared, though I did chuckle when I saw the Levet cousins role eyes at each other. I picked up my broom and gulped down the lump in my throat. So, here we go. My first ever match on the Hogwarts team. I could do this.

"Nervous?" Sirius asked next to me, a mischievous glint in his eye.

"No" I said firmly and then hesitated "a little"

I heard him chuckled and I glared at him.

The doors ahead of us swung open and the team marched out: James in front, me and Sirius behind, the Levet's behind us, and then Glen (the Keeper) and Asha (the Seeker) after them. Noise hit me in waves, screams and cheers and boos coming from every direction. Flags waved in our house colours: red and gold, and in Hufflepuff's – yellow and black. However, the worst part was the hurricane of emotions that washed around me. Talk about distracting! Everyone was so excited!

I tried to block it out into a muffled buzz in my head and it worked for the most part.

"And here come the Gryffindor Team now! Captain Potter has made a few changes this year to the team, most notable the new Chaser Larissa Grey and the Seeker Asha d'Argo. Many have called this team the best Gryffindor has seen in a generation: Chaser James Potter, well know as the best Chaser seen since Will Crossly six years ago. Beaters Anaya and Elaine Levet who many doubted last year for their youth but quickly showed their worth to this fantastic team – good luck Hufflepuff!" And indeed the Hufflepuff team, already at the centre of the pitch by the referee, looked a little pale at these words that echoed throughout the pitch.

When we got to the centre James shook hands with the Hufflepuff captain, Annie Frost, a girl with short strawberry blond hair, pale skin and a determined face, at Mr Darlene's command. We then kicked off into the air and waited for the balls to be released. I saw the brief golden glint of the snitch zoom into the air. Then there was a moment of tense anticipation as he carefully unclasped the quaffle and... It flew into the air – and the game begun.

Sirius rushed forward first and grabbed the quaffle before the other Chaser. He threw it to James and zoomed beneath James' broom as James threw it to my waiting arms while _I sped __over his head. I passed it to Sirius' waiting hand, who was tackled by Shawn Kirby who threw it to Macmillan. James then intercepted the next pass and dropped it to me. I flew halfway down the pitch then, feeling Lois Coleman on my tail, passed to James who looped over me and passed to Sirius. I sensed (from Alex's mind in the stands) that a bludger was heading my way and quickly dodged. I heard Coleman grunt as it hit the end of her broom. Ahead of me James and Sirius were quickly passing back and forth, getting closer and closer to the scoring area, and I rushed in (noticing the move they were trying to pull off), grabbed the quaffle mid pass and propelled into the left ring before the keeper had a chance to move._

"AND THEY SCORE! 10-ZERO TO GRYFFINDOR!"

And so the game continued. James scored three goals, Sirius two and I managed to get another one in there as well. The Hufflepuff's had got two goals so far, making the scoring 70-20 to us!

"And its Potter, Grey, Potter, Black takes it down – Potter, Black – Kirby takes possession! – Coleman, Kirby, Macmillan – Potter takes back – Grey – coming to score- Tripe prepares – Here she comes! POTTER! What-? AND HE SCORES! Where did he come from!" I gave the others a quick high five before the game continued.

I was watching the two seekers, Asha and the other captain Annie Frost, whizz up ahead. Frost had an unwavering look on her face and her mind was solidly concentration on the game. I pushed away from those tempting waters and concentrated on the match. I always tried my very hardest not to listen to anyone during a game (I couldn't help but hear Alex) it _was after all an unfair disadvantage._

* * *

**_Alex_**

I jumped up in my seat as Frost dove through the centre of the pitch, Ash close on her tail.

"She's seen it!" I shouted, tense as the strings on Lara's violin.

They were both a blur as the streaked after the unseen (to me) snitch. I saw Frost reach out her hand. No! But then she stumbled, grasping her broom quickly and pulling it into an upward shoot. She was practically upside down! And there was Ash, sweeping after her, now closer to her than before. They were flying up, higher than the stands and everyone was watching them. They twisted around each other, Frost bolting to the left a moment after Ash.

It was so close!

The whole stadium was roaring with excitement! I couldn't even hear the commentator over the racket.

And then a bludger! It was whizzing straight for Frost, directed by the brown haired Levet I think. She dodged it quickly but I knew it hit her leg because she span off to the side! Just the opening Asha needed as he reached out a hand.

And the game was over! We had won! I could hear Lara exploding with happiness.

_We won! We won! We won! I need to hug someone! Sure, James, you'll do! We won!_

* * *

"We won! We won! Alex did you see it!"

Dear lord... I think my sister is hyper...

"Oh shush! I'm allowed to be beeecaauussee wee won! Wir das Spiel gewonnen!" She was grinning from ear to ear of her flushed face and she bounced (yes people, bounced!) to me and jumped into my hug. She then proceeded to pull me into the centre of the mob and push a shot of fire whiskey into my hand. I drank the steaming liquid in one, only slightly wincing as the burn travelled down my throat.

I had just arrived at the common room; I had taken a slight detour with the remaining Marauders to get food from the kitchens for the party. I had been delayed by having to talk to McGonagall about something as well. I'd had only been away for say forty minutes and I come back to find her_ already with a nearly empty bottle of butter beer and, if her muddled thoughts were anything, more than slightly tipsy. I looked around and saw James and Sirius letting off a bunch of fireworks much to the excitement of everyone. On the opposite side of the room Alice and Frank were... close. Near them Amy was talking to (or at) Tabby, too fast for comprehension. Lara had vacated my arms now and was now talking to Remus and Peter, her hair falling out of her braid and spiralling around her. Everywhere people were dancing and cheering and the pure excitement of the place was almost too much to handle. Loud music was coming from somewhere and by the looks of things the younger students had been shoved into a corner._

"Alex! Come have a drink Alex!" somebody shouted at me and I looked around to see a girl in fifth year pushing through the crowds waving a butter beer at me with a grin. She was pretty, with long sleek blond hair and wide blue eyes. I hadn't even known that she knew my name but I recognised her from the Quidditch team – a Beater.

"Oh right. Yeah. Sure" I said uneasily taking it from her and taking a sip. I could sense alcohol already wiggling though her brain. She smiled at me at me and held out her hand, which I shook.

"I'm Elaine Levet – nice to meet you" She said, drawing out the 'c' in nice "You hang out with Potter and Black, don't you?" sending me a sly look "you've built up quite a reputation you know" and to my utmost horror stepped very close. _Very close._

Oh Merlin. Oh. Um.

I suddenly became very much aware that her tight black dress, from this point of view, didn't leave much for the imagination. Now. This was awkward.

"Well, hi there, it's nice to meet you too. I, um, have to-" I said uneasily, ignoring the last comments, trying to step away. I should have known it wouldn't work.

"Oh no you don't! Me and you are gonna have a niccce loongg talk. What do you say?" she said seductively, stepping closer. She clasped one of her precisely manicured hands (this girl played Quidditch?) on my shirt and the other firmly on my ass. Well. Huh. Don't need to hear her thoughts to understand _this one! She fluttered her eye lids at me and licked her lips. Oh Merlin._

How the on earth could she be this drunk already? And this was when I identified that the bottle clasped in her hand was a half empty bottle of fire whiskey. Uh-ow: I was doomed.

See, _this is why I hate parties._

I looked around in hope of some rescue mission but Lara was talking animatedly with Remus and not even my plight would drag her from that. Everybody else was so tightly packed around us that I couldn't even see anyone else. I had nowhere else to look but the woman in front of me still pressed into place that didn't have to be mentioned.

Oh Merlin. I needed more alcohol...

Before I could figure out was going on I was being pulled out of the crowd and was being pressed into a corner seat. It seemed this girl knew what she wanted and how she was going to get it. She slammed the bottle on the table and looked at me with a triumphant gaze. Dark blue glittering eyes met mine before she attacked my mouth, practically climbing on top of me. Needless to say, I didn't stand much of a chance. Her mouth tasted of the fiery liquor. I think I must have flailed a bit at first but finally settled, in the hope to at least stop her completely collapsing on me, to grasping her slender waist. And as for _her hands! They were __everywhere! Literally!_

It wasn't so bad... I guess. But Merlin I needed to get away soon! I'm sure nearly any other guy would be completely turned on by this but, well, I wasn't any guy; I was pretty much dying of discomfort and was trying extraordinarily hard not to push the crazy girl away. How do you tell somebody who throws them self at you that you are just not interested...?

I needed help... fast.

_Lara!_

* * *

**_Sirius_**

"Oi Black!" I heard someone say and I turned to see Lara grinning slyly at me, Remus just next to her looking clueless.

"Yeah Greyette?"

"My brother is being a damsel in distress and is in desperate need of assistance" She said chuckling. I raised an eyebrow at her, confused at what she was talking about, she simply pointed to a far corner.

What I saw there made me splutter a bit on my butter beer but I quickly masked it a choke of laughter. Although really, it _was a very comical sight... There was Alex being completely snogged by a certain miss Elaine Levet and seeming very uncomfortable about it too. It was obvious he was uncomfortable by the way he was pushed against the wall and holding her away by the waist. Right?_

"My, my... only been here a few months and already he has a Levet's attention - impressive" I said in a mock admiring tone.

"Indeed, as I said – He's in desperate need of assistance" She said nodding wisely.

I smirked at her, crossing my arms.

"Really? It looks like he's doing just fine by himself... I don't think we really have to interrupt, he looks... busy" she laughed.

"I'm sure he'd thank you for helping – believe me" She persisted but I was uneasy at the glint in her eyes.

I didn't really want to go over there to be honest. It meant I'd have to push through the crowd and risk being pulled into a similar situation as Alex. Usually that wouldn't bother me. Usually I'd have been the one making sure that was the situation. Usually. But the very idea, while still intriguing, made me feel... uneasy. Furthermore, I really did not want to have to be the one to break up any make out session... especially Alex. Just looking at the way Elaine's hands roamed made me feel a little nauseous.

The dog inside me growled at the sexy blond and a lump formed in my chest at the thought of Alex. No. Going closer was not something I wanted to do.

But if he really was uncomfortable?

"You sure Al wants to be... ah, rescued?" I asked, hoping the uneasiness wasn't in my voice.

Lara seemed to become serious for a moment giving me a shrewd look.

"Yes I am certain. Even if I couldn't hear his thoughts right now (which, I must add is seriously gross) I would know that he was uncomfortable in that position"

I thought on her words. What did that mean? Was he a big no to relationships? Or just being kissed by random girls. That made sense. Or maybe he already had someone? Was she in Germany still? I hadn't heard him mention her though. Or maybe...

I sighed.

Pushing through the crowds I found myself wondering when I had become protective of Alex. Had it been any of my other friends I'd have laughed at a distance and left them to work out how to remove a persistent admirer. And yet here I was preparing myself to do the very opposite. Why Alex? Why not Prongs or Remus or Peter (in the unlikely chance that any girl would go for him – it's not mean, just fact), I had known them longer and yet... Why did I feel so angry seeing Levet with him? It made no sense. I didn't want to think about what else it could be, a little word beginning with J...

As I came closer I saw Alex sag slightly and break the 'kiss'. His grey eyes, over the blonds head (who now seemed to be eating his neck), were wide with a desperate plea. _Help. They seemed to say and I knew I'd made the right choice._

"Now there Levet: time to get you onto the next guy of the night. Where is your cousin I wonder...?" I said as I pulled the girl off my thankful friends and passing her off to some fifth year boy who stood nearby with a wink. He looked at me with a blank startled expressing as Elaine began studying him with interest.

"See you Alex! It was nice speaking with you, we should do it more often" She called over her shoulder as she unsteadily tried to walk away in her ridiculous heels. She didn't get very far before tripping and falling into Mr. Baffled's arms who led her away.

I turned back to Alex with a smirk. A look of horror came to his face at her proposition which nearly made me laugh out loud. He was getting to his feet and nervously flattening he clothes and buttoning up some buttons on his shirt. His face was a light pink and he stared at me thankfully.

"You looked like you were having fun there Al" I said chuckling; he looked so hilarious under the demanding presence of a needy girl.

"And Lara wonders why I hate parties like this so much..." He said running a hand through his silver hair. I looked away, gulping at that move.

"You obviously need to be taught general survival instincts in the area of drunken women" I said and he laughed, looking back at him I saw him sit back in the window seat. I climbed into the one opposite him, my feet across them.

"She caught me off guard, by the time I thought to try and escape she was already... moving in" He admitted with a shake of his head and a grin.

I looked around the room, still alive with the party, which was unsurprising as it had only really just started. Lara had moved onto talking with Lily and they were both giggling and smirking, I tried not to notice the looks Greyette was sending me. As for said girl, she was chatting to the boy I had siphoned her off to and the irony that I might have actually triggered some sort of relationship made me chuckle.

Looking back at Alex, I saw that his usually neat hair was a complete mess thanks to Elaine's busy hands. I smirked and started talking, though I have no idea what about.

* * *

**_Lara_**

I watched with a satisfied smile as Alex and Sirius sat together. I knew I was making Alex self conscious but hey, what would he do about it. I knew he was already embarrassed about Sirius seeing Elaine wrapped around him and being saved by him to top it off. I could see the way he self consciously tried to hide the love bite that was beginning to grow on his neck and buttoned his shirt. He was trying to not look at the boy in front of him as he lounged on the seat. And still he refused to see what was obvious to me. Alex Grey wasn't the only one with a crush.

"Aww, aren't they cute" Lily whispered in my ear and I laughed.

"I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees it" I replied "My dear brother seems adamant not to believe me the poor thing"

"Yes well, perhaps it runs in the family" She said deviously, pocking me in the ribs.

I blushed.

"What runs in the family?" James said coming up behind us with a cocky grin on his face as ever; I flushed harder.

"None of your business Potter" Lily said stiffly, pursing her lips.

I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing.

"Hark who's talking Evens! Hypocritical much!" she scowled at me and tried to pock me in the stomach again but I dodged. Nevertheless the damage was done – I wasn't the only one blushing now!

James looked between us with a confused look and shrugged, walking away with a statement that sounded very much like "girls..." which only made me laugh louder.


	15. To Know

**_Lara_**

A week and a half had passed since the after party and the news of Alex and Elaine's kiss seemed to have spread around the school. Unfortunately the effect was not at all to my brothers liking. Half the girl population of Hogwarts now had it in their fluffy heads that Alex was now 'open for business', and we had to endure the constant whispering of their undying love – verbally and non-verbally. It was like Sirius all over again. What was even worse though was the fact that they all seemed to feel exceedingly sorry for him, due to the fact the very next day Elaine had hooked up with some boy in her year and they all believed him to be heartbroken.

"You'd have thought I walked around the school with tears in my eyes by the way they act" He whispered to me as we walked past wide the sympathetic eyes of a group of girls. We were walking down a busy corridor on the way to Transfiguration.

I snorted in agreement.

_I feel so sorry for him. That Levet girl is such a bitch. Pretty grey eyes. Maybe he needs a helping hand. And oh that ass! A chance encounter in a deserted corridor. I heard he's a great kisser. That Levet girl is such a whore – didn't I always say she was. Do I have a chance? Yummy! I wonder if he doesn't like blonds. Silky silver hair. Almost as good as Black if you ask me. How could Elaine ditch this guy! Oh I would!_

The thoughts pushed at my head were making me feel ill. I heard Alex groan.

"I have no idea how Siri can stand this" He muttered rubbing his pounding head.

"Yes well lucky for him he doesn't have the same ah... perception and you and me" I replied sending the corridor of girls a glare.

Entering the class room with a thankful sigh I went and sat next to Lily while Alex joined the boys at the back.

I was doing my DADA homework in the dormitory. Everyone was in the common room and I had escaped from the noise to finish my essay. Remus was tired again. I couldn't believe how fast a month had gone, to think that already I would have to watch as he slowly become more and more weak. I couldn't do it! It was driving me insane; to always see the dark shadow on him, to feel the fatigue tugging at his mind, to feel even more predominantly that sense of differentness. I didn't even know what it was! I had stared at my list countless times and it just wouldn't come. It was staring me in the face, I knew, mocking me, plaguing me as sure as it plagued him – but I was blind! I felt close to tears. I was just _too_ stressed.

Our teachers were going crazy with our NEWT's 'on their way', I mean please! We had more than a year and already we were being hounded with so much homework that I barely had a moment to myself that combined with the continuing Quidditch practices. I didn't_ need_ to worry about Remus to be stressed.

I stared out of the window. _Venimus ab astris. _We came from the stars. And there they were, glistening like solidified light in the canvas of the sky. They were like my family, like my ancestors looking down on me, soothing. The stars always comforted me and my brother; they smiled lovingly down at us and healed the sores on our hearts with their lonely song. It was so quiet up there, in the dark.

The moon was nearly full, in a few days it would be a round disk in the heavens. _How ironic _my thoughts whispered to me _when my essay is about werewolves. _I thought it so sad to imagine all of the people who would be forced through that painful transformation in just a… few days… time...

Just a few days time.

"Oh Merlin"

It stabbed me. No. Oh Merlin, no! It couldn't be. It couldn't be.

I jumped to my feet and furiously grabbed my diary and yanked out the folded paper hidden there.

"No..."

_His mind feels different.__Once a month he and his friends disappear for a night, saying they're visiting his mother.__Several nights before he finds it difficult to sleep and he's stressed.__He came back exhausted and with wounds.__He's got lots of scars.__He's bitter about leaving school.__He doesn't date.__He has blond hair, pale skin and his eyes are pale blue, with gold dusting.__He's a part of the Marauders.__He loves to read.__He's a prefect.__His nickname is Moony._

Moony. Moon. I was frozen and tears welled in my eyes. I was shocked. It _had_ been obvious. It _had _been staring me in the face. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think.

"Oh Remus..." I whispered as the tears burst from the corners of my eyes.

Maybe there was another explanation. Maybe...

No, I could feel the truth in my bones and flesh, in my heart. _I knew_ it was true. His thoughts - that tinge of difference. The bitterness. The pain and shadow. The medicine Poppy gives him, I knew now what it was – form stabilisation – perfect for a werewolf after a full moon.

Werewolf.

I tried the word on my tongue. Tasting the way it felt. My Remus. The mystery that burrowed in my heart. Werewolf. What do I do? What can I do? Do I tell him I know? How will I be able to look him in the face again? He's no monster; he's just Remus, just Remus. No wonder he wouldn't tell me. No wonder he doesn't date. The idiot.

Well I didn't care. I knew what prejudice was, I knew it was a load of poppycock. It was just like the pure blood supremacy. I wouldn't let it get in the way of the person I loved.

I loved...?

I love him.

I _Love_ him.

Wow.

Talk about information overload; I pressed my fingers to my temple. I loved him, I Larissa Petra Grey, daughter of Alexander oh-so-pure Grey, the madman of Germany, Death Eater and a complete bastard, was in love with a Werewolf. Ha! Father would be so pissed off if he only knew! I mean honestly! A Werewolf! That was practically worse than a Muggle-born in his book!

Oh. Shite.

* * *

**_Remus_**

We were in the middle of talking when I felt the change in Alex. It was sudden, he was halfway through a sentence when he stopped a look of surprise on his face and his eyes misted over. It must be Lara, I thought with a worried twang in my chest.

"Al? You ok mate?" Sirius asked in a worried voice.

Alex seemed to snap back to us, though he still looked shocked. His eyes zapped to me and he looked away fast but I had seen it. Did he know? Did she know? They had been filled with shock and softness. What did that mean? They couldn't know could they?

"Nothing... nothing" he said looking away, though I could see a smile tugging at his lips. No, that wasn't the reaction from finding out; I thought with a satisfied and yet strangely empty feeling.

How I wished I could just tell her: to be able to look at her knowing that I held no secrets between us. This lie was like a stone wall separating me from her. But I couldn't do it! I could tell her! I would be risking her turning from me in fear. Disgust. Regret. Pain. Denial. It all accounted to the same thing.

I couldn't.

* * *

I got no sleep last night. I was one of the first in the great hall for breakfast just because I was so bored of lying in bed tossing and turning, staring up at the curtains of my four poster bed. I'd lazily dumped several pieces of toast on my plate and slapped a bit of marmalade on it. I couldn't really taste it though, it was just ash in my mouth. I grabbed a bit of fruit instead. And coffee. It was disgusting stuff really, but it gave me a needed kick. Surveying my timetable I groaned at seeing Ancient Runes and Potions. It's not that I disliked them; it just meant I would have to attempt to do some actually thinking today.

I watched as my friends came in. James and Peter were in front, whispering together suspiciously and Alex and Sirius just behind laughing at some joke. They all sat down and began piling their plates with food, while I sipped my coffee – three sugars, no milk. Ugh. I saw Alex's eye sweep over me, much the same as Lara did every month at full moon. He seemed to linger on the bags that had probably appeared under my eyes. It turned away with a frown that was so much like Lara's I almost chuckled.

Next to arrive were Lily and Alice (plus Frank), then Amy and Tabby charged in as every morning (Tabby out of breath and red – Amy skipping all the way). But no Lara.

Where was she? Was she ill? Is she okay? Did it have anything to do with the way Alex acted last night? Should I try and find her? Do I ask Alex – he'd know? Or Lily?

Maybe I should –

"Lara's fine. She's doing a job for Pomfrey before classes" Alex interrupted my thought stream and I blushed at being caught out. He must have sensed my thoughts.

See, I was worrying over nothing…

* * *

**_Lara_**

I was scared to see him. I felt like if I did, if I had to hear his voice like I could in my head, if I had to look into those eyes… I felt like I'd burst. My own secret.

_Hi Remus, I love you and I don't care you're a werewolf._

Yes, that would be great wouldn't it? And knowing me it would be in front of the entire school. What a perfect way to express my feelings – at the same time as breaking his trust.

Surely he'd see it in my eyes even if I didn't tell him. I was burning with renewed worry and desperate feelings I didn't know how to control. I was so knew to this… thing inside me, this feeling that burnt in my veins that twisted my heart. It was in every breath I took, tight like the breath of someone who is nervous. I could feel the word constantly bubbling to my lips, a slight flick of the tongue, I could practically taste it. _Love._

I pushed the books back onto the shelves. I was helping out the librarian, a stern but kindly old woman with sharp precise eyes. She would rabble on about the most random things in a hushed raspy whisper, bless her. You could always hear her coming by the soft twittering of her lips.

Okay. I was in love, yes, but I had been for a while. For quite a long while really, now that I thought about it… When had it started? Perhaps it had been in that first week when he'd found me having one of my episodes? Or maybe it was on the train? That quite boy in the corner who seemed to get to the route of the problem first off. He'd known then that Alex and I didn't like our father, he'd steered the attention away from us, after whispering quietly in my ear. Was it then? Perhaps the seed had been planted then, then slowly grew into the fresh vivid plant that it was now. Perhaps someday it would mature into a mature tree, an oak… if he let it…

But maybe it would die. Perhaps it would be swashed. What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if he pushes me away? What if?

What if he didn't love me?

I sighed; it was pointless thinking this way.

I tried to act normal during Ancient Runes but it was difficult with him less that a foot away. I could feet his thigh brush mine now and then – very distracting. Unsurprisingly he was exhausted; I thought many times that he would simply fall asleep then and there. Tonight was full moon. I'd taken the liberty of writing down all the full moons this year in my diary this morning.

I could see Lily eyeing us on my other side. She was curious at the sudden change.

The day dragged…

* * *

**_Alex_**

Full moon.

The significance of it was bright in our minds as we both stared out of the windows of our separate dorms. I was worried for Remus, though not nearly as much as Lara who seemed to be have a minor panic attack. But he wasn't alone; the other Marauders were with him. How was that possible? It was much too dangerous for the boys to be there in the presence of a werewolf. How could they be with him? How were they safe?

I was alone again in my dorm while they were all out there doing whatever they were doing. Meanwhile I stared out the window at the moon and stars and thought about Sirius Black.

We had both been brought up by a pure-blood dark-magic family and we had both gone against their will and been placed in Gryffindor. We enjoyed the same things, though he was a lot more confident than me and didn't set so much in store for the rules - I know – that was an understatement. He was obviously a ladies-man and girls swooned over him. I knew girls liked me too, the last few weeks proved it. But, even if it didn't make me feel ill, I wasn't interested.

I'd never really been very interested in girls. I went out with them, kissed them and held their hands but I always knew it wouldn't last. I just did it to seem normal and to pass the time. Perhaps it had something to do with having a girl for a twin sister and sharing her thoughts all the time. I knew how girls thought and she knew how boys thought and from that we both tended to show some of the characteristics of the opposite genre. Girls were no mystery for me. I knew what they looked like, I had grown up with that, and I didn't really understand the attraction others felt for them. I could appreciate beauty but that was all.

That moment with Elaine… it had been so long since I'd even tried to do the whole façade thing. I can't see how I did it now. I would compare it to a very straight man being forced to kiss another man e.g. just damn weird and a little sickening.

I knew I was gay.

It had taken me a long time to accept it. Lara had helped me, of course, like she always would and I had slowly come to understand it. But I still blocked it out. It was uncomfortable because I could hear in their thoughts how very straight they were and I knew they would cringe away. It would make me feel so lonely…

So I blocked it out and suffered to dating girls and spending time with them. I could do that, I'd been doing it all my life.

Darien had broken my defences though. He had stared at me with those dark eyes; his hand would brush my hand, my shoulder, my leg, sending shivers down my spine. We'd been friends for years, since we were children, but our companionship had altered. It had been a gradual change that meant when we first stole a secret kiss it wasn't really a surprise to either of us. His lips had burnt mine and his hot delicious skin had made me feel things I'd never felt before. We'd meet secretly in the night, just to touch and kiss and try to suffice the overwhelming passion that twisted our hearts. There had been close shaves, moments when I thought somebody would find us but fate held our path safe. Those months had been overwhelming.

Then that fateful summer came. He told me his parents wanted to take him to England, he was worried at what they wanted to show him. He'd never been a fan of the DE's though it hadn't been so bad back then. We'd had our private goodbye previously so when his parents came to pick him up we simply clapped each other on our shoulders. Lara had given him a hug and a radiant smile and then he was off. We'd watched as they had apparated away, him hold his fathers arm.

And then he came back and I didn't know him. His mind was shielded and he'd become colder and tenser. I hadn't thought much about it at first, I was just so happy to have him back. We'd continue our affair and when his lips were on mine his defences would fall and I felt the raw passion still there. But he was sad too and nervous; I didn't understand it but when I asked he avoided all my questions.

Finally everything had crashed down.

And he'd planned it all. It was so perfectly orchestrated, so carefully concealed and all the loopholes sealed. He'd known what would happen. He'd know. Pain beyond pain. I'd suffered it before, on the end of a wand but nothing matched having my heart smashed. It would have been bad enough if he just told me he'd never loved me, I'd know he was lying but it would have hurt enough to rival any curse. But no. He taken my heart, threw it to the floor, then he'd taken a knife and cut it up and threw its mutilated fragments at the walls for all to see. The spectators had crowed and kicked me away.

Lara had helped me pick myself off the floor, even though she herself had been cursed for my pain. My shame. She'd helped my sew my poor heart back together and we continued our lives till all but us had forgotten the reason I was no longer acceptable company.

It changed me. I locked my compassion away behind heavy locks and steel and complex spells. I pushed everything into the back of my mind. I wouldn't be the cause for my sister's pain again. I wouldn't let myself be tricked into love. Not again.

But here was Sirius Black mixing my emotions up and finding his way through the hair line fractures of my shield.

I felt all tingly just thinking about him. I saw his dark eyes meeting mine, that moment of stillness when they met that silenced everything around us. The heat of his hand brushing against mine, such an innocent touch and yet not, was so much more even than Darien. He seemed alive with energy all the time! Always smiling and laughing, always in the moment and just so free. It made me feel so light.

Then there was always that feeling of not knowing how he felt for me. He liked girls, he'd dated them before many times and I'd never heard a whisper of him perhaps liking the other gender. I just didn't know what to think, what to presume. Was I just one of the guys? Was I just a mate, a friend, like James and Remus and Pete? I didn't know what I would do if he got a girlfriend and I'd have to pretend I didn't care. Why would I care if I was just his friend?

When we had first met I had felt his attraction to Lara and it had made me jealous. I knew Lara would never fall for him, she was in love with Lupin, but it had still made me jealous. When we got to know him though, I began to feel a slight confusion with him when he looked at my sister. It was a weird emotion, and strange mixed up thoughts had got him there and I couldn't figure it out. Confusion isn't a strong emotion, exasperation or obsession is, but not confusion, so I couldn't hear him. I felt guilty for wanting to hear his thoughts. To break into another's mind deliberately is a violation and a shameful act, it's like a mental rape. You are taking something from someone which should always be their own. Thoughts are a person's safe box; they should never have to fear a person can hear them there.

Of course me and my sister can't help but break this code that we made for our self so we make as much effort possible to block people's thoughts away.

But I was desperate to know what it was he was confused about. I was too embarrassed to ask him though. What if the questions let to awkward revelations about my sexuality and attraction to him? I valued my friendship with these Marauders so much. Remus the recently discovered guilty werewolf, it would be impossible to dislike him sharing Lara's thoughts all the time. Peter with his quiet smile and carefree chuck. James with his cocky grins and lazy attitude, I could feel the devotion and kindness in his thoughts toward his friends and, of course, Lily. And Sirius.

_Ugh, Alex can you shut up and go to sleep? I can't rest when I can hear your constant feelings for Black. Just talk to him, will you – in the morning that is. I'm already finding it hard to sleep without having to listen to your obsessions._Lara's annoyed thoughts broke into my ravine.

I chuckled.

_Your one to talk sister, and I'm sure Remus is fine It's not his first full moon – as you well know._

_That's hardly the point though is it?_

_No, I suppose not… _

_do you think we will ever separate our minds?_

She seemed shocked at this turn in the conversation and I felt her skim through my feelings.

_I… I don't know. I don't think about that sort of thing, I avoid it. I just can't imagine it. I mean I know it can get a little awkward… with things… but I don't know whether I could sacrifice it. I would just be weird._

_I know what you mean…_

_But? Is that what you want?_

_I was only thinking. We're constantly interrupting each other's sleep and we have very little independence from each other. Whatever happens to you I feel and vice versa. Perhaps it would be easier if we could just block each other... you know when we want some privacy…_

I felt her become panicked, though I knew she understood my side of the argument, it scared her.

_I suppose. I mean – but – yeah. I just don't know. I don't know how to live without you! How would it feel to be quiet in my head, not to know where you are at least? What if it becomes permanent?_

I sighed and rested my forehead against the cold window pane.

_I know. Perhaps we should talk about this later, let's go to sleep for now shall we?_

I felt her accent and I climbed ruefully into bed.

It took a long time for us to fall asleep that night.

**So then... what do you think? too cheesy? I wrote half of this chapter after I had finished chapter.. 2 or 3? something like that. I had already planned and written most of the things that are coming from now, so hopefully updating should be a bit faster - not to mention it's Easter holidays now. But that also the reason why some things may be a bit contrasting to what I've already written. Well hope you liked it... Reviews are much loved on this side of the screen :)**


	16. To Dream

**I had a lot of fun doing this chapter :) hope you enjoy - sorry it's a bit short**

**To Dream**

**_Lara and Alex_**

We thought as one here. There wasn't a 'You' and 'Me' because for all we knew 'I' _was_ 'You' and 'You' _were_ 'Me'. We shared thoughts and bodies; we moved as one together each controlling both. It made no sense, of course, but it was a dream – it didn't have to. What we as one _were_ certain of is that out there in the world of reality there was a pair of twins dreaming the same dream.

We walked down a corridor of our dreams. It was completely silent. All around the shadows came to our feet, their light fingers brushing the bare soles that padded, glided really, down the neither cold nor warm stone. The world had no colour, just black, white and grey, monochrome and bleak. However it was not without life. It was like walking through a forest; all is quiet and you cannot see a single living breathing thing but you know that the place is teaming with life. You know that under your feet insects hide, that in the trees birds watch and in the shadows many things lurk. It was like that.

And yet it was just a corridor.

The ceiling curved into arches and to our left large windows opened out onto a landscape dark with night. All through the sky stars bloomed and they whispered to us in lulling tones of a language long forgone for even the mountains never knew their tune. High in the air the moon shone as full as an unopened bottle and as mystic as everything else here in our dream.

We, my sister, my brother, us, turned a corner we hadn't seen coming. It was just there, like everything else was here. In front of us was a door which swung open as we thought to open it. Inside was a room, as expected.

It suddenly became to clear to us that this room was in the very castle we slept in. How it was we came to that concluding was not really know to us, it was just a fact. Walking into the room we saw more arches and more windows and cutting through the middle pillars rose from the stone like proud figures. On a platform beyond the columns a mirror shimmered. The surface seemed to ripple like the gentle wrinkles on a lake, expanding and meeting in circles. However, the strangest thing was the magic that seemed to pulse in the air around it, almost visible (or is it invisible?) to our not-quite-real eyes. There were tiny threads that reached from the mirrors surface, they were searching for something to cling onto, we could tell. But it did not worry us.

It was tall and ornately framed in what was sure to be bronze of perhaps even gold. Above it words glimmered '_Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi'._ They didn't really make sense but compared to everything else in this world, well, let's just say it didn't bother us. Approaching it with our four, maybe two, feet we came to stand before it. Inside we saw two figures, us. We felt the magic attach itself to us, to our hearts more precisely. Or was it just to one heart? Inside the mirror an image wove itself from the taste of our dreams around our reflection.

We saw two images, at the same time, in the same surface. Neither was that different but both touched us to our separate cores. It was not difficult to put one image to one twin and the other to the other. Although we did not know who I, you, actually was out of those two possibilities, and vice versa. Longing washed through us, one for one, one for the other; or both of us as you might say. We saw what we most wanted and we found it was not jewels or gold.

Then the world swirled around us, mirror and all – even us, the colours blending together to make just a simple, neither dark nor light, grey which we burst out of. We awoke.

* * *

**_Lara_**

I awoke and I was me, just me. I wasn't Alex as well, though I could feel him thinking the same thing: _morning by the way! I _called to him absently.

_Morning to you too._

It wasn't the first time we'd had a duel dream, this was our third that we could remember. But that didn't mean it was just as shocking as the other times.

But what a dream this time!

Usually they were pretty out of the ordinary but a mirror that showed your greatest desire? And as ever it was so clear that I always felt that it was real after, as if somewhere out there, perhaps in this very school, there _was_ a mirror of Erised. Every detail was vivid in my thoughts.

I looked into the mirror and I saw myself with a blissfully peaceful expression, though not just me. At my feet, sitting on the floor with a radiant smile was a child. She was about four years old and she had long, what I assumed to be silver, hair – just like mine. I felt tears well to the surface as I saw my daughter, for I knew she was mine. Her eyes had sparkled with joy as she looked out at me and I had recognised them instantly, even in their grey scale setting. I knew what colour they would glisten in, I knew that they would shimmer with fairy dust. Furthermore, I knew that smile; I had stared at it so many times. Yes, it was on a younger and feminine face but it was the same. Behind me had stood a man with a loving face and one arm wrapped around my waist. He hadn't look out of the mirror, just looked at my reflection. He was just as scarred here as he was in the really world and I could see the patters of white lines over his face, hands and neck. My werewolf.

Alex had been there too, for he would always be in my life, but he had been slightly apart and grinning widely.

Was this my greatest desire? I had never thought much about having a family when I left school but after seeing that image, my daughter, I found sharp desire race through me. And those eyes brought it all back. Blue as the sky and flecked with gold. She had been so beautiful…

But no! I was only sixteen! I didn't need to worry about this yet! Perhaps one day I would look down on my real child but not yet. _Not yet._ I told myself sternly.

The world was awakening around me. In Alex's dorm the boys, returned from their nightly wanderings, were stumbling out of bed. Getting ready for class. Lily and the others were doing the same around me and reluctantly I pushed out of bed.

I got up and stretched, feeling clicks travel up my back. The air was clear and yet it seemed to cling to my throat. I needed a shower. I walked to the bathroom in a daze and quickly pulled off my night dress, shivering at the sudden cold. I stepped into the shower and relished in the feel of the steaming water pounding on my back. I could taste the magic that heated the water on my tongue and it was sweet. I washed my hair with my vanilla scented shampoo and watching lazily as the water dripped off my hair next to my waist. Stepping out I quickly dried myself with a quick spell and pulled on my uniform.

I wonder if Remus will come to class. I doubt it; he's probably resting in the hospital wing. I felt a twinge of regret that I couldn't go see him. I didn't have any worries about him being a werewolf anymore. It was just a fact about him and it had been one of the things that had shaped him into the person he was now. The person I loved. In the mirror he had still been a werewolf, if the scars were anything to go by.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror and my eyes sparkled at me. Everything was good. I terrified of the prospect of tell Remus I loved him but at least I'd know then where I stood with him. I was in love and I had amazing friends and an amazing brother. Things were good.

* * *

**_Alex_**

I awoke and I was me, just me. I wasn't Lara as well, though I could feel her thinking the same thing: _morning by the way!_ She called to me absently.

_Morning to you too._

My friends were beginning to wake around me, their sleep dodged brains forcing themselves into submission. I looked to my left and found myself blushing at the sight of Siri wearing little more than boxers. I looked away quickly before he recovered from his yawn and saw me looking.

But his image followed me. In the mirror. Him. My greatest desire, really? Okay, so I was in love with him but was there not something, anything, which I wanted more like I don't know… world peace? No, I was just as selfish as every other human and I really could not bring to mind anything I wanted more. To be loved.

I got out of bed, my back facing resolutely away from the subject of my thoughts.

Peter was looking at me with a quirky smirk that looked a tiny bit strange on his face.

"What?" I said irritate.

"Nothing" He replied with a small smile and turning away. How weird.

I looked around at my friends and tried to stop myself from laughing, as it was I think a chuckle did escape my lips. They were all tripping over their feet and I watching amused as James tried to figure out why his left shoe wasn't going on his right foot. Peter stared confused at the two free button holes at the end of his shirt and the certain lack of buttons to use on them. Funniest was the flailing form of Siri, who was currently trying to force his head through the arm hole of his T-shirt. This would not do at all, I thought to myself. I quickly walked forward, passed James his other shoe and gently moved Sirius' head into the right direction. Peter would have to figure out what he did wrong on his own.

Sirius' sleepy head popped out of his top and looked at me with a red, slightly bemused face. I sent him a small smile that I hoped didn't give too much away. His dark eyes held mine though and I couldn't seem to pull away. They were curious as they looked at mine and his handsome face was almost painful to look at. I gulped and stepped back, tearing my eyes off him.

* * *

**_Lily_**

Remus came back from 'his parents' just after lunch during Transfiguration and I saw Lara visibly perk up. Remus' eyes zapped to hers almost instantly and he smiled. It was all very confusing; yesterday Lara had been determinedly trying to ignore him or at least she was tense the whole time they had sat together and now... Now was the complete opposite. She seemed to glow just looking at him and her eyes were wide and filled with so much love I began to wonder if Remus really _was _blind. Although now that I came to think of it I could say the same about various other people in this room – Lara included.

Behind us I could hear the Marauders, Remus joined them, plainly not doing their work on the back table. There you could find another blind couple – Black and Alex – who seemed even more clueless of each other than Lara and Remus. It was the funniest thing to see them looking at each other out of the corner of their eyes, look away with a blush or in Black's case a _very _confused expression. Merlin I wasn't sure if he even understood his own feelings – never mind seeing that Alex felt exactly the same.

And as for me? The debate about whether or not Ja – um - Potter liked me or not was still ongoing. And don't even get me started on whether I could _in any way_ like him. It was just too perplexing. He still hadn't refrained from asking me out once every single day (if not more), nor had the supply of love letters diminished and Lara still sent me the occasional _'so when you gonna say yes?' _look and I still pushed the annoying prat away. In fact he seemed to have become even more enthusiastic and annoying, if that were possible. But...

Sometimes I caught myself looking at him across the common room just sitting chatting with his friends. I loved catching the moments when he wasn't smirking and just smiling or laughing at some joke. I found myself wondering what his hair would feel like or what it would be like if he actually looked at me normally.

Ahhh, the tangled love lives of too many teenagers trapped in a castle for too many months. Bless.

* * *

**_Lara_**

I was in the library, pouring over a detailed text about runes found in South Africa. However I was pulled away from the dense book by somebody clearing their throat next to me. Looking up my eyes widened at seeing Sirius' brother, Regulus.

"May I sit here?" he asked smoothly indicating the seat opposite me.

I nodded slowly and he sat, never taking his eyes off me. My brain was whizzing through all the different possibilities for him being here but I found nothing. His own thoughts were shielded, though he wasn't the best Occlumen and I could sense his wobbly wall fraying at the edges. I shivered, remembering the last time we had met. He hadn't been nearly as civilized that time. In fact he had been downright rude the way his eyes had trailed over me and that disgusting twitch of his eye brows.

"What do you want" I said bluntly and he chuckled.

"Straight forward aren't you?"

"Yes. What are you going to do about it?" I retorted.

I had heard a lot about this Black. Sirius had ranted for a long time after seeing him with Irvine. I knew all about how he was, to quote: 'Cowardly. Doesn't stand up for himself. Blindly follows mother's beck and call. Thinking he's big'. How much I was supposed to believe I had yet to find out.

"Well even if I wanted to do anything about it I wouldn't, nor do I think there would be any way to change it" He said with his strange easy smile.

He was side stepping my question.

"Well that's good because I don't like people who try to change me. Nor do I like people who avoid my question" I said pointedly "Either get to the point or leave"

His smile didn't break for a moment but I felt his shaking wall waver.

"I simply wanted to talk"

I frowned. At least he told the truth, but why did he wish to talk to me. I didn't like this one bit.

"So talk"

He sighed, his carefree manner finally breaking a little.

"You don't make it easy you know Larissa"

I chocked at hearing my name, my non shortened name, on his lips. Hardly anyone called me that, aside from my parents and the teachers.

"Well I don't want it to be easy _Regulus_" I bit back.

Silence. It took all my will power not to get up and leave like I wanted to. It felt like giving up if I did that, forfeiting and consequently was out of the question. I was here first and I was going to stay right here.

"Why does Darien dislike you?"

I blinked at the unexpected question.

"Dislike me? Good question I have been wondering that myself. I personally believe it's because he is too cowardly to do anything else. Besides he has nothing to gain from liking us" I said, giving an honest answer for once.

"I don't understand..."

I sighed. Remind me again why I was explaining?

"Well seeing as I hate him and so does my brother, liking us would serve no purpose but make him guilty"

He nodded, though he still looked confused and I was still suspicious.

"Why do you want to know?" I said slowly.

He pulled on a cocky smile that was so much like Sirius' that I nearly did a double take.

"Because you're smart and interesting, not to mention sexy, and I wouldn't mind getting to know you"

I blinked again. Suddenly, I felt it, an edge to his thoughts that made me chuckle; I cocked my head to the side and eyed him.

"Ohh, I see. You're flirting, how sweet. You know you're not too bad yourself, however, and I really do hate to break it to you, but I am really not interested." I said cheerily and perhaps in a slightly condescending voice but let's face it, he really did deserve it.

I then watching in amusement as his face went red and his thought, now very much visible, tangled around each other. He seemed to splutter for something to say and I thought it looked rather cute. Little Reggy bit more that he can chew.

Then something stopped me in my tracks. I hint of thought, hit me, hard.

_I have to marry her!_

What. Did. That. Mean?

Marry? Marry him? He thinks he's going to marry me? Ha, I'd like to see him try and propose to me! How did he manage to get it into his disillusioned mind that I would ever _ever_ say yes! Ha! Nevertheless he sounded so sure... what did that mean? Why would he be sure? Not unless – No way! Uh uh, I was _not _going to be forced to marry Sirius' brother! Eeeew!

What possessed my father to think I would ever agree to this...unless he didn't plan to tell me till too late? Great! Now I had even more to look forward to this Christmas! As if likely torture wasn't already on the menu I now had forced engagement to prepare for.

Regulus Black (eeww) was still spluttering. I, however, was beyond rage and I think he began to notice my expression because a startled one landed on his.

"Now you listen here Mr. Black because I am only going to say this once" I said in a low and dangerous voice "There is no way_, no way_, that I will ever consent to marry you so you had best get that idea right out of your feathered head right now"

How – how did you know?" He whispered his dark eyes wide.

I smirked.

"You need to practice Occlemency" I said before getting up and walking away, in what I hoped to be a dramatic manner.


	17. To Find

**To Find**

**_Lara_**

It was the first of December and in less than three weeks we would be going 'home'. Less than three weeks. I found myself close to hyperventilating every time I thought about it. Alex was infuriated at the development with Regulus and I had to try very hard to get him to keep his mouth from blabbering it to Sirius. I can only imagine the consequences of that action...

We were waiting for mother's letter, we knew it would come and we were dreading it. We'd be going back to him. To that cold house in London we had seen briefly before boarding the Hogwarts express. To our newly initiated Death Eater father. What would he do to us for being put in Gryffindor?

I shivered and not because of the cold.

Walking down into the common room I searched for the Marauders. I was going to talk to Remus. I had been pushing myself to do this for a long time, ignoring every doubt. Remus would never start anything with me; perhaps he thought he didn't deserve it? Perhaps he thought I would never go near him if I found out. It seemed stupid to me. I'd go up to him and simple ask him to walk with me. Right now I really did not care what anyone thought of that request. It was passed curfew, being eleven o'clock, but I didn't particularly care about that either, worst comes to worse I'll cast a disillusionment charm on us. I'd become pretty good at it because Alex used it so much to see Irvine and whatever he learnt, I learnt.

Seeing the group of boys however I frowned. Where was he? Remus wasn't there and I knew for a fact he wasn't in his dorm.

"Hey guys, where's Remus?" I asked them.

They looked up at me and I saw three identically (a freaky) smirks on their faces. It was as if they knew exactly what my plan was. The exception was Alex, who did know and just nodded at me.

_You're going to tell him?_

I nodded back.

"When are you?" I smirked directing my thoughts onto the boy next to him so that his face flashed in our thoughts. I smiled when I saw him blush.

_Um. Well. Remus went for a walk._

"Moony went for a walk" James said unhelpfully.

"I see..." I wondered if I could locate him from here, I felt Alex sigh.

I sent out my thoughts, becoming totally blind of the visible world and just sensing the sparks of energy around me. The whole world pulsed with energy here, every stone imbedded with spells and raw magic. In my senses I felt the vast network of corridors and stairways and occasionally the moving light of a person – or ghost. I spread out, pushed to the limit of my brain power, reaching...

* * *

**_James_**

I heard Alex sigh at the moment when Lara's eyes became completely clouded. What was she doing? She stood there for a while and Alex merely started to read his book again. We didn't say anything. I exchanged looks with my friends and they shrugged. Then Alex said, after about a minute, without looking up.

"Siri, stand up a second"

Paddy looked confused but did as asked just in time for Lara to collapse right into his unexpected arms. She had fainted.

"What the-"

"Lara, are you okay?"

Her eyes blinked open and she smiled a radiant smile.

"See, I told you it would work" she said with a triumphant voice as we gapped at her.

"I never said it wouldn't" Alex replied lazily.

"You thought it wouldn't"

"I thought it would make you faint and I was right about that"

"But it did work"

"I suppose"

"Well I'll see you later"

"I'm sure you'll tell me all about it" there was a hint of sarcasm there to be sure.

"Oh, thanks Sirius, for catching me"

"Bye"

"Bye"

And then she was gone, Sirius looked from the door to his still open arms and back and Alex was still reading his book.

"You guys are weird" He said with a shake of his head.

Alex looked up with a sudden brilliant smile.

"Don't you just know it!"

I grinned as I saw _the_ Sirius Black's cheeks become enflamed.

****

* * *

**__**

**_Lara_**

I knew where Remus was, vaguely. The empty, dark, corridors felt eerie as I walked through them, following the map in my head. Third floor, to the east, next to the courtyard and left of the tower. I was tired now; sending my thoughts out had used a lot of energy. But this was too good an opportunity to miss not to mention I had finally built up the courage to tell him and who knew when that would happen again.

The shadows stretched out around me and the portraits snored lightly in their frames. It was completely silent apart from this and I felt shivers down my spine. Are you sure this was the best idea?

I had been walking for about fifteen minutes when I felt an approaching mind and I went into a panic. I ran my eyes up and down the corridor but there was only one door further down. The mind was coming around the corner and I recognised it as (the elderly caretaker) Apollyon Pringle's nephew Filch. He had build up a bad reputation, I had heard, in the ten years he had been here, him and his annoying cat. Without thinking I sprinted to the door and yanked it open, only to cringe as it shrieked, as if in pain (or perhaps to spite me). I ran into the small corridor and sprinted down it. Then, just as I turned into another dark corridor, I heard the door behind me scream again and I knew he was following me. I could hear him muttering, the echoes of his voice jumping down to meet me.

I was going to be caught. I was going to be caught!

Suddenly my thoughts settled into determination. No! I would not be caught!

I ran into an alcove, tripping on the slight stair there. I gasped and flung my hands out in front of me to stop my fall. I felt sudden pain shoot through my hand as it caught on the corner of the metal window frame and the familiar heat of blood trickled over my hand. I ignored it and drew my wand with my other hand. Filch wouldn't sense the magic I was about to do, he was a squib. Muttering under my breath and twirling my wand over my form I poured the remains of my magic into the disillusionment charm. I watched satisfied as my clothes and skin shifted to match the wall behind me, I was basically invisible – even to my eyes.

He was coming closer surprisingly fast, my heart was beating faster than it ever had before and I felt as if he would hear it beating away and my disguise would be for nothing. Filch was muttering to himself and his precious cat and I held my breath willing him to keep walking. Just keep walking.

He was outside my alcove; I could hear his words with my own ears – no magic involved.

"We'll find them my sweet. They won't get away with this, oh no. We'll find them"

He was a hunched up man with a disgusting brown overcoat and a long dropping nose. He was less than a metre away and I could smell his dusty odour drifting off him. In his arms Mrs. Norris turned her lamp like eyes onto me and I begged her to see me. She meowed and I bit my lip.

Subsequently he paused, listening and I clamped my hand over my mouth. The cat was still looking at me with large yellow eyes and I had no doubt that she knew I was there. I didn't breath. I didn't think. I was stone, just stone.

And then he walked away on surprisingly speedy feet.

I stayed there for a while, just recovering from the shock of nearly being found.

"Wow" I said quietly to myself.

I continued to walk to where I had seen Remus and slowly I began to feel his presence ahead of me in a charms classroom. And there he was. Behind this door here. He was quite, his thoughts that is, and I found I had a lump stuck in my throat. Should I go in? Should I?

Of course! This is what I came for, the bolder part of my brain said – the Lara-ish part. But he might not want you here, the quieter insecure Alex-ish part retorted. Well I wanted – not, needed – to see him, I argued. How do you know he loves you back? How do you know he won't just push you away, perhaps with a sympathetic smile and an uncomfortable feeling? Or worst still with anger and sco –

No!

I knew Remus. I knew him and even if he didn't return the feeling he wouldn't be cruel. I could do this. I had to do this. I had to know because I was in love with him and I would regret never giving us a go.

Resolved and not the least bit prepared, I reached out and clasped the cold door handle and twisted. As I pushed it open it didn't make a whisper and I could gently step into the room without its occupants noticing.

At first I thought I had opened the wrong room because it was completely empty to the eyes. However I could still feel Remus in the room, just there, sitting on the desk facing away from me. I smiled as I realised he had borrowed the invisibility cloak that I'd seen James and Sirius wearing in Hogsmeade. And he still hadn't realised I was in the room!

Time to have a little fun I think!

I walked into the room and slid into one of the desks, the disillusionment charm still on. I rested my face into my hand and held my wand underneath the table. I smiled, feeling his peaceful mind.

"So, what is Prefect Lupin doing here at this hour?" I called casually to him.

His reaction was hilarious!

He jumped of the table, span around, tripped over the cloak which fell from him and then fell onto his face. He then quickly jumped up with his wand in his hand. I laughed as his head swept from side to side trying to find me. I quickly undid the charm and his eyes snapped to me in shock. I wiggled my fingers at him in greeting, still grinning.

"I should so hex you right now, for scaring the live daylight out of me" He said with a sigh and walking forward and pressing his want tip to my shoulder.

He grinned at me and lowered his wand, tucking it in his pocket.

"And I could ask you the same thing Grey"

I laughed and, leaning back in my chair, I looked at him intently.

His face was lit up in the light of the moon coming from the window and I could see the gold dust glittering in his eyes as he watched me. He looked tired, unsurprisingly, the full moon being only a few days ago. His blond hair hung limply over his left eye and as I watched he absentmindedly swept it away.

He looked so cute when he did that and I wished I could have done it for him, I wished I could hold that endearing, handsome and dear face of his.

"Stalling my question are we?" I teased, standing up and lightly punching his shoulder. He caught me though, his hand shooting up and holding mine before I could even touch his shoulder with my fist. His hand was warm and gentle as he turned me so the palm was facing upwards. We both looked at it and I saw, for the first time, the long jagged cut that spanned my palm.

I'd nearly forgotten about that...

"How did you do this?" he asked, shock and concern in every syllable. I tried to pull away but he held fast.

"It was nothing, I fell and that's all" I said self consciously.

He looked at me with his blue eyes.

"You still haven't mentioned why you're here" He said and though he didn't sound annoyed I still felt a lump at his suspicion.

"I was going to the library but then I felt you up here and..." It was a plausible lie (sort of) the library _was_ only just a few floors below.

"Honestly Lara, for someone who can never be lied to, you're really bad at lying" he held my hand closer to his face and turned it so it was more in the light.

"Only to you" I whispered.

He looked at me surprised and I realized how close we were, his face only inches from mine. I could feel his body heat on my skin like the sun. I could practically hear his heart beating and his breath touched my face, tickling me. And his mind, I could feel his mind so near, locked yes, but so near.

"You… you should probably clean this. Before it gets infected" he whispered back. His voice was rough and it sent shivers up my spine.

I nodded slowly, my movements dulled, and reached for my wand, my eyes still locked on his.

"_Exfolium Fascia"_I muttered and I felt a gentle stinging as the wound was cleaned and gentle bandages wrapped around the cut. We looked down at my handy work and I let out a small giggle. The binding had wrapped itself around both of our hands, tying them together.

"Oops" I said and Remus chuckled.

"Well, I'm going to assume that wasn't intentional" He said, amused and began to undo the knot that tied the bandage but failing miserable with his one hand. I laughed and pointed my wand at the knot tying us together, slightly regretfully. It came undone and Remus pulled his hand back from mine and began to bind me again.

"I could have done it with magic you know" I said as he tied the final knot, he shrugged and I saw a faint hint of a blush on his cheek. I bit my lip to keep from chuckling, again.

"So, this is an unusual place to wander to in the middle of the night - a charms classroom, seriously?"

He shrugged again and leant back onto the table I had been sitting at, his arms bracing him from behind. I carefully sat next to him, also on the table.

"I needed some space and this was where my feet took me" he said studying the ceiling.

I looked down at my hands, examining the gentle wrappings and remembering the feel of his warm hands tenderly looking after me.

"I hope I'm not interrupting. I can go if you want" I said still looking down.

"No! No it's fine, really. I don't mind you being here at all" I looked up into his face again and found that he'd sat up in his exclamation and his hand was raised to touch my back.

That piece of hair had fallen in front of his eyes again and almost without thinking I reached out and brushed it away, tucking it behind his ear. He stared at me and I found my breathing had picked up. I was going to kiss him - whether he liked it or not because I didn't think I would be able to stop myself.

My hand was still raised to his face so I gently hooked it behind his neck and pulled him toward me.

His lips met mine and they were gentle and warm. I felt his hands reach up to my face to cup it and in that moment I felt as if something had fallen into place.

I was kissing him and best of all, he was kissing me back! He was so gently and yet I could feel the passion under the surface. I pulled his face closer to me, deepening this never ending kiss. I felt so warm and safe in his arms.

I don't know how long we sat there but eventually Remus pulled back, breathing heavily against me. I rested my forehead on his and sighed in contentment. I'd wanted to do that for a long time and against the odds he had responded.

His mind was humming next to mine and I could guess what he was about to say and I wasn't going to let him win.

"Lara, we can't. I can't, I'm sorry, so sorry. I wish I could explain, but we just can't" His thoughts snapped and I heard the pain and regret his words only half showed.

I pulled back and looked at him keenly, listening to his inner turmoil. I felt hot tears bubble to the surfaced and desperately tried to push them away. I wouldn't show him how much his word hurt. Of course that did nothing to stop him noticing, he was too observant.

"Oh Lara, please don't cry. I can't bear to see you cry, I can't." his face was tortuous and I touched his face worried by his expression.

"Remus" I shook my head "oh Remus. You're not a monster, and I don't care. Do you hear me, I don't care"

His shocked expression told me he'd had no idea that I'd known.

"Wh-what do you mean?"

I rolled my eyes.

"I know you're a werewolf you silly thing. And it doesn't matter to me. You more than deserve this Remus and I'm not going to let you persuade yourself otherwise. You deserve to be kissed" I kissed the end of his nose "and you deserve to be loved"

"I… but how did you know?" he asked his voice shaky "did one of the guys tell you?"

"No, they didn't tell me. I figured it out, well, I figured it out a few days ago, though I had know you weren't telling the truth well before them"

He nodded.

"I knew you didn't believe my cover story, I could see it in your eyes. Just like every other time I lied to you about anything. Are you angry I didn't tell you? I wanted to, I really did but I just couldn't. Why are you here? Why are you still here when you know what I am?"

I shook my head.

"I don't give a shit if you're a werewolf. Do you hear me?_ I don't care._ You could turn into a three headed slug once a month, once a week, and I would still love you."

And then the words were out. I had said it and I watched nervously as Remus heard them and were processed in his mind.

"Did you hear that Remus?" I whispered "I love you"

"You... You _love_ me?"

* * *

**_Remus_**

She loved me. _She loved me._

She knew what I was and yet she was still here, in my arms no less, and she loved me. How could she love me, a werewolf? She deserves so much better than me, this brilliant woman, beautiful and strong, incredible and intelligent woman ought to have so much more than this werewolf. This monster. And I didn't deserve her.

"I don't deserve you Lara, not you" I tried to push her away. _Tried_ being the key word because she was grasping my shirt, preventing me. She let out a growl of frustration.

"I don't care! How many times must I say it for you to hear it and believe me! I don't care, Remus Lupin" she hissed at me, her voice shaking "Don't you leave me"

And the tears were back. No! I couldn't stand to see her cry. Why couldn't I just say it? Why couldn't I tell her that I loved her back and that I wanted to be with her more than anything else? I stared at her large grey eyes and I wiped the tears that fell from there.

She was so beautiful. Her silver hair seemed to glow in the light of the moon and her skin was so clear and soft. Her eyes stared pitifully at me and it wrenched my heart. Of course I loved her. And she loved me. Was I about to throw that away? I couldn't.

I shook my head.

"Ahh Lara... don't cry. I won't leave you. I don't have the strength of will to do that, though I know I should, I'm just too selfish. I don't know how you can love me... I am a monster Lara... but I love you, hell I started loving you a day after we met, perhaps before then. Beautiful, talented, sharp Larissa Grey... how can you love a guy like me?" I said the last bit more to myself than her.

"How can I not? I love you; I love the gentle smile on your lips and the crease between your brows when you read. I love the way you eat your toast with too much butter and the way you roll your eyes at your friends. I love the way you scratch the back of your neck when you're nervous and the way you can see through the most complicated of problems. You're not a monster, you're Remus Lupin." She looked deep into my eyes and I felt as if I was being swallowed by them.

She loved me.

I loved her.

I stoked my fingers across her silky cheek and she closed her eyes. Under my skin she felt like velvet and I my heart felt like it was expanding inside my chest. I brought in a choked breath and her eyes snapped open. I forced myself to believe this was really happening, I was with Lara, my Lara, and she loved me. Her eyes, unbearably soft, watched me with such love that I felt overwhelmed.

And suddenly I was grinning from ear to ear and gasping laugh escaped my lips.

"You love me" I stated as my hand curled round her face.

An amused half smile tugged at her lips and I noticed for the first time that she had dimples.

"Indeed I do, more than even I believe"

"Say it again" I whispered to her, I wanted to hear it. My face drew in closer to hers.

"Only if you do" she said in an equally hushed voice.

"I love you" I said into her ear and I felt her shudder.

"I love you too" she gasped and the feel of her breath of my ear made me tingle.

I drew back and looked at her. I felt like the luckiest guy alive as I pressed my lips to hers for the second time tonight.

* * *

**_Lara_**

This kiss was nothing like our previous one. I was clinging to him and kissing with as much passion as I could and he seemed to be doing the same. Our lips were being pushed so close together it became impossible to tell who's belonged to whom. His hands wrapped around me desperately and my hands were in his hair drawing him ever closer. When our lips parted it was magic, pure and free, and I forgot everything but the feel of his body next to mine, his mouth and lips and tong and his mind. His mind enveloped mine and I felt his pure pleasure and joy intermingle with my ecstasy. We were free and in love and I was never going to let this man go.


	18. To Hold

**To Hold**

**_Sirius_**

No one was particularly surprised when Remus and Lara got together, we could all see it coming. At least now they had an excuse for giving each other lovey-dovey eyes all hours of the day. I could see Alex deliberately not looking at his sister for much of the next week and to be honest I really couldn't blame him. I mean, they made Alice and Frank look censored. Yeah. I know – ew.

Okay, maybe, just maybe, I was over exaggerating things just a little.

I mean really, there wasn't too much PDA and they weren't one of those couples that became isolated from the world because they were 'just so in love'. They were sweet, but not sickly sweet like tea with five sugars. They walked around hand in hand and yes there was a lot of deep and meaningful eye locking. But I suppose it could have been a lot worse.

What was a surprise, on the other hand, was the revelation that the Grey's had figured out Remus' furry little problem. This was just as well, seeing as I was getting tired of lying to them. I had never seen our werewolf as happy as now. Now, not only did he have a beautiful, intelligent (a must for Moony) girlfriend who was in love with him, and vice versa, but she also didn't care about his problem. He had everything he wanted...

Okay yes, there was a hint of bitterness there.

The problem was that I was... jealous. You might say 'Sirius Black, jealous of an _actual_ relationship?' but it was the truth. It was weird, I was the last person out of the Marauders who went for the whole 'serious relationship thing'. I mean James was begging for it, Pete would take whatever and Remus, though didn't think he deserved it, had always wanted that sort of thing. As for me? I was the ladies man, the charmer and one-nighter, not gonna last kind of guy. And yet I was desperately jealous of Remus and Lara.

Did I want a long term relationship? Well yes, but not with just any girl. In fact scratch that. I didn't want it with any girl.

Yes, I Sirius Black had a crush on a guy. And that wasn't the worst of it. I had a crush on one of my best friends. I'd finally done it. I'd got into enough trouble to warrant leaving the country.

If it had been any one but him (excluding my other friends) then I may not have thought it too bad. Sure, there was the startling fact that I was, um, gay (that word was still a little difficult to say) but I could deal with that. Except as it happened, it was him and I had to constantly pretend I didn't feel any different about him. He was just a friend, a very good friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

Okay! I'll admit it, I had the weird feeling in my stomach that I was, dare I say it, in love with him. I was in love with one of my best friends! I was in love with him and I could do absolutely nothing about it. I didn't even know _how_ to tackle such a problem. I'm mean, I couldn't tell him! Yeah that would be great "Hey Al, I'm in love with you – hope you don't mind". Great, just fabulous. I'm sure he'd take it really well.

Maybe he would? He'd certainly seemed uncomfortable with Elaine. Maybe he was into guys as well?

Except, I didn't know for sure if that was the case. I didn't want to ruin our friendship and if he didn't feel the same then I was pretty sure it would become a good heap of awkwardness. I didn't know how to deal with awkwardness! I was the least awkward person ever. When I thought something, I said it! So why couldn't I just say this.

I love you.

It was only three words; it would take less than two seconds to say it. I felt like it could slip of my tongue at any moment. How quickly and effortless it would be to utterly mess up my life.

Hence my plans to flee the country.

I thought about asking James, or Remus, but it just felt weird. Beyond weird really, it felt... I don't know! Just really, really, not good.

Every time I saw him something inside me seemed to twitch and squirm. He was just so god damn sexy! I could see him in my mind's eye. I saw his pale angular face and straight silver hair, his large grey eyes that always seemed to see more than what was visible. I saw his broad chest and that hint of his collar bone at the neck of his shirt. He was slender, and well muscled, and he had pianist hands, large and willowy which more deftly and firm over the pages of a book. He made my clench inside, made me gasp.

Alex Grey, did you see the way you affect me? Can you hear my thoughts wrap around you? Do you notice the shiver, the dancing lightning, which travelled up my spine with every guiltless touch?

* * *

**_Alex_**

Lara and I sat in the boys dorm staring wide eyed at the three animals in front of us.

"So you three are illegal aminmagi and every full moon you go with Remus to the shrieking shack, which isn't haunted at all"

The large black dog nodded excitedly and I remarked on how much he still asked like Sirius. Padfoot was sitting quiet happily wagging his tail and resting his head on my knee. He was a completely black shaggy dog/wolf that nearly reached my hip when he stood. Prongs was a proud white stag and Peter was a large brown rat. They had both now changed back to their human selves and were looking at us with a superior look. Sirius had yet to change.

I was in shock.

Lara was laughing and shaking her head. She seemed to have this idea that we should have known that our best friends could transform into animals. How she came to that conclusion I don't know. She was currently wrapped in very happy moony's arms, with her head resting on his chest.

I ran my fingers through Pads thick black fir and scratch his head.

"You know this sort of makes you Marauders now" James said thoughtfully and Sirius barked happily, I chuckled at his antics.

"How did you learn to become Animagi?" I asked curiously.

"Why? thinking of becoming one yourself" James asked with a smile.

"We considered it last year" Lara said.

"But couldn't find out how" I added.

"So yes, we are considering it"

James nodded and Remus simply kissed Lara's temple, his brain buzzing as he frowned.

"Well it took us a while to find the book but we eventually found one in the restricted section of the library" He replied, getting up.

He walked to his trunk and pulled out a large book from an extended pocket I hadn't noticed. He passed it to me and opened it on a book marked page. Lara edged closer and looked over my shoulder curiously.

It was a complex and very difficult process which I could instantly see would take months to complete. It involved some very strong spells, a good measure of self-legilimentic magic and detailed knowledge of human biology. It looked daftly confusing basically. It reminded me of the spells me and Lara would pour over back at Amalia's. We would constantly sneak down to the library and search through the shelves of NEWT level books. Of course this was beyond NEWT level...

"This must have taken you ages" I muttered, my fingers still in Padfoot's hair.

"Yeah it did and we had to help Peter too" James said, lightly punching the rat animagi.

Remus was grinning and I could see why. These guys were truly incredible friends.

"Do you plan on getting register?" Lara asked a hint of disapproval in her voice.

James and Peter looked sheepish and Peter replied.

"We hope to, once we leave school – after all the punishment is Azkaban..."

* * *

**_Lara_**

When the letter finally came from mother I felt like weeping and I pushed my food queasily away. Alex had opened it down the table from me and I read it through his eyes. It was short; the shortest it had ever been, and left no doubt we would be following their rules.

_Dear Alexander and Larissa Grey,_

_ Your father and I are expecting to see you this holiday. I will be at the station to pick you up. _

_ There is no need to reply._

_ Cynthia Grey_

Alex scrunched it up and vanished it with a twitch of his wand, his jaw clenched. His eyes looked at me across the table and they showed the same identical fear as mine surely held. We were silent, just listening to each other's feelings. It felt so much closer now, so much more real.

I got up on unsteady feet and Remus looked up at me in concern. He saw the terror in them and quickly jumped to his feet as well. We walked out of the hall, not saying a word, his arm wrapped around my waist. I led him away, to a tree beside the lake and just sat. He didn't ask, he just held me close and rubbed circles on my back.

We were going home.

* * *

**_Sirius _**

That night I walked into our room to grab a jumper and I was startled to see Alex and Lara on Al's bed. Alex was curled up next to his sister, his face in her shoulder and she was holding him close. Silver hair blended with silver hair. Her eyes were fogged and her lips were silently moving. Both seemed to be trembling.

I froze but neither seemed to notice I was there; I had no idea what to do.

"A-Al? L- L- Lara?"

I was scared and I found myself running out of the room. What had I just seen? What was wrong with them? What could I have done?

In the common room Remus saw my expression and his eyes filled with his own pain. He nodded, as if to say _I know._

But the time I went back up stairs the curtains around his bed were closed and Lara had gone.

* * *

**_Lily_**

I entered the dorm just in time to see Lara swallow some blue liquid from a phial.

"Lara? What's that?" I asked her coming up to her, I lifted the glass from her hands and smelt it suspiciously; it had a fresh, sweet smell.

"Calming potion? Why are you drinking calming potion?" I asked her sternly.

I heard her sigh and look at me appraisingly. I had my hands on my waist and my best 'you better tell me' look.

"PCE" she said simply and I gapped at her.

"PCE? Post Cru- what!" did that mean that she'd been - ? "Larissa Grey! If you don't tell me exactly what you mean right now then I swear I'll..."

And then she told me. In a quiet voice she talked about her father and Darien and Alex. She didn't seem to be able to stop the word pouring from her mouth and her eyes were unbearably tired.

"All because he found out Alex was gay. We managed to persuade him he wasn't... that it was a set up... but he doesn't trust him anymore – not like he trusted us before..."

"Do the others know?"

She shook her head.

"Just Remus"

I frowned, thinking of Sirius.

"Could your PCE have anything to do with why Sirius looked so shocked today when he left the boys dorm?" I asked and I saw her blanch.

"What time?" she asked, panic in her voice.

"Umm... about an hour ago" I heard her sigh and she sat on her bed a look of defeat on her face.

"Yes, it could defiantly have something to do with our PCE" She shook her head and pressed her fingers to her head "He must have walked in on our episode"

"But how did you not know that he saw?" I asked confused. Couldn't they tell who was around them with their Legilimency?

She looked at me with bitterness as if she really did not want to go into it.

"Well, we kind of get a little caught in our memories. We are blind to the world" she said and sighed again.

I winced. Caught in their memories. What kind of father does that to their own children? How could he do that to them? Just for something as stupid as being gay!

"You can't go back to them Lara! You can't" I exclaimed, it was madness! But she just shook her head.

"You don't understand"

I stared at her in confusion. What possible reason could she have for going back there? It made no sense at all. The Marauders and Alice would agree with me.

"You should tell the others at least"

"No" Her answer was swift and hard.

"Why not, they are your friends and they're bound to find out and be upset you didn't tell them" I argued and she rubber her temple. I saw eyes briefly blur and I knew she was talking to Alex. She clenched her jaw.

"Fine" She muttered, more to herself or Alex than me. I grinned in victory.

* * *

**_Lara_**

I can't believe I'm about to do this. I didn't want everyone to know. I didn't want to see the shock and sympathy in their eyes. I was already thinking about it and worrying, I didn't need everyone doing the same. Damn Lily, damn Alex. I don't know why he wanted to tell everyone. Surly it would bring up the whole gay thing, which he didn't want people to know. It made no sense.

_They deserve to know, perhaps not the whole story, but at least a little._

No. It was our pain.

So here we were, sitting in the boys dorm in front of our friends: James, Sirius, Peter, Remus and Lily (who was pointedly ignoring a staring James), preparing to tell them about our _dear_ father. Well Alex was at least. I wasn't going to say a word if I had my way. Remus knew what was coming and kept giving me small kisses on my temple and cheek. The still made me tingle inside and I snuggled into his arms. Mine. All mine.

Sirius looked nervous and wasn't looking at us. I could only imagine what he must be thinking after seeing us in the state we were in. I think this was the main reason Alex wanted to tell everyone, to explain to Black what was wrong. Not to mention the fact that we knew their secret so they deserved to know mine.

"Right. Well. I know you're wondering why we asked you here. It's because we" _You, you not me_ I muttered "wanted to tell you something" Alex said, ignoring my thoughts aside from a quick glance.

"Okay... well for most of our lives me and Lara were best friends with Darien Irvine" I saw people blink at the name "back then he was just like us, pure blooded and hiding the fact we were against the idea of pure blood supremacy from our families. "Then the summer before last Darien's parent brought him here, to England. I didn't know at the time but I know now that he was being taken to meet the Dark Lord. I don't know what happened but when he came back... he was different, colder. We didn't think much about it and we didn't enquire what happened here. And then... he betrayed us. You see our father is a hard man and if he were to find out that we were say working against the DE's well... he would certainly not be happy." _Understatement _"And he believes we should be just like him. He thinks we have to have a nice pure blood marriage, produce heirs, perhaps partake in a little dark arts and hopefully pledge ourselves to the wizard with the right idea, our very own Dark Lord" My lips curled in disgust.

"Then last year, as I was saying before, Darien betrayed our friendship and trust. I'm not going to go into what he did, it doesn't need to be brought up again, but our father was angrier than I'd ever seen him. He was angry mostly at me though, the only thing Lara did was not to tell him of my _'sin'. _He used the Cruciatus curse on me and then, once Lara began to beg, on her. He tortured Lara to punish _me_. You all know of our connection to each other, we could feel everything the other felt; there is no way of switching it off." He looked at me and I could see the still alive guilt in them.

_It's not your fault; you shouldn't be punished for what you are. It's Irvine who should feel guilty._

He shrugged.

"And that's what we wanted to tell you about. Siri, I know you came across me and Lara last night, I just wanted to explain."

The room was silent as they took in his words, our story. I didn't look at anyone instead I pressed my face into Remus' chest, letting his warm smell flood me. His grip on me had tightened and I could tell he didn't like hearing it again either.

"Let me get the straight, after all that you still plan on going back there for Christmas?" Sirius said and I could hear the anger in his voice, I pulled away to support my brother.

"Yes, we must" I said.

"Why" His eyes flashed and his nostrils dilated in anger, Alex answered with a tired voice.

"Because if we don't then he will simply hunt us down, if we go"

"Then he will be mollified and we will have a chance to remain in his good books" I supplied.

"Why do you want to be in his good books, he sounds like a bast-"

"Because he's mad! If he finds out his only two children, his heirs have gone rebel than he will hunt us down!" I was getting angry and Alex put a soothing hand on my shoulder.

Sirius seemed to think for a while and everyone else remained quiet and speculative. Lily sat with her arms crossed and a death stare. James still looked a little shocked at the information overload and Peter looked like he couldn't put his finger on the argument. Remus seemed calm, but I could tell he was fuming inside.

"Well then why don't we come with you?" Padfoot said decisively

"Yes I like that idea we cou-" Remus agreed eagerly.

"No" Me and Alex cut them both off coldly with one quiet voice "That is completely out of the question"

"But-!"

"No"

They stared at us, sensing they were not going to win. I could feel magic ripple up mine and Alex's arms and flicker in our eyes.

* * *

**_Remus_**

That night I held Lara by the fire in the common room. There were very few people in here and none of them spared us a glance. I was brooding, not happy about the fact Lara was to be going to her father. It seemed too large a risk.

"Remus stop, just relax and don't think about it" Lara whispered, her lips millimetres from my ear.

Her breath ticked and sent shivers down my spine. I turned my head so that my nose ran up her cheek and planted a kiss to her temple, pushing her silky hair away gently.

"I'm sorry... but I don't like this idea. In fact I hate it. I only just got you and now..."

"I'll be fine... really there is only one thing that he can be angry about and that's us being put in Gryffindor which hardly deserves..." She trailed off but I could hear the slight quaver in her voice.

I pulled back and looked into her soft grey eyes. I could see she was scared and I couldn't do anything about it. I stroked her face and I felt her lift up her own hand. She placed it onto my own face and I closed my eyes as she began to, very slowly, map out every contour of my face. Her fingers followed every scar and every crease like pathways.

"It's not okay" I told her, opening my eyes "But you don't care"

She smiled at me.

"On the contrary, I care very much, however I just don't let that effect me"

I shook my head in disagreement but settled to try and forget it, for now. I stared into the fire and the warmth of her body next to mine echoed the warmth of love in my heart...


	19. To Promise

**Another chapter! Can you believe it! Woopwoop! Thanks again to my reviewers. **

**And now a question, which i hope you'll take time to answer. Do you think that Lara and Alex should learn to become Animagi at some point?**

* * *

**To Promise**

**_Alex_**

The last two week had whizzed by until all of a sudden we were packing our trunks. Our friends hadn't stopped trying to persuade us not to go but we, Lara especially, had an iron will.

"See reason. You can't go to him. You can't put your selves in danger like that. Don't go, just stay here" Remus was practically begging. He had given up trying to persuade Lara and had turned to me in one last desperate plea. He was exhausted, the dark shadows under his eyes were enough to tell this, and he was beyond anxious if his thoughts were anything to go by.

"We have to. Anyway, it probably won't be too bad. The only thing that's happened to make him angry is us being put into Gryffindor and even he knows that that is hardly our fault." I said as I started to fold my robes and tuck them into my trunk.

"That's what she said and I know she was lying so don't try and put that across!" He shouted, and I could tell he was close to tears, his mind tense and spinning fast.

I rubbed my head with the back of my hand, my back to him. Sirius was in the room, sulking on his bed and his presence gnawed at my brain. He too had tried to convince me not to go and had failed. He was still angry and resentful.

"Look" I said turning back to them "as hard as this is to hear, you're right, it's not okay. But we're used to it, or at least as used to it as you can get. We've both been- He's used- It's not our first time, okay?" Remus flinched but Sirius just sat there, his jaw clenched.

I turned back to my packing.

"Sirius, you must see the madness of them going" Remus seemed to be on his last arguments and as he said this I turned again to stare fixedly at Siri.

He wasn't looking at me; he was staring resolutely at his bed post, though he did glance up briefly before looking down again. My heart ached to see his concern.

He sighed and looked at Remus.

"Just let them. They can handle themselves. They're both as stubborn as stone and I doubt we'll be able to sway them." He continued to grumpily study the grains of wood that made his bed. Moony sagged and walked out of the room, defeated.

"Thanks" I said quietly.

He grunted without moving his gaze.

I turned back to my trunk and was ashamed to feel tears boiling in the corners of my eyes. I really didn't want to go. I was so scared and I felt as if there was something missing. What else could he blame us for? I hadn't told the others about the arranged marriage either... I still didn't know how we were to get her out of that...

Sirius seemed determined not to speak to me and none of our friends could understand why we were going. Every time one of them started up an argument I found my reasons for going becoming more and more diminished.

I drew in a shaky breath and rubbed my eyes viciously.

"Alex?"

I shook my head, resolute not to let him see me wavering. I hastily grabbed one of my books from my side table and threw it into my trunk. The tears were running down my face fast now, hot and salty on my lips.

"Al? Are you crying?" Siri had got off his bed and was walking toward me. I turned my back to him, using the pretence of searching the windowsill for my belongings. A pity there was nothing there.

"No, don't be crazy" I said, hoping my voice didn't betray me.

Obviously he didn't believe me – who would? I felt his hand on my shoulder turning me to face him; I got one look of his anxious face and kind black eyes before I broke into sobs.

It was stupid. I shouldn't be crying like this, was I a man or not? Nevertheless there was no stopping it, man or not, I just couldn't stem the flow of tears. My breath was uneven and I was raggedly drawing in huge gulps of air. I just couldn't stop it.

It took me a long time to realise Sirius had pulled me into his arms and once I realised I awkwardly pushed him away and brushed the tears from my face. Dammit.

"Sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'll just…"

"Don't go" he said distraught, interrupting my ramblings.

"I have to" I said and I pushed past him and picked up the various items lying around the room. There was a box of chocolate frogs under my bed which I grabbed and my Herbology book had managed to get down the back of my side table.

"Don't go" He said again, but I ignored him and piled the things into my trunk.

I folded my other muggle clothes and stuffed them in. He was following me around the room, repeating those two words. I felt extremely guilty as I brushed the words away.

Finally I had finished and I was buckling up the trunk. I stared it for a while, trying to gather the courage to pick it up.

"Please. I can't imagine you, and Lara, being… being tortured. I can't, won't, let you go, I won't. Just don't go. Stay here at Hogwarts and never go back to them. I've left home, I'm not going back, why couldn't you? You have more reason than I ever did."

I looked at him. He looked so helpless and frantic and I wished I could just tell him that I was going to stay.

"I can't. I'm sorry"

I picked my trunk off my bed and began to drag it towards the door to the dorm; Sirius grabbed it from me before I could get there though.

"I can carry a trunk you know!" I told him, slightly annoyed.

"Shut up" he growled and he picked it up and… and dropped it behind him.

"What-"

I started but he interrupted me.

"Just shut up"

And then he did something I would never have expected. He fisted the front of my T-shirt and he…

* * *

**_Lara_**

I smirked at Alex's distant eyes as he and Sirius came down the stairs from the boy's dorm. I'd had to engage James in conversation when he'd tried to go up there to see what was taking him so long.

The skin around his eyes was slightly red from crying but that seemed like a far away memory for him now. His grey eyes, so like mine, were sparkling and bright. Sirius was slightly flushed and looked like he was trying to hold back a grin.

They approached us and I felt everyone spark with curiosity. I chuckled.

"Well, it's about time you two" I said giving them a pointed look that to my immense delight made them both blush scarlet.

"I couldn't find my charms book" Alex said calmly, though he still had pink cheeks "and we have that charms essay to do so it was important"

"Really, where were you looking?" I said innocently and they blushed again.

James and Remus were laughing at the boy's obvious discomfort while the others just looked confused. I saw Lily give the pair a knowing look and remembered her insight into my feelings for Remus.

I chuckled.

"Well, then. If we continue to loiter here much longer we're gonna miss the train. Come on" I jumped up and Amy ran at me to give me a hug. I steadied the tiny girl to stop her tipping me over and she threw her arms around my neck and began jabbering on about having a good Christmas.

"It's so annoying you can't stay here. I hope you have an alright time and nothing too bad happens because Tabby was saying about your dad being a complete prick. I can't wait for you to see the present I'm sending you, even though I'm not actually going to see you, I can still try and imagine your face any way. I got the same thing for Alex too because it seemed a very you-two-Grey-twins kind of thing. If you get super bored you can owl us and we'll-"

"That's alright Amy. I have to go now."

"Oh right yeah" she let go and I stepped back and said goodbye to my amused friends.

"Come on then, let's go" Alex said and we walked to the portrait hole.

Remus was tagging along to say his goodbye before we go on the train and he pulled my trunk from me, rolling his eyes at my scowl. I looked back and saw Padfoot hesitating to follow us.

"Oi Paddy. I need to ask you something before we go" I shouted to him and he gratefully followed.

Alex's thoughts were cheerful too and he sent me a thank you (with a little imaginary bow on the top, but we don't have to go into that).

* * *

**_Alex_**

The glossy train was preparing to go in a minute and Lara and Remus were 'saying' goodbye in our compartment. I awkwardly pushed that away and surveyed Sirius nervously.

"Well… I guess I'll see you in a couple of weeks then…" I said studying him.

"Yeah… I guess so. Look after yourself"

I wanted to kiss him again but I was nervous to initiate it. Sirius smirked and raised an eyebrow at me as if daring me to try. I chuckled and found that his teasing removed the doubt I still held.

I leant in and pressed my lips to his, relishing in the feel of his warmth surrounding me. This kiss was gentler than our first and I found myself immersed in the movements of his lips, melding them to mine.

Somebody near us loudly cleared their throat and we jumped apart. I felt my cheeks heat up as I saw my sister and her boyfriend standing by.

They looked like a perfect couple. His arm was wrapped around her waist and there was a sense of effortless comfort around them. However, Remus looked miserable and beaten emotionally as I saw him give Sirius an understanding look.

I turned back to Sirius, he was looking at me with a distressed helpless look and I didn't have to probe his thoughts to know what he was thinking. I felt a gut wrenching pull to find away to wipe away that look but there was nothing I could do but continue to assure him.

"I'll be fine. See you in two weeks"

"Yeah, remember that promise you made. I might have to kill you if you break it, understand?"

"Understand" I nodded and Lara and I climbed onto the train, which instantly began moving.

"We'll be fine" Lara shouted as the train pulled away. The two boys just looked sad as they waved.

_Flash back:_

_He fisted the front of my T-shirt and he pulled my face roughly to his. His lips slammed against mine and I froze briefly in shock._

_And then I realised what he was doing and all of the compressed passion I'd been hiding from this incredible, exhilarating man broke through. I grabbed his hair in my hands and pulled his face closer to mine. My lips felt like they were bruising they were being forced so close to his. He was like fire whiskey on my lips and everything I thought about, everything I could feel was him._

_Soon I was gasping and we pulled back just to breathe. I could feel his own breath on my cheek and his hands were still clasping me close to him. I opened my eyes and found his dark ones already staring at me with an astounded look._

_"I didn't expect you to kiss back" he said breathlessly._

_"I didn't expect you to kiss me, ever" I replied studying his face for regret "when did you… find out?"_

_He looked at me quizzically._

_"What? That I was gay?" He asked and I nodded. He smiled and reached up to gently stroke my face, sending shivers down my spine._

_"I found out when I met you" he whispered and I was almost overcome by the feeling of his breath on my mouth._

_I leant into him, desiring the warmth of his lips on mine again and was accepted gladly. His hands were gently stroking my face and I was lost to the feelings he was making me feel._

_"I'm curious. When did you find out?" he said drawing back gently, I rested my head against his shoulder._

_"Fourth year" I said sheepishly and I heard him draw in a breath._

_"Makes me seem a bit like a minor, doesn't it? I'll admit that I'm… well I'm a little scared" I looked up at him and saw the truth in the nervous way he was biting his lip._

_"No. That doesn't make you sound like a minor at all. I'm scared as well you know and it took me ages to accept it. It perfectly natural." I reassured him._

_He nodded and looked back sadly at my waiting trunk._

_"I wish you didn't have to go" his voice was gloomy._

_"Me too, but I must."_

_He turned back to me suddenly and gripped me face in both of his. I thought he was about to kiss me again but instead he just stared determinedly at my face._

_"You have to promise me something. Okay? You have to promise me you will come back safely and that if things get too dangerous you come straight back here, okay?" _

_"I promise you"_

_"Good, you have to come back or I swear… I swear that I will hunt you down" he said resolutely._

_"I promise Sirius. I promise"_

* * *

**_Remus_**

Sirius and I stood side by side watching as the train and the faces of the twins that had shaken our lives up moved out of sight. We stayed in companionable silence for a while before heading back to the school.

I heard Sirius sigh.

"Do you believe them? When they say they'll be fine?" he asked.

"I have to, but honestly? No, I don't but I have to tell myself they're right anyway"

* * *

**_Cynthia_**

"How's father" Alex asked me as we drove 'home'. I didn't know where home was anymore, but it wasn't to the cold house we were going to.

Cynthia Grey looked at her son and saw how he had grown. I had missed all those years, all that time in which he had matured. I'd hardly even looked at him, never mind spoken to him, in the short periods I actually could when he wasn't at school. He was a tall handsome man now, no longer her little boy, if he'd ever even been hers. Lara was the same. She'd grown so fast, I didn't even know when she'd had her first period or who had helped her through that. I'd never spoken to her about boys or taken her out cloth shopping. Now she was a beautiful, elegant woman who I didn't know. They were both cold and distant towards me now, just as I had planned. They needed to get away from this family, I'd seen that when they were still very young. If they had been keen on the ideas their father had tried to drill into them then it would have been different, but they didn't. And now they were in danger from the one person who should protect them at all costs.

They didn't need a reason to feel guilty about leaving us when they had to. So I had distanced them from me, the one possible hook.

Alex's eyes were so much like his fathers, only his weren't icy and angry nor were they filled with ambition or lust. They were like Alex Seniors eyes when I had first met him and fallen in love. When we had walked in the park at twilight, hand in hand, heart in heart. Our families had been thrilled that we'd found pure-blood spouses.

I hadn't known then what he would turn into.

"Mother?" my daughter asked and I shook myself out of my pointless thoughts.

"Your father... is being difficult. He comes back from raids and meetings with the Death Eaters angry and frustrated. It's not going as smoothly as he planned and he blames you two. The Dark Lord" I resisted a shiver "became distrustful of us when you were put into Gryffindor" I sniffed. I'd decided before hand that if they asked I would tell the truth, as if this would help protect them.

This silenced them and I looked up to see they looked nervous and scared and I couldn't blame them.

"You both need to be careful" I said and they turned to me, their eyes full of shock. I felt my heart clench, they really thought I was heartless, didn't they? They didn't think I loved them.

"I can't calm your father anymore, not like I used to, and if he decides you need to be punished then he will not hesitate and he may do something... rash"

They clasped hands quietly and clenched their jaws. They shouldn't have come back. They were going to find that a lot of changes had appeared in the months they'd been away. Decisions had been made that they didn't even know about. I knew my daughter well enough to know that she would be infuriated at the idea of an arranged marriage. And Alex would be no better.

Yes, things were in motion that would be impossible to prevent if they didn't act fast. Already discussions had begun concerning my brother's daughter, Natalie Rosier, and Alex. She was a few years older I knew but they didn't care about that. It was all about the blood, not that I didn't agree. I may not agree with the Dark Lords actions anymore but I could help but want our family, the prestigious house of Grey, to remain pure. But I didn't want to force them.

The car glided to a halt and the driver opened the door for us, offering me a hand to get out. Getting out of the car I gave a brief glance to the large manor that I called home. It was a three story building made out of a grey stone with extensive gardens surrounding it. It was larger than our German home and was the eldest Home of the house of Grey. I didn't like it.

"Would Lady Grey wish for anything?" One of the house elves asked me to my left.

"Yes, show Alexander Junior and Larissa to their rooms and bring a pot of tea to my study" I would need lots of caffeine to deal with my new stress.

At least my husband wasn't home, yet...

* * *

**_Regulus_**

I was sitting on the train on the way home for Christmas when Darien opened the compartment door and sat opposite me. He had an odd strained expression and he seemed to be thinking something over very carefully. I didn't make a single remark until he drew out a piece of parchment and a self inking quill.

"Odd time to be writing a letter"

He grunted in reply and began writing in a delicate script. The letter wasn't long but he took immense care of it. When he was done he studied it then quickly drew out his wand and tapped it twice. It disappeared with a small pop and a flash. His face seemed to fall the moment it was gone.

"It seems I've gone and done it again, Regulus. They'll never forgive me if they find out" He chuckled humourlessly "Not that they would have forgiven me anyway..."

I had no idea what he was talking about.


	20. To Smile

**Another chapter. I took a little break but the next should be along shortly... hopefully. Sorry about the cliff hanger :)**

* * *

**To Smile**

**_Lara_**

We were drinking tea, could you believe it? Here we were, waiting for our mad sadistic father to arrive, most likely to torture us, and here we were, in the lounge, drinking tea. Milk, two sugars no less. Tea!

Mother was across from us with her usual straight back which looked as if she's preformed a stiffening charm on it and not a single hair out of line, as they said. She looked basically the same as I remembered her. Her dark brown hair was pulled into a bun that highlighted the sharp angle of her face. Her dark heavily lidded eyes, which spoke of her Rosier background, surveyed the room with their normal precision. No, she looked _exactly the same as she used to, nevertheless something was different._

It was in her thoughts. They had always been shielded of course and neither my brother nor I could catch a glimpse of what was inside that head of hers but we could see it from the outside. To any other Legilimen it would not have been visible. Not only would you have to be very familiar with the person to even tell the difference but you would have to be able to constantly feel their presence, their _aura (how cheesy does that sound?). Most Legilimens must concentrate their powers to see a person's thoughts but for us it was automatic._

_Her thoughts had become more edgy, more desperate and tense. She jumped from subject to subject erratically, as if avoiding what she didn't want to see. Something was undeniably different._

"Tomorrow night we will be attending a formal party. Every well respected family will be there and you _will look your best. I have bought dress robes for each of you and a tailor will be here at precisely four o'clock to fit them." Mother said, sipping her tea from the expensive china cup._

"Where is it?" Alex asked.

"It will be at the very reverential house of Black, so you will act in the manor expected of you. You are pure blood, dignified and you will act it. Larissa, you will be beautiful and obedient, Alexander you will be handsome ad independent and both of you are witty, intelligent and completely civilised. I do not care what you think of the people in that room; things will become a lot more complicated for all of us if you do not put your finest mask on, even if it be for the last time" She sniffed and looked determinedly at the flowing grass and flowers of her cup.

I wondered at her words, _Even if it be for the last time. Was she saying that she knew we had no intention of staying in this façade any longer after this holiday? Alex frowned next to me as well._

Mother was acting strange, that was for sure.

* * *

As we were warned the tailor arrived at exactly four, looking a little shaken if you asked me. He was a short man with a neatly cut moustache that her would twirl between his finger and thumb when he though nobody was looking. He had a balding head of dark hair and muddy green eyes which were too clear and too big for his withering face. His long fingers were constantly moving and fluttering, whether around your robes, the tape measure around his neck or on his elongated, slightly curving, wand. He was an odd man at appearance to be sure. Nevertheless, he had a good natured mind and I was saddened to hear his anxiety of being in the home of one of the stuck up pure blood families.

I was worried for a moment at the prospect of being fitted. Not the actual process but the possibility the man would pull out a fully fledged wedding dress. You had to admit, it was a possibility. So I was very much relieved when instead dark grey material was drawn out of the shrunken closet.

It still shocked me that pure bloods were so very old fashioned when they came together. You would think we were still in the middle ages by the look of the dress robes we wore. Not that I wasn't secretly in love with them. Okay, I have a soft spot for gowns, who's going to blame me?

This particular robe was especially beautiful. It was, as said before, a dark twilight grey which had silver threading that glistened and glided throughout the material in intricate patterns. The material seemed to constantly change in shade so that in one angle it looks black as night and in another soft grey like fog in the early morning. It was scoop necked and off the shoulder and the bodice was fairly simple, if very well fitted. The skirt flowed out seamlessly at the waist in gentle waves and ruffles that drifted out behind me. It wasn't a massive nobody-could–even-reach-me skirt like some I had seen, thank Merlin, but it still had enough volume to give a nice swaying effect. It seemed to swirl around me weightlessly, as it was charmed to do, and even as I stood still the different layers and shades of taffeta and gossamer organza silks seemed to gentle rustle over each other.

I barely noticed as the tailor's wand gently tugged at the material making it more and more skin tight. I gave myself the pleasure of simply admiring the dress for a while once the fitter moved into the next room to fit my brother, who was rather bored of my silk filled head and had moved onto reading a transfiguration book.

What can I say? I am a girl and a teenage one at that.

Alex was also fitted in grey; we were the Grey twins of course. Father always wore grey as well at parties, as did our Aunt and grandfather when he was around, it was a tradition. I wonder if the Black's always wear black. I tried to sent my memories back to the parties I had attended with my cousins. Bellatrix had always seemed adamant to wear black but I didn't think Andy or Narcissa had…

Well I suppose I'd find out tonight… not that Andy would be there. She had successfully scandalised the pure-blood society by marrying a muggle born last year. I knew there was a reason I always liked her better than her other sisters. I mean, the eldest Bella was a complete mad woman, unpredictable and shocking, and Narcissa was so cold and… bland. At least Andy had some commendable traits, she at least was nice, had a friendly mind and you could actually have a fun conversation with her, just as long as her parents weren't around. Mother had quite often taken us to her sister, Aunt Druella's, house during the holidays when we were younger so I knew that set of Black cousins fairly well. They were all married now so at least we didn't have to worry about Alex being paired with one of them.

It was funny how being back in this setting, even if it was a different house, made me become so nostalgic – not that I liked most of the memories from back then.

I was missing Remus as well, and Lily, and Alice, and even those other blasted Marauders. It was funny how much I just wanted to be back at Hogwarts, in his arms. It was so warm there, so much love and friendship on every side. Here, I felt like I was standing in the snow amongst the wolves with nothing more than a smile for protection.

* * *

**_Alex_**

We applied our gentle, polite faces before mother led us up the recently appeared stairs to the House of Black. There was snow thick on the ground of the London courtyard we were in now. It struck me a strange place for this ancient pure blood family, right in the middle of countless muggle homes. I shrugged it off and took my sisters arm.

_I hate etiquette, I heard Lara next to me._

_Just smile and we'll get through the night was my uneasy reply. I didn't like it any more than her._

We walked up the stone stairs and the door swung open at our approach to reveal a butler wearing a blank expression and a courteous bow. Mother glided in without a word to the man and we followed, giving him a slight nod.

We were met with a corridor that stretched out before us and lit with many floating globes of light that seemed to copy the movement of fairies. They were fairly bright and lit up the cream wallpaper with a pale yellow colour. The dark red carpet at our feet was thick and cushioned our steps. I could hear the sound of music and light laughter in the rooms above and ahead. The space then opened out into an entrance hall with a curving dark wood stairway leading off from it. It was brighter here with even more of the fairy-like lights gathered in the tall ceiling and amongst the crystals and candles of a chandelier. There were many people already gathered here and we were met by the Lady and Lord of the house, Orion and Wulburga Black, Sirius' parents.

Walburga was a large woman dressed in a lavish velvet emerald green dress with her black hair piled on the top of her head. She had rather beady eyes which scraped at me and my sister suspiciously. She looked like, once upon a time, she had been quite an attractive woman but had now slipping into the 'scary old woman' stage. Her lips seemed to be in a constant state of pursing and I could finally understand what Sirius was on about when he spoke of the 'vulture'.

Orion looked like an old and more cunning version of Sirius. It seemed like he was constantly thinking and at the moment I could see he was thinking about my sister becoming his daughter in law. In fact they both were. I could see them asses the way she stood, looked, the way she held my arm. Lara consciously stiffened her already straight back as mother introduced us.

"And this is my son, Alexander Junior and my daughter Larissa"

I bowed while Lara curtsied.

"It is pleasure to be meeting you Lord and Lady Black" Larissa said in her sickly polite voice.

"You home is beautiful" I added with my own fake tone.

"Thank you. This is my son Regulus, you may have met at school" Mr. Black said in a deep voice.

My eyes snapped to the boy next to him and my eyebrows arched. I hadn't noticed him standing there. He looked very much like his brother and I found my heart twisting with longing for Sirius. I missed him nearly as much as Lara missed Remus; but of course our relationship was literally at the starting line. We had only just got together and now here I was staring at his brother who planned to marry my sister. Lara stiffened next to me.

"Indeed, we have been acquainted. It is lovely to see you again Regulus" Lara said and to my amusement held out her dainty white hand to be kissed.

Regulus seemed fairly shocked and I couldn't blame him. Last time they had met she hadn't been nearly so polite. We held our masks well and I think it might have stunned him a bit. He did get round to brushing his lips to her skin but I could see the hint of a blush there.

"The pleasure is mine Miss Grey, may I say that you look stunning this evening"

I dutifully held my hand out to be shaken and his grip was cold and firm. His parents looked on with something akin to satisfaction.

"It is nice to finally meet you"

"For me also"

Wulburga clapped her hands together in what I assumed she thought was in the manner of a pleased host. Her eyes glistened in a way that was much too cold however and her iron clad thoughts dominated the room.

"Fantastic. Now that we are all acquainted, Regulus I don't suppose you could escort Mr and Miss Grey to the drawing room? I do believe that is when most of the guests have congregated." She said with a 'caring' smile.

"Of course mother"

Mother stood by our hosts and was talking quietly with Mr. Black. I turned my head away from her and followed Regulus up the curving stairway. Small globes of light followed us as we ascended and added to the light made by the yellow lamps. On the wall beside the stairs I was disgusted to see that somebody had cut the heads off of house elves and put them on the walls as if they were nothing but animals. It was like hacking of the heads of my ancestors and sticking them to the wall, completely wrong in every way.

"Well your house is certainly pleasant isn't it" Lara said sarcastically, eyeing the old faces with a look of horror.

Regulus glanced at her and then the wall. I saw him bite his lip.

"I know, blame aunt Elladora" He said and I could tell he was trying to get in our good books.

"How charming" I drawled.

"Well I can tell you one thing Reggy" Lara muttered "If I were ever to become your wife I can assure you there will be some redecorating..."

We walked in silence as the sound of music and talking become louder. Turning into a corridor Regulus led us into a large room filled with people. There were about forty people, all dressed in their finest and casually talking and sipping wine. Aunt Druella's hideously high pitched laugh sounded through the crowds and I cringed hoping she didn't try and talk to us. Aunty Black always seemed to find something wrong with me and Lara and made a point to broadcast it to everyone in earshot. In one corner I saw Cousin Cissy and her husband Lucius Malfoy, looking a superior as ever. I didn't like Malfoy, we had only met a dozen times but in none of them had we ended (or started) on good terms. They were six years older than us, being twenty-two, but that didn't stop our animosity. I saw that Lucy Loo had grown his hair out long to his chest, to match his father and he looked exactly like a girl if you asked me. In another corner I could hear the other Black cousin, who I disliked even more than Cissy. I had heard she'd become a DE. No surprises there.

_So where do we start Lara though with a mental sigh._

Regulus was still standing with us and he too seemed unsure what to do. _He's not all that bad this Black, if you weren't in love and this wasn't arranged I'm not sure if I'd disagree – though it is weird he looks so much like Siri. She nodded in reply, giving the boy in question a sliding glance, which he certainly noticed._

"Come, let's mingle" Lara said, hooking her arm with mine "Ready when you are"

"Take a deep breath" I replied with a smile.

We walked into the room and several eyes fell on us as we glided in. I wondered what they saw. Did we look respectable and dignified to them? Were we suitable company or had word of our Sorting reach the pure blood society. We quickly grabbed a glass of white wine each as one of the platters floated by. Regulus quickly walked forward to introduce us to the approaching couples and I wondered how long it had taken to memorise the guest list, presumably on his mother's orders.

And the night drifted on as it ever did. We behaved ourselves and kept our heads, we didn't drink red wine just like mother preached us at the age of nine (_"awfully uncivilised stuff, avoid it at all costs"). We bowed and curtsied to whom it applied and were cold to those who it didn't. We flattered and wooed and smiled and waved. We ignored the pointed comment from dear Aunt Druella and pretended not to be shocked when Bellatrix whipped out her wand and started hounding a house elf. We didn't react to the uses of words like 'Mudblood' and 'filth' and 'blood traitors'. I had to squeeze Lara's arm when she looked like she wanted go slap Cissy when she started talking about the 'brutish' centaur's and 'uncultivated' werewolves. In return she had to shout in my thoughts when Lucius decided to have a chat._

"Ahh, Alexander, how nice to see you. I so hoped you might attend tonight"

"Lucius, a pleasure as always" I drawled, pushing down the sneer that tried to surface "I have not seen you since you married my dear cousin. How are you Narcissa?"

"Well thank you Alex" She said with hardly an expression change, just as bland and cold as ever.

"I heard that you moved to England" Malfoy cut in.

"Obviously" I replied, my voice curt.

"You attend Hogwarts now? What house did you say you were put in Alexander?"

Ah, so he gets to the point. I thought it might be something along these lines.

"Gryffindor." I said stiffly "What did you say you do now Lucius? I heard that you do not work but I must have misheard"

"You heard correctly, I have little time for such monotonous things as working. I have other responsibilities" his chest seemed to puff out and a small snigger escaped my lips.

"Yes I heard of that also. I must say I am not overly surprised"

_Alex! Do you want to get us chucked out? Lara chided me as she talked with an elderly, half deaf witch._

"Oh really? And what do you insinuate with that?" his voice becoming threatening and low.

"Insinuate? Nothing, what made you think that? I merely was thinking that I knew you would do your family proud." I said in my sickly sweet voice with sugar coating.

He narrowed his eyes at me. Oh Malfoy knew exactly what I was talking about. He was sure to make a good DE, that precise way he sneered at others, his complete disregard of anyone he though below him and the all-purpose lack of moral and a heart in general would be convenient in his line of work. I'm sure the Dark Lord loved his cunning ways and determination to be perfect. Ah Lucy Loo.

"And what do you plan to do when you leave school; I have not seen you around." His voice bit and I pursed my lips.

"We shall see. I do not know as of yet" I replied.

He sneered and I wished I could punch him, or curse him though it would not be nearly as satisfying, either way I suppose.

* * *

**_Regulus_**

We stood before the room of guests and I found myself hesitant to enter. I hated these parties, with their fake show of civilisation and the carefully placed tripwire remarks trying to get under your feet unawares. It was like everyone expected me to fail after Sirius became such a disappointment.

I saw Lara nod and glance at me. It was uncanny for I had heard neither twin speak to one another. Nonetheless, it was like they'd been having their own secret conversation all about me and it was unnerving.

"Come, let's mingle" Lara said, hooking her arm with her brother "Ready when you are"

"Take a deep breath" he replied and with a determined air they strolled casually into the waiting arms of the beasts.

They were so weird.

I saw Mr and Mrs… Blishwick approach the twins and I hastened forward, I knew my part as host.

I watched the twins, more specifically Larissa, throughout the evening. Larissa was beautiful. I'd had to blink several times when she'd walked through the door to my house. Her dress seemed to float around her and her hair was imbedded with small glistening jewels of black and white. It was intricately braided and had been curled to fall down her back in gently waves. Her pale face was simply enhanced with a little make up around the eyes and it made her large grey eyes stand out even more. I wasn't fooling myself; I knew she'd never marry me and that she'd use every ounce of bravery and cunning to go back to her Lupin. I wasn't blind either. I had seen them together, every single person in the school had. The gossip had been everywhere. But I found myself wishing it were otherwise. That she might one day look at me the way she stared at him. What was that?

I wanted to marry her yes but it was more that that… I wanted her to want to marry me.

They both glided around the room talking effortlessly with the people there. They fit into this society like pees in a pod. I knew it was a façade. They were Gryffindors and friends with muggle borns and blood traitors. They hated the Dark Lord and everything to do with him. I saw it in the brief flashes of distaste in their faces.

Another reason we would never be together. I wasn't brave enough to throw my family traditions away; I knew that in a year, perhaps two, I would enter the Dark Lords service. It would happen. Larissa would never want to be with a DE. Larissa deserved more anyway.

* * *

**_Lara_**

_I'm so bored. I'm so bored. I'm so bored. I chanted in my head as Alex came and joined me in the alcove of the window seat. I had cleverly hidden myself from view with the help of the heavy curtains, no easy feat with a dress this large. I had seen Aunty Black coming and needless to say I had panicked. The last thing I could be bothered with was a witch who thought my nails were painted the wrong shade, my hair cut the wrong way, dress out of fashion and, oops, I didn't support a sadistic mad man enough. I couldn't wait to hear what she thought of Remus, my werewolf boyfriend._

I downed the last of my wine and watched drearily as it refilled itself.

I wished Aunt Marilyn was here, she always made me laugh at parties like this by telling us all the scandalous things about the other guests – fake and true. _'See Mrs. Bulstrode over there" she'd say, leaning over to whisper in my ear__ "the one with the limp, yes, she got that by slipping on her toad familiar and falling down the stairs - no really! It's true!" or "__That's Mrs. Gamp, in our third year she cursed all her hair off by mistake and it took a month to get it all out of the common room – and even longer to grow back, just become I persuaded her somebody had put a toffee in it!". We would sit in a corner just giggling; we'd make up the stupidest things._

"I remember that, I used to come over and you would both be laughing away, your faces bright pink" Alex said next to me.

"Do you remember when she told us abo-"

We both became deadly silent as we felt two minds settle into the alcove next to us – one of them was Malfoy.

"So what were you saying about the fifteenth?" a quiet male voice I didn't recognise asked.

"Right yes, the Dark Lord thought it would be prudent to start targeting the mudbloods soon. He told me to alert the usual crowd that on the fifteenth of January we'd be travelling to some of the muggle families to… settle some differences." I didn't have to see him to know he was smirking "He said we'd need a list of the Mudbloods to start which is where you come in."

"Hmm… yes I could do that. It will be difficult of course but I know where the lists are kept"

"Good. You'll be coming on the hunt I presume?"

"I'll do my best. I don't want to miss it, of course"

"Of course, it should be fun"

I exchanged glances with Alex. Fun? They thought killing and presumably torturing muggles was _fun? What the hell was wrong with the world?_

_We should tell Dumbledore about this –it's the sort of thing the resistance – the order of the phoenix – would want to know. Alex said and I sent my assent._

_We can't owl him though, father has our post checked. I said, thinking hard._

_We'll just have to wait._

* * *

**_Alex_**

It was with a sick feeling in our stomachs that we realised the next morning that our wands were missing. We knew what that meant because there is only one person who has ever taken our wands and only ever for one reason.

Father was home and he wasn't happy.


	21. To Catch

**WARNING : VERY VERY DARK CHAPTER**

* * *

**To Catch**

**_Cynthia_**

I didn't know what to do.

Alexander was back and he was angry. More than he should be. What had happened? What had added to his mood? What was he going to do? He had a letter in his clasped hand which he kept unrolling to scowl at again and again. He was muttering and fingering his wand. I was scared. I was scared at what he planned to do to our children.

I knew he'd been angry they'd been put in Gryffindor but this fury was new. I didn't go near him. I knew my place and the limits of my presence. I'd do no good by going to him.

I thought many times about simply grabbing the twins and taking them back to Hogwarts with strict instructions to never come back. I was scared though. Scared of what he'd do to me if I did that. He had never raised his wand against me but there was a first time for everything. I tried to tell myself it wasn't Alex and Lara that had got him in this state.

I didn't believe myself though and my fears were confirmed when I saw their wands on his desk.

That morning at breakfast the twins came down with apprehension and fear in their eyes. I could see they were scared by the way they held hands and the way Lara brushed her hand through her hair. In both their eyes I saw the flickering of their silent communication.

My husband wasn't coming down yet, he had locked himself in his study but I knew he'd be out at some point. The twins, tense as wires when they came in, visibly relaxed when they realised their father wasn't here. I gave them no more than a rapid glance as they came in and then 'continued to read my paper'. They settled into the empty seats and helped themselves to toast.

Outside I could hear nothing except the gentle whistle of the wind. It was still snowing, though not nearly as heavily as before. All the fires were lit and the house elves had dutifully placed insulation charms on the house. This morning I had stared out onto the rolling hills of white and decided that if it were not for the house I would have quite enjoyed living here. Perhaps in a nice cottage, not too big or too small, with worn grey brick walls and a thatched roof. I'd have a garden to tend just like mother used to do and somewhere with a bench to look out over the hills. I'd have like that.

I had been hit by reality not long after as I heard a door slam from behind me.

No. This is where I lived now, he would not care to move and so we would not. He cared little for such simple things as the view from the window or the atmosphere of a house. To him it was better that the place was cold and forbidding. It showed power.

He used to care. When we had first married and gone to live in Germany we had spent months decorating together to make the large house seem warm. He had wrapped an arm around me and talked about how our children should grow up in a cheerful home. In his words I had seen so clearly our children running in and out of the furniture with smiled on their round faces as they tried to catch each other.

I had pretended not to notice as the house slowly declined and sunk into coldness. I had turned my head when he'd come home from work at the ministry with a glint in his eyes. I conjured up fake explanations and told myself that when our approaching twins were born things would lighten up and indeed it did seem that way for a while.

I don't know what had happened to him...

Time ticked away. The morning passed uneventfully and still he remained locked in his study. I heard from the elves that he'd not called for any food or drink while he'd been there. Three o'clock came and went. The twins were in their rooms. Four o'clock I tapped gently on his study door and called if he'd wanted anything. He hadn't answered. At five he got the elves to bring his dinner. Six o'clock, we ate in silence.

I went to the library and he came to me.

"Cynthia darling, will you ask them to meet me in the hall?" His voice had been filled with fake pleasantries and thankfully he left before he saw my horrified expression.

I'd heard him say that before. I wondered if he'd used the exact same words to let me know. Let me know that... Oh Merlin. Oh God. I swear on the magic in my veins...

What do I do?

I didn't know what to do!

* * *

**_Alex_**

"I have received a letter; can you guess what is in this letter?" He said, his face was controlled but the hairline cracks in his composure were widening and his face was becoming pink – which would turn red, then purple. In his hand he held a neatly folded piece of parchment which he was waving and slapping against his other hand. The quiet sound seemed to drum away at the time.

We were in the hall. It was meant to be a grand dining room but it had been cleared of the long oak table and the cold grey stone was unlit save for a single green fire in the grate. It was just like the old room: Long, high ceilinged and bone chillingly cold. Thin arching windows lined one side letting in a stripped pattern of light, exactly the same. I wondered if this room had been modelled to match our German home or if the German mansion was matched to copy this. There was no colour. Just seeing it brought back last time and I almost thought the PCE would kick in. Not that it needed to. This room _was my nightmares._

Remind me why we decided this was the best course of action? Why did we think this was a good idea?

We shook our heads, trying to hold our own composures that hid our terror.

"No? This letter came from a correspondent I have in Hogwarts. It was sent just after you left Hogwarts. Do you know now?" we gapped at him. He'd been spying on us! What could he know? Who was it? I eyed the paper with distrust.

He looked between us with disgust on his face, disgust at the rancid smell of shame. He had a twitch on his top lip as if he wanted to scowl. He looked like he didn't know where to start. I felt a shiver of premonition go down my spine. His gaze settled on me and my blood froze. I knew that look. It seemed to touch my very soul and the quiet menace radiating from his thoughts sent quivered down my spine. When he spoke he was deadly cold and so quiet and fuelled it was even worse than if he'd been shouting.

"To think I ever gave you my name. You are not an Alexander, you are not even Grey." he began walking towards me with deliberate steps, I back away "To think I let you fool me. Oh, I was too soft back then, too shocked that my only son was a... No, I was in denial. Not anymore. I know boy, I know. I know you lied, you little..." I felt my back meet the wall and I stood frozen and panicky, he _knew! He seemed to be trying to find the right word but shook his head in rejection "Well, you're never going back to that school. YOU are never going to see that - that vile boy ever again." He spat "You will both go to the Dark Lord. If you survive that then you will have arranged marriages. You will never leave the house. You will never show your shameful tainted faces to the world we are creating ever again. To think that, my own - my own BLOOD turned into this!" His face was red and he was sputtering. I was petrified._

He knew I was gay! How did he know! How could he! Nobody knew, not about Siri at least! How had the person – the spy - found out! Lara was backed against the window, her head whipping between us. I rubbed my sweating hands against my jeans and found that they were shaking.

"You disgust me" The simple statement was slow to be processed in my thoughts as I watched with numbness as his wand was drawn as if in slow motion. I looked up into his face than and saw the word form on his lips. Lips spoke a single word and I saw every syllable though the sounds did not reach my brain. Croo – lips in a small pushed out O. Shee, lips drawn back, teeth bare to see. Oh, another circle, wider than the last.

"Crucio!"

Pain slammed into me. I screamed so hard I thought I must be able to force out all of my insides with the power. Everything was on fire. Everything was pain. I was pain. My body was shouting at me and my brain was shaking. It was all I could think of. It broke my connection to Lara, though I knew she would still have her mind in mine. She would be burning with me.

I didn't hear the voice around me, not really.

"YOU DISGUSTING, FOUL, DISGRACEFUL AND UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BLOODTRAITOR YOU DESERVE THIS PAIN!"

"STOP IT!"

"YOU'LL REGRET THE DAY YOU EVER DECENDED TO THE LEVEL OF MUGGLES!"

"HURT ME INSTEAD!"

"YOU STINKING, UNCLEAN MAGGOT!"

"PLEASE! NO!"

"SILENCE!"

Then suddenly the pain went and I lay gasping on the cold stone floor of the hall. I couldn't remember falling but that was hardly important. I laid my face against the icy floor, relishing in the cooling temperature. I winced as the throbbing aches all over my body reach my brain; even with the curse gone I was still in pain.

I could hear Lara screaming at _him, calling him names that wouldn't help her own predicament, or mine. Suddenly, Lara's curses were cut off and I heard her fall to her knees._

I looked up and saw that Lara had been gagged and tied up; her eyes were like venom with more hate than I had ever seen on her face. Blood was seeping from under the tightly bound ropes, blossoming on her pale blue shirt in long horizontal lines. Her mind was red and boiling. She looked at me and they softened, she asked me if I was alright and I simply nodded.

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY! YOU DIGUSTING SLUT. You whore for that beast don't you! YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! Oh, I know all about Remus Lupin that non-human monster. You know don't you! You know what that THING is! ARE YOU NOT FULLY AWAY OF WHAT THAT MONSTER IS?"

She just stared at him, unable to deny that she knew he was a werewolf, unable to deny that she had a more than close relationship with him. She stared at him in snow white shock. His bulging eyes, dark with anger, gazed at Lara who tried to stumble back in fear. He advanced on her and wiped out his wand again.

"YOU ARE NO CHILD OF MINE. EVER SINSE YOU WENT TO THAT GOOD FOR NOTHING SCHOOL WITH THAT CRACK POT, MUDBLOOD LOVING HEADTEACHER YOU HAVE BEEN DISLOYAL AND NO BETTER THAN MUDBLOOD FREAKS! FRATERNISING WITH WEREWOLVES, MUDBLOOD FILTH AND BLOOD TRAITORS LIKE POTTER AND BLACK. YOU BOTH DISGUST ME!"

_"CRUCIO!" _

"NO!" I yelled.

She screamed and twisted in the ropes that tied her. Her face was red with agony and the sound her muffled cries were cutting like daggers through me. But the worst was her mind. Lara's pain surged through our connection into me and I wept at the agonized mentality that was my sister. It brought back my own torture and I had no trouble remembering the feeling. Her world was all pain. _Our world was all pain. And our own father was doing it._

Why did we come!

I was beating the floor with my fists so hard that I left bloody paw mark of the stone.

I couldn't bear this. I had to do something. I wanted to...

* * *

**_Lara_**

My limbs seemed to burst into flame. My eyes were being turned inside out. Thousands of white hot needles were being jammed into my brain. My skin was being grated away. I tried to scream, but the gag stopped me. Nevertheless it felt as if my entire body was raw from this desperate force in my throat. The excruciating pain was flooding me, drowning me and I begged for it to stop. I'd do anything to make it stop. I'd die, just to make it go away. I couldn't breathe for the gag, I wanted to flail and writhe but the ropes wouldn't let me. Darkness and red filled my sight; I was alone in this never ending pain, for Alex wasn't out there. Not to me.

It seemed like it would never stop and my mind gave a threatening shudder, as if it was about to snap.

When it finally did end, not a moment too soon, I slumped to the floor in defeat, the digging ropes still holding me up. This was a mere dull pain compared to _that._

* * *

**_Alex_**

_He had begun to calm slightly. His face was revolted and hateful still but his rage had quieted down. I stared at the floor._

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him whip his wand and Lara's gag shot out of her mouth, which started to bleed profusely from a cut in her lip. She spat the blood dully onto the floor before the shiny black shoes of our father.

I wept and crawled to the heaving body of my sister, not caring what _he may think of it. I cradled her small form in my arms and send my mind soothingly into hers, comforting the person inside and helping to pull the pieces together again. I felt her respond in my arms and her thoughts replied feebly, I sighed with relief._

"I have to know what you know, where you stand" he said and there was an evil glint in his eyes that I had never seen there before. Something had been twisted in his mind; he had never come close to breaking us when he'd been angry before. It was like a leach had been implanted into his brain and sucked out anything merciful and forgiving.

The Dark Lord had released and encouraged everything bad about this already cruel man.

He stepped towards me and I shrank away.

He raised his wand and I felt as if rope had been tied across by chest and was pulling me up. I was being pushed roughly against the wall and my face was turned forcefully towards _him, my father._

He gave me another sly smile and said in a more hushed voice.

"I am about to use one of the most useful things the Dark Lord taught me. Now, now there's no need to cry – I'm sure it doesn't hurt – not that I would know..."

I tried to shake my head in disgust but the spell wouldn't let me.

"You tell us we're foul but I don't think you know the meaning of the word. You should try looking in a mirror, it might help you with your definitions" I spat at him instead.

He stared at me with hate, then, his eyes still locked on mine, he raised his wand and pointed it at me.

"You'll regret that. Now let see how you like the taste of your own medicine. I wonder how many secrets you have stolen with that unnatural mind of yours. Time to see"

_"Legilimens"_

I dived into my memories and I felt_ him follow me._

_I saw Hogwarts high on the hill gleaming, beautiful / The sorting hat was telling me about myself and I wish not for Slytherin / I meet Lily and she's telling me and Lara about her muggle family / Sirius is talking about his cruel dark-arts pure-blood mother with a look of disgust / we're all reading the news cringing and weeping over the latest deaths, I wonder if father killed them and feel ashamed / I'm looking at Sirius, the joy dancing in his eyes, he's beautiful / I'm finally kissing Sirius! He likes me back! / I'm about to leave for Christmas break, I'm scared of father / Mother looks at us with that strange mind again, what's different? / The party is in full swing, I hate it / Malfoy and that other voice enter the alcove next to us, we hear them talk about – No! – We decide to - NO!_

I hear him growl with annoyance and a blast of boiling hot air is blasted towards Lara. She screams in shock and my eyes go wide. Trust him to know my weak point. I feel Lara touching the left side of her stinging face and finds it wet, hot blood trickles down her neck. She looks at me in panic; she knows that this way father will find out about our plan to alert the order, a deliberate action for the light side. I don't know how to get us out and away. I made a promise to Sirius and I want to keep it.

"AGAIN!"

"STOP! STOP IT! I BEG YOU! I BEG YOU, LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lara shrieked shrilly.

"SILENCE!" He slashed his wand viciously though the air and she was thrown into the wall, knocked out by the force of the spell she slid to the floor, unmoving.

"Legilimens!"

_"The Dark Lord thought it would be prudent to start targeting the mudbloods soon. He told me to alert the usual crowd that on the fifteenth of January we'd be travelling to some of the muggle families to… settle some differences." I didn't have to see him to know he was smirking "He said we'd need a list of the Mudbloods to start which is where you come in."_

_"Of course, it should be fun"_

_We should tell Dumbledore – the Order of the Phoenix - they could do something about it I'm sure._

I was released from the wall and I slid down. I felt a kick hit my stomach and the air in my lungs was forced out. I couched but didn't move more than that. I felt my arm dragged out from under me and a sharp pain came from it but I didn't care anymore.I was mentally weak and my brain protested as I opened my eyes. I was ashamed at myself for letting him in. I should have fought harder against him. I throbbed all over and I tasted of blood and sweat and fear. I was a shame to my family, like I'd always known. My sister would curse me for these thoughts but I hated myself and wasn't sure if I wanted to live through any more pain.

My sister? Where was Lara? She was silent inside my head and I couldn't hear her mind. No. She couldn't be...

I struggled up, nearly giving up half way through but continued because I needed to find Lara.

My brain seemed to work in slow motion.

I saw him leaning over her, she was still, inactive. No. He was doing something to her arm. I didn't know what. I didn't care. Her beautiful silver hair was fanned out around her, stained with blood. Then I saw her face.

And the deep red slash that crossed it.

She was silent. The bright, strong person that always lurked in the back of my mind was silent.

I had broken my promise like I had her broken face.

It was my fault.

My sister was dead. I could not live without my sister. I would not see Sirius again, I wasn't going back. My sister was dead and I had broken my promise.

It was my fault.

I knew I was about to faint and I hoped I would never wake from it.

* * *

**Was it too much? I kept thinking it was too dark but I don't know... reviews are very welcome...**

**Oh and as i said to Emerald Malfoy - do not make assumptions... **


	22. To Wake

**Here it is, I tried to do this really fast (though it was basically all written 4 months ago...) because I think I got a little scared everyone would stop reading my story because I, um, killed off a main character... Hence me adding that note at the end of the last chapter. *blushes***

* * *

**To wake**

**_Cynthia_**

Lights flickered, orange and weak, over the two faces. A woman stood at the foot of a double bed, cast in shadow. The lit skin of the occupants of the bed was shallow, pasty, sick, but still their hair shone and sparkled. The room was dark.

I stood and stared at my children. My children.

I had put them both in Alex's bed and the sheets, like my hands, were stained with blood. This world was dark and cruel. It was cruel for a man to throw curses at his only children. It was dark for a woman to be too cowardly to fight for their safety.

It was late in the night, time had passed like the ticking of a clock, stead but mostly unnoticed. I hadn't noticed the sun going down and I wonder what time it had happened. Had it gone down as I stood outside the hall in tears? Or as I tended my children? Maybe it had gone down as I stood here? I didn't really care and I didn't waste too much of my effort trying to figure it out but it was a strange thing to miss. Nor had I noticed the candles in this room come on. Had I lit them? The elves perhaps? Or had they been on before I even came in?

I didn't matter.

Images were descending before my eyes like slide shows and each one sent rocking shivers down my spine.

Walking into the hall I saw them, on opposite side of the room. It struck me that it was unnatural to see them so far apart and yet so similar. Each was on the floor, collapsed with their faces to the sky. I remember thinking then, with the force of an anvil, I remember thinking: 'Oh my Merlin, he's killed them. He'd murdered my children'. I remember the moment the world stopped as I processed this thought.

I saw his face. The man I loved, had loved, do love – do I love? That didn't matter either. He stood between them with a face so... I couldn't describe it. He was so angry, so shameful, so... quiet. I didn't look at him as he gave me orders and stormed away. I was in a state of shock.

Once upon a time he had been my stable, my one thing that didn't change around me. No, my delusions had been powerfully built.

The world was closing around us and I cursed the power behind it. My shame was complete and overpowering. To think, that I had once supported this. To think, that even when I had realised the truth, I'd stood back and let it happen until it was too late.

My children, bruised, tortured and bloody, should never have been here. They were so strong but what could they have done? Nothing, not as the events went. I could have done something. I could have.

But I didn't.

At least they were alive. At least they have a chance. At least I have one more chance to do what I should have done a long time ago.

I wept. I could have stopped this. The tears stained my blouse. I could have sent them away. I was filthy and their blood stained my hands. I was a coward.

But not anymore. He could kill me if he wanted, torture me or slice me to shreds. I would no longer be a coward. It wasn't bravery though, I wasn't brave, I was terrified and I just didn't care. That wasn't bravery.

In the morning he will come into this room, ready to take his children to the Dark Lord and he will not find them. He will expect to find them here with his dutiful wife but he will not. The blood-stained sheets will be empty and I will be standing here ready for whatever punishment he believes is necessary.

I had awoken from my naive trance.

I will not be a coward.

* * *

**_Alex_**

I woke to pain. My body throbbed in every place possible. My head was pounding and my arms and chest felt like thousands of needles had been beaten into place there. My muscles felt feeble and exhausted.

Where was I? What had happened to me?

It came back to me in snapshots. Small pieces of memory that eventually built up to make a picture of –

"Lara!"

I sat up suddenly and every inch of me vibrated with complaint. The room was dark around me apart from the feeble light of a dozen candles. A hand was laid on my chest and gently pushed me back into the pillows.

"Easy, take it slow. Lara's fine. Or at least as fine as yourself, with... additions." A gently voice said, breaking.

"Lara... she's alive?" I asked not quite sure to whom I was speaking but not caring apart from that vital fact I needed to know.

"Yes, she's completely unconscious but alive."

Unconscious... that's why I could not hear her. That and I must have been fairly disillusioned. She was alive.

It was then that I recognised the voice.

"Mother?" I gasped, of all the people!

"Yes. It's me" she said with a sigh "and we need to get you out of here. Soon."

I gentle pulled myself into a sitting position, noticing in the process that Lara lay next to me. I gasped.

"Her face! Will it heal? How long is it?"

A bright red cut travelled from her left temple, down to the corner of her mouth and then down her neck and shoulder, vanishing beneath her robes. In the light it looked grizzly although I could see mother had preformed some semi effective healing charms on it to seal it and stop it bleeding.

"I tried to heal it but it was a dark spell that doesn't heal very well. She'll always have a scar there. And as for how long it is... it goes down to her hip" she sniffed and nervously ran her hand through her black hair. It was a habit Lara was partial to and I stared as I saw the familiar gesture.

I shook my head in disbelief. He'd broken all his boundaries tonight.

"Why did you marry that monster?"

She gave a quiet, humourless laugh.

"Why? Because I loved him. Because I didn't know what he would become. He was charming, handsome and intelligent and all my family approved. Even I am not a fortune teller, I failed at Divination. No, by the time I even had an inkling of what he was becoming I had a family, with two growing children who needed a sta- a stable life, I didn't think... this would happen." She bowed her head and I realised this was the most emotion I had ever seen in her. The cold woman I'd known had broken and this was what was inside.

"How are we going to get out?"

She looked at me and I saw tear tracks striping her face.

"Your father is asleep, I have your wands and you trunks are down stairs. I'm going to sidelong apperate you both to Hogsmeade and send a message to the school. That's the only way it will work, I'm not going to send you on the Night bus." She said with a determined voice. She was straightening and dusting her clothes down.

"Can you stand?"

I swing my legs over the side of the bed and place them on the floor and though they are shaking uncontrollably I'm happy to feel they support my weight.

"Good. We're going to have to support your sister."

Later I would not be able to recall the details of our escape. I had been too weary and my brain could not absorb the memories.

We crept about the house nervously. We'd managed to wake Lara and I was carrying her in my arms. It was hard work and my torture weak arms and rickety mind did not like carrying her weight but I had to because she was completely out of energy. Something about the curse had drained her and I was anxious to get her to Hogwarts.

Darkness was everywhere; it was trying to cling to me like the desperate fingers of beggars. The shadows stretched on in this too large house. The corridors were too long, to cold and too empty. We walked passed to many doors to count and the stairs of ice stone twisted surreally.

Mother was leading the way through the cold corridors with a light bobbing before her and she kept nervously looking behind her shoulder and around corners as if she expected _him_ to jump out suddenly on the next bend. I found myself wanting to do the same, each prick on my shoulder made me shiver and want to spin around. I didn't have the energy to perform my wishes though.

When we reached the front door where our trunks were waiting she pushed me ahead of her and out into the cold night. The wind seemed to blow straight through my robes and I shivered violently. Lara curled up tighter in my arms and I hugged her to me tightly.

We were together at least. I didn't think about the dark seconds when I believed her to be... no, I couldn't go there...

The stars glinted in the sky and the moon, close to full, lit the path through the front garden. Mother had explained that we have to get out of the grounds before we could apperate so I headed towards the break in the fence.

Mother was just behind me and her agitated state did no good for my own nerves.

* * *

**_Albus and Minerva_**

Dumbledore was sitting in his office with Professor McGonagall. It was late into the night (or early in the morning you could say) and it may have seemed like a strange time to be having a meeting but this was important.

The news, as it most commonly was, did not bode well for the Order of the Phoenix.

"Albus, what are we going to do?" asked Minerva, the strain in her voice apparent.

He raised his head and met her eyes.

"There's not much we can do. Get Fenwick and Dearborn to cover their shift, I believe they have that evening free otherwise..."

Minerva gave a quiet sob and the room descended into silence. They sat there for about ten minutes before they were suddenly interrupted.

A protronus in the form of a Gazelle burst into the room its silvery light eliminating the sober faces of the two professors. McGonagall jumped to her feet while Dumbledore passively looked at the silver form.

Then the Gazelle opened her mouth and a female voice echoed around the room.

"Help them. They're at the gate of the school. I tried my best."

And then it vanished.

Dumbledore, motionless before, suddenly got to his feet and strode from the room, McGonagall close behind.

"Who do you think she meant; whoever she was" she asked at his heel.

"I have a guess"

* * *

**_Alex_**

"What will happen to you mother?" asked Lara, her voice quiet. She shivered and I wrapped my arms around her.

Mother seemed to hesitate but answered all the same.

"Who knows? Your father will be angry and I guess this will be the real test for our fragile relationship. He loved me once and he has never raised his wand to me but I have disobeyed him and I don't know how he will take that" She said uncertainly.

She didn't sound scared, even though she was risking all for us. She just looked relieved, like she had finally done the right thing. Her change in her mind suddenly became clear to me for I could now recognise the twisting feeling in her as guilt.

"The man who did this to us will never be our father. But you, you will always be our mother, remember that" Lara said and she reached out and kissed our mother on the cheek.

I went forward and wrapped my arms around the woman who'd never really looked at me or spoken to me. She responded to us by wrapping her own arms around us and for the first time since we'd been small we hugged each other and it felt like we had family.

She pulled back reluctantly and I grabbed Lara to stop her falling.

"I have to go"

"Why? Why could you not stay here too?" I questioned, surprised to hear my voice breaking.

She smiled sadly.

"Because I must. He's my husband and I have to believe he can change back. Good bye. Never come back to us, okay? You can't do that anymore" she stared at us.

"You've both grown so much. I'm so proud of you both. I love you, don't forget that"

And then she was gone with a small pop and we were alone in the night.

* * *

**_Albus and Minerva_**

Dumbledore saw the two figures and his suspicions were confirmed. They saw that the girl was leaning heavily against her brother who additionally was gripping the fence to hold himself up. As they got closer they saw the mark across her face and Minerva let out a shocked gasp.

Anger was boiling in Dumbledore's eyes as he saw the exhaustion and pain in the clammy faces of the twins and the identical eyes that looked older than those of many mature men and women. These two had been through a lot, too much.

Minerva rushed forward once the gates had been opened and we helped them up to the castle and the hospital wing. No questions were asked, save for the silent ones in their eyes.

Poppy had come running up to us, still in a night dress and had had helped us lay them in two beds. Both fell asleep instantly and the matron had erected a screen to hide the pair while she checked them over.

The two professors waited in silence for Poppy to return, neither knowing whether they wanted to know the results of the diagnostic.

When she did come back her face was pale and grim.

"Where have those two been?" she asked as they walked into her office.

"At their parent's house I believe" replied McGonagall with a frown.

The matron shook her head and stared at her hands.

"Well somebody's been torturing them, that for sure, and used dark magic. Larissa has a cursed cut from her temple to her hip which I can't heal. She'll always have that scar. They both have the word GREY carved into their arms with the same curse. She has also been tied up and gagged, if the marks on her are anything to tell by. They both show effects of the Crutiatus curse. And thenthere is Alexander who looks like somebody has been hacking into his memories as well. For what it worth, I hope this was not done at home"

That sat I silence and digested this, their faces grim.

* * *

**_Sirius_**

It was odd without the Grey twins around, we had all got used to their presence in our conversations. There quirking duo personality, the way they spoke the same sentence between them, or the way they responded to your feelings. It was just us Marauders, as it had always been, but something had shifted in our group.

We were all worried about the Greys, Remus and I the most, naturally. Alex's empty bed ominously reminded us of their situation and I spent hours brooding nervously. It wasn't fair that almost half an hour after we had kissed he had to whisked away to most likely be tortured. I cursed myself constantly for not locking him in his bed or putting a full-body-bind on him until the train left. My tension was becoming so bad that I had a permanent lump of stone in my chest and my breathing was messed up. Me! Sirius Black, reduced to this! And it had only been three days!

We were at breakfast, Padfoot and Lily had had their ritual argument as way of saying 'good morning' and I was eating. What? Just because I'm scared shitless about the Greys doesn't mean I can't eat. The house elves had done themselves proud, as they usually did at Christmas, and Remus was looking at me with a bemused face as I consumed more and more food.

At this moment, however, something happened to make me completely forget the cinnamon and raison fruit loaf.

Tiny Amy Farmer came running into the hall (which wasn't really that unusual) and halted with a skidding stop in front of us Marauders. As expected Tabby soon came panting into the hall, her face pink from trying to catch up with the ball of energy that was Amy.

"Remus, Lily, Sirius, James. People. Guess what I've just heard. Guess! No you won't get it. I've just heard from somebody – can't remember who, a teacher, I think or maybe it was Ellen and Mary, I don't know – but I've just heard, or at least me and Tabby did, hey Tabs! You caught up! Anyway, we just heard! Alex and Lara are back!"

Me, Remus and Lily jumped to our feet.

"They are?

"Where?

"Are they alright?"

We all said at once.

Amy held out her hands.

"Easy! Too many questions! They're in the hospital wing apparently. I don't know why. I hope they're ok! Do you think they are? Tabs said their father- hey! Where you going?" she called after us but we were nearly out of the hall by now. I heard James and Wormy run after us.

"Oh no. Oh no. Oh no!" Lily muttered several octaves higher than usual as we neared the double doors of the Hospital wing.

* * *

**_Remus_**

We stopped in front of the doors. Sirius was all for charging straight in but I held him back. I couldn't stop thinking about Lara. Was she ok? What had happened? How had she got back and when and why?**__**

I knocked on the door, trying to not break it in the process, and we waited. Sirius was shifting from foot to foot and Lily was still muttering. The other two had caught up and were leaning against the wall panting for breath. It felt like an age before the matron final pulled the door open, when in actual fact it had been less than a minute.

Her strict profile came into view and she surveyed the group of teenagers warily. There was a tired feel about her – as if she'd been awake all night and I felt my chest clench.

"Rumours really do seem to get around fast don't they? I know why your here. I don't know if there's much point in you coming in however – they're in an enchanted sleep and nothing going to wake them for a while yet." the five of us moved into the room regardless "But then you lot never do seem to be able to listen to sense." She said, closing the door behind us with a sigh.

I knew this room well. Every month I'm in here, every month I wake up after a full moon in this large airy room. That's why, as soon as I enter the room, I head towards the screens at the end, the big new screens hiding approximately two beds.

I'm suddenly nervous though.

Lara is in there for a reason and whatever that reason is I'm not going to like it. I'm scared. I'm scared of what I'll see. Is she ok? Or is she... not?

I can't not go in though, not after everything.

We're all completely silent as we walk in. Poppy is fussing around inside, doing whatever it is healers do when their patients aren't actually in need.

I see Alex first, he has dark rings around his eyes and his arms and chest are wrapped up. He's fast asleep and his chest is rising and falling gently.

And then Lara is there. Her silver hair is spread out around her pillow and her pale arms are on the top of the sheets. Her left arm is bandaged from the elbow to the wrist. Her face, deep in sleep, looks peaceful and delicate and it occurs to me that I've never seen her sleeping.

When I see her though, I cry out in pain. I rushed to her side, almost stumbling, and I stare at her beautiful face. And the cut that ran across it.

It's a livid red that stands out clearly on her pale skin and it runs from her temple to... I didn't know. It spread all the way down her face, her neck, her shoulders and then disappeared under the covers. It was ugly and a felt tears run down my face at the disgusting piece of work. Her eyes had dark shadows under them and her cheeks were shallow from fatigue.

He did this. He, who was meant to protect her. He, who had watched her grow up. He, who had fathered her. He did this.

I was so angry. The wolf inside me growled and snarled and I gripped the bed in my hands until my knuckles went white. I bit back the roar of anger trying to force its way through and I felt blood in my mouth.

I couldn't stand it. I couldn't sit here and do nothing. I stormed out of the enclosure around the beds and out of the hospital wing.

* * *

**_Lily_**

We walk behind the screens and I see the two beds next to each other with the two sleeping twins. Remus gives a small gasp of pain as he sees Lara and runs to her side. I stare shocked at the cut across her face and chest and whimper.

Somebody body has wrapped an arm around my waist and I gratefully turn into their shoulder and sob. Who would do that to their own child?

The person I'm leaning on pats me gently on the back and I feel ashamed for ruining their shirt with my tears. Their hard chest is beneath my hands and a familiar smell is coming from them. I try to think of what it reminds me of but my mind turns up blank.

I pull back to look at my comforter and I'm surprised (and a little horrified) to find its Potter. Ugh. I pull back and turn back to the twins, trying to convince myself its not to hide my blush.

Sirius is standing at the foot of Alex's bed. Just standing there, staring. He's shoved his hands into his pockets and his hair shields his face from me.

Remus suddenly gets up, his face screwed up with anger and he speeds out of the room. I begin to follow but Potter puts a hand on my shoulder and goes instead. I sigh.

* * *

**Sighs, the last few chapters have just been tooo stressful if you ask me :) thank Merlin we're back at Hogwarts!**


	23. To Tell

**Sorry it took a while, school just started and there was a lot I wanted to put in this chapter - I didn't even get it all in to be honest :) Well hope you enjoy, a thanks again to all my fabulous reviewers - You all give me such a boost to write!**

* * *

**To Tell**

**_Remus_**

I had forgotten it was snowing.

Everywhere the blanket stretched apart from the few trenches where people had walked, even the lake was white, frozen. I was cold in my thin jumper and my hands, gloveless and shoved in my pockets, felt as if they'd fall away no matter how much I rubbed them. White fell all around me landing on my eyelashes and making me blink.

At least my shoes weren't wet.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice it. They say that in times of grief or anger you notice nothing but the pain in your chest and the fire in your thoughts. Metaphorical rubbish of course. I was standing out here freezing cold to the core with nothing but my fuming thoughts to keep me company.

Or at least I did until James came.

He didn't say anything but he seemed to know what to do. He handed me a coat, some gloves and a hat wordlessly and stood by my side in front of frozen lake.

The images twisting in my thoughts like snakes. I didn't want to imagine, to think, about the things the twins must have been through. All the same, the flashes seemed to leak into my brain and they wormed themselves into me. I felt trapped and useless; I didn't know what I should do!

I felt as if I should have stopped it from happening. I felt like it was my fault, that if I'd only tried hard to argue my case they wouldn't have gone. Her poor face. My Lara, my girl, I should have found a way to stop that. What had he done to them? That- that sick minded, sadistic, cruel, heartless, pitiless, ungrateful little bastard! Words poured from my head and I growled, kicking the snow brutally. A cloud of ice sprang into the air.

I wonder if I were to cry, would my tears freeze on my face?

I turned around and stared at the castle. It looked so inviting up there, the tall towers shining with warm yellow lights and the sound of laughter and talk drifting down. The sky around it was a pale grey, several shades lighter than her eyes. I suppose I should go back up. If not for the fact I was beginning to lose feeling in various parts of my body or that James probably wanted to go then to make sure I was at her side when she woke up.

I was calmer now; the world had slapped me out of my internal debate (rudely if I may add).

"It will be alright you know" Prongs said next to me and I nodded.

I will be alright. The twins were both back and they were alive. Sure they had been through a lot but they would recover and this time they were surrounded by friends. I would be here all the way. There was no way I'd let her leave my side again. I loved her to much to risk... these last few days had been hell, I didn't want a reprise. I didn't want to live without her.

"Come on then. Before both of us become infertile" I said and James laughed.

It would be okay, right?

**_Lily_**

It was a strange thing to be sitting in a hospital room waiting for people to wake up. We all sat there, each in our own worlds, each in our own spaces. Sirius sat on a chair at Alex's side with his back to the wall just sitting there staring into nothing. Peter was on the floor at the foot of the beds catching up on homework, I found the gentle sound of the quill scratching soothing. I sat reading on a chair facing the two beds and James at in a chair opposite me between them. He was sketching something I couldn't see and every now and then he and Sirius would speak quietly across Alex. Lastly was Remus, who sat on another chair next to Lara with his head resting on her pillow and his hand wrapped around hers.

Occasionally Madam Pomfrey would march in, side step Peter, nearly walking into me and wave James furiously away so she could check her patients. At one point she even made all the boys leave so that she could check Lara over. I stayed to help.

I nearly started crying again when I saw her. The cut across her face trailed all the way down her body and ended at her hip. It was bandaged up and Pomfrey explained that it would not heal magically. She also had bruising around her arms where she'd... where she'd been tied up.

And then there was the really sick thing. On both the twins their surname had been... ugh... had been cut into their arms. GREY. It was such a possessive thing to see and I was glad the boys hadn't seen them. I could only imagine... Remus probably wouldn't be the only one to walk out in anger. It reminded me of the dark marks on the arms of Death Eaters.

Once that was done everyone came back in and went right back to where they'd been before. Remus didn't ask about the cut but I could see he wanted to.

James moved and sat next to me. I didn't bother to complain. He'd been so different in these last few hours. Naturally, he would be when we were in the company of our gravely injured and tormented friends but still, it made a nice change. The smirk had completely disappeared and he would just sit and frown, deep in thought. I had never seen him so genuine, it was like he'd pulled off the mask and was just James Potter. He hadn't asked me out once, just stared at me with those wide hazel eyes that were so sad and fearful. He stared at me as if I were the one who had just been tortured and it was sort of unnerving. Nevertheless when our eyes met I couldn't gather up the will power to move them away so we would just sit there looking at each other.

I wondered what he was thinking.

**_Lara_**

Waking up was no fun.

I ached all over, my head was pounding and I was really, really itchy. What was with that?

Next to me, somewhere to my left I felt Alex stir. I could also feel other minds around me but to be honest I really couldn't be bother to deal with other people. Flashes of last night (last night?) crashed down on me and I clenched my hands. I wasn't really awake but my memories still attacked me. Again and again I saw the room, I remember Alex's screams, the pain, the ropes, I remember him breaking into Alex's mind, I remember shouting at him then a sudden bang and then no more. It was at this point that I must have been knocked out. I bit my lip and an old cut from the gag opened.

"Ow, dammit!" I said as I felt blood fill my mouth, I raised a hand to try and stem the bleeding cringing at the pain that movement made. I hadn't realise I'd opened my eyes until I became conscious of five wide eyes focused on me "Oh, hi guys. When did we get here? Oh wait... no I remember now..." I remembered our escape from the house and mother... my face fell.

"Lara!"

"How do you feel?"

"Lara! You're awake!" Someone practically shouted next to me and I turned my head to see Remus with a very relieve and very tired face.

"It seems so" My voice was sore so I stopped speaking and just stared at my boyfriend who was now stroking my forehead carefully. I let myself stare into the beautiful blue gold eyes and smiled as the piece of blond hair feel over his face, again. I pushed it back behind his ear.

"It so good to see you awake, we were so worried" I heard Lily say and I nodded vaguely.

I could feel that next to her sat James and I smiled slightly to feel them next to each other. Seemed I'd missed something in that section. In front of them was Peter and Sirius was next to Alex, he was very worried at the moment.

"Don't worry Sirius, Alex will be awake in approximately... ten seconds" I said quietly but I knew he heard.

Sure enough in about that amount of time Alex groaned but he didn't get to do much more than opened his eyes before Sirius attacked him with a kiss. I chuckled and heard Lily do the same. I looked up to see James and Peter staring wide eyed at the couple in shock. Sirius drew away with a smile and Alex blinked several time.

"Oh. well. Good to see you too" he said absently, still a little bamboozled at being snogged three seconds after he'd woken up from a very deep sleep.

At this moment Poppy marched into the room, nearly tripped over Peter who was on the floor and walking right into James who sat next to Lily. She grunted in frustration but really it was her fault for walking so fast.

"Ah good, you're awake. The headmaster would like to see you and you five need to go as well" She said sternly and shooed the other out of the room. There was a lot of grumbling but eventually they all left after Remus gave me and quick kiss and Sirius squeezed Alex hand. They all waved and promised to come later. I felt my heart soar at being surrounded by all these incredible people.

And now came the difficult part. We had anticipated it, dreaded it, and now we would have to actually do it.

**_Alex_**

Professor Dumbledore.

All my life I had heard about this man, from my parents, friends, teachers and the media. Everyone had a different opinion. Fath-_ He considered him to be a barmy old idiot who stuck his nose into everyone's business. Our teachers were a mix of indifference, irritation and plain old simply hero-worshiping (or a variation between them). They told that he was powerful, wise and a tad eccentric but it was the whispers that really caught our attention._

People in my school were scared to speak against dark lords as a rule. We were the pure bloods, the superiors who believed almost always in the views of the extremists. We, who paid for the best and held our back straight and thought only of ourselves, as expected, should not be caught doing anything else. But we still heard the whispers.

Dumbledore: the one the Dark Lord fears, the one who rallies against him, who stood up in opposition to him. Dumbledore and the word 'resistance' were often heard together.

And here he was. Just as eccentric as they said and I thought the description of 'barmy' might not be so far off. He was wearing a bright purple cloak with ruby red robes underneath. It was all quite lavishly embroidered and the fabric looked heavy and finely made. It had to be the most out of fashion thing I had ever seen but this headmaster pulled it off very well. Tucked into his belt was his long silver beard which was pretty undistinguishable from his silver hair. Perched on the end of his lone nose a pair half moon spectacles sat but they were so far from his eyes and so tiny that I wondered if he even needed them to see. He seemed to look over them most of the time anyway...

Nevertheless I could see the power in this man. The very air seemed to thrum with magic and I knew that he was anything but stupid. He eyes, clear blue, sparkled and brimmed with intelligence. Of course I heard nothing of his thoughts and I stayed far away from them but I could feel the constant ticking and analysing in his thoughts. It was... unnerving.

I was instantly uncomfortable.

I didn't look into his eyes more than once because I could feel them pierce my soul. I could feel him look deep inside me and I'd certainly had enough of that to last a lifetime.

Lara was quite the opposite. She always was, though people often mistook us to being exactly the same. She instantly relaxed as he strolled into out cubicle and she sent him a small smile. She was, to be blunt, curious (not to mention excited) to meet this powerful, well known person. She probably observed him as much as he was observing us as he walked into the room. She didn't approach his mind which without a doubt would be barred completely shut but she did marvel at the aura around him. When he looked into her eyes she didn't remove her gaze once.

If he was unnerved by it he didn't mention it and I didn't sense it.

"Alexander, Larissa Grey, it's a pleasure to meet you. I do not believe we haven't been formally introduced yet: I am Professor Dumbledore, though I expect you already knew that" He chuckled "I hate to interrupt your rest but... well, I think you understand. Bean?" He held out a box of Bertie Bott's every flavoured beans box and while I shook my head Lara took a pinkish one which turned out to be Turkish delight. I was a little miffed at why he was offering us candy...

"I've found myself rather addicted to them of late but shh – don't tell Poppy" he winked at us. He's mad. To use a Sirius phrase – completely off his rocket.

He popped a purple sweet into his mouth and chewed it slowly while looking at us. Looked at us long and hard, suddenly serious, and I shifted in my bed. This man really knew how to change his mood...

"Now... I understand that this may be difficult but I must ask you to explain what led you to be in this room." He said gravely.

I exchanged looks with Lara.

_Do you want me...? I asked uncertainly._

_No... I will. But should we explain about last time?_

_I don't think it's that necessary, not unless he asks..._

_True, shall I say about the DE situation and the plans to attack Muggle born families?_

_Yeah, we did plan on telling him anyway. _

_Okay, but you will have to fill in the blank from when I became unconscious. She replied and I nodded._

_I'll pick it up if you stop. She nodded back and turned to Dumbledore who was eying us curiously, though he was quick to hide it. I quickly sent my mind out and didn't find anyone close enough to hear what we were saying._

Then Lara began talking. She didn't emit anything though she didn't go into the dark details, for obvious reasons. Dumbledore didn't interrupt once but throughout our story his face became grimmer and grimmer and even the sparkle in his eye had dimmed... She gave him an overview of our family's view and pure-blood status and Death Eater involvement. She spoke about, our fear of father since being put in Gryffindor, and the party where we overheard Malfoy and about the arranged marriage between her and Regulus Black. She told him about the spy, me being gay (after asking me) and our father's views on things like that. She talked about him knowing Remus was a werewolf (how _did he know?). Then she went on to talk about him breaking into my mind at which point she stuttered._

"Alex tried to stop him, tried to push him away and it worked. He stopped... I remember... I shouted at him... but..."

"You shouted at him to stop but he got angry and I guess he must have just acted on instinct because he flew that curse – the one that did that to your face – and you lost consciousness. I... I thought you were dead..."

I pushed back the memories. I didn't want to feel that feeling again, that loneliness, guilt and _emptiness that had swallowed me._

"After that he attacked my mind again but I couldn't hold him off and he heard about our plans to tell you about what we overheard, among other things – like how we wanted to work against the Dark Lord" I looked at him now, showing him the sincerity in my eyes "I lost consciousness and when I awoke it must have been a few hours later and our mother was looking after us. She smuggled us and all of our stuff out of the manor and side-long appirated us to Hogsmeade where she sent a message to you. And well... that's it. If you do try and do something then let it be saving our mother... she went back and we... we don't know what he's going to do to her. Though it may be too late I suppose..." I trailed off thinking of that woman. I hadn't known her and she'd never tried to rectify that but... I knew she'd cared, been too scared perhaps for our sake, and for her own wellbeing. There was no crime in being scared for yourself... She'd saved us in the end. She was our mother and she'd loved us, she'd proven that, and we loved her. She'd opened and for once I'd seen beyond the mask.

Dumbledore looked at us gravely over his spectacles and then he seemed to sigh.

**_Lara_**

I was standing in the dormitory bathroom before the floor to ceiling mirror. It was four o'clock in the morning and I'd woken with nightmares this morning. Everyone was fast asleep: Lily looking peaceful and fair in the pale moon light with her flaming red hair around her, Alice was hidden by her maroon curtains but dreaming inside, Tabby would smiled gently in her sleep and Amy who was curled into a tight ball with her quilt in a tangled mess around her and her pillows on the floor.

I'd stared at them all for a while, just relishing in my new friends who were always so animated and excepting. I'd closed the door gentle as I slipped into the bathroom, I didn't bother to lock the door.

We had stayed in the hospital wing for five days, finally being let out on Christmas Eve. Our friends had visited us every day; Remus and Sirius were an almost constant presence in our 'room'. We were both slowly gathering strength but it was slower than last times we'd been tortured. It most likely had something to do with the curse that he'd thrown at me and the way he'd broke into Alex's thoughts. It had drained the both of us.

Lily had visited every day as well and I'd sent her many pointed looks in the subject of James. I'd been rewarded with many blushes, though I could tell she still thought of him as annoying and immature.

The Marauders would come in and tell me all about the various pranks they'd pulled. James and Peter had gotten used to the idea that their best friend was dating my brother though James looked like he'd already suspected it beforehand.

We hadn't really breached the subject of what happened to us – just a quick explanation into the whys. The boys had taken this news to mean it was their fault it had all happened, though they'd not said it out loud. We'd been quick to shout that down; I couldn't stand the feeling of misplaced guilt.

When we were finally released (several days later than I would have medically thought necessary – but hey) we were confronted with an entire schools worth of attention and stared. My scar didn't help. Everywhere I went heads turned to face me, their large eyes zeroing on the mark. Remus would draw me closer and glare at the people in question while I just gritted my teeth and walked past. I didn't try and hide it, that would get me nowhere but I did find myself keeping my hair over at least some of it.

The floor felt cold on my bare white feet as I padded to the shower and the lights that had danced on were too bright for my eyes. Now comes the tricky operation of removing the bandages still wrapped around me.

I started with the ones on my arms. First the right arm where I just had a few around the marks from the ropes. I wouldn't have to wear this one anymore, because even though the skin was a little bruised still the cuts had gone. Next came the left arm. I was still shocked at what he'd done here after all I'd had no idea, being dead unconscious, until Poppy had uncovered them. The four letters were large and capitalised on the inside of my forearm. They had healed now into pink lines but there were purple bruises surrounding them. The G started about an inch and a half away from the crease at my elbow and the Y ended and inch from my wrist, each letter was about the size of galleon. It was a garish sight which was identical to the one on Alex's arm.

The next bandages to be removed were the ones that ran down the cut... this was even more difficult and depressing.

Finally they were all gone and I stared at my reflection.

The pink raised line cut through my white skin and I felt tears burn behind my eyes. It was so ugly, so demanding and unnatural. It didn't belong on my body! It was this alien thing that curled over my form. This body wasn't just me anymore. How could anybody ever... ever want_ this? I was so broken. Violated. I could do nothing about it! This mark, this thing would forever be on me, people would look at me and they would see it. They would form opinions based on it, it had attached itself to me._

And _him. His words, his curses and the fire he forces through my veins, they had never changed me – not really. I had always been proud that I had come out of those encounters with my head still high, sure it would come crashing back and my mentality may have altered. However this, this was different. It was his mark, shouting at me, forever reminding me. I could feel it in the ache of my heart, in the physical pain of moving and my shame. My shame._

I could hardly look at myself.

I was disgusted by my own body.

I tried to push my emotions back, just to look, observe. The cut started at my temple, everyone could see that, it swept over my cheek bone and then down the soft shin of my cheek and over the jaw bone, leaving a notch there. Then it went down my neck, thankfully shallower here, and crossed over to the opposite collarbone. It then curved around the outside of my breast and over the side of my stomach and ended on the hard bone of my hip. It was particularly painful at my side, where my clothes rubbed and I wore a soft padding there where my trousers would pinch.

I tore my eyes away. I'd had enough of my own scrutiny. I stepped into the shower, my body stiff, and put the water on a medium heat that would be uncomfortable on my sensitive skin.

I let the falling water disguise my tears.

**_Sirius _**

I woke.

The room was still dark around me so I figured it was the early hours of the morning. I looked to my right and saw the curtains around Al's bed were open and he was missing. Everyone else was fast asleep. I got out of bed uncertainly and bit my lip. It just didn't feel right. He'd just come back and… I didn't want to be away from him now, not now. I felt a quietly growing panic in my chest when he wasn't within my sight. I padded out of the dorm and into stairway. The bathroom was just a few stairs below and I could see a line of lights flickered beneath the door. I sighed with guilty relief. I quietly walked to the door, shuddering at the cold stone steps. I pushed the wooden door open and peeked into the bathroom.

Alex stood there with his back to me dressed in some loose jeans. I smiled seeing his pale muscled back bare, and tip-toed in. I knew that he knew I was there, it was impossible to sneak up of a Legilimen like Al, but that didn't mean I couldn't pretend. He didn't turn as I shut the door and went up behind him. I saw that he was looking into the long mirror and gentle covered his eyes with my hands, stepping up close to him.

"Guess who" I whispered into his ear and he chuckled quietly.

He was slightly taller than me and his shoulder came up to my nose so I let my lips and teeth trail over the firm muscle between his neck and shoulder. He turned in my arms and his large grey eyes met mine. They were sad and tired but they still seemed to smile at me, I could look into those eyes for hours just letting them fill my sight. I rested my head in his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his waist and I felt him do the same. He was here. This was all I needed, just to feel him right here, not going anywhere.

We stood there for a long time, just standing there together.

"You're up early" I muttered once and felt him nod by my head.

"Yes - dreams. Lara woke first then she didn't go back to sleep so I couldn't either" he said and I shivered as his breath rustled my hair.

I pulled back to look at him. I hadn't realised he had bad dreams, though I couldn't see why I should be surprised. Even without knowing the details I knew they'd been through a lot but it still made a lump in my throat. I forcefully pushed away the thoughts of… that time. I couldn't think about that, if I did then there was no knowing what I would do.

I saw his eyes dart to my hands that were clasping his arms and I realise that I had gripped them tightly during my annoyed thoughts. I sent him an apologetic look and released them. He smiled sadly at me and pressed a kiss to my lips.

The kiss was soft and seemed to sooth my heart but I didn't want that. I wanted to feel that he really was here, that he was alive. I needed that. Perhaps he sensed it in my thoughts or maybe he felt the same because before I knew it the kiss diverged into a desperate battle. His hands were in my hair pulling me closer and his tongue traced over my lips which I gladly opened. My own hands scrapped over his chest and he moaned slightly as my tails brushed his abs. The sound sent sparks down my body and I jerked in response. We were backing up, him pushing, me pulling, my back pressing against the door meaning our lips pressed so close that our teeth clicked against each other. His body pressed into every part of me and I had to abandon the roaming of my hands on his chest and moved to his back.

We kissed like this till we were both panting.

He lent his forehead against mine and I sighed blissfully. Yes, this was everything that I needed.


	24. To Regret

**Wowww, sorry guys, that took a long long time i know. I do have an excuse, seeing as i have just come out of two weeks of exams... but still... Sorryyy! This was an odd chapter to write, seeing as it is a bit of a filler. If anyone has any plot bunnies they'd like to share with me then feel free to review or PM me, coz i've been having a bit of trouble with writers block. I'll admit that i planned everything up to this point then didn't think about what i'd do when i actually got here...**

**Well... i hope you like this chapter anyway...**

* * *

To Regret

**_Darien_**

I had heard the news.

Father had told me, he'd always been close to Mr. Grey, they were hunting buddies. Oh yes, I had heard all about the Greys. I'd heard what he'd done to them in his anger, as I knew he would. I'd heard enough to gather that 'that double crossing bitch' (who I came to understand was Mrs. Grey) had managed to get them away during the night. Funny, I'd always assumed she was on his side...

I was brooding.

Why did I keep doing that?

Snow was falling steadily outside my window, though I wasn't sure if I actually saw the little white flakes. A person can see many things; they can see the literal, the solid things that make up their world, at the same time as seeing their thoughts, as if you'd placed a transparent image over your eyes. Sometimes you want the fake image so much that it can become more and more opaque until you can't even see the real image. People can see what they want to see, they can see nonexistent lies in an innocent face or an admiring smile on a disgusted person. They can pretend not to notice the things that they don't want to believe. Knowing this was the first step to cunning and yet even the shrewdest can fall into the net.

You might as well be as blind as a flobberworm.

Sometimes I'd look across the great hall and think that I saw them looking at me. Maybe they were or maybe I just wanted them to look at me? They hated me though. I didn't have to be Dumbledore to know that. Sometimes however I saw it in their eyes, the flicker of remembrance and doubt, or at least I think I did. They had built up an image of me, obviously, as the villain and I didn't blame them. I was a villain, a betrayer. They wouldn't ever forgive me. They would be stupid if they did and if there was one thing that the twins were it wasn't stupid. Naive maybe but never stupid.

I had pushed myself far out of their redemption now, a pity I know.

Was I sorry? Did I care? They had been tortured because of me, didn't that bother me? What had happened that summer? Why had I done it... again?

I had been so angry. Simple as that. I'd seen them, so happy, content and so... perfect. Even when they were as scared as they were then they had both glowed with their life. I had acted instinctively, damn right Gryffindorish if you ask me. She had been on Lupin's arm and he'd held her so tenderly, her silver hair that once upon a time I would ruffle indulgently as she scowled good-naturedly. She found her place and I was here, nothing. But the worse was to come.

Alex. Ally.

I snorted.

Funny isn't it? Here I am, Darien Irvine the cold-hearted, steel-minded, up his own Slytherin with a sneer to match any Malfoy. Darien Irvine feeling like this when it was his own bloody fault. It was utterly ridiculous. I would take it back of course, everything I'd done to them I would take it back if I thought I could be a better person and earn his love. Except would I honestly do anything different? Knowing what I know now would I still do what I did? Probably. I was and always would be a coward. I had no right to feel jealous for the way he looks at Black; I had no right to be angry at that kiss, the way they held each other, faultless and seamless.

I remembered the days, before the world broke, that he looked at _me_ like that, when it was my lips on his. I remembered the rough walls at my back and the desperation and the sound of his chuckles and moans next to me, so close to me that I didn't know where I started and he began. We had lived for the danger of it but I had always been scared of what would happen if somebody found out, perhaps that's what made me do it. Nevertheless, I hadn't protested when we together, it made perfect sense to do this, to be this way. We had worked so well together, he knew my mind so well he could pinpoint my answers before I even became conscious of my own thoughts. We could have conversations without saying a word, him hearing me and me seeing it on his face. We had been like that; we too had been faultless and seamless until I tore it apart.

Oh, I remembered all right. I told everyone it had never happened, that I had tricked him just that one time, proved a point. The evidence to support me was enough for their guileless minds because the carefully laid trap had closed around him, not me. It was no coincidence that Mrs. Cott and gossip worm Eloisa Vager had walked by just then or that his father had been waiting in the mistress's office but it was fine for me because the fatal lies and truths had been wound carefully beforehand to avoid me. An what did it matter if Eloisa told the school I was supposedly gay when I was leaving the next morning? What did it matter to me when Mr. Grey only saw the pure blood status and cunning to match his own, never seeing the whole truth in my eyes all because of a lazy smirk? My lazy smirk now.

When Ally realise what I'd done...

I remembered seeing the love leak out of the stab wounds I'd left and I'd felt malicious satisfaction. It was an odd thing to break a person. It was invigorating at the same time as crushing. It made you feel a sense of power over that person. He'd always been the one in charge between us. Oh, I am sure he didn't realise it, he probably thought we were always on equal terms but it wasn't true. It was his plans that we followed, his authority, and when we were together he was always the dominant one. A part of me always hated that so when I felt the control, knowing I had broken him with my words, that had felt good.

Duh. I was an idiot.

The irony was that only I knew it, but that didn't mean it was any less true.

Love is strange. I took it for entertainment with no strings attached, didn't realise the importance of it until I'd thrown it away and found that I missed it. Too late now, I'd made sure of that. I was sure he loved me just as much I still love him, even now, because love was strange and you had little choice. I hated it as much as he hated it, as much as he hated me. Didn't change anything though, I'd broken him and me but we still loved. We were like that.

Even so... hate was just as difficult to remove as love.

I had no delusions that things would ever be as they once were. Alex had a new love and it was definitely love because I recognised it in the eyes. Anyway, I would soon be married to that yammering, blabbering, snobby, pureblood girl with a flat nose and a simpering smile. Ugh.

Sure I was guilty, I stank of that clingy emotion, but it didn't stop me doing the same thing again. I was a bastard, I enjoyed watching the pain, I smirked at their wounded imploring gazes because I had to and it made me thrum, thrum with power. I pushed the ashes of their burnt trust to the back of my mind where it gathered. Guilt. I ignored it.

When would it catch up with me?

* * *

**_Alex_**

Opening the last present sent me into a deep ravine of memories that, as I stared at the front page, seemed to replay before my eyes over and over. It was from little Amy Farmer and was the twin of the one currently in the girls dormitory being looked at by my twin. A small diary with a grey leather bound cover and a complementary self inking quill in a pocket at the back. These sorts of things were not uncommon in the wizarding world and so it was not a surprise that I had already seen one like it before. I knew without reading the loopy note from Amy that anything I wrote in this diary would appear in the one with Lara. A perfect communication tool, though slightly pointless due to the fact I could already hear her thoughts from here.

I'd opened a present like this before. I'd held the package in my hands and known it was a book; I'd rolled my eyes and proceeded to pull off the covers. Finding the diary I'd been shocked. Why would I be given a diary for Christmas? When I'd read the note in the front cover… I had been so excited. We'd spent hours talking that way all throughout the holidays. Through it we had decided to meet up, the two of us, just us. Walking though the snow laden gardens hand in hand, for once not scared of being seen. I'd laughed as snow fell in your dark hair and made you look like you had dandruff and you'd retaliated by messing mine up with great satisfaction. An old Lady had walked past, a muggle wrapped up tightly in coats and she'd obliged to take a picture of us with the disposable camera my half-blood cousin had given me, the one which died two months later in suspicious circumstances. Underage as we were we didn't dare use magic even to cast a warming charm on ourselves so we'd settled for just holding each other close to keep in the warmth. We didn't mind.

"Al? You okay" A voice said near me and I looked up startled to see Siri's dark eyes probing mine.

I'd never doubted Darien just like I'd never doubted Sirius. I'd been wrong that time, could I be wrong now? You could never tell if a person would one day decided to betray you no matter how much you believe it wouldn't happen. What if Sirius did that to me? I'd known him so little time compared to the years I had known Darien. What would I do if Siri did that to me? I was already broken from Darien yet I'd still ran into this thing with Sirius with no though except that… that I'd fallen in love again.

Love is a strange thing…

"Al?"

"What?" I said dumbly "Oh, right yeah… just remembering stuff…"

I watched as frown marks appeared between his eyes and I felt his hand hold mine.

* * *

**_Lily_**

Lara was sitting on the edge of the bath, her head in her cupped hands as she shook and gasped. I thought for a moment she was having a fit but when she raised her head to look me her wide grey eyes were perfectly clear despite them being screwed up in pain.

"Lara! What's wrong?" I rushed to her side and awkwardly took one of her hands.

"It's this th-thing! I-I just can't g-get it on" She whispered brokenly and I watched as a bra slipped out of her hand and feel to the floor as she bowed her head in suppressed shame "I can't e-e-even dress myself!"

I bit my lip and tried to hold back my own tears.

"Shh... don't worry, its okay. It won't last long" I knelt down and picked up the bra. I couldn't imagine how humiliated she must feel to be faced with this problem but I was going to help. She was my friend and friends always stuck together. Always.

She slowly calmed down as I helped her into her clothes, she avoided my gaze and I pushed away any feeling of pity. She would hate that even more, she would hate to feel that in my mind. I didn't say a word as I slowly brushed through her long hair. She hadn't asked but I could see from the way she moved that to do it herself would be painful. The silver hair was so fine and silky; it reminded me of unicorn hair, the way it seemed to glisten.

When we left the bathroom she took my hand.

"Thank you"

I gave her a smile.

"That's what friends are for" I replied.

* * *

**_Remus_**

The library was deadly quiet. Nobody but us was in here, which was hardly surprising considering it was Christmas day. Lara had been quiet all morning, just as quiet as her twin. Those two had shifted, something about them had changed and there was a new quiet in their eyes. They were more reliant on each other now and it reminded me of when we first met them. Those first few days were clear in my mind. I remember all the times I saw their hands quietly grasp eyes other. I saw the way the way their minds connected constantly. They had been shy. It was hard to imagine my Lara as being shy now. As a rule she spoke her opinionated mind with little thought but she was quiet now. It was apparent to all of us. More and more often I saw the tell tale glaze in their eyes that showed their silent communication.

I was near desperate with suppressed guilt. She hated that. I just couldn't get over the fact it was partly due to our relationship that meant she had been- been...

I knew with all my heart that I was bad for her. I wasn't even human, I was a monster, a menace. When people pulled out a boggart many of them would see me. My Lara deserved a real man, somebody who could give her everything that she deserved. I could never have the family that Lara deserved and I could hardly provide for her one day...

But she wouldn't let me leave, though it was best for her, and even the thought of it turned her eyes to molten metal. She was too stubborn for her own good but I loved her for it. She broke any arguments I found on the tip of my tongue before I could ever word them. And I was too selfish to do what I should have done because I was madly in love with this crazy and vivid girl.

She was so quiet though and I would do anything to bring back the grin I loved so much. I was certain it would come back, the twins were survivors and they were as strong and as stubborn as the ground under my feet. It wrenched my heart to see her so... closed off.

All the same, we were together now, that was the important thing. We were together in the silence of the library.

I looked down at her. she was curled up around me, her head on my chest and her hand gently rubbing circles into my shoulder. Her hair was glistening in the cold light coming from the window and her pale face was peaceful and her eyes were distant. Her quiet breathing, slightly swifter than my own, soothed my soul. Before me my legs were stretched out onto the opposite seat and my arm wrapped around her delicate waist. I ignored the cut on her, it was there now and it didn't diminish the beauty of her. It wasn't how she looked that made her so beautiful; it was the slight glow to her skin, the soft hues of gentle pinks and creamy white, the sparkle of joy in her infinite eyes that was always there, even now in her silence.

Sometimes in moments like this I thought my heart with burst with the swell of my love for her. I could stay here for hours, just here in these perfect moments when the world hardly touched us. Me and her. My Lara. As if hearing my thoughts (which she probably did) she smiled gently and raised her face to kiss my neck. Gently, oh so gently.

"I have something for you" I said, reaching into my pocket to withdraw the small package I'd been carrying all day. I could sense this was the right time to give it to her, I had been playing with the idea all week.

It was small box, no larger than the palm of my hand, with a plain polished wooden surface and brass patterns inlaid on it. My mother had given it to me and she'd told me that it had once been my great-grandmother's. It had been in my family for four generations. She'd told me that when I found the girl I love, the girl I wanted to spend my life with, I should give her this. At the time I had suffered to pack it in my trunk at her wishes, I had felt dull with the belief that I would never find a girl who I could give this too...

It was hard to believe that in only a few short months...

Lara sat up in my arms and took the box carefully from me, her eyes wide. I watched her carefully as she ran her fingers over the smooth golden wood. She traced the delicate patterns with the tip of her long finger.

"I... I don't know..." She began but I raised a finger to lie against her lips.

"Open it"

Gently with exaggerated slowness she lifted the clasp and lid and I watched in great amusement as she gasped, shut the lid, looked back at me, opened the box again and repeated. Now there was something to remember!

"Oh Remus..."

I looked over her shoulder at what lay on the black velvet interior. It was simple, simple and beautiful. The silver chain sparkled on the black and in the centre a plain tear shaped sapphire hung off it. The gem seemed to change colour as I watched it in the light, sometimes a rich dark blue like twilight, sometimes a vivid royal blue. I knew on silver plating at the back of the jewel there were the words '_in corde Somnium' _which my mother told me meant 'in the heart of the dream' in Latin. It wasn't large, just under an inch maybe in height, but it was pretty and it was important, it showed how I'd found what I thought would never be mine. When she looked up at me her grey orbs were glistening.

I suddenly felt very embarrassed about the whole thing and I felt my cheeks flush.

"It was my great-grandmothers. I- um- didn't buy it – you don't have to - but I thought that, um, well you might... if it's too, I don't know, um, gaudy well then that's fine, I just-"

I was swiftly interrupted, which was probably for the best. It didn't take me long to forget my previous nerves, here in the quiet heart of an empty library with Lara Grey.

* * *

**So? Sorry if it is a bit short... do you think the Irvine part was okay? I'm always a bit nervous about writing the bad guys coz it makes them seem more human and less evvviill. In this case i dont think of Irvine as being a madman like Voldy and Mr.G, he's just a cowardly stuck up idiot with confidence issues and a ****temper.**

**Oh and if you want to see the necklace: **

just go to **flickr**, type in **Dreamy Vintage** (make sure you search for **people**), and then go to their second page, it's the one called **Pacific. Vintage Sapphire Blue Jewel Necklace. **Isn't soo sooo beautiful... sigh...


	25. To Curse

To Curse

**_Lara_**

"So, when are you going to accept that poor puppy of a boy who is currently mooning over you with lovely hazel eyes eh?" I said bluntly with a smirk and watched as Lily's face bloomed bright red. I am so glad I hardly blush.

"Lara!"

I chuckled.

I wasn't lying; Prongs had spent the last twenty minutes staring resolutely at my redhead friend. I could tell even with my back to him. Hell, I could practically hear his daydreams, ew, I know.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry. Still too soon, eh? I'm suffering relationship syndrome" I sighed "my heart is demanding that I do some serious matchmaking. Not to mention I'm trying to distract myself from, ah, the boys..."

Lily's eyes drifted over to a nearby bench and I heard her chuckle evilly.

Personally I was getting the bizarre urge to leave the room till my brother decided to remove his lips and hands from a certain brunette...

I suddenly understood one hundred percent the advantages of separating our minds, for at least a little bit.

"You know, I think most of the girl population are still recovering from this latest turn of events. Needless to say the fact their sexy Black and Grey are no longer on the market or even on the same side of the river has come as a bit of a shock. You know, I heard Ellie Trill has locked herself in her dorm" She said with a 'sad' shake of her head, her vibrant green eyes glinting.

"Ahh... poor little fan girls..."

"May their little hearts heal in peace..."

"And their stalkerish ways find new purpose"

Our eyes met and we both started laughing hard.

The reaction of the fan girls was rather humorous. I remember the first time the boys walked into the great hall hand in hand most of the girl populating because gapping fishes. The sound of dropped cutlery filled the large rooms and various cries of "hey!" were heard from indignant boyfriends. The effect was doubled when Alex neatly pecked the boy on the lips. We weren't in Gryffindor for nothing; my brother has some serious cheek to be sure. About five girls in the hall had promptly burst into hysterical tears, two ran out (I am sorry, but that is just sad...)

I didn't help that the two boys flaunted the fact to the whole school indifferently. They just didn't seem to care who saw them and I wasn't the only one getting a little nauseated. The other Marauders seemed a little miffed at the sudden fact, most of the time, their two friends were very much attached at the lips. And really, who could blame them?

I myself was rather amused by the whole thing, if a little shocked at how happy-go-lucky my brother was. Before Christmas he would never have paraded the fact he was dating a boy, it was one of his largest fears to face possible rejection from his friends for being gay. It _had_ happened before. And yet... he just didn't seem to care now. When I asked him, he simply said that after facing what we did he was willing to take risks to get what he wanted. He wasn't scared about what anyone thought now that father was out of the question and was happy to just... be happy.

However, it was more than that, I knew, because he had seen me die. Consequently, I think our mortality had hit him and with the force of five stunners. No time to waste.

Personally, I was still dazed at the reaction of the student body, who had just returned from holidays, concerning their relationship. I was expecting scorn, even hate, though I tried to hide it. It was just how things had always worked in my old community. We pure-bloods mostly hated the 'unnatural' trait and yet... it was different here. Of course, there were still those people who were like that, who sneered and called out harshly, but that is hardly a surprise. No, the majority of people didn't mind, or at least didn't mind in a negative way. They certainly cared; it felt like all anyone was talking about was either me, Alex, Sirius or a combination.

Yay...

It had been a week and a half since Christmas and I was slowly becoming more connected to my normal life. My cut had mostly healed now, though there was still some pain in movement. Lily had continued to brush my hair in the morning and I retaliated by brushing hers. It was a therapeutic ritual to my day. There was an odd connection between us now, we had shared most of our secrets with each other and she had seen me at my weakest. We were more like sisters than friends or maybe we were best friends? It was a fairly odd concept for me. I'd never really had any close girlfriends. I'd had friends who were girls at Amalia's but they were all cold and just simply there. We'd never trusted each other. No, it had always been me, Alex and Irvine but I was finding I liked this new familiarity. There had hardly been a moment when I wasn't with her now unless I was with Remus who was always at my side.

Remus...

I had found myself sighing more and more often lately and I wasn't lying when I'd said I was suffering 'relationship syndrome'. I was just so... just so damn in love. It was ridiculously cheesy. My life inside the castle has reached a high I had never experienced, if you forgot the weird looks people were still giving me. The weight of the sapphire pendant under my robes was a steady reminder of my mysterious Remus. Mine.

The world outside the castle walls however...

Death Eater attacks had become more and more regular and horrific. Too many times I had seen my class mates being led of my members of staff with mortified expressions, waiting to be told who in their family was missing or dead. It was disgusting. I felt like I was in a bubble and slowly around me the storm was closing in, black and boiling. Everyone was scared. We heard news of torture and suddenly me and my brother's predicament wasn't so unheard of. Death Eater's were randomly murdering Muggles, for no other reason than they were there and helpless. There were even whispers that the fabled Order of the Phoenix was under serious attack. I was a healer at heart but suddenly I felt the desperate need for revenge on behalf of myself and everyone else effected. I wanted to fight, to help.

Often, I thought of the small figure in the mirror of Erised, of desire, my daughter. She wasn't alive but if she were I would not want her to live in the world that was growing around me.

"Um. Miss Grey? I was asked to give this to you and your brother" A small voice said breaking through my thoughts.

I looked up to see a small figure, a first or second year girl, blushing bright red under her blond plaits and fringe. She held up a rolled piece of parchment which I took then she ran off. I watched her back with a thoughtful glance. People had been acting differently around me lately; they avoided my face and kept giving me the most sympathetic looks ever. I didn't like it.

"They just haven't got used to it yet" Remus said as he walked to my side.

I smiled at him. He'd been doing that a lot lately, reading my thoughts from my face. It made me giddy when he did.

"Have you got used to it?" I asked, genuinely curious as I gently reached up a hand to trace the line across my skin.

"Sort of" He said shrugging and reaching out to remove my hand from the cut to kiss it gently "I'm just going to the Owlery, I'll be back soon"

"Kay, see you later"

He kissed my hand again and waved a hand in farewell as he headed out of the common room. I watched him go the reverted my attention to the note addressed to me and my brother. The script was in an elaborate loopy hand with bright blue ink. I frowned and unrolled the thick parchment, it made a crackling sound as I did. It wasn't long but I still had to read it several times for the words to process.

_Alex?_

I felt my brother detach himself from his boyfriend and turn in my direction.

_We need to go see Dumbledore._

* * *

**_Albus_**

The headmaster sat deep in thought, as was his habit. He had a lot on his brain and very little of it was comforting, which wasn't unusual either. Voldemort was moving, he was slowly breaking down their forces and it was worrying. His spies for the Order were finding it more and more difficult to predict what was going on, but all of them were certain of one thing; his new lieutenant was not helping. The fact he was the father of two of Albus' new students, to be specific the traumatised pair of twins he had recently met, made him rue the mad man even more. The spies had reported, even before the twins had been tortured, that the guy was a power hungry twisted person who was nearly as bad as Voldemort, just lacking some of the power of the leader. Albus had been studying the man before hand, of course; one did when another wizard showed signs of turning dark, which he certainly had. It had taken a little while to notice the grip of the eldest Grey had on the German ministry, what with the chaos Gellert had created in that part of the world. It was hard to see at first that the previous corruption was still being held, and it was even harder to find out who it was at the top of the chain. Oh, Alexander Grey senior had been cleaver all right, he'd never taken the top seat but he'd still been in charge. Albus had been waiting to see what the man planned to do for a while, deliberating whether it was worth interfering.

That he'd decided to come and joined Riddle was _not_ comforting.

The headmaster had been fuming about this particular wizard for a long time. The story the twins had told had been twisting in and out of his thoughts, producing a scowl he was sure would send a shiver up anybody's spine. If there was one thing that disgusted the headmaster most, it was when people abused their own family.

The fact it was his students did not help.

It was these students that he was thinking about now.

That the Grey twins intrigued him was an understatement. There was something about them that had his mind buzzing. It was in the air around them, it was in their eyes and their body language. They were powerful magically, that was clear, he had heard from their teachers that the twins were very capable and found very little challenging, in the way their fellow students did, and their knowledge was clear in their words and essays. Furthermore, they were reported to be a modest pair, quiet when away from the craziness the 'Marauders' exhibited.

There was also their twin connection which fascinated Albus, in all his hundred or so years he had never come across one so strong not to mention it went beyond just themselves. When he had been in the same room as them he had felt the light brush on his mind as they had skirted it. They did not try to enter it, but their awareness was incredible. They had glowed with silent magic that his senses had picked up on, like a twitch at the back of his neck.

That they were Legilimenatus was known to him, it was on their file for obvious reasons, but he hadn't realised their strength. Legimenatus, the in born ability to sense other's thoughts, were very rare and many could only read off the faint emotions of others.

It was hard not to slip in the thought of how they could help him, they would be invaluable spies, if they were not so well know and hated by their father.

Nevertheless, that was their choice anyway.

The knock on his door interrupted his thoughts and he knew (in the way that men like him knew) that it was the twins in question.

"Enter"

The twins came in, with their odd throbbing presence, and Albus studied them intently. Larissa was healing well enough however she seemed to wear the scar across her face defiantly, with her chin propped up. She looked like she was still moving stiffly, but nevertheless the gentle grace was obvious as she glided into the room. She seemed unaware of all of this though, as she stared at the old wizard with blazing eyes that were filled with the curiosity he had noticed before. Alexander Junior was equally dynamic, although in a more subtle way. While his sister radiated determination in a fiery passion, he was cool headed and seemed acutely aware of his settings. His eyes darted around the room, casually but all the same perceptively. He was obviously the more controlled of the two and avoided the professors gaze, as if knowing the he could see to his thoughts if he saw fit. The young man seemed to match his sister's constant motion with a solid will of stillness.

It certainly made a vivacious pair.

"Ah. Mr. Grey, Miss Grey please, take a seat"

They did and, as predicted, the bolder of the two quickly opened their mouth to ask what was clearest on their mind.

"Sir, you said that you had news concerning our parents? Our mother?" The German accent was still there, just like last time, sharp and keen under her voice.

He nodded briefly.

"Indeed, we have heard news that your mother is being held under arrest at your ancestral home. We had not been able to contact her but we have heard from sources that although shaken she is alive and well. We have also heard that you father tried to forge a marriage oath bond between yourself and Mr. Regulus Black but was unsuccessful. It is believed that he is desperate to regain you in his clutches and so it is vital that we take into consideration what you will do when summer comes. We are offering you protection of the Order if you will take it, though I am wondering if you know of anywhere you could stay?"

Albus watched them think in their interesting joint way. He could feel the magic in the air vibrating in between the two and there was a slight haze to their eyes that showed they were not all in their own minds. He found it fascinating that their connection affected their visual senses because it hinted that they could see to an extent through each other's eyes.

"Well... there is our Aunt, Marilyn Grey, she doesn't like our father very much... but we don't know if she'd take us in if there was a chance of getting on the Dark Lords bad side, or shall we say hit list?" Alexander said quietly.

"I think she would, she doesn't care much what they think of her" Larissa added.

"Though there is also our other Aunt, Lucille Parker, our fathers other sister."

"But she's already lost her husband and one child because of the Death Eaters; she married a Muggle you see"

"So we don't really want to put more pressure on them..."

"Or we could go to our cousin Andy's, she defiantly doesn't care about the Death Eaters and she's already on their hit list, Bellatrix it out for her blood" She concluded.

Albus thought about their suggestions. The names Marilyn and Lucille were both known to the headmaster, both of them being students of Hogwarts in the past much like Alexander senior. Marilyn had been a haughty but highly mischievous woman in Slytherin and Lucille a kind but fierce Ravenclaw with a sharp eye and strong will. The Order had been too late to save her husband and youngest daughter Helena, though they'd been able to get news to the two other children and save them at least.

Albus thought to be a good thing that they were both close enough to Andromeda Tonks to consider her. He trusted the middle Black child and her husband and he knew that the two had already put up security measures against Riddle's people. He was also aware that the two currently had a young daughter and thought they might like the chance for a baby sitter, though Andromeda was apparently very overprotective.

"I will contact Andromeda and Ted. Now, I think that is everything unless you two have something to add?"

"No sir, that's all." Larissa said rising to her feet as her brother copied her.

They both walked to the door and Albus looked back down at his current paper work.

"Thank you sir"

He looked up and saw that Mr. Grey was standing as the door, looking back directly into the vivid blue eyes. He was completely sincere, right down to the way he held himself. That he'd met the headmaster's eyes was enough to see that he really was very grateful. The older wizard inclined his head and watched as the boy left the room.

* * *

**_Regulus_**

Irvine was acting odd.

I had come to the conclusion that Darien Irvine was a very complicated and daftly confusing person. That he never made friends was well known and yet he seemed to be almost screaming out for somebody to talk to, in his own cold and distant way. It wasn't obvious, in fact it was far from obvious but nevertheless it was there under the masks. It had been a strange couple of months for sure.

I wasn't stupid; I could tell that the time I told Darien of my 'engagement' to Larissa was the same time that the other boy started to talk to me more. I had yet to figure out why.

And now the boy was acting damn right weird.

"Have you seen the Greys yet?" He said with a cold sneer that nearly covered up the fact he had been fidgeting ever since we'd arrived back at school.

I raised a brow.

I had heard the rumours all throughout the school concerning the twins and oddly enough my brother. I hadn't heard much, everyone seemed to be avoiding me for some reason. What I had gathered was that they had been... that they'd been tortured during the holidays. I didn't dwell long the idea, my conflicting emotions were not up for hearing the gritty details.

"No. I haven't, have you?" I asked blandly.

I watched curiously as the, usually composed and damn right vicious guy with a hateful stare, continued to twitch and his eyes momentarily went blank.

"Oh yes" He pulled himself together and smirked "I've seen them" The cruel glint was back.

I looked around the hall, sweeping my eyes over the Gryffindor table. They were not here yet. I was curious and, if I was honest with myself, a little scared to find out what had happened to them. It was hard to believe those steadfast twins could have been tortured. I didn't want that mental image. There was something about the way Darien talked about seeing them though that sent a shiver up my spine. What was it that I would see? What had he done to them, that man who was their own blood?

And then I did see.

The first thing I noticed solved a lot of my previous confusion. It also completely shocked me to my core. There was Alex, quite normal, smiling widely hand in hand with... my brother? Wait. What? I watched in mystification as my brother, Sirius Black, raised the clasped hand of the Grey and held it to his lips. Wait...

What the hell?

Huh... mother was going to hit the roof when she found out. The roof? Hell she would be worse than that. Oh My...

The next thing I saw was completely different.

Larissa...

* * *

**_Lara _**

I felt eyes on me. That wasn't unexpected, everyone looked at me now, but this was significantly different. I looked up and around and then my eyes settled on the other Black brother. I was confused at what I saw there. His eyes, so much like his brothers were wide, almost fearful, and his face was pale and drawn out. He looked like he'd watched his own death.

Another head near him turned to look at me and I met dark eyes. I scowled then stopped still. Suddenly I saw it and I was filled with a kind of anger I hadn't felt in a long time. I was frozen as I saw exactly what had happened in those eyes. I had seen that look before. _That _look.

Him. He had done it, again. He had dared to take that one step to secure that my brother had to go through- that I, me, had gone through- my brother whom he had already-

How dare he.

I watched him blink and plaster on a ruthless smirk. He wiggled his fingers in my direction and everything went red. I was rooted to the ground and I hardly even thought as my hand clasped around my wand. This bastard would pay. I would personally make him pay!

In a distant part of my mind, I felt Remus turn to me in shock and Alex spin on his heal to watch me, to run at me. But I hardly noticed. Alex had done that before, but hell was I going to let him stop me this time. No, I was out for revenge. Irvine rose to his feet with slow but clear intent and the whole hall was utterly quiet.

* * *

**_Regulus_**

Her gaze moved from me and then stopped still. I watched in confusion as her face suddenly filled with a deep seated hate, she seemed to be shaking and the air was vibrating around her. Her hand flew to her wand which she drew out sharply. The room was silent with fear and I turned to look briefly at Darien who was the obvious subject of her hatred. He rose to his feet.

The room was so tense I wondered if anyone was breathing.

I turned back to Larissa and I quivered with fear. Her hair was twisting around her and her brother was holding her elbow as if to pull her back. If he was, he wasn't succeeding.

"You" Her voice was twisted and hate filled "Oh, well done Irvine, well done indeed, you did it again. I hope you were congratulated well for this, it really is remarkable"

I looked between them in confusion. What was going on? Why do they hate each other so, what did Irvine do?

"Why thank you Lara sweetie that means a lot from you I must say the new loo-"

"Shut it, Darien." Alex cut in with a poisonous and unyielding look before turning to Larissa "Komm mit mir Lara, er ist es nicht wert"

"One second brother" The girl gave a wicked smiled and then, before anyone could so much as blind her wand whipped across the air and Darien grabbed his left arm in pain. With that the smirking victorious silver head swept out of the hall. There was a moment of complete silence before every person in the room started talking at once. Darien sat with a frown and rolled up the sleeve of his shirt. I peered over at him and saw plainly what Larissa had done.

_Verräter, we wouldn't have._

The words in a dark black and elegant script curled over his skin like a snake. I wondered how she could have done something like that. Darien covered it with a scowl.

"Got to love the sneakiness of the Grey's, it's funny, she would never have used that spell before" he seemed deep in thought.

"What did you do? They wouldn't do what? And what does 'Verrater' mean?" I asked him "and what did she mean when she said 'did it again'?"

He looked at me shrewdly then cocked his head to the side thoughtfully.

"Verräter means traitor." He said offhandly before looking at me closer "But I know that look, I've seen it before, never mind me what have _you_ done?"

I blinked. What look? What does he mean? I've done nothing! What did he mean by traitor? I watched as understanding dawned in his eyes and I though hurriedly to figure out what was going on.

"Ah... You Black's don't know what you're getting into... But then who can blame you I suppose" He said under his breath more to himself.

"What are you talking about?"

He didn't answer.


	26. To Go

To Go

**_Rodolphus_**

Darkness shrouded us as we landed in the empty street. The bland yellow of the Muggle lights were sour as they flickered their dirty illumination on the rows of houses. Many of the windows were lit up behind their curtains and I could hear the sounds of music behind the doors. We, a group of three walked silently and swiftly. I looked up to the sky and scowled at the grey-yellow glow in the direction of London. Dirty Muggles, even managed to pollute the sky, even managed to hide the stars. We would make them see the error of their ways, they who scurried over the world like rats, ever multiplying and taking up valuable space.

We would show them who had the power.

"Number eighteen, that's what the list says" Dolohov said in a hushed voice to Malfoy.

Malfoy gave a sharp nod and briskly walked down the street, his cloak bristling around him, I followed after him and Dolohov matched my pace.

When we came to the house in question Malfoy, after moment of hesitation in which he tested for Magical boundaries, passed through the gate which creaked slightly on being opened. It was a small family house, no different to its neighbours, the owners were probably well off in their view. Idiots. The curtains were all drawn and I quickly cast a couple of silencing charms to stop some ignorant Muggle thinking they could help the residents. Oh, and they'd want help all right...

Malfoy went first, as planned wordlessly, smashing the door down with one devastating spell. There had been a quick shriek as the door had plummeted and I saw a brief glance of a round faced man glancing fearfully into the hall. Malfoy walked over the collapsed door into the well lit entrance hall and I followed, walking with long strides into the Muggle home. I saw pictures hanging on the wall, immobile and pathetic, of a happy family. To my left a photo of two girls, a redhead and brunette, around the age of seven or eight caught my eye and I sneered. The Mudblood would be next on our list.

We walked calmly into the kitchen we had seen the idiot peering out of and I gave a raucous laugh when I saw the female trying to wrench the back door open as her pathetic husband wielded a golfing stick. Idiot. The thing with the families of Mudbloods is that they know enough to know what we can do but not enough to realise they stood no chance against us. The female screamed when seeing us and span to face us her face full of desperation as her greying carrot red hair stuck to her face where her sweat and tears fell.

"Please, we've done nothing" She cried and I laughed harder.

"Hush Delilah" The male said with a determined glint in his eyes as if he truly though he could fight us "If you kill us, you'll be sent to the prison, that place – I've heard about it – you should just leave because I have camera's all over the house so they, your people, they'll know who killed us and-" He was cut off by Dolohov's mocking voice.

"Ha! Here this guys, the filth is trying to threaten us! Why don't we show this idiot what we're capable of, eh guy?" Malfoy chuckled and I grinned.

Within moments they male was bound hanging upside down and the woman was shrieking again. I loved that sound, that worthless begging, we weren't even hurting her yet and she felt the need to pierce the air. Of course it wasn't as much fun when we didn't have to break them; it was nice when the wenches had to broken into screaming but oh well. She stared up at her husband and her hand tirelessly scratched at the window panes and the door knob.

"See how well your husband protected you" Malfoy scorned.

"Run Delilah! Get out! Just go, warn Lily and Petu-"

The sounds washed over me, the begging, the screams, the smashing of glass, of bones. We made them bleed, and chock on their own blood, we made their naive minds understand what pain was. We made them forget who they were, what they were. Once we got bored we killed the man and gave the female his body, or at least what we supposed was his body, didn't look like a body anymore really. That made her silent, which was interesting to be sure, they usually screamed now, as if to pull back their loved ones from death. Idiots. She went silent, blank, until we made her scream again. We drove home who were the powerful ones but even that got boring after a while. I considered leaving her alive, broken and essentially lifeless, but I have no sympathy for the producers of mudblood filth, not that it would really be sympathy.

So we killed her.

We were drunk on the sensations of their death and pain. It was nice not to have Bellatrix here for once, she always took it completely in hand and while I admired her creativity and blood lust it was nice to have my own reign.

We left.

All around the country other Mudblood families were finding out the cost of thinking they could be a part of our world. It was a satisfying feeling to send up the mark, the great signature of our dark lord, into the air knowing my other comrades were doing the same. The mudblood filth would soon realise what they are up against. How I'd love to see their faces when they heard what had happened to their weak families but no... I would see them soon and they would see me before their gasped their last stolen breath.

* * *

**_Lily_**

Eliza slid into the seat opposite me.

"Hello Lily" she said in her quiet dreamy voice as she grinned at me. I'd always liked the crazy Ravenclaw for all her little oddities; at least she wasn't as bad as her new boyfriends Xeno Lovegood, I didn't understand half the things he said.

"Hey Eliza, how was your Christmas break?"

"Oh! It was very good thank you, I realised what I was doing wrong in my new spell, would you like to see?" She said with a radiant smile the danced in her blue eyes.

"Um... maybe later, yes?" I said uneasily.

"Of course, you don't have to see it if you don't want to, you're probably worried I'll accidently blow something up" She replied with a slight nod and an understanding smile, not perturbed in any way.

I chuckled, classic Eliza.

"-but how come your here on your own? Don't you usually study with Alice or Lara?" She asked, shaking out her glossy blond hair and perching her chin on a raised fist, looking at me intently.

"Oh well. Alice is with Frank and Lara with Remus" I said.

It wasn't that I was annoyed or sad or lonely now that both my friends were so happy with their boyfriends, I don't mind spending time on my own, it was just that-

"You're a bit jealous aren't you? That's okay, it's natural" Eliza said as if she'd read my thoughts... as usual.

I didn't answer, she knew the truth anyway. I looked across the room where Lara and Remus were together and smile. They were sitting close next to each other, both studying but obviously very much aware of the others presence. As I watched Lara reached out and pushed a strand of hair out of his face and he raised his hand to take hers and simply hold it, not raising his eyes from his book. Lara's fair face shone with amusement and the scar on her face seemed to vanish as she chuckled. Remus lifted his head and rolled his eyes and her fondly before kissing her nose. They both continued to study.

"They're very sweet together, don't you think?" The girl opposite me said obviously following my gaze "and her brother's with Sirius Black. I knew he was gay, I just knew it but everyone thought he was straight as a ruler except I told them I had a ruler at home which is bendy and so Black could be gay when they put it that way. They said I didn't get the point but I think it was them who didn't understand" I laughed merrily at the girl.

"That is true and after all you were obviously right"

"Yes, I decided not to rub it in their faces though. People don't like that" She said with another small smile.

* * *

**_Sirius_**

"Earth to Prongs, earth to prongs" I waved my hand in front of my best friends face which seemed to drag him from his thoughts. I rolled my eyes.

"Huh?"

"I said" Sigh "that if you're still, I repeat, _still _thinking about Evens then I'm going to use this very heavy, very boring book to hit you over the head until you do something about it" I shook my head in exasperation.

"I do try and do something about it!" He said grumpily rubbing his head as if imagining my threat "you know as well as me that she never says yes"

Al chuckled and we both turned to him to see his eyes glinting happily.

"What are you thinking?" I asked my boyfriend, poking him in the rips before he had time to swat me away.

"Nothing" he said sweetly, crossing his arms over his chest "I'm sure you'll figure it out soon enough Prongs, it's not too hard to figure out"

I looked at James and his eye clearly said he too had no idea what Alex was talking about.

"Are you sure?" He said uncertainly "we are talking about a girl and Merlin knows how their brains work" I nodded in agreement; they seemed to think in the most unpredictable ways possible.

"They're not that hard to figure out"

We gapped at him but he just looked amused.

"Gah. Trust fate to make a guy who understands girls gay, why couldn't one of us straight guys be given that gift – you don't even need it!" Prongs said with a defeated sigh.

Al just chuckled and said simply:

"In born Legilimen plus twin sister, all I'm going to say"

* * *

**_Lily_**

I stood outside the door to the headmaster's office nervously. I wasn't even sure why I was nervous. I just was. I gulped twice before knocking, my chest felt heavy as I tried to take in breaths. My throat felt as if it was closing in around me and I felt sort of disconnected to my body.

"Come in"

Using all of my will I pushed open the door and walked into the room. It was much like it had looked last time I'd been in here but this time something and shifted. I looked at my head master and he wordlessly indicated the chair opposite him. I hardly felt myself moving before I was perched on the cushioned yet surprisingly hard seat. I gulped, again. It was there in his eyes, usually I would see a sparkle there that hinted that he was aware of a joke that nobody could see. Not now.

I gulped.

"Miss Evens..."

I didn't hear his words. I could hear them. I was frozen, I couldn't move without deliberately thinking about it. I wasn't breathing. I didn't hear his words and therefore they did not exist. Something inside me clicked though. There in my chest something slid into place, a block. Then I knew. I _knew._ But yet I didn't because my brain had forgotten to tell me exactly what was making me feel this way. I was frozen.

"I'm sorry... what?" I said disconnectedly my face hardly moving as I stared at moving lips of my headmaster, willing myself to hear.

"I'm sorry Miss Evens. Your parent have been killed by Death Eaters"

There it was.

They were dead.

Dead.

Dead?

They were gone.

But-?

The words didn't seem to connect to my thoughts. I was numb. They were dead. What did that even mean? No, I knew what it meant. Dead, not alive. But to me? If they were dead, did that mean I would never see them again? No, I would see them again. Next summer, we were going to Greece. Petunia was coming too. We were... but we weren't because they weren't alive. Because they were not alive. They. Were. Gone.

Gone...

Gone?

Gone.

Oh.

* * *

**_Lily_**

The funeral was in the graveyard around the corner from our house. I'd asked to see them but the wizard simply said it was best not to. I didn't like that. The ground was cold, hard, and the trees around me were drooping, dead, black skeletons that swayed in the wind. The sky was white. I was dressed in black. I don't remember putting them on though. I don't know what day it is either. I don't remember much. I watched as the two black coffins are lowered into the earth and the ring of white flowers on each went down with them. I haven't said a word. I don't recognise the people around me.

Apart from Petunia.

She hasn't spoken to me. I don't think why. Not yet. I don't see her really.

It doesn't take long for me to figure out why she hasn't been speaking to me. Not that I really wondered. I hadn't realised that she wasn't till she did. By that point though I'd wished she'd stayed quiet.

"This is entirely your fault! It was done by your people and why else would they touch Mum and Dad! Did you know I had to identify them? Hu? Did you! Do you even know what your lot did to them? Never speak to me ever again. Never contact me. I hate you!"

Then she was gone.

She was gone.

I was alone again.

She was right though. It was my fault.

* * *

**_Lily_**

Walking back into the common room I suddenly felt somebody run up to me and force me into a desperate hug. I remembered being hugged by my mother. My father. It wasn't either of them hugging me now though. They wouldn't ever hug me again.

I broke.

It hit me and suddenly I was crying. No, not crying, I was sobbing great big shaking sobs that tore at my throat. My face was buried into her hair and I just stood there as she hugged me close.

They were gone.

And suddenly I knew exactly what that meant.


	27. To Chance

**A thanks to my reviewers and special thanks to wRiTeR'S bLoCK is AWFUL for giving me the spring boards for this chapter and the previous :) plot bunnies from you lot mean that I can write chapters faster, not that I can't get my own ideas but if you have ideas you like don't hesitate to mention them :)**

* * *

To Chance

**_Alex_**

After Lily stopped crying into Lara's shoulder she simply looked at everyone around her. Her eyes when she had come in had been hollow and her thoughts distance and flat. I've never met anyone like that, it had scared me. It was like she was completely unaware of everything except a numbing fog around her. Lara could not stand that and had run at the poor girl and wrapped her arms around her best friend. Lily had simply broken down and collapsed on my sister.

Now though her eyes had some life in them, she was still recovering but there was the essential word. Recovering. She would get better. Her eyes took in all of us; we were all here, Lara, me, Sirius, James, Peter, Remus, Alice, Tabby and Amy. She simply looked around at us, with her puffy grieving eyes, and then she smiled a small smile. It was a sincere, grateful smile that said as clearly as her mind did that she was relieved we were here.

I looked around at my eyes rested on James. He hadn't moved, hadn't said a word. It was coming to my mind now that he had changed lately. I hadn't noticed, being so preoccupied with how I had changed and my new relationship with Siri, but it was there. Before Christmas he had practically skipped everywhere, or at least he had strutted everywhere but hell, they were hard to separate when it came to him. Sirius had been the same, him with his stupid little smirks and _that look_. He still did that now but this time it was an annoying smirk for me and _that look,_ the one that had every bone in my body jumping, was directed at me...

Anyway...

James: that was what I was thinking about before.

He had changed. Something in him had hardened, had realised the reality of what was going on outside the walls of Hogwarts. He had always been an idiot when it came to Lily. I mean seriously, how hard is it to see that asking the girl out every single day is obviously not working? It didn't take a genius to work out that a steadfast person like Lily Evens didn't want to date a boy who was as immature as James pretended to be. It wasn't hard, was it? Now though I think something else had hit the boy, he hadn't asked her out once but settled to staring at her hour after hour as if thinking she would suddenly disappear. I knew very well what could happen when you realised living wasn't a guarantee. That one moment when I had believed Lara to be dead had shaken my whole perspective of the opportunities around me, of the fact we only had so many chances. Yes, that's what I think might be going around Prongs' head.

He stared at Lily as if he only had so much time.

It was clear to my senses that all he wanted to do right now was to be the one to comfort her. He would, that's what he would do. Lily needed someone right now, needed someone other than my sister. She needed us all. James would show her that he wasn't just an immature bloated head suspended on a strut.

At least he better... or I was going to stick said head into a bush, antlers and all...

* * *

**_Peter_**

I stood in the doorway of our dorm and ran my eyes over each bed in turn. To my left nearest to me was my bed, the covers bunched up at the end of the bed and all my clothes thrown carelessly into my trunk underneath. On my wall I had stuck various pictures of us Marauders, a proud statement that I was a part of their group despite everything. Next to my bed was Remus' which was as spotless as ever with all of his many books neatly lined up on the shelve he'd put up in second year. His bed was made flawlessly and even his shoes were all lined up at the foot. Impeccable, I had no idea how he kept it up. Next, in the middle of the room, though it wasn't always so, was James' bed. Basically, it was as messy as his hair on a Saturday morning before a planned Lily ambush. All of his clothes, books, shoes – everything – was everywhere. How he ever managed to find anything was a wonder to me but I suppose it didn't really matter to him if he couldn't find his homework or school books or the correct uniform. He _was_ James Potter, rules slid of him like jelly on a spoon. He too had a photo of the four of us pinned to his wall, next to the one of Lily. Sirius' bed was pretty much the same as his brother in all but blood, only with the added mess of all the variety of hair products. That guy was vanity incarnate. All these beds were familiar to me; I had seen them every day for five and a half years, not including holidays. The same could not be said for the last bed.

Alex's bed was just as neat as Remus' though his own extensive book collection was in a large stack next to his bed in the corner which had to be balanced by magic. It wasn't tidy though, not really, because covering every wall and floor space was sheets and sheets of paper. It was an odd habit of his to sit in his bed writing and drawing in this sketchpad of his then ripping out the paper and sliding it onto the floor. I know my other friends had already asked him about it but he hadn't given much of an answer. I walked up to them cautiously. I had seen him in the mornings carelessly trampling over the layers of parchment; he didn't seem to notice them but I didn't want to walk over them in case he somehow knew. Who knew how that guy's mind actually worked...

I knelt down and studied them carefully. Most of them were random notes written in German like '_heißes Messer im Eis' _and _'Ich brauche einen neuen Schal bekommen'_, who knew what they meant. Others were lists of random stuff in English, shopping lists or homework. In addition to the written stuff there were sketches: a candle, a house, an eye, the school hall. One was a long empty stone room which had long thin windows down one side which let in stripes of light. I picked up a detailed sketch of his sister in profile staring out of a window and overleaf was one of Sirius. It was incredible realistic, I could almost see the cheeky glint in his eye. I threw them to the floor again.

I was about to get up when I saw another sketch, this one pinned to the wall. Without thinking I walked to it and studied it closely. Like many of the note in the room this one was titled in German, something that kept sending distrust to my heart. Why did he use German? What was it that he wanted to hide? This one was elegantly noted with _'Wärme in den Kälte'._

"Do you like it?"

I span around and saw the man himself leaning against the door frame eyeing me. It sent shivers down my spine. There was something about the way he looked at me that made me feel he didn't trust me. Who was he to judge, he might have stolen my space in our group but he didn't know me.

I shrugged.

"You're a very good drawer"

I glanced at the picture again, seeing the four smiling faces looking up at me. He had worked a charm into it so that they waved back at the viewer. It was odd that he hadn't included himself, I'd always felt he had wormed himself into our group. So why did he not include himself in it?

"You think I am making myself a part of your group?"

I glared at him for stealing my thoughts but he simply shrugged as if it were nothing.

"You think I am taking your place"

I didn't answer but this didn't seem to surprise him. He studied me closely and I felt unnerved at his clear sharp gaze. It reminded me of Dumbledore.

"I am no Marauder Peter. I have no intention of breaking up your group - that is the last thing I want"

"You already have" I muttered against my will but it was out now so why shouldn't I continue "You and your sister, you've already broken us up. It used to be just us but now you've taken Padfoot and Lara's taken Moony and even Prongs will soon be with Lily. I am nothing, just the singleton in an odd number. That picture" I waved my hand at the drawing "That's not how it is anymore"

He continued to stare at me with his calculating gaze. I had never really liked him and his sister. That first time we'd met their eyes had skimmed over me as if I were nothing. The others had been so absorbed on new arrivals that they'd hardly spoken a word to me. I had never really felt that important, apart as a spare part or something, but now I was nothing. Then they'd found out Remus' secret and suddenly they were all over the others.

"If there is anything I've learnt about you lot" He interrupted my thoughts, he voice was hard now and almost irritated "It's that the most important thing to them is their friendship. You are right in some senses, me and Lara have perhaps broken down the time you lot spend as a group. Except you are also wrong because we can never become Marauders - that is a bond that has been formed over years. Just because they have found it in their heart to become friends with more than just their select group, Peter, doesn't mean the friendship you lot have as a group has diminished. James, Sirius and Remus will always be loyal to you if you are loyal to them."

Those words felt like a threat to my ears and I bristled myself but he had nothing more to say or hear as he stalked out of the room.

What did he know? When we left this school I would be on my own, just you wait and see. He and Sirius will go off and be all cosy and queer in their own apartment. Lara and Remus will move in together, getting married the week we leave. James and Lily will do the same and have about twenty kids. Me? I'll be there on my own with nobody to watch my back, nobody. They will all start fighting as a part of the resistance and probably get themselves blown up. Ha! Me fighting, yeah right. I've seen how Slytherins play it; we'd never stand a chance.

I looked back at the drawing of the four of us. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.

It was a game.

Just a game...

* * *

**_Lily_**

People had been giving me _the _sympathy look. I had given them to others many many times and I had seen people give them to others. I hadn't realised how annoying they were. It was like they were coming up to me and saying _"I know your parents are dead. I can't do anything about it but I feel sad on your behalf"_ it was a constant reminder that I was one of those people now that people felt sorry for. That there was something for them to feel sorry for.

I had escaped to the lake. Lara and Alice were a god send of course but sometimes I just felt like I needed space. Lara always knew when I wanted to be on my own and she always pulled Alice away who seemed to think that constant company was better for me. Bless her sugar coated heart.

It was still cold so that meant very few people were wondering around to give me _the look_. Now I was here though with the black expanse of the crystalline lake before me I felt unbearably lonely. Everything seemed to remind me of my loss. In the mornings the postal service reminded me that nobody outside school would ever contact me again. The way they made the scrambled eggs was completely different to how mum made them. That boy had exactly the same shade of hair as daddy. That girl was wearing a hair clip similar to the one Mum bought me. The carpet in the common room was exactly like the ones mum had dreamed of getting. Daddy always used to enjoy cracking the ice in puddle like that...

I saw Jam- _Potter _– walking along on the other side of the lake.

I remember mum saying...

He hadn't seen me and for once I wasn't sure if I didn't want him to...

_"Oh, you must introduce me to that boy, you remember the one who..."_

He had his hand stuffed in his jean pockets and he wasn't constantly ruffling that mess he called hair.

_"The one who wouldn't stop annoying me at the station, yeah"_

He was dressed in a simple dark blue turtle neck jumper that hugged his form. His eyes were down cast as he trudged through the frost grass.

_"He was very sweet and awfully attractive, clearly love sick, I don't suppose-"_

He looked up at the school and his face was pensive and cheerless, I wondered what was wrong.

_"Mum! James Potter is an annoying little-"_

He hadn't asked me out once since Lara and Alex got back. I remember the way he had sat in the medical wing staring at me as if...

_"Ah but that's the thing with boys. Oh you should have seen what your father used to get up to..."_

His eyes turned in my direction and I could see from his body language that he had noticed me. Usually at this point he would mess up his hair and give me a jolty grin before strutting towards me as if he owned the ground he walked on.

_"No Mum. He never leaves me alone and every girl in the school thinks he's good looking"_

He stood and looked at me. I waited for him to walk to me but he just seemed to become more depressed. Then he uncertainly raised a hand in greeting and sent a very small smile.

_"I'd give him a chance; he's obviously doing it for your attention, not the others"_

I thought of my mum's words then slowly waved back. Even from here I saw him blink in surprise and for the first time since I'd found out about my parents I felt the urge to laugh. Instead I grinned widely. James looked around uncertainly as if I were grinning at someone else and his denial that I might be acting towards him in a positive manner made me grin wider. He returned with a slow smile and then pulled his hands out of his pockets and then made a semi step forward but halted making him rock on his feet and nearly fall over. I couldn't help it this time I laughed joyfully at his indecision. He replied with his trademark smug smile but I could see there was a difference in this one; it was warmer, more genuine.

___"After all, you don't know what you'll get till you give him ago"_**_  
_**


	28. To Comfort

To Comfort

**_Cynthia_**

I heard screams; they cut through the walls, muffled but unquestionably there. I would lie in my bed and they would break into my sleep till I could do nothing but curl up and press a pillow to my head. It never helped.

In this room I didn't have to pretend anymore. I never got any visitors, the house elves brought me my food everyday and in them I got small amounts of company. My husband hadn't come once and though I knew this was a good thing it still tore into my heart. In this room the cold mask fell to the floor uselessly and I found that without it I was helpless to my own thoughts.

It was the screams that got to me though. They came every now and then, usually in night but sometimes during the day. Each time they came I was forced into memories of my own children's screams. I would collapse where I stood without fail every time. Even when they were gone they echoed in my ears, a constant drilling.

I didn't know why they were here but I had glanced out of the windows enough to see black draped figures entering my house. It didn't take a genius to figure it out. That my husband had refrained from turning our home into some sort of command centre before I turned rebel was a small consolation. Though, it was a moot point now.

I wondered who they were. I wondered what happened to them once the screams stopped. I wondered if I would ever escape.

I was lucky to be alive.

"Would Mistress like to take her lunch in here or the parlour?" A house elf said, breaking into my thoughts.

I looked down at the little creature. This one was called Mimi; I had learnt their names, finally. One did when they were your only companions. I used to hate the annoying little things, they were nothing, _nothing_, compared to me - they were slaves, nothing more. I was a Rosier, pure blood, dignified. It didn't matter now though. I had learnt in these few weeks another thing that was wrong with my principles. I had never really considered that these little creatures could be so compassionate; they really did have feeling, would you believe it?

"No, no, Mimi. I'll come to the parlour" I said rising from my seat and straightening my shirts. Just because I was a prisoner in my own home doesn't mean any of my other more realistic standards have slipped; I still dressed as a lady should thank you very much.

The house elf grinned at me... they did that a lot now, not because they were happy with my predicament but they seemed to be overjoyed that I no longer treated them like filth. They were irresistible comfort to me now and I thought that if it were not for their rather quirky attitude I may have slipped into a dark stupor of depression.

* * *

**_James_**

"You know Alex told me the other day how his family, the Grey family that is, believe that the stars are like their ancestors. I mean, I don't really get it, but that they believe they are the souls of all his predecessors and also everyone who is to come. He said that he believes that it is the same for everyone else, as if through each individual's eyes their family is up there... He said that when he looked up into the night sky he always feels comforted, knowing that he's being watched... I never really understood it... I do think, though, that although... although you can't speak to... them... that they are watching over you. Do you understand? I feel like I'm talking nonsense, I'll shut up now..." I trailed off.

I felt like an idiot now, sitting here ranting off the same old comforting word. 'They are still watching over you' 'they're still here in your heart'... how many people have said these same clichéd lines? I felt stupid for bringing it up.

"No... It's fine... I still can't believe that... that they are really gone. I guess it's not really that they are gone... just that I'm not going to see them again apart from in my memories..." I looked across at her and saw her face in deep contemplation with melancholy eyes looking straight ahead.

We were sitting under a tree by the side of the lake. It was a dreary day, cold and uncomfortable, but she didn't seem to care. It worried me though – she was only wearing a simple cotton shirt under her robes. She sat about a meter from me, her arms wrapped around her knees which were tucked into her chest. Her vibrant red hair was in a messy bun at the back of her head and I thought that she had never looked so neglected. Her cheeks missed their gentle blush and her eyes looked exhausted. It made me want to pull her into my arms seeing her so. She was still beautiful, she could never stop being beautiful, but I wished I could see her smile for me.

I shook my head. It was just a wonder that I was actually sitting here without her hexing me to June. Then again, I hadn't asked her out... that was meant to help. It would be beyond stupid to do that now, that sort of thing was meant to annoy her into saying yes. A stupid plan I know but well... I could be a bit moronic when the alternative was being serious...

The silence dragged on and I became acutely aware of every movement she made. I saw the slow movement of her breathing, the escaped strands of hair wiggling in the wind, her occasional blinks. I saw the light freckles on her nose and the way she absently moved her forefinger in circles around her knuckle. Her green eyes, almond shaped. She slightly parted her pink lips and I saw the hint of her white teeth.

I hadn't said a word, nor had she. I didn't mind though. Sure I wished she'd look at me, say something to show she knew I was there but I would take what I got.

* * *

**_Severus_**

I was carrying an excessive amount of books when found myself tripping over the fraying edge of my robes. Usually I would never make myself so helpless, unable to even reach my wand, but I figured Potter and Black were too focused on impressing their respective girls. I snorted. Who knew Black would turn out to be gay, well it served as good insult fodder should it come to that – which it would. As for Potter, well, I couldn't wait to loudly say 'I told you so' next time I saw Lily. Not that I'd think of taunting her now of all times. The death of her parents would do nothing for my cause, predictably.

Nor would the new imprinted mark on my arm but I figured I was already out of her redemption as it was. We were too separated in the society matter anyway...

Anyway. I was carrying a lot of books, all stacked up in my arms like a wobbling tower, really I should have know something would go wrong. It was those robes, I hadn't got round to repairing them and there was an edge which was dragging along the floor in front on my feet, just begging to be stepped on. Needless to say, I went flying and the books fled far and wide – at least these ones didn't _actually _have legs to flee on...

I was just picking myself up when I heard footsteps coming closer and I did what any Slytherin did and grabbed my wand.

"Wow! Easy, I'm not going to do anything" A female voice said which I instantly recognised due to the faint German accent. It did little to loosen my hold on my wand. She was a friend of Potter and Black; hell her brother was dating one of them and she herself was dating the werewolf. It said little for her.

I watched her as she approached, waiting for signs of drawing her wand. Her weird silver hair was loose around her and her face, still scarred horrifically, seemed innocent. I had a little respect for this particular Gryffindor, she had out witted Irvine twice since getting here and I had seen briefly what she'd done to his arm, sharing a dorm with him. I could sort of respect someone like her, not that I'd ever say it.

She reached down and begun to pick up my books, to my chagrin.

"Hey, you – I can pick them up myself" I said rudely and she straightened looking affronted.

"I'm just helping. I saw you fall and thought you might need some help" I narrowed my eyes at her. She might be a pretty face (under that scar) but no way was I going to trust her. She was probably working for those two dunderheads.

"Well I don't, not from you or anyone else, especially not a Gryffindor blood-traitor" At my words I saw her eyes fill with stubbornness but surprisingly very little annoyance. I was surprised she didn't take offence to my jibe after all usually any slight insult would have a Gryffindor jumping up snarling like the arrogant Lions they were. The stubbornness though, that was all Gryffindor.

"Well that's stupid if you ask me" she said with a matter of fact tone. I bit back the replied that I hadn't asked for her opinion.

She drew her wand (I raised mine in defence to her apparent amusement) which was slender and made of a silvery wood and waved it over the corridor. I watched as all my books rose into the air and neatly settled back into a single pile which then hovered in front of me. I narrowed my eyes at her in irritation. I could have done that.

"What's your problem?" I said in irritation, she ignored me with a roll of her eyes.

"Now then, that wasn't very hard was it? Your welcome by the way, I shall assume that you were just about to thank me, might as well. And as for your other comment... well, when you meet my father you might rethink the traitor part because to be honest he didn't give us much choice. Goodbye Severus Snape, nice meeting you" and with that she walked away with a sweep of her hair.

I blinked.

It was a very weird experience. Checks had confirmed that there wasn't a single spell lingering on my hovering books. I was left to puzzle over the words and reactions of Larissa Grey. I thought about asking Irvine but the boy hated the Grey twins and just mentioning her name would not be sensible.

* * *

**_Lara_**

I didn't know quite what to make of my encounter with Snape. He had seemed to expect to be cursed around every corner and I had a feeling I knew who was to blame. I mean it wasn't that he'd acted all that innocently either, he'd deliberately been rude and obnoxious. And yet he hadn't tried anything on me. Another thing was that he had been carrying a whole pile of identical potions books, as if they were a shipment to the library and why would 'slimy- dark art obsessed Snivellus' be carrying book to the library? Was it a detention, was he asked, did he offer? He reminded me of Graham Wile from Amalia's who lashed out at everyone he didn't trust because he'd been picked on since his mother ran off with a muggle born when he was seven, abandoning him. The thing with Graham though, was that although he was cold and distant, he actually was a really good guy...

I was randomly walking in the grounds of Hogwarts and I suddenly found myself reaching the edge of the Forbidden forest. Students were not meant to go in there but I could hardly help but enter a little into the tall and broad trees. This forest had an incredible presence it felt so alive and the very air seem to buzz. I placed my hand on the bark of a nearby tree and nearly laughed when I felt its ancient, almost knowing, pulse. It wasn't physical but Merlin was it there. This place was dark, oh yes really dark, and not just in a lack-of-light way either but nor in a I'm-big-and-evil way. It was just... it's own and magical, like it had many secrets and many places that it guarded.

I heard a sound ahead of me and I stood straight and ready, my hand on my wand pocket. The sound came again and I gulped. I was rooted to the spot but I wasn't scared. Then a bush parted and I saw the almost aquiline black snout of a Thestral emerge. I blinked in shock as it trotted forward, its white glistening and pupilless eyes slightly unnerving.

I cocked my head to the side and looked at it as it edged its way closer to me. I found it rather funny the way it ducked it's head a came to me slowly, as if scared but too curious to hold back. It was obviously young, its head only reaching my shoulder, and I didn't feel any fear as it came closer.

"Hey there little one" I said and slowly raised my hand to its nose.

It shuffled a little closer and seemed to sniff my hand, its nostrils dilating on its bony face. Then it pressed its snout to my palm and I carefully stroked its slightly slippery skin. I giggled (yes... giggled) when it head butted me lightly and it made a funny little chirping sound at the sound.

"You know... it is quite unfair how harshly people view you things... but I guess I would be a bit of a hypocrite if I judged you... I_ am_ dating a werewolf..." I chucked and the Thestral allowed me to run my hands through its thick black mane.

"Oi you! What do ya think you're doing here?" a loud gruff voice said and I turned to see a huge man, Hagrid the gamekeeper, walking towards me.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to come so far in - I was only really just looking" I said, biting my lip.

I saw him peer at me from within his mass of messy brown hair. His eyes were small and they eyed me with uncertainty, his eyes moving from me to the Thestral.

"Not many accept Thestrals, them being different an' all" he said and as if knowing we were talking about it the Thestral bucked its head on my hand, I laughed in delight and resumed stroking the long hair.

"No, but people discriminate against anything different, it's what they do" I said and saw the massive man nod.

I gave the Thestral one final pat and mentally promised that next time I visited I would bring some treats. I was sure I could get some raw meat from the kitchens...

Turning back to Hagrid I gave him a grin and began to walk back out of the forest.

"I'm curious, what other creatures are in the forest? I take care of magical creatures but it's taught in a rather sterile way I think" I asked Hagrid and we soon got into a long discussion about the creatures of the forest. It was still early in the day and all of my classes had ended so when he invited me for tea I accepted happily. I trusted this Hagrid, he seemed genuinely cheerful for the company and he was really very warm despite the daunting exterior. When the conversation diverged into families his face became grim.

"Ay, I heard what happened to you an your brother, it's bad times alrigh' an then there was poor Lily's parents" he shook his head "I'll tell ya the same thing I told young Sirius Black. Tha aint anyway tha family should treat one another, yer better findin ya proper family in those who truly love ya. Like those Marauders, they're practically brothers they're tha close, course you proble' know this already being so close" His black eyes studies me humorously and I blushed "Ay... I'm thinking Mr. Lupin made his choice well with you"

I avoided the topic by taking a bite out of one of his rock cakes – a mistake – and nearly broke my teeth.

* * *

**_James_**

"Guys... Hey guys! Could you _please _stop snogging for like a second? Oi! Guys! Could you please tell me whether I should-?"

"Just go over there Prongs" Alex muttered as Sirius moved to his ear.

I was getting majorly grossed out with these two. One moment we were 'studying' and having a joke the next moment I had to find somewhere else to look while they firmly attached themselves to each other. Ughh. I had given them stern instructions concerning our dorm too, much to Alex's mortification as well as mine. Sirius just found it rather amusing. _'If you must then stay away from my bed, put up a silencing spell and for Merlin's sake and my sanity do not tell me! I do _not_ want to know!' _ I did not need the specifics of gay sex...I really hoped that this though was just a phase.

"Thanks for the help..." I said sardonically and Alex raised his thumb. I rolled my eyes before leaving them to... well...

Walking across the nearly empty common room before I could change my mind I found myself standing hesitantly in front of Lily's table. She was studying, or at least there were book on the table, and didn't see me at first. When she did she blinked at me twice then turned her head to look behind me obviously looking for happy couple number two.

"They are otherwise preoccupied... I was getting bored of sitting there looking like a third wheel..."

She smirked and I sat down opposite her nervously.

"Yes, they do that a lot now, don't they?" She said giving me a truly sympathetic look.

She looked better than she did yesterday down at the lake, her hair was back to its glossy condition and she didn't seem so weary. I tried not to stare.

"You have no idea" I shook my head in an attempt to not look at her "It's driving me crazy. Honestly, Sirius was never like that with his girlfriends and I swear Moony and Lara didn't do this"

She laughed and I watched her with an adoring eye, which I hoped she didn't see.

"Well Remus is reserved and Lara is... dignified. As for Black, well I don't think any of his last dates lasted long enough for him to get this way but those two together... well... they don't seemed to really care do they?"

I turned to look at them in the corner of my eye and then looked quickly away when I saw Padfoots hand move to Alex's ass.

"No. They don't" I said flatly.

There was a moment of silence while I argued with myself.

_Just ask her out! _

_No, it's too early. _

_But she hasn't hexed you! _

_That doesn't mean she likes you._

_Well she'll never know if she likes you if you never ask her out!_

_Last time you asked her out she hexed your tie to strangle you!_

_That's because you were an annoying prat!_

_And you still are!_

_That's not the point! Just ask her!_

"James?"

"Wah- what?" I shook my head and saw her studying me closely. I freaked out, I could feel my words trying to form the request, her beautiful green eyes nearly tipping me over the edge. No, no, no! I didn't want to ask yet, not yet.

"Erm, I gotta go. Err. See you out- I mean later, um. Yeah. Um, Bye!"

I ran out of the room... stumbling into the dorm I smacked my head against a nearby wall.

_Oh well done, that was clever._

_I'm and idiot. A complete IDIOT. _

_Tell me something I _don't_ know._

I suddenly stopped in my tracks...

Wait a moment...

"...She just called me James... "I whispered as a huge grin worked its way onto my face "SHE CALLED ME JAMES!"

_That doesn't mean she likes you-_

"-SHUT UP! LILY CALLED ME JAMES! WOOOP WOOOOP!"

**Review?**


	29. To Await

**I had a lot of fun writing this chapter :) hope you see why**

* * *

To Await

**_Alex_**

February. A month had passes on by. Another full moon had risen and with it signalled another sleepless night for us all. Lara paced throughout the night and consequently I too found myself counting down the hours till dawn. James is now (to his glee) on first name terms with his beloved Lily and has yet to ask her out once. We are all very proud of him (though Siri is more likely to tease him than ever say that) but I think the suspense is killing him. Dumbledore informed us that we will be spending our summer at Cousin Andy's, an intriguing prospect. We haven't seen her for several years. Sirius and I have gotten past the stage where anytime we're not kissing each other is wasteful. Everybody seemed very happy about this (they like it too much for my liking). School life has been... well, school life e.g. dull and time consuming. Lara has thrown herself into working at the hospital wing with intense vigour. Lily is getting better and she smiles just as much as she used to. Things seem... well.

So now it's February and with it a certain event which, to be blunt, I am dreading. Yes, I tell the truth because Valentine's Day is coming.

_Valentine's_... ugh... Merlin help me...

It's going to be a Hogsmeade weekend and the cheesy sappiness is so unbearably cringy it makes me shiver. Siri seems to have two minds about it all and I have been encouraging the part which dissuades even the mention of Madam Puddifoot's. _Madam Puddifoot's!_ Oh Merlin. Please, _please,_ let the very straight part of my boyfriend's bi mind win. I don't think I could live through _that _kind of torture. Ugh...

Of course this is going to be our first 'date' so to speak. So that's got to stand for something...

But Madam Puddifoot's...?

No, I would have to put my foot down. No matter how much I love my boyfriend, there was no way I was going anywhere near Madam Puddifoot's...

All the girls around school were yammering on about it. _"Ooh, did you hear, Nathan's taking me to Hogsmeade for Valentine's!" "Guess who just asked me out for Valent..." "I can't wait to see what Jim got me for Val..." "Valentine's" "Valentine's"_ Oh my god! Valentine's! Sheesh. And that's just the verbal chatter, hearing their minds shout the same thing to themselves is even worse. Some girls actually had the audacity to flirt at me, I mean, come on! I am gay, I have a boyfriend, can I make it anymore clear? I wonder if they'd get the picture if I grabbed Sirius by the ears and kissed him like there was no tomorrow. You'd think they'd take the hint but I bet they'd probably still flutter their eye lids at me...

If they saw us in Puddifoot's on the other hand...

Ughhh...

That above anything would secure the idea that I'm gay and taken. After all nothing validates a relationship better than a sickly romantic teashop. I know... girl's minds work in odd ways... I don't get it either...

Last year I had the same problem too. But over there it was more about getting a marriage proposal than a date. The world is a strange place.

Last year...

Last year I had been with Darien...

Don't go there. Don't even go there! Bad Alex.

Speaking of Darien, though, he had been pretty much ignoring us since the incident in the hall. Everyone had thought he'd be annoyed, furious, but no. If anything he was rather amused at the choice of spell, almost more amused than Lara. The irony of the situation was that it had been him to teach it to us. He'd learnt it from one of the dark arts books that his father owned and taught it to us in one of the nights where we'd stolen into the library to learn advanced spells without Madam Koch's beady eyes following us. It wasn't that dark, or at least not in the way Lara had used it, but it could be made so that it was a sort of oath. The purpose was that every time a person broke the oath (which was forced on them) the words would double till every inch of a person was inscribed with the inky words. Needless to say this was not what Lara did, it would never duplicate itself for one. The clever thing about it, though, was that they would only be removed if he said a certain three words in the presence of at least ten people. This wasn't going to happen anytime soon, even if he figured out what the words were. Not when the words Lara had chosen were "I am gay".

...I love my sister.

* * *

**_Sirius_**

"Well, hello hello!" I cried, jumping onto the seat next to Prongs. He jumped in surprise as I swung my arm around his shoulder happily. "And how are you Lily Flower? I see you are still putting up with this prat." I hit said prat lightly over the head. "If you ever get bored you know where to come," I said with a suggestive twitch of my eyebrow and a wink. Oh how I loved winding up Evans.

"You want to watch it you know, your better half might take offence" She replied without batting an eye.

"Ah but how do you know my 'better half' can't just be as bad as I? Ay Lily Flower? After all, I _would _know" I leant over to 'whisper' "Because really, once you get that 'oh-so-good boy' in be-"

"Dammit Paddy! I do NOT want to know! What, WHAT, have I told you about mentioning this!"

I burst out laughing. Sure, it was fun to tease lovely Lily but dear old Prongsie... well that was even better. I sat back with a satisfied smirk, watching his face glow a bright tomato red. I even saw Evans roll her green green eyes.

"So Flowery Lady, any plans for Valentine's?" was my not so subtle way of pointing out the stirring vibes coming from the pair. Mwahaha! It was my goal to help form 'Happy couple number 3'... then all I had to do was find Pete a girl (or boy, who knows) and then all us Marauders will be all happily couplefied!

I won't hold my breath for couple number 4 though... poor Wormy...

She blushed a lovely rosy red and pointedly studied a knot in the table. James meanwhile was choking on... what was he choking on? Oh well, he was choking, quite violently too... Hmm... I should probably help him with that...

I beat my choking friend on the back, which didn't seem to help...

...Oh well!

"What's up? Swallow your air wrong, again? Remember the last time you did that? It was quite coincidental timing too – just after I told - OW! Hey, what was that for!" I rubber my head, damn that boy could hit!

"Shut up Padfoot"

I chuckled, while still nursing my bruised head (and ego)... maybe I could get Al to kiss it better... hmmm... that could work...

"So what are _you _doing for Valentine's day, Sirius?"

I shook my head free of Al and his kisses (not now boy, down!) and looked at Lily with a new smirk, this one rather cunning. Oh yes people, I have a smirk for every occasion... but you didn't have to know about some of my more... seductive smirks. Oh, James would love to hear about that...

"Oh yes! My man and I are going to Madam Pudifoots! Oooh, the excitement!" I exclaimed with a flourish of my arms "It's going to be so romantic!" I said in an imitation of one of those flustered girls. I waved at my face and everything (why do they even do that?).

They both laughed.

"So when are you planning on telling Alex that you have no plans to go there what so ever" Prongs had to ask.

I shrugged, my evil glint coming into play.

"I'll get round to it... at some point. You should have seen his face when I mentioned it! Ha!"

He had spent the last few days randomly shivering and trying to persuade me to see the error of my ways. In very creative ways too... Ah Al, poor poor Al. He really needed to retake that lesson in Legilimency, he'd obviously missed a point somewhere. Not that I minded...

* * *

**_Darien_**

"Dari, oh it's so good to see you! It feels like so long since we spent time with each other" she said with a barely suppressed whine while I cringed internally at the nickname, Merlin I hated it when she called me that. Ally used to call me Dari.

"Indeed. You are well I take it Miss Flint?" I said politely, trying not to recoil as she placed her hand on my arm. I led the way through the corridors to a courtyard where we could sit.

"Oh honestly Dari, how many times must I ask you not to call me that? I_ am_ your future wife after all" She scolded with a twittering giggles and a pat to my arm.

"Of course... Luciana"

She tittered happily and clung to me closer. I resisted the urge to push her away because one thing she said was correct... she was my future wife. Salazar help me. As we walked she rambled on about dresses and flowers and the 'latest gossip'. I stayed mostly silent, giving the occasional 'hmm' and 'really?' and 'how preposterous'. She didn't seem to notice that I wasn't listening but continued to babble on about how everyone (even those who were meant to be her friends) were scandalous and not worth our attention. She liked to put me on a pedestal, which I didn't mind, but unfortunately I was stuck up there with her. Each time someone walked by she pushed her back into a ruler straight pose and jutted her chin out superciliously.

Merlin I couldn't stand her.

"Oh and mother found the cutest brides maid's dresses, they are simply charming. Of course they are very expensive and of the highest fashion so they really are just perfect. We were thinking of using my niece Eileen and your cousin Maura, what do you think?" She went on without waiting for a reply "Of course the pink colour will look fabulous on the girls and will match the flowers although I did think that..." and it went on...

That they were planning our wedding already seemed a little stupid to me... it was in a year and a half, how much was there to do? Surly it didn't take that long? What really baffled me, though, was that she thought that I cared...

"...Of course father was rather adamant with the man, told him quite straight who we were and what..."

She wasn't from a bad family; really the name Flint was very dignified, they were pretty much as pure as you could get and they were very well disciplined. Their daughter was an acceptable match for my family.

"... and we saw this beautiful tiara in my family fault too, goblin made with sapphires which will set off my eyes perfectly and not to mention..."

Not that her blood line made me like her anymore. She was an obligation, nothing more, and if I had the choice I'd never marry her. Then again, if I had the choice I wouldn't marry a girl full stop. Our honeymoon was going to be traumatic...

"...guest list – I really don't think the Bulstrode's should be invited, not after that traitorous bitch married filth but Mother really does insist that the rest..."

How long do you think I could spend with her? At what point could I dismiss her without sounding rude? Till lunch, maybe? That was three hours away... I don't think I can stand her for that long. It said a lot for our approaching bond for life... this was going to be hell. I wonder if I'll get used to her, surly you would if I had to spend every day with her...

"... Father has been telling everyone how respectable you are, he thinks he could get in a good word for you in the ministry. Father really does have a fantastic contact list high up in most of the department's maybe..."

Merlin... she just kept talking didn't she...

We were approaching the courtyard and I was pleased to see the sun was finally peeping out of the clouds that had seemed to be terminal. I couldn't imagine having to walk all the way back to the common room, to be seen _publically_ with her, no, I could not do that. What if people began thinking I was one of those 'dreamy in love' sorts? Ugh. The Grey's had already tarnished my reputation enough... payback I suppose for the broken reputation they left behind in Berlin. Among other things...

Like causing them to be tortured twice and being permanently scarred...

Speaking of...

I nearly groaned when I saw Lara sitting on the very bench I had planned to use, and not alone either. That Lupin was with her too and they were sitting nice and cosy together. The contrast between their relationship and ours was apparent. I felt Luciana grip my arm tighter and lean in to whisper something in my ear – presumably concerning the other couple.

"There's that Grey girl and Lupin. Honestly, I nearly fainted when I learn that she was actually a pure-blood, can you believe it! Not to mention-"

She stopped as Lara rose to her feet with Lupin at her side and began to walk towards us. I could see the tell tale glint in her eyes as she looked over the girl at my side that said she knew exactly who this was.

"Irvine" she said coldly.

"Grey"

"And you must be Miss Flint. Congratulations on your engagement, I have been dyeing to meet you" She said looking at Luciana appraisingly. I recognised her society mask instantly, having seen it at so many formal parties. Like this you could truly appreciate that she was raised in a pureblood family and believe she was every inch the icy faced purist expected of her. Like this people would be hard put to find insults if they knew nothing else about her.

"Thank you" Luciana replied stiffly averting her eyes to show her displeasure at our company.

She nodded to us then left, though not before Lupin could give me a cold glare. As soon as they were gone Flint broke off into angry words and dragged me to a different bench than the one they'd occupied.

"How dare she speak to us! To think she has the impudence to speak with us after she was so rude, to think that she thought herself worthy to interact with us! Filthy little blood-traitor! Oh I have some things to say to that one alright! Then there's that Lupin guy she's dating! Well I've heard a couple of things about that one!" She sniffed disdainfully "and don't even get me started on that brother of hers!" I tensed "I told Regulus, I said 'it's no wonder your mother disowned that one, he's a bad egg if ever I saw one. Stay away from him and be grateful your family is lucky enough that they have you'. You know what I think? That lot, they're unnatural, anomalies that should be pruned as such! They're worse than mudbloods if you ask me. I say their father taught then what they deserve!" she breathed deeply after her rant and pushed her coarse black hair out of her face.

She didn't seem to notice my pale face or the way my hand gripped the bench we had just sat on. It made me feel sick hearing those words. It didn't matter how much I tried to avoid my nature it always came back and pinched me. _'Anomalies that should be pruned'. _Was I unnatural? An anomaly or mutation? A flawed person?

"Anyway. I was thinking that as this is our first Valentine's day coming we should something special – I was thinking Madam Puddifoot's then we-"

Wait. What?_ Puddifoot's_? Did I mishear? Salazar say I misheard – PUDDIFOOT'S!

Oh. Shit.

Help me!

* * *

**_Cynthia_**

It has been two months in here, two months of the same dull dragging days.

I rise in the morning, I dress and bathe and eat my food as slowly as I can. Then I read... and read... and read. I do so much reading now, though I know it is useless and I will never use the things I learn but it wastes away the days. Wastes away... I then eat lunch and talk with the house elves, mundane talks about the weather and what not. There are five of them: Mimi, Cyndi, Pepper, Filla and Totsie. They fill me in on the news, sometimes bringing a daily prophet. Then I sit and look out of the window, I think and watch for what must be hours.

I imagine, in my forced naivety, that things will become better; I see my husband's face, not the man who lives here now but _my _husband, coming to me free of the darkness. I see him smile and taking my hand in his, he holds it gently, as if I am beautiful and delicate, in his large warm hands. His eyes are clear grey and loving and I see us walking through the blossom trees and the vibrant green grass. Above our heads the sky is an elusive blue with gently white clouds and a sparkling sun that tingles on my skin. He wraps his arms around me, uncaring of the fact we are in public or that we are pure bloods and should not show public displays of affection. He smiles gently, oh so gently, and presses his forehead to mine and our clasped hands are light on our chests. Without saying we began to slow dance, our eyes forever connected.

Snap.

The gate clicks closed and I see a black figure prowl up to the house. I don't know who it is who approaches the main door; I never do, because their hoods are always pulled low over their faces which, I suppose, are bound to be masked anyway. The world in grey and dreary, the moisture condensing on every surface in a way that I know makes skin feel sticky and disgusting. Not that I can feel it. It is so dull, empty, and I feel trapped.

I feel so trapped. Every moment in here I feel like a cage is closing over my heart and the walls around me seem to shrink onto my skin. I feel as if sometimes I will become so bored that I will turn mad with it. I always have this nagging itch on the back of my neck and I jump and fidget in paranoia. Every minute drags into hours and the hours gnaw at my skin till I feel like scratching and banging at the walls.

Most mornings I can hardly bring myself to rise out of bed. What would be the point? Each night the tears threaten to spill but I, ever the Lady I am meant to be, fight away the burning in my eyes. I am numb. Furthermore I will stay numb, because the alternative is to go crazy and _that_ is not an option for me.

I still hear the screams; they reside within my very bones. I tremble as I walk and sometimes the horror comes on so strong that I must sit down or else fall to the floor.

I feel something stirring though; I can feel it in my heart that I am on the cusp of something. Something that is coming closer hour by hour, I feel like it's the breath before an epiphany, something on the edge of my tongue. It's in the house elves, there's something about the house elves that just makes me shiver in anticipation. What is it...?

It's coming though and I don't know whether it will break me of enrich me with new purpose. Then again, it might be both and Merlin do I know such thing is possible.


	30. To Flare

**Wow! 30 chapters! haha! Right well I'm thinking there is going to be about 5 chapters till summer (a chapter per month) then maybe 2-3 chapters in summer. I'm not going to concentrate so much on 7th year and after that... well i'll get there when i get there :D**

* * *

To Flare

**_Remus_**

Screams. Everywhere the sharp pierces of shrieks shook the air, cut it with violent pain and fear. Panic shook and quivered the minds and leaked into the sounds and tastes and touches. It was chaos, a blur of colour and light clashing endlessly in a manic desperation. People were going everywhere and nowhere, just running to find some escape. My heart pounded and my eyes pushed through the crowds, but they were blind, my hands and arm tugged and strained against the mob of people on every side. I couldn't breathe, Merlin, what was going on!

I didn't know what was happening. Obviously it was the Death Eaters – who else – but that was merely a fact. I didn't know where they were, save for the random sight of black cloaks, wand sparks and the general epicentre of the madness. I didn't know what they were doing but what the screams hinted in the air. My mind was on a one track thought though. One track desperation, I didn't care about getting away, I didn't care about the fact that I could die. No. All that mattered was the fact that I had no idea where Lara was. Dammit!

I begged to Godric, Merlin and dammit even God that she was okay.

I knew in my heart of hearts that she would be in the centre. That is where she would always be, trying to help people despite the odds. Her and her twin would be unleashing whatever power they had hidden under their eyes, the one that we all knew was there. It was like what James said about the time Irvine confronted then for the first time _"They were fearless, and something seemed to ripple along their skin. They were different and for a moment I was truly scared". _I needed to get to her!

I don't know what had happened. It is a mush in my memory. One moment... one moment we were walking down the streets of Hogsmeade, teasing Alex for believing Sirius actually wanted to go to Puddifoot's. It was a sunny day, a normal day, the first in a long time and we were all relishing in just being together. Valentine's Day, as cheesy as it was, had rubbed off on us and even Peter was smiling and laughing for once. Sirius and James had dragged an unwilling Alex to the Quidditch shop to his dismay and Pete had followed them to give me and Lara some space. We had just decided to go to the Three Broomsticks for butterbeer when all hell broke loose. Lara had been ripped from my grasp as a flood of people rushed us the path. The last I had seen was her face breaking into vicious anger and her hand whipping out her wand.

All I could think of was getting back to her.

As I pushed through a beam of dark green light basted through the air and hit a girl, fourth year maybe, as she ran and she feel to the floor with a scream. It was then that I saw them. The Death Eaters. There were about twenty of them, all dressed in their signature black robes and metallic masks. They were sending spell after the spell at the retreating crowd and a couple were torturing students. I growled in horror when I saw a third year writhing and screeching on the dirt and a DE laughed maliciously. There were people fighting of course. I saw sixth years, seventh years and some adults dodging and sending spells, but they were only annoying them really and only a few of the spells got through.

There was Lara and Alex, they had predictably found themselves and were fighting as hard as they could, their wands twisting and flicking too fast to see. Except they were surrounded. Somehow they had managed to get into a fairly central position amongst the DE's and at least five were attacking them on every side. They were twirling and spinning around each other in perfect synchrony, sending spells under each other's arms, over their shoulders. At one point they were chest to chest, the next one had ducked down under the other, then they were back to back. From under the arms of the DE I could see the slight absence in their eyes that signalled their twin bond coming into play. The only time I had ever seen them this connected was when they had their recital, playing music. Lights flashed at them from every direction but every spell was comprehended beforehand.

I watched in horror, not knowing what to do. A spell flew over my shoulder from one of the other Death Eaters and I snapped back into focus and started to attack with everything I had.

* * *

**_Avery_**

I was going to have words with Grey about getting round to bloody killing these kids of his. I don't care how close he is to the Lord - they were a pain in the ass and needed to be dealt with. Honestly, you'd think giving them a taste of the Cruciatus curse amongst other things would beat a bit of respect into these brats but _no_. I had a feeling Grey didn't do a good enough job on these pair, no matter what that scar of hers said. It was probably some parental thing of his, stupid really. Beat into them young and show no sympathy was my motto when it came to kids; it certainly worked with _my _son. Well, either way, they would soon realise that they weren't capable of standing up to us for long. Oh, we'd drag them back to their father kicking and scratching alright. Doesn't matter how much they try to wave their fancy wands, we would get them.

They were certainly being problematic though. I'd been hoping to get a bit of fun in today but _no_, I was stuck trying to reign in a couple of adolescent freaks. There was something unnatural about them alright, something that just weren't normal. It was their damn eyes that got to me! They were clouded for Merlin's sake! They looked like they were in deep in thought, like they weren't even focussing on a single bloody thing! And yet they still managed to block or dodge every single spell we sent at them! And they were constantly moving so I couldn't even get a good shot at them. It was like they could see everything around them, like they had bloody three-hundred-and-sixty degree vision or something! Stupid teenagers.

I was getting bored of this.

Suddenly the person to my left was thrown into the air from a stunner that boy sent and I growled in frustration. Idiot man for letting his shield down, I had so sympathy for those who allowed themselves to be hit by a pair of deceptive teenagers. I bet they were just pretending to be all omniscient to get under our skins. Stupid freakish twins, I didn't trust them. Nonetheless though, if things continued this way then I'd never get any fun, dammit! I snarled and eyed the two teenagers with a critical eye. They couldn't see everywhere at all times, there was sure to be an opening at some point for me to hit one of them. Then, I was certain it would be a piece of cake to get the other. All I would have to do was wait and then the real games could begin.

* * *

**_Sirius_**

"Shit! Shit! SHIT!"

"YEAH I GOT THAT PART THANKS!" I shouted over James's frenzied mutterings as I tried desperately to stay alive. Spells were flying left right and centre and screams were penetrating the air in ways I didn't even know the human voice could. A recognisable blast of violent green light whizzed over my shoulder – Avada Kedavra. Shit! Yeah, I'll say!

I could hardly see Alex amidst the Death Eaters bastards that had rounded on him and presumably Lara. I swear to Merlin, if that boy didn't get out of this alive then I really was going to take him to bloody Puddifoot's! Just see if I don't!

"Pad! Behind you!" I span and saw a DE whip a violet coloured curse at me which I rapidly dodged.

"Thanks James!"

"Well DUH! Prat!"

"Bastard – to the left"

"I know, I saw it! Idiot!"

"Asshole!"

"Faggot!"

I turned to him with a curious expression.

"Faggot? Ouch, low blow man – low blow." I shook my head and turned back to the Death Eater trying to kill me.

* * *

**_Avery_**

There it was!

I sent my curse speeding toward the two brats and the boy spun around and threw up a hasty shield. Ha! As if that simple spell would stop this spell, he'd have to try harder than that! And sure enough the barrier cracked and my shot of deep ruby red hit him squarely on his chest. I laughed maliciously as his eyes widened briefly before he was thrown into the air and into a building where he crumpled to the floor unconscious. I wished the healer luck with trying to heal him – served him right the cocky twat.

The girl let out a shriek of anger and her hair seemed to flare around her. Her eyes, no longer misted over blazed with immeasurable fury and the scar across her face burned red. Before I knew it she had turned to me like a tigress, ah the wonders of vengeance, and I was quick to dodge the spells flying at me, arrows of light. Not all of them were as light as I would have expected of this blood-traitor bitch but I guess she _was_ Grey's daughter. Stupid girl, did she seriously think she, a sixteen year old, could beat me?

I sneered at her and relished in the fight.

"Don't worry girlie! You'll join your dear father soon!" I called mockingly to her but she took no notice except to send a particularly nasty curse at me.

I laughed.

It was not to be though, pity that we had to have a time limit. I was really quiet enjoying watching these freaks battle with the big boys. I cringed as fire licked at my mark and I send one final curse and wave at the funny little girlie before apparating away.

This wasn't going to be the last time I saw lovely Larissa Grey - I'd make sure of it.

* * *

**_Lara_**

He waved at me! The bastard actually had the sick nerve to wave at me before running away. COWARD!

But they were gone, all of them. They had just gone.

Alex.

I dashed to where he was lying and fell to his side. He was alive. I'd known that the moment he fell to the floor. He was wobbling precariously in the boundaries of life and death though. That wasn't going to happen though. I don't care what else happens; this was not one of them. He would live and anyone who got in my way now would suffer. And yes, I was deadly serious.

His face was pale and his breathing shallow and a bloom of red was spreading from his shirt. I placed my hand on his head and found it to be icy cold with a slick mask of sweat.

I pushed away my panic, I stamped on the tears and screams and the desperation and fixed my mind on what had to be done. Poppy. There was a good chance that I wouldn't know what to do with this curse. Poppy meant Hogwarts. In the chance that Poppy couldn't fix him then that meant St. Mungo's which meant floo. Floo meant Hogwarts. Poppy and St. Mungo's meant Hogwarts so Hogwarts it bloody well was. And Hogwarts meant -

Sirius. He was there, as I knew he'd be and silently and swiftly he grabbed my brother and lifted him into his arms. I didn't look around me and I didn't hear the voices or anything else. I didn't say a word but grabbed the boy's arm and apparated us to the boundary of the school. Laws be damned.

I didn't need to speak as we charged up to the school. I didn't look at Sirius. I didn't look at where I was going; just trusted one of our bodies knew exactly what it was doing as we raced up the hill.

My brother. My twin. Shit. Dammit. Alex. _Breathe Lara, breathe. _The voice in mind was eerily like Alex's so I clung to it with all my might. _YOU, MISTER, ARE GOING NOWHERE. _If he, Merlin, if he died now I don't even know what that would make me. With his death I'd only be half the person I am now. So much of me was in Alex, just like so much of him was in me, we were joined at the mind our memories intermingled. When together what did it matter who's memories we drew from? And after all, memories were the basis of personality.

As we ran I twirled my wand over my brother. Trying to find out what was going on inside him. Right, it had been a blood red spell that could be one of many curses: Acerbica, Perseco, Caustic curse, Resigno... It was internal and made an incision – the blood on his shirt – it was endothermic – he was cold – and it had enough waste energy to throw him into the air. There were faint traces of dark magic in his blood which suggested... and then there was the way it spread from one spot instead of affecting all of him at once. His magic stored were untouched (thank Merlin) and it hadn't effected his bones or muscles. Nor did it affect his mind. Right.

I could hear Sirius' breath labouring and I knew he must be exhausted. Thank Godric he was a Quidditch player in such good condition though, if he didn't have the stamina to do this... well, I would have taken Alex myself with a levitation spell pretty much without asking.

We were running through the corridors and there were people here now. I didn't look at their faces but they wisely moved out of the way. We reached the doors to the hospital wing and as we ran towards them I flicked my hand at them and let my magic jump from my palm. They sprang open.

* * *

**_Sirius_**

Lara was silent and I said nothing, I was in shock. Everything was so messed up. The Death Eaters. Alex. My Alex. My muscles burned from running with Al's dead weight. Dead wait... NO. It was going to be fine. It was going to be fine dammit. Lara was running at my side and sometimes backwards as she span her wand over his form. There was something so drastically different about her now, something that was edgy and twisted, something wild and out of control. There was a glint in her eye and her skin pulsed with a yellowish glow. It was slightly scary. Here was a woman who would do absolutely anything for the boy in my arms. I felt small compared with her desperate passion. I loved Al, yes, with everything that I had. I would do anything for him but right now I was in shock in a frozen confusing, a desperate feeling in my chest demanded I do something and I was plagued with an intense fear. I couldn't lose him.

Lara though, Larissa Grey, she was something different. It wasn't like she was trying to save him; she was trying to save them. It was like without him she would... she wouldn't be. But it was like that she was completely rejecting the idea that... It was not an option for her to fail now.

The doors to the hospital wing flew open from a twitch of her hand and then she was speaking and I putting him on a bed. There was a flurry of movement and I couldn't breathe. I stood rooted to the floor and watched as her and Pomfrey burst into motion. Wands were flying over his body and diagnostics were flung between the two woman. None of it made sense to me.

"-Perseco curse, either that or an altered version of an impetum curse but-"

"-It's not fococorpus and I've checked the blood loss and-"

"- magic stores are fine. It hasn't affected the core so-"

"-brain waves are okay, is it purely physical? Wait-"

"-No, there is dark magic in the blood which-"

"-Hasn't reached the heart but-"

"-It needs an excoquam-"

"-So a ponere charm? To counteract-"

"-Too strong, could affect the lungs-"

"-tutum-stabilis then? It's difficult and needs-"

"-Yes, but that means-"

"-Where is the fire?-"

"-There - give them this – I have to stay-"

"-Shall I tell them about-? "

"- Yes tell them to send-"

"-I will-"

It was a blur and I saw the green flames in a grate I hadn't realises we'd walked to. They were other people around, and there was blood and cries and panic. Then we were whizzing away and I could no longer form coherent thoughts as I let the flames take me to where ever we were going.

Happy Valentine's...

* * *

**_Melanie_**

I pushed open the door to the ward that the young boy who was in the Attack had been put. It was three in the morning and the healers had been working on Mr. Grey since two in the evening, a whole twelve hours. There were other patients from the Attack, a girl hit by a blinding curse, a boy would lost all feeling in every part of his body, a boy who had a large part of his arm... but it wasn't worth thinking about these things, they at least would live and that was the important thing.

Other's weren't so luck...

Inside there were two figures. A boy with black hair sat slumped in a chair next to the bed, his eyes on the face of the patient. He was completely motionless and his eyes drooped with fatigue. Then there was a girl, the patient's sister, who was pacing and had been pacing since she got here. I avoided looking at her face. I was no newbie to scars and gore, I was a healer, that sort of thing was my everyday life, but there was something about her that put me on edge.

Perhaps it was the unmasked anger and power that radiated from her form.

The boy in the bed was still unconscious but at least now he had returned to his original colouring. He really was very attractive, four years younger than me or not. He, like his sister, had silver hair that fell to his shoulders. His face was pale and angular, with a finely boned structure and slightly parted lips.

"Mr. Grey won't be awake till late tomorrow at the earliest. Do you two want beds? The head healer says that you can use the floo to go back to school and then come back-"

"I'm staying" The girl snapped out and I cringed back from the harshness of her tone.

"Me too..." The boy said and I pursed my lips, they could at least get some rest...

I knew better than to argue though and I did a quick analysis to check he was fine then left them. The boy would be okay, that at least should sooth their minds.

* * *

**Please review, I've had so few for my last couple of chapters and I is getting sad :(**


	31. To Adapt

To Adapt

**_Lily_**

I had a pounding headache as I sat in the deadly quiet common room. We were all waiting for news and the James and Peter were sitting pale and tense opposite me. Everyone had gone to the hall after the attack and there had been a role call in which they marked who was here and who wasn't. We had then all been dismissed to our dorms.

There were seven people in Gryffindor who weren't here.

Toby Moffet, Jennifer Brown, Asha d'Argo, Eloise Max, Sirius, Lara and Alex.

James said... he said that one moment Sirius was next to him and then, as the DE's were disapperating, he had disappeared. What if one of the DE's had grabbed him and apperated him away? Others said that they'd seen Alex being hit by something and none of us knew what to assume anymore. Remus... he had been frantic. As soon as he realise Lara was gone he'd raced to the hospital wing.

It was him we were waiting for.

The room was silent; the whole house was here, just waiting for news. James had his face in his hands and I knew he was worried something had happened to Black, everyone knew they were basically brothers. I wondered if I should comfort him but I just did not know what to say. I didn't want to break the quiet of the room so I settled for laying a hand on the crook of his arm. He raised his head and his hazel eyes met mine. They were filled with uncertainty and fear and I held his gaze. The minutes ticked on by and people started to come back. First was Asha d'Argo who had been knocked out but was back to normal now. He reported that the Hospital wing was chaos and that many had been removed to St. Mungo's.

Then Toby Moffet stumbled into the room in tears, his girlfriend Jennifer had died. Her younger brother had been there and had just sat there in shock before he stormed from the room. I sent my heart to him and felt tears fall down my face. Jennifer... she was a year older and I hadn't known her all that well but we had talked before and she had been really sweet. And now she was gone, like my parents, like so many others...

Then the portrait swung open and Remus stepped through, looking dishevelled and exhausted. For a moment I expected the worse but he shrugged and I sighed in relieve. At least it wasn't a definite death... I couldn't handle that... not again. He walked to us and slumped into a nearby chair.

"Lara and Sirius are at St. Mungo's with Alex. Apparently he was hit pretty badly by some curse and they don't know what's going to happen to him. It's pretty close but it's thanks to Lara that he even has a hope."

I gulped. What if Alex died? Lara, what would happen to Lara? I saw obvious relief in James' eyes and he slumped in a daze.

* * *

**_Alex_**

I reached for consciousness and blinked my eyes groggily. There was a chemical taste in my mouth, bitter and yet horribly sweet and sticky. My eyes, unwilling to open, strained against a bright light. I was in a bed but for the life of me I didn't know what bed it was. It wasn't mine, or Sirius' or even the hospital wing. But it was definitely a bed.

Lara was instantly there in my mind, her presence oddly blurred, and for a moment I was miffed at having her so close. What was going on? I blinked back the light and concentrated on the figure of my sister standing at the foot of my bed. What I saw had me pushing myself into a sitting positions in worry. This process also alerted me to a burning, twisting pain in my chest and I gasped sharply.

She looked exhausted, her eyes had dark circles under them and her whole face sagged and shouted 'I haven't slept in a_ very_ long time'. She stared at me with mind shaking relief that was almost painful and she reached out a shaking hand to clasp the bed frame. I saw tears fall from her eyes as she fell slowly to her knees.

Her mind was blank now, awash with the knowing that I was okay. But subsequently I had absolutely no idea what had happened to me. What had it been...?

We had been fighting, I remember that, in Hogsmeade... something had happened - a spell had gotten through our vision. I had turned and seeing the spell I had drawn up the first shield that came to my mind._ Protego_. It was the quickest I could get up... but it wasn't strong enough... I should have used _Protego Duo_ or _Protego Virtutem. _Needless to say...the shield had fallen...

"What was it?" My voice crackled and broke.

_Odimpetum _was the quiet thought and I gulped.

That's... well... really bad._ Odimpetum: _hate attack was its Latin name and it was a really nasty spell that could only be made with pure hate. I didn't even want to think about what had happened to me but thank Merlin I was knocked out cold. It was a really,_ really,_ dark curse, one which sucked out the heat of your body and used it to slowly break down the internal veins in the body by pumping black magic to the heart. In the end you either died of cold or internal bleeding... I guess that explained the gnawing pain in my chest then...

_Yeah, that might be the reason, _was my sister's sarcastic reply to that thought.

I suddenly became aware that someone else was in the room. It was quite shocking how slow my Legilimency was. I looked to my left and saw a head of black hair resting on my covers. He was slumped over, sitting on a chair by my bed, it didn't look very comfortable.

"He tried to stay awake but I guess exhaustion..." Lara trailed off, her voice bleak and slack. I couldn't see her from where she was drooping on the floor.

I nodded and placed a hand on his silky head, letting my fingers trail through the fine hairs and scrape over his scalp. He groaned and shifted at the touch and turned his face to face mine. He was still asleep and I took my time to study his face. His lips were pursed and his eye brows furrowed, showing his stress. I felt something tug at my heart.

Lara got up from her crouching position and stumbled to my side. I could hear her thoughts and gladly raised an arm so she could curl up next to me, her head tucked under my arm. I wrapped my arm around her waist as she sobbed into my top.

We stayed like that until she fell asleep in exhaustion and dragged me with her. I didn't even wake up when Siri stirred and, seeing us, decided to climb in next to me too. Though I certainly found out when I woke up with very little breathing space and two very warm bodies either side of me.

* * *

**_Lara_**

The next day Alex was moved to the Hogwarts hospital wing and I had to go back to classes. As soon as I got back Remus, in a state of nervous tension, hunted me down and started ranting on about how worried he had been and how I'd never contacted him after I left and how he had to find out where I was from Poppy. Naturally I was feeling very guilty and in the stressed out, emotional state I was in my body decided to break down and cry – again. This, though it didn't help for soothing Remus, certainly stopped him being angry at me, a plus side that balanced my embarrassment quite well... What? It's not like I deliberately exploited his fear of tears.

That would just be rude.

Everyone seemed to be in a state of fear after the attack and all visits to Hogsmeade had been cancelled.

Five people died.

There was one third year Ravenclaw boy named Henry Fillet who died in St. Mungo's from a curse as he tried to get away. A seventh year Gryffindor, Jennifer Brown, who had been helping to fight and had died of blood loss in Mungo's. There was Benny Shore, forth year Ravenclaw, who was one of those under the Crutiatus and was eventually silenced by the killing curse. And sixth year Josie Morale, Hufflepuff, had died from a stray curse. And there was also a man who had been shopping and who was also helping in the fight, hit by the killing curse.

The whole school was under a black mood...

When I saw Severus Snape sitting in the library alone I acted on impulse. I knew just as well as some of the DE's how pressure around you and being inbred to think in one way could decide your future. My heart was telling me that Severus Snape was not a bad person, he did not have to take that route I knew it. I would try because who else would? The Gryffindor students hated him because of the Potter/Snape dispute. They would never try and show him the other side of the equation. I was going to prove this boy wasn't all bad because Merlin knew the world was full of enough merciless people and this one, this one could be changed, I knew it.

* * *

**_Severus_**

"Oh hello Severus, mind if I sit here? Thanks" I looked up and saw Larissa Grey sliding into the seat opposite me, pulling out a DADA book. I glared at her - which she ignored. Yes I very well did mind! What did she think she was doing? Why the hell would she want to sit with me? Did the wonder-pair set her up to this? She could hardly do something in the middle of the library...

"What do you want? And don't call me Severus" I asked bluntly with a sneer. Why couldn't she just leave me alone? First she was doing the whole 'I'm going to help you' tirade and now...

"Well that's nice. I don't want anything"

"Liar. Everyone wants something"

She laughed and I clenched my quill tightly.

"Well if you put it that way... I want lots of things Severus Snape but you don't want to hear them, do you?"

I growled at her, stupid Gryffindor twisting my words. I resigned to ignore her and continued to scribble into my Potions book. It was quite surprising how hard it was to ignore her though. She was just sitting there, she didn't say anything else, just sat there reading but her very presence set me on edge. I kept expecting some spell to hit me or some sniping remark about how I was such a bad dirty Slytherin with narrow-minded views. Finally I broke.

"Are you just going to sit there? Because I am trying to work"

She hummed vaguely in accent, not looking up from her book. It was infuriating. I tried to think of a way to get her away; maybe if I insult her enough she'll leave me alone...

"That brother of yours, the queer one, I heard he was in St. Mungo's. Nearly died didn't he?" I said with as much spite as I could and a tone which said I wasn't at all sorry. Which I wasn't, any brat of Black was nothing to me.

She hummed again, nodding, not taking the bait, and I felt like throwing something at her.

"Then there's that Lupin guy you're dating. I heard he was pretty annoyed when you disappeared. Does it bother you he's so dominating? Well, I guess it's probably something about being an alpha wolfy, isn't it?" I tried the werewolf boyfriend route.

Her eyes looked over her book at me and I smirked, expecting her anger.

"You know, I'm fairly disappointed. If you're trying to annoy me you're not doing very well" She turned her eyes back to her book.

I gapped at her.

"Oh and by the way? You have ink on your nose" She said without looking up in a conversation tone.

This time I really did growl.

"Anyone ever tell you you're annoying and meddlesome?" I hissed.

Hum. Nod. Eyes on her book.

She was so... infuriating! Ugh!

* * *

**_Regulus_**

"So... you've been hanging out with Larissa Grey?" I asked, hopefully casually.

Severus raised his eyes over his book and scowled. I chuckled, apparently this wasn't a fact that he enjoyed. I had stumbled on them in the library, him sitting tensely, obviously trying to ignore her and Larissa barely concealing amusement as she read. She was up to something alright, but I didn't know what. I didn't think it was bad this for Severus, though he plainly couldn't stand her... though the fact he hadn't cursed her had to be a high.

"She doesn't give me a choice, I have no idea what she's up to but she keeps ambushing me in the library, annoying little blood-traitor"

I nodded. I was feeling bizarrely jealous, which was stupid really but true... Why would she want to spend time with him? The greasy git, I mean I knew he wasn't all that bad and at least I actually talked to him but... still. Was it some plan of my Brother's? No, I couldn't see it. Larissa never seemed like the sort to follow stupid degrading pranks like them.

I had been watching her and I had seen the stubbornness ingrained in her bones. I had seen her after she'd gotten back from St. Mungo's, she had been nearly broken then and Lupin had virtually carried her to their tower. I had seen her in the fight too. I hadn't been fighting, I couldn't, not without insulting one of the parties, but I had seen her. She had been beautiful, wild and powerful. The way she moved, like it was a choreographed dance that she knew better than the texture of her wand. I had been scared for her and I was guilty of feeling relieved it had been her brother to be hit by that curse not her. Either way though... I certainly wouldn't mind meeting Avery down some dark alleyway for causing that fear in her eyes.

It was twisting in my thoughts and I knew it was hopeless. Merlin, I was so hopeless...

* * *

**_Severus_**

"Don't you think it's rather stupid how these textbooks always leave out all the vital information? Like the fact if you add a single gram more of Lovage than specified you create potentially toxic concoction, where is the logic in_ not_ telling you that?"

"Where is the logic in you _not _leaving me alone" I said trying desperately to ignore Larissa bloody Grey.

"Oh hush you. You could leave if you wanted, I won't stop you"

"Isn't your boyfriend suspicious of you of spending time with the big bad snake?"

"Why? Do you thing I'm interested in you? Are you interested? Aww Severus, I never knew." She smirked and I gritted my teeth "For the record I'm not interested and while Remus questions my sanity by annoying the 'big bad snake' he doesn't own me"

"Could have fooled me" I muttered.

This was the forth, _forth,_ time she had ambushed me at my favourite table in the library. Why, oh why, would she not just leave me alone! The first two times I had, as she said, left the library to study in my dorm. A very annoying fact as it meant I had to suffer through the incessant chatter in the common room: All those pure blood girls going on about marriages, dresses, hair and whatever else. The first years with nothing better to do than squeal and jump on the sofas. It soon became apparent that she wasn't going to leave me alone and I really did need the library. So I had to suffer to ignoring her.

"Honestly, I thought we got over the whole insult malarkey?"

"Yeah and I thought I had gotten it clear that I don't appreciate your presence."

"Looks like we'll both just have to suffer then, pity"

She. Was. So. ANNOYING.

She had continued to read her book - an increasingly irritating habit of hers. She would very calmly talk to me through the pages of her book, as if she was talking about the weather, never ever rising to my countless insults. The bitch had patience I'll give her that.

What she was waiting for I hadn't figured out...

"Black finished nursing his girlfriend back to heath yet?" I asked, continuing my plan to annoy her enough to leave.

"You almost sound concerned." She said musingly "and I'll have you know that my brother is in fact a guy"

I shrugged with a sneer. She had yet to convince me of the fact.

"And no, my brother is still in the hospital wing. It's no easy thing you know to heal from _Odimpetum" _I looked up and saw an oddly pained look in her eyes.

"Was that it was... I did wonder" I said out loud in what I hoped was a blasé attitude. Mentally though I was wondering how the hell Grey was alive and who cast that particular spell. No wonder he'd been in the hospital wing for the last week and a half. It wasn't a well known curse either and I did pause to think about how Female Grey knew about it. I guess she was a pure-blood...

Something suddenly came to my mind.

"Oh, and Regulus has been asking me about you"

He had acted so weird that day, there had been something in his eyes...

"Really? Aww how sweet of him, send him my love" She said as if talking about a child.

"...You know him?"

"Meh, in a roundabout I-was-engaged-to-you sort of way" my eyes widened.

"Oh."

* * *

"That book you read. _Confronting the Faceless_. Why do you read it?" She looked up at me then down again at her book's spine. I had never actually read it and had little intention of doing so; it looked like the sort of book which cushioned everything.

"Well Severus, you might not have noticed but I do believe we are at war. It also happens to be quite an informative book, if a little dry." She smirked "It is also more appropriate for public reading than _Black Magi: Ideology and Counteraction"_

I gapped at her, now completely sure the girl was crazy, either that or I had hit my head somewhere and was going as loopy as Xenophilius Lovegood. No way was the blood-traitor-in-bright-light Gryffindor studying the Dark Arts

"You're kidding right"

She laughed and I resisted the temptation to curse her (a regular occurrence believe me).

"I'm not studying the Dark Arts, not with the intention of using them at least. I am studying Black Magic, which I assure you _is_ different. It is merely a branch of magic which includes the Dark Arts among other things. That is what I am studying, for the purpose of knowing how to defend against it and I'm a healer, it's good to know these sorts of things." I nodded. As much as I was loath to admit it she did have a point. So many people were squeamish of learning about the Dark Arts even just to defend against it. A pathetic attitude if you asked me.

"Is that how you knew about _Odimpetum?"_

"No – Yes, Sort of" She clamped her mouth shut and gave me a pointed look not to ask anymore. I snorted, as if I'd be curious enough to ask. It didn't matter to me whether Lupin's Grey was learning the Dark Arts. Idiot girl.

She rose to her feet and smiled at me, I scowled right back. Stupid cheerful, devious Gryffindor...

"Here, you can read it, I've finished anyway" She held out her book and I stared at it in confusion "You never know, you might find it to be less 'Cushioned' than you think"

She placed in on the table and left and I stared after her in shock.

Cushioned? I don't remember saying that out loud...

* * *

"I'm curious-"

"-Of course, you're an over-inquisitive snooty-"she kicked me under the table and I growled at her.

"As I was saying _before_ I was interrupted. I'm curious at whether you are bothered at being around somebody who is – to be blunt – on the other side of the war"

"Well it's not like I have a choice as you _won't leave me alone!_"

"_That_ is not what I'm asking"

"Well _that_ Grey is a key aspect" I bit back. I wasn't going to answer her questions, I had work to do dammit, don't I always? "If I had a choice you wouldn't be here and you'd never talk to me ever again"

"Because I'm on the other side of the war or because you stubborn, don't like the Marauders and Gryffindor's in general?" she asked and I shook my head at the bizarreness of this conversation.

"No, I just don't like you - as you damn right know" I clenched my teeth.

"Ahh, but that's not true because you didn't even know me when we first met so therefore your opinion was not based on me but one of the above prejudices"

"How about because you're irritating and intrusive and – OW! I swear to Merlin and Slytherin combined that next time you kick me I am going to hex you till you can't even remember your name!"

"Ooo, looks like _someone _woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!"

Overcome I bashed my head against the table, close to sobbing in frustration.

"Why. Won't. You. Leave. Me. Alone!"

* * *

**_Lara_**

"So, how is your project coming on?" Remus asked with a barely surprised smirk.

"What project?" James asked coming to sit by us where we were gathered around Alex's hospital bed.

I grinned at him.

"Project: Prove the Marauder's wrong, is coming on very well thank you!"

Remus shook his head in bafflement and Alex rolled his eyes. James and Sirius just look inquisitive and slightly defensive.

"And what is this project Greyette?"

"Well Black you will just have to wait and see wont you!"

* * *

**_Cynthia_**

Today I saw you, Alexander, my used-to-be-but-technically-still-is husband. I didn't recognise you though. I saw your eyes, your broad chest, your naturally silver hair but you were far detached from the man I met. I was sitting, looking out of the window and I saw in the reflection on the glass you entering my prison. I saw you look at me with unreadable eyes and an unreadable posture. I didn't know you anymore. When I turned to you, with what could only be called an empty expression, you looked decisively to the left of my head. Avoiding my gaze. In my mind I remember the last time we were in the same room, too long ago to pinpoint, and it feels heavy on the air around us.

Have you come to pull out your wand on me? You couldn't do it last time, have you gained the bravery to curse your wife, the woman you used to love? Do you love me? Did you ever love me? I dared not ask but I was surely broadcasting it clear in my eyes, perhaps that's why you would not meet them now.

I guess it was good that you never killed me, that you never actually harmed me. It showed that I was still important, that some feelings were remembered of our once upon a time love. Or at least... that was what I told myself

I cannot remember the words you spoke. They were cold and emotionless and thus unimportant to my rocking mind. They didn't bring any news and they didn't comfort me. They were nothing. I was silent and I think it unnerved you. Serves you right though. You leave without meeting my watchful eyes once and when you are gone I sighed in disappointment and turned back to my window. I had wanted you to look into my eyes and see the pain, the loneliness that you caused me. I had wanted you to see what I would never say out loud, call it what you want but to my mind, it was a small revenge.

You don't know though that my real revenge is coming, do you? I still hear the screams, real and imagined. I still see the pasty skin of my children under the candle light and the blood that stained my hands. Stains my hands... I still hear them beg, plead, hear them cry with unimaginable pain. I still remember. You think I am harmless don't you? A wild cat caught in a steel cage.

Sometimes I go crazy with desire to smite you. I hate you now as much as I used to love you. Hate you... I look to the stars when all I can think of is revenge and escape from these three rooms and they sooth my worries. 'Not yet child, you must wait' they whisper as they glitter down on me, my in-law ancestors.

I will get out of here though my sweet and then we shall see what has happened to this crazy woman you have locked up. The best part though, my dear, is that I, despite all your power, know exactly how I'm going to get out. It had come to me, the thing I had been waiting for, though the waiting was not yet over.

It's only a matter of time my love, only a matter of time…


	32. To Risk

**A big thank you to my reviewers as always especially wRiTeR'S bLoCK is AWFUL, Airlady, SMUSH04, LillyLupinXD and any other frequent reviewers I might have missed :D**

* * *

To Risk

**_Lily_**

The sun had set an hour ago and the stars were beginning to appear. I wasn't meant to be here, my logical brain told me, I wasn't meant to be up after curfew. It was completely silent, completely still, and the night sky was beautiful and calm and just how it had always been. Just like it would always stay. The sky didn't change - those bulbs of light would be there no matter how many people died, no matter how many Dark Lords rose to power. Standing here, at the highest point of the only home I had left, I felt a peace and sadness I hadn't felt in a long time.

I was thinking about what James had said, what he'd said about the stars. It was the sort of logic that didn't fit into my head because I had grown up in the muggle world where everyone knew that the stars were just other suns light years and light years away. Standing here though, on the Astronomy tower, I could truly see what they'd been talking about. Looking up it was easier to understand than the science. Perhaps neither and both were right, who to say there can't be more than one answer? It did feel like they were watching me, like those little balls of light, so small that by reason you shouldn't even be able to see them, really were conscious. If my parents were up there looking down on me, well… that was a comforting thought. They would not wish for me to waste away my life without taking risks.

There had to be a reason I was in Gryffindor. I thought of everything I had done… but what? What could be called brave out of my life? I had… nothing. Where was the bravery in going to school? Was it brave to be intelligent? I didn't care what I said to people, I had shouted enough time at those who annoyed me (namely James), that held a certain amount of courage…

I'd never taken that one risk, the one I had always pushed to the side.

And my excuse had been_ "He never leaves me alone and every girl in the school thinks he's good looking". _It was true, it really was. All the girls _did_ gather around him, the Quidditch star, the Marauder... And he never would leave me alone; he'd been the constant pain in my side for the last few years and beyond. I'd told myself he did it to get on my nerves but the look Lara had given me when I'd said that… Lara had said… what was it? "_He may be a jerk sometimes but he is a good-hearted jerk" _but…

I remember the looks he'd given me, those broken looks in the hospital wing like I was going to disappear at any moment. He liked me, duh, but what did I feel? What did I honestly feel?

_You've liked him for years._

I hadn't had I?

_You've been too scared you'd be disregarded after a few months, like Black used to do to his girls._

Well I guess that was true but that didn't mean I liked him.

_But look at Black now._

Well… he had to settle down eventually…

_Look at James now._

So what if he's stopped being an annoying prat? So what if he's been comforting me? This was all beside the point, I_ trying_ to figure out how I feel – not the ignorant little toe rag with large hazel eyes and those stupid glasses and messy black hair…

_Just listen to yourself._

Well…

That's beside the point too. I told myself stubbornly.

_Then what was the point? Does he like you? – Yes. Do you like him? – Yes. What are you waiting for?_

"You were put in Gryffindor for a reason: you're brave, so take a risk" I whispered out loud and felt determination fill my voice. I guess it was like what I said to Lara all that time ago.

* * *

**_Regulus_**

My heart thudded in my chest as I stared up at the old manor house through the cold twilight. The air felt heavy, unwelcome and stiff in my lungs and sweat clung like cold beads to my brow under the cool metal. I licked my dry lips under the mask. The building was large and had a dominating air about it. The stone walls were shear and stuck up out of the hills like a sore thumb. All around the sky was drawing in and cloaking the building in dark grey clouds, the pasty yellow lights from the windows seeming not to touch the outside world. I felt ill.

"Come, the Dark Lord is waiting" the forbidding voice of the Death Eater said next to me, a very real hint of impatience in the gruff voice.

I nodded, trying to hide just how scared I really was. I took one last look at the building of the Grey family and then stopped in my tracks again, to the annoyed grunt of the black robed figure.

A form in a murky window was peering down at us. The face was mostly in shadow and for a moment I thought I had imagined it because as soon as it was there it had gone again. The face was imprinted on my thoughts though. It had been ghostly pale, standing out against the dark, and her featured, because it had defiantly been a woman, had been sunken so that her eyes looked like dark holes. I hadn't seen the expression but something about the face had struck my heart to the core. Who was she?

"Come" I shook myself, pulling my eyes from the now empty window, and followed him towards the building.

The doors swung open at our approach and we entered into a high ceilinged entrance hall. There was a wide stone staircase winding up one side of the room and various doors led off into other parts of the house. Everything was dark apart from the moonlight drifting in through the skylight and other thin twisting windows. The shadows seemed to be accentuated and stretched out below my feet. There was one door, the one I was being led to, that had a poison green glow dancing beneath the frame.

I couldn't think anymore, I was shaking beneath the long black cloak and to my vision came the poignant figure of my brother. Oh if he could see me now. It my mind he radiated deep disappointment and in his dark eyes I could see exactly what he thought of me. _Who are you?_ They said, who are you that wears the face of the brother I grew up with? Who_ are_ you?

Why was I here?

I wanted the things the Dark Lord offered, yes; I wanted the freedom for Witches and Wizards. I wanted us to be able to walk out of our homes without worrying the Muggles will find out our secret. They were so much weaker than us but there were so many…

I didn't want to kill though.

I didn't want to feel pain, or inflict it on others.

I didn't want to fight…

Why was I here?

Mother was so proud, father too. They believed I was upholding the family name, doing what was right for our people. Showing those blood traitors how proper purebloods were meant to act…

I saw Alex and Larissa. I saw them fighting, dancing, nearly giving their lives. I saw their set faces, _her _set face, and the fire in their movements and the pure undiluted energy they put into what they did. They were fighting, they were fighting against what they didn't believe in. They were fighting this.

The Death Eater pushed the door open and I saw a long room, a hall, with a green fire at the end and a cobwebbed chandelier with emerald flames on the ends of the everlasting candles. There was a single high backed chair at the far end and all around the room, sitting on the window ledges, leaning on the walls, were the Death Eaters. The silver of their metal masks glistened within their black hoods with the green lights reflecting off the embossed surfaces crudely. Their heads turned to me and from the eye holes I saw the glints of appraising eyes, mad eyes, dangerous eyes, hungry eyes. They were like wolves eyeing a new arrival and I almost expected them to start circling me in crouched positions. They shifted as I walked and their backs straightened warily with their arms loose at their sides or folding into crosses. The air was thick and too warm and every sound was heightened. The floor was stripped with long shadows from the many thin windows and I felt like I was slowly walking to my death.

Was this the same place where Larissa got that scar? Where she and her brother screamed and writhed. Was this the place?

I reached the end of the room and the Death Eater that had accompanied me from school stepped to the side to join the others standing around. He blended into the mass of black figures till I didn't know which one he was. Next to the chair there were two figures, both of them unmasked and proud. One was a tall broad man that stood straight next to the chair, leaning against the mantel piece casually. His face nearly made be step back. I knew him, but I didn't. He was Alexander Grey senior: Larissa's father. He was a direct replica of his son, though his face was harsher, more twisted and lacked the youthful joy of the junior. His grey eyes were filled with subtly boredom and cunning as he looked at me. It was as if I were a dog that was being appraised on the terms of obedience, viciousness and breed. It sent a wispy shiver through my bones. The other was a woman who sat on the floor with long legs spread out over the cold stone. She was leaning back on her arms and black wild hair fell over her back as she sent me a wild and proud look. She was dressed in a tight fitting corset which was as revealing as it was treacherous. She screamed danger and in her black, heavy lidded, eye I could see a restless eagerness. Nice to see you too Cousin Bellatrix.

I stopped several meters from the high backed chair and fell to my knees in a semi deliberate / semi just because my knees wanted to way.

"My Lord" I gasped out as I looked determinedly at the gap between two slabs of stone.

"Regulus Black" came the reply from the shadows of the chair and I felt my knees shake under me as I gasped as quietly as I could for breath. _That_ voice. It cut through every defence I had tried to form in my mind. It was tempered with a hiss, an evil seductive voice that was omniscient and had my heart bashing frantically at the cages of my ribs. He's only said two words!

"So you would like to join my ranks? A wise decision Mr. Black, I would expect nothing less of one of such noble blood… Are you quite sure?" I winced. As if I could say no to that question.

"Yes My Lord, I am certain" I gasped out, feeling them wrap around me like an oath.

Merlin, I was actually doing this.

"Good, very good" The voice hissed and my breathes came in short fast gasps "Raise your left arm"

With a pit in my stomach I slowly rolled up the sleeve of my robe and presented the inner forearm to the figure. From the darkness a long pale hand with thin bony fingers tipped with pale pointed smoky blue nails emerged. I watched in mortified sick curiosity as the icy fingers grabbed my wrist and a wand was jabbed into my pale skin.

I saw a brief flash of black tendrils rising into the air above my arm, twisting in a hypnotising movement, before they came down like a hundred razor pins into the flesh of my arm. The pain was like fire and I cried out and crumpled onto the floor. The skin of my arm was twisting and boiling and the stench of black magic overrode my brain.

Then it was gone and I was left panting on the floor.

"Welcome Regulus Black" The hiss said and I felt strong arms hooking under my arm and pulling me to my feet. It was another Death Eater and I looked up to see the face of my new master towering above me with the green glow of fire on his face. I gasped. It was a waxy white face with dark eyes and black hair and all of the features were angular and pronounced. It was unnatural, warped and inhuman. It showed no emotion and it was like something out a nightmare or a Dark Arts textbook. I recalled the draw out bony faces of banshees or the blood curdling image of a soul crushing poison that broke down everything that you were made of till you were a whimpering broken figure of just white bone and flayed skin. I bowed my head to him.

"Thank you master" my voice broke.

The Death Eater at my side pulled me to the side and I watched in revulsion as the Dark Lord stepped out from the shadows and slid down the hall, his eyes resting on all of us in turn. He spoke to some of them about various attacks, about outposts and who was under the imperius curse. I could hardly listen as I studied the black and still stinging mark now imprinted forever on my arm. It was a black inky skull with a snake protruding from its mouth and twisting around itself and my arm. It was rank with magic that I could feel in my blood and in the taste on my tongue. It was disgusting, I felt tainted and suddenly I realised just what I had done.

"Would you take your head out of the clouds? You're going to get yourself killed" the voice of a Death Eater muttered next to me, drawing me out of my thoughts. I started, recognising the voice.

"Irvine?" I whispered and I could see through the slits in the mask his eyes rolling.

"Regulus Black" I looked up in fright, thinking I had been caught talking, and saw the Dark Lord walking towards me "I have a mission for you, a way for you to... prove your loyalties." There were cackles of laughter and I gulped.

I nodded then, feeling it not to be enough, raised my voice.

"Of course My Lord, anything"

He 'smiled'… or at least I think he did, I couldn't really tell.

"Such enthusiasm" He laughed high and cold and I bit down on my lip to resist shivering. "You see Mr. Black we have a little problem concerning a certain pair at Hogwarts" my eyes widened "and our Alexander is missing his children very much" I turned my head to eye Mr. Grey in the corner of my eye and saw the look of complete mad hatred plain on his face. Please Merlin let this not be happening to me, anything but this. Anything…

"Want we need you to do is bring us Larissa Grey"

* * *

**_Lara_**

Spring was turning before Alex was let out of the Hospital wing. The shoots were pushing out of the moist soil and the trees were growing fresh and green, laden with lush leaves. The sky was clear and the wind gentle as it swept over the hills. I spent so much time basking in the sun and cool air on the shores of the lake with Remus and chatting with Hagrid about creatures and the forest. Lily and I liked to visit Professor Sprout in the greenhouse of exotic plant and help her just because it was so alive in there. Everything was beautiful and light and life was good again. In fact, it was better than it had ever been for me. I was relishing in the love and beauty around me. Remus with soft kisses and gentle feather touches, Lily with her blazing eyes and smile, Sirius bounding down the corridors with laughing eyes, James staring adoringly at Lily as he pranced around the school, Amy and Tabby with their yin/yang-ness, Alice and Frank who were as gooey and in love as ever and even Snape, the idiot, was slowly becoming slightly more comfortable around me. That didn't mean he'd stopped insulting me every time I waylaid him but it was a start. And besides, I liked to think there was a friendly sort of banter to our insults.

I was happy.

Simply said.

I was currently walking with Remus to the forbidden forest, our hands clasped. I loved the way he would almost absently kiss my ear or cheek and the little smiles that just brushed his eyes as he looked at me. I loved the warm closeness of his mind next to mine, the way he never cared if I accidently answered a though instead of a word but just sparkled his gold-blue eyes at me.

Hagrid pocked his head around the fence to his garden and seeing me he raised a hand in greeting. He'd gotten used to my occasional wonderings into the boarders of the forest. He didn't tell me off but just gave me that look that said I was technically allowed but he trusted me.

"I'm just introducing Remus to Umbra" I called to him and he smiled his wrinkled eyed smile and turned back to whatever he was doing.

"Umbra?" Remus asked quietly as we came to the large trees.

I squeezed his hand happily.

"Uh hu, Umbra" I said with grin and he looked at me in the way that clearly said he had no idea what to make of me – again - or shall I say – as usual.

"I see… and who is Umbra?" He asked uncertainly as I pulled him into the shadows of the trees.

"He's my bestest bestest friend" I replied gleefully, leading him to a clearing, loving the slightly worried and confused look in his eyes. It got even better when I started pulling out the raw, bloody meat! Oh his face!

"You know I think I'll rephrase – _what _is Umbra?" His voice noticeably higher as I gave a high pitched whistle.

I laughed and moved closer to him, kissing him neatly on the nose.

"Aww, is the big bad werewolf frightened?" I whispered teasingly, giggling as he pouted and wrapped his arms around my waist. There was nothing for it, those lips were just too cute when pouting that way – I had to kiss him.

This was how Umbra found us and interrupted with a high chirping noise as he entered the clearing. I turned out of the kiss, as Remus jerked around, and smiled at the Thestral. I slipped out of Remus' arms and picked up one of the bloody pieces of meat to feed to the young Umbra – which was what I had dubbed him upon the second time I came to visit.

"A Thestral! Umbra is a Thestral?" Remus said in shock and I briefly remarked on how his eyes could definitely see the winged horse. Should I ask about that? Maybe later...

"Uh hu. Umbra, meet Remus, he's my boyfriend and you can trust him, kay?" I told the Thestral and he gently nipped my hand in response and butted his head to my chest. I let my hands trail through the thick black hair and over the bones of his shoulders.

Remus slowly edge forward and I smiled at him glad to see him accepting the young Thestral I had been visiting. After that first time of finding the young male Thestral I had visited again, this time with the offering of fresh meat from the kitchens. Hagrid had taught me the call that he used to get the attention of the Thestrals and I had been delighted when the same young Thestral had come to greet me. Hagrid said that it was a sign of great trust that the Thestral returned and that if I kept returning then he would become very loyal to me.

Remus held his hand out nervously to Umbra who turned his glowing eyes onto him with curiosity. The Thestral carefully stepped forward, rustling his leathery wings as he did, and sniffed his palm before nudging it gently. Remus smiled and slowing stroked the stallion on the beakish snout.

"Hagrid said that he will be mature by the end of the summer and could carry our weight" I said and Remus' eye went wide.

"You mean-?"

"Yep, we could go flying" I grinned and stroked the hard oily skin around the joint of the wing. Umbra moved from Remus and nibbled my back making me laugh. He trotted around me and prodded my bag; I rolled my eyes and pulled out more of the meat. "A bit persistent today aren't you?" I hummed as Umbra snatched the food from my hand.

We spent a bit more time down in the forests but had to leave to go to dinner after a while. As we walked up to the school I saw Regulus sitting next to the lake with Irvine, his face grim and undecided. As I watched Irvine nodded and fiddled with the cuffs of his shirt in what I recognised as his stressed reflex. Regulus looked up suddenly and his eye met mine. He looked away quickly but I had seen the look in his eye. I had seen the fear and uncertainty there. Irvine looked up to and quirked his eye brows and gave me a mock salute which I scowled at. I grabbed Remus' hand and dragged him up to school faster with me.

"There is something weird going on I'll give you that" I said as I pulled my hand through my hair. Remus said nothing just frowned and tightened his hand on mine.

* * *

**_Darien_**

"Why do they just want Larissa?" Regulus said his eyes agonized as he watched Lara storm a way, boyfriend in tow.

He had taken the news that I too was a DE fairly well considering things. He'd also very quickly seen that I was not all that pleased with the new order from the Dark Lord. Don't ask me how he deduced that. This meant I now had to sit around listening to the poor boy going on about what he'd have to do.

"Well, I'd say it because they think it would be crueller to separate the two and leave him here to fret and tear out his heart" I said blandly, not at all amused by my predicament "You know for somebody who doesn't have a clue about love that guy certainly knows how to manipulate the fickle emotion"

I watched in amusement as he winced over my 'that guy' comment. Merlin, you'd think I'd said his name.

We descended into silence. Not that I minded, I'd spent way too much time with this particular fifth year anyway and I didn't want people to start thinking we were friends. We weren't by the way, defiantly not. Okay, so what if we were both, unfortunately, caught up on the same pair of twins and were both now DE's suffering on behalf of said twins and were both never going to get those same twins. You know I was getting to the conclusion the Grey twins were too much trouble...

What great conversation fodder… Shame I'd never use it. He didn't even know I was gay – a fact which would stay exactly how it was thank you very much. I didn't desire conversation. I didn't need somebody to pat me on the back and tell me in a roundabout fashion that I was screwed – I _knew _that. And I certainly didn't need sympathy. I didn't want it either. Nope.

What use would it do anyway? Soon there was going to be a proud Mrs. Darien Irvine prancing around in all her finery – bought from _my _money I'll add. I should just forget it all.

"What you think they'll do to her?"

"Wah?" I blinked.

"_What _you think they'll _do_ to _her_?"

"Oh… well I expect they'll torture her, add to the scar she already has" He wince but I went on in a bored factual voice "They make her scream just so Al- _He _knows what is happening to her through their twin connection. They make her-"

"Alright! I get it!"

I smirked, serves him right for asking the obvious.

"Don't you feel any remorse?"

"I'm Darien Irvine" so therefore I do but pretend to not at all cost and lock it in the back of my head till it kills me.

He snorted.

"Right, sorry. I forgot I was talking to _the _evil Ice Prince of Slytherin. _Of course_ you don't feel remorse because that would make you human wouldn't it?"

"Right in one, well done" I said with a smirk.

"I bet it's a lie though, isn't it?"

"You can make as many assumptions about my character as you like Regulus Black but it won't change how I act"

He was silent, obviously thinking about what I said. I didn't care how he thought about me though.

"Larissa blamed you for what happened to her and her brother... she said you'd done it again... and that mark on your arm: Traitor, we wouldn't have. You used to be friends? But then you betrayed them? What did you do?"

I was cold. I could hold the knowledge of my stupidity inside me well but for other to know, others that I talked to, Regulus to know, that would not help my mask. Truth be told, I had gotten used to the younger Black's presence, it wasn't demanding and I didn't always have to be the Serpent Prince. If he knew...

"Yes. You could say that"

His face became cold and I could just see the forming of reproaching words on him lips. One result of growing up with Legilimenatus was that I had become very good at reading expressions.

I was suddenly angry.

"You know I'd be quiet about now. You don't understand so don't even try to tell me off."

"I wouldn't have-"

"I'll have you know that you are very close to doing exactly the same but for your information if this was anybody but '_your beloved Larissa Grey'_ then you wouldn't give two shits about what happened to them. The funny thing is that you don't even know her! Did you know that she can play any instrument you hand her? Did you know she hates over cooked vegetable and the sound of glass smashing? Did you know that her favourite colour is sky blue and she is excessively proud of her American impressions? Did you know that it was I who taught her the spell that she used on my arm? Did you know that it was originally a Dark Art's curse? Did you know that she and Alex's souls are combined and to kill one is to kill the other in the most real sense? I bet you didn't, I bet you were thankful when it was Ally who took the curse last month not her. You're like me Regulus, you're an idiot. You're not going to do a thing about this mission because you're too much of a coward to turn you back on the bad side, so don't even try to scold me, and that is why you don't deserve her and why I don't deserve-" I bit my lip, anger still pulsing in my veins. Damn I hope he didn't hear that.

Obviously I had no such luck.

"Don't deserve who?" He urged with his own anger, mingled with shock, in his voice.

I didn't answer but got to my feet and he followed me as I stomped away.

"What do you mean I'm like you?"

Just don't answer him, just keep walking.

"Why do you call him 'Ally'?"

I froze.

**Reviews are very welcome :) it is after all the main reason I write, if I get no reviews then I don't want to write...**


	33. To Surprise

**OMG! 100 REVIEWS! That is so crazy! Thankk you Everyone who Reviewed! You make me feel so loved! This is a chapter I'm a little confused about, is it good, or is is just rushed and confusing? Well, your the judge of that I guess :) Sorry if it's a bit late, it was my 16th and my mums Birthday too and I was waiting to see if my BETA could check this but decided to post anyway after no reply...**

**Annyyyy way, full steam ahead!**

* * *

To Surprise

**_Regulus_**

It was falling into place like the first trickle of pebbles that forewarn the approaching avalanche. I saw the distaste and slight fear in his eyes when faced with his fiancé. I saw Alex standing at the side of his sister with quiet disappointment in a face that didn't want to be there. I saw the violent reaction Irvine had to the name 'Grey'. There was that feeling that something secret, something fierce, had happened between him and the new twins. It was worse than just enemy rivalry, it was more... intimate. I heard his slip ups, those words "Ally" and the knowing in his gaze, as if he was looking at something as familiar as his own wand. I even remember those occasional glances I'd seen, the way his eyes fell on the furthest table with an unexplainable look.

Darien was rigid and frozen before me as waves of understanding passed over me. Because of course, Alex was gay but I had never even thought to link the two. Why would I, when Irvine was so... Irvine?

"Y-you and Al-Alex?" I stuttered, hardly able to believe my own words. Surely not, this was the ice prince we were talking about, the pure blood, dignified Death Eater. How could he be... how could he be gay?

I saw him palm his face in a surprisingly human and weak gesture. Slowly he turned with heavy weariness and I saw instantly how his shoulders sagged. He turned to face me, just a meter away, and what I saw solidified my theory. Bloody hell.

We all had masks; everyone did although especially the Slytherins. It was us purebloods that put on our masks at about the same time we learnt to speak. That was what we did, we hid ourselves, we locked away those feelings that were criminating. You had to do something drastic to break a mask and it was always unknown what you would find. This though...

His face was resigned and in his eyes I saw something broken and old. He looked tired, no, exhausted, and self revulsion was in his usually proud features.

"What- What happened?" My voice was bland and hollow, maybe even with a trace of sympathy.

My mind was reeling and the stoic face said nothing.

"When? How? What?"

I was met with dead eyes, broken things that were so complicated and messed up that it was hard to distinguish one emotion. So many feelings seemed to weave in and out of his eyes, maybe hate, maybe pain, maybe guilt, or fear perhaps, or was that something different, something elusive?

I tried to see it. I tried to see Alex and him, him and Alex. I tried to see _them _as an item, a _thing _although I was sure it had to have been a secret relationship. I tried to visualise them holding hands in empty corridors or sharing secret looks. I tried to imagine a Darien Irvine that would smile and joke, which would kiss another or hold somebody. I tried to picture a boy that the handsome joyful but quiet Gryffindor would love.

A boy who was Darien and not Irvine.

I didn't really know either, that was the honest truth of the matter.

I shook my head and the boy in front of me, free of the mask, just stared like a dead person into my eyes. Then, suddenly, there was something recognisable: a smirk. It was a bitter thing, a twist of his lips and then there was almost the hint of a smile in those eyes. I blinked in slight shock but this had an even odder reaction. It was a smile.

It was a smile...?

It was small one, with lips tightly pressed together in a downward direction and I even thought I heard the grunt of a chuckle.

... huh?

"So then Regulus Black, now that you know my dirty secret, where would you like to start?"

**_Sirius_**

Outside the sun was rising above the hills and the rays lightly crept into the room from the gap between the curtains. The light danced softly on the drapes around my bed and I breathed in deep and happy. Usually I never woke up this early, usually I was the last to stumble bleary eyed out of bed. Not now though. I always woke up early when I was with Al, not because it was uncomfortable but just because I was more willing to be awake when he was curled up at my side.

I looked down at the sleeping boy next to me. His head rested on my shoulder, the tickle of his breath touching my neck, and one arm rested on my stomach with his hand flat on my chest. The heat of his body enveloped me and I felt a peace in my heart. Pale lashes fell on his cheek and his lips were slightly parted to show a row of white teeth. The sun twinkled on the fine silver hair and I thought he'd never look so beautiful.

I grinned to myself; who knew Sirius Black could become so sentimental.

This was the first morning since he got back from the hospital wing. My heart seemed to clench every time I remembered seeing his pale face, the sickly iciness of his skin and the blooming of blood on his shirt. I remember after the fight, as all the DE's disapperated, searching the crowd for him. At first all I saw was the livid face of Lara and then, when she turned to march to a wall, I saw him. Never have I ever felt so numb, the panic had come slowly after the complete drop of my heart.

But that was over now, he was here, right here.

I felt him stir gently in my arms.

"M-m-morning" He said gently through a yawn and he turned slightly to place a kiss to my neck, the slight morning stubble scratching my collar bone.

I let my arms wrap around his waist and pull him to me till we were chest to chest.

"Morning" I whispered back before kissing his lips slow and gently, brushing the tip of my tongue lightly on his bottom lip. He answered by twisting one of his hands into the hair at the back of my neck and pulling me slightly closer to him. I melted in the kiss, letting his silky hair run through my fingers.

I loved the way my lips seemed to be a perfect match to his.

I loved the way his hair felt under my fingers.

I loved the way our legs could tangle up so comfortably.

I loved the way he made me feel important and special.

I loved the way everything seemed to fall into place when he was around.

"I love you" I whispered under his lips.

He pulled back and his deep grey eyes filled my vision, he smiled in a way that dissolved my heart.

"I love you too" He leant in a kissed the corner of my mouth.

Yes, he was here now, again. That was the important thing.

**_Lara_**

The doors to the hall burst open and a loud demanding voice broke into the gentle talk over dinner.

"LARISSA ASTRA GREY! WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME YOUR BROTHER WAS IN ST. MUNGO'S! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON ALL THE STUPID THINGS YOU'VE GOT UP TO SINCE I LEFT YOU IN BERLIN!"

The room fell predictably silent.

I cowered under the table as Alex burst into mental laughter and an imposing woman strode confidently to our table. I looked up sheepishly to see Marilyn Grey standing above me with a look to kill. I gulped.

"You're back from China then?" I croaked and her Grey eyes – as in the eyes that all Grey's have – boiled.

"Good observation" She snarled.

"Perhaps you would like to take this outside? The lake is looking particularly spectacular today Marilyn, you might not have noticed coming up..." Came the breezy, rather entertained voice of the head teacher who I noticed was leisurely walking into the hall behind my Aunt. His eyes seemed to twinkle, though I could find nothing funny about this situation.

I nodded with wide eyes still just poking up from the edge of the table.

Aunt Marilyn ruffled herself and eyed the lines of deadly silent students who were looking one of the following: Confused, scared, amused or a little impressed. I looked over at the Slytherin table and saw to my annoyance that Irvine was staring resolutely at the table, his lips pressed tightly together in what was obviously an attempt not to laugh. Idiot, he always did find these situations funny, just like my brother. Glare.

"Very well" She said decisively and then her eyes glittered on those sitting around me "But I want you Black and you Lupin to come too." She jabbed her finger at the two boys "Merlin knows somebody has to look you over seeing as that _Brother of mine_ is too much of an idiot not too" She said with a demanding air, shaking her head, before spinning on her heel and storming out of the hall.

I groaned.

Alex was bobbing up and down happily with a large grin. He loved seeing Marilyn mad at me – which was just as frequent as us being like best friends. I scowled at him and sadly said fair well to my apple pie.

"She seems in a good mood doesn't she?" He said in answer to my non verbal threats as I rose to my feet and we began walking at a more subdued (in my case unwilling) pace out of the hall. The voices around the room had picked up again and I saw people giving me sympathetic looks. Sympathetic looks I tell you!

"Umm... who was that?" said a faint voice and I turned to see a quivering Black walking just behind us.

I chuckled.

"That was the Grey Matriarch. Good luck by the way" I said cheerfully over my shoulder.

Sirius paled slightly and Remus gulped. I couldn't blame them, they were about to get the good old scary parental inquisition. I really did have great pity for them, you know, _really_ deep under the smug look.

"Does she know I'm a..." Remus asked quietly in my ear as we walked.

"No... Or at least I doubt it... then again that woman knows too much for her own good." I replied, taking his hand. That woman was nearly as good at reading people as me, Alex and old Dumbly – and that was without Legimency! I was pretty sure she wouldn't mind though... just as long as he hadn't defiled my poor innocent maiden head – snort – which he hadn't. Sirius on the other hand... Well all I could say to that one was – Mwahahaha!

"Okay…" He said weakly before letting out a sigh "By the way, why didn't you tell me your middle name was Astra?" He asked randomly and I shrugged.

"Never came up, that prancing idiot over there is Alexander Cassius Grey" I said and Alex turned to me with a frown. He'd never been overly pleased with being named after crazy great uncle Cassius who had the oddest habit of talking backwards and breeding Black Widow spiders…

Good old Uncle Cassius... he should have realised breeding poisonous insects would be his down fall...

We were now by the open main entrance and I could see Marilyn standing waiting for us with her hands on her waist. She was a tall woman with full hips and strong looking arms. Her hair, in the traditional Grey family silver, fell down her back in a cascade of tight ringlets. Her face was everything expected of a pure blooded woman – independent, proud and well cared for. She was the eldest of the family and to her there was only one thing more important than the respect of the Grey line and that was the actual family members. I knew she didn't care one ounce if Alex was gay, I was dating a werewolf or her sister had married a Muggle. She did care though about the mark of my face and I could just see the anger boiling in her thoughts.

"Well?" She said after a moment of the four of us standing there like dummies.

I cleared my throat.

"Well, um... you see it all happened very quickly... and I thought you were in China" She gave me a heated look and I looked away nervously "I wasn't thinking particularly clearly...?" Shuffles to the left a little "and um... I don't think the, um, authorities trust, um, the Grey side of the family very much anymore..." I looked up uneasily and saw her face in deep contemplation. Gulp.

Seconds ticked by while I tried to ignore Alex's smug looks and mind.

"Hmph. Doesn't your Aunty deserve a hug?" Was her only reply and I sighed, practically jumping into the large arms.

Suddenly she was laughing hard and her smile warmed my very toes. She began to talk very fast about all the things she'd seen in China, all the people she's annoyed and all the laws she'd broken, not to mention the latest gossip in the extravagant world of Pure-bloods.

**_Sirius_**

My mouth fell open as the previously murderous woman abruptly started rambling on about... what _was_ she talking about? It seemed to be a mixture of misdeeds, gossip and random events but I couldn't be sure. Lara seemed to understand it at least for what I could tell of her words and laughs which were equally fast and hard to understand.

Did all Grey's change attitude that quickly?

"-And then I told them that technically I hadn't broken the law because it said very clearly that only if you possessed the egg with intention of catching it- they loved that- course I didn't tell them it was a lie, I can't wait for you to meet the little thing -"

I exchanged looks with Remus and saw my confusion and surprise mirrored in his face. Looking back at the two Grey women, I saw them quite happily walking away with linked arms. Alex just shook his head with an entertained look and pulled me and Moony off with him after the crazy girls.

"Don't worry, you get vaguely used to it" he said in a consoling voice as he patted my arm.

"-Had to hide behind this massive statue of Ruo-jian the Terminally Cursed to escape the bastard – you should have seen his face! His own damned fault if you ask me, should have attached the wig better, totally not my fault-"

Blimey... wish my aunts were this cool, instead I was left with one stuck up woman with an eye for the slightest stain and a mousy woman with too much nose and a habit of poking you when you're least expecting it.

"-stole the candelabra candles of the Miss Caidan's house – changed colour they did and scented to boot - and then you know what she said to me the poor dear-?"

We were approaching the lake by now but Marilyn Grey showed no signs of relenting in her flow of mad stories which did not seem to be taking a dip in madness either, as might have been expected. Lara was laughing hysterically and I found myself imitating Al and shaking my head. Remus just looked a little bemused as he stared at his girlfriend.

"-Lady Redfearn was having affair, with her sister in law too, who incidentally was her second cousin twice removed! Poor Henri, even if he was an ugly old bat. She gave me this very flattering amulet to keep my mouth closed, bet she didn't expect me to accidently let it slip at dinner the very next-"

The woman keep speaking even as we stopped by the side of the lake but I could tell it wasn't far from her mind that Remus and I... that we were here. Gulp.

As expected her voice finally settled down and she turned to give us a level look. Her eyes seemed to take in every minute detail of our person while her thought seemed to buzz. I nearly cringed when her eyes met mine. They were so like twins and Dumbledore combined, they had the same soul reaching gaze and they were exactly the same colour as Al and Lara's. She moved gratefully from my eyes and concentrated on Remus who was trying hard not to shift uneasily.

"Hmm, Lupin? Yes, knew your father, got in a spot of trouble didn't he?" He bit on his lip and we all knew why. It had been Mr. Lupin's disagreement with Greyback that meant he'd become a werewolf. "Bit thin but overall not a bad face, bit scarred – that's good, shows character – even if it is the non-human variety." We all blinked in shock but she continued on "You're smart I've heard though in the need of a confidence boost." She ran her eyes up and down him critically as he held his breath "Well, I guess you'll do – Oh, don't look so surprised!"

Lara laughed and rolled her eyes as Remus sagged in relief.

The she was looking at me and I saw her lips purse.

"Black, eh? And disowned too?" she paused in contemplation before nodding "That's good, like to see a boy with a back bone! Although you better not touch hair of my nephews head because I'm warning you right now Black, you hurt him like that prat Irvine and you won't know what hit you. Speaking of Irvine, I'd like to…"

I stopped listening as I turned to Alex whose lips were pressed tight together as he stared out over the lake. _Hurt him like that prat Irvine_. That made it sound like…? It suddenly occurred to me that I didn't know what Irvine had done to betray the twins or more specifically Alex. The way Marilyn had said it though…

He glanced at me slightly and gave a tight nod.

Oh.

Darien Irvine? The Slytherin prince? He wasn't unattractive I guess, not that I was attracted to any guy other than Alex, when he'd first got here all the girls had gone crazy over his classic Italian look and dark mysterious eyes. Darien Irvine though? What had happened? What had he done? I'd heard he was engaged to that Flint girl, an arranged marriage, maybe that's what broke them. I cringed as jealously and anger landed on my heart. Unbidden came the image of them together and I scowled. Why hadn't he mentioned it? I suddenly felt very cold.

Alex looked at me with large sad eyes and I broke, unable to stay mad at the silver head for very long. It was weird though... imagining anyone else with my guy. I didn't like the sensation at all. In fact I really didn't like jealousy either, just have to try and avoid that emotion, hmmm... yes. Definitely not going near it again...

**_Lara_**

Marilyn stayed all morning. From the topic of boyfriends we moved onto the unending rant about the stupidity and madness of fathers. More specifically, mine. She was infuriated, to say the least, and certainly had a good few things to say on the topic. Most of what she said involved well developed and slightly impressive retribution. If there was one thing about Marilyn Grey it was that you could never say she didn't think outside the box...

After that it was 'scold Lara' time again, this time about not practicing my music enough, then about being foolish enough to get into a DE fight, then about not cursing Irvine painfully enough.

By the time she'd jumped up realising she was an hour late for a meeting with the Minister of Magic although not seeming overly concerned about the fact, I was exhausted and oddly invigorated. I figured this was a perfect state to work on my project.

So after pushing a still ranting aunt out of the gates for the sake of the Minister I headed for the library. It was quite busy at this time of day, what with all the seventh and fifth years studying away. People watched me as I walked down the many aisles, as was their habit but I paid them no mind. Eventually I left the usually habited areas and came across the corner table that Severus Snape liked to sit at. It wasn't secretive exactly, just enclosed and a little forbidding, especially when, like now, it was inhabited by the Slytherin. I didn't think it was so much him that warned people off I mean, sure, he was a dark art lover Slytherin boy on the way to joining the DE's but I think it was more that pranks liked to go off around him a lot.

I however knew exactly where said prankers were. James was studying with Lily, bless him, and Sirius was… otherwise preoccupied. It was for this reason, amongst others, that I felt absolutely no fear sliding into the seat opposite the greasy haired (what? It's true; he really _should _wash that mop more often) boy.

He gave me a cursory scowl over the top of his book. Well hello to you too. I did not, as much as I was tempted to, say this which, though a shame, was in my book unnecessary provocation. Compared, of course, to the very necessary provocation which I had no fears of saying. I figured that I would give him a false sense of security before I started on that though. I know, I am so kind.

I passed the time waiting for the Slytherin to speak by reading my charms book. I could feel from Severus' mind that I was, as per usual, distracting him from his very interesting and disguised Dark Magic Potions book. I didn't have to wait long.

"That woman this morning, who was she?" He said and I could hear the annoyance clearly in his voice that _once again _he'd been tricked into speaking with me. Oh the horror!

I looked up.

"Oh her? That was my Aunt Marilyn" I said "she likes to make an entrance"

"Evidently. It seemed to work too, you were quivering like a leaf" He sneered and I smiled and rolled my eyes which just seemed to annoy him... I wonder why?

"Yes, well. She even more creative than my father at making up punishments" I replied, unconsciously running my finger over the ridged line of my scar. It was a lot better now, still sore and pink but it had stopped occasionally opening up again...

I became conscious of his eyes following the movement and I felt uncharacteristically abashed. I hated people looking at the scar, didn't matter who, I hated it. I tucked my hands away and picked up my book determinedly, avoiding the black gaze.

We settled into silence again as I tried to draw my mind away from that blasted scar and he tried again to read his book. Unsurprisingly he failed – again.

"I finished the book you gave me" he said suddenly "I found it just as dull as expected, thanks for very little"

"Hmm?" was my reply, just to annoy him. I had been perfecting my humms this last month.

With a barely suppressed growl he repeated what he said as I 'took note of my page'. I could tell he was irritated that his biting words were losing their edge in the retelling.

"Ahh, yes. I'm glad you enjoyed it" I said as he passed me _Confronting the Faceless_ "I personally think it is suitably dull to be taught by a sadistic DADA teacher, don't you?"

He sneered, as usual.

"It would be better than the idiotic book we're being taught now for sure" Merlin, I think that might have actually been a compliment, cah-ching! "That one is so pointless and stifled you'd think we were all first years"

I nodded; it did seem a little pointless. Though apparently we would have a new teacher next year for some as of yet unexplained reason apart from 'that's just how it works'. What was catching my attention now though was the interesting contemplating happening in the boy opposite me's mind.

"Do you want to be a teacher?" I asked a little miffed.

His eye brows shot up and he surveyed me with distrust. He seemed to shake it off and crossed his arms defensibly in front of himself.

"And why, may I ask, would I tell you?" was his snarky reply which I rolled my eyes at.

"What could I possibly do with the answer Severus?"

"-Don't call me Severus-" he cut in automatically but I ignored him.

"It's hardly good black mail material after all"

We fell silent as he appraised me and I stayed patiently silent. Finally he shrugged.

"It's a possibility" He muttered.

I resisted a grin.

"Really? I'm surprised, you don't seem the type that liked children – or people for that matter" I said with a smile which he smirked at.

"How very astute of you Grey"

I considered this, it was all very strange… but another point came to mind.

"You know, if your side win I doubt it will be Defence Against the Dark Arts – more like, well, the Dark Arts" I contemplated and he shrugged again.

"Even better, but I like to have plans for all eventualities. Not that I think your side will win" He replied with a sneer.

It was my turn to shrug.

"Well, you must account for all the unexpected, things can go in any direction" I said wisely, I wasn't about to get into the 'my side is better than yours' debate – yet.

"What are you? A seer?" He sniggered and I smiled serenely.

"Oh no, I hated Divination. Me and Alex made the mistake of taking it as an option at Amalia's" I replied quite happily "The only good thing about it was being able to scare the teacher by predicting quite easily exactly what she was going to say... ah, good times..."

Severus blinked owlishly as I stared off into the distance remembering the woman's discomfort at all her best lines being blurted out. Bless her, she'd spent so long planning that speech...

"How did you do that" He asked slowly.

"Well, it was really was her fault, she was practically shouting it. That's the problem with seers: they like to keep their minds open" I smirked as understanding lit up his eyes and quite quickly he became guarded and a tad annoyed.

"You've been using Legilimency" he stated angrily and I quirked my eye brows.

"Of course, I'm a Legilimenatus" I said in amusement "I've been hearing peoples' minds since before I could speak"

He didn't like this and I was entertained that knowing this made his thoughts even easier to hear opposed to making them more guarded.

_I knew I should have taken out that Occlumency book..._

**Please Review!**


	34. To Observe

**Woow! Sorry this took so long! So much for being quicker during the holidays! Also I lied a few chapters back about how many chapters were left - sorry bout that - it turns out (as usually) my plan has completely collapsed and so this is likely to continue stretching a fair bit...**

**THANK YOU THANK YOU all my reviewers - you make me so happy! Caley3324, MarieStar, hplvr235, BB-chan, Nikk, Airlady, Me ****(with their original name...), wRiTeR'S bLoCK is AWFUL, ladymacaroni, awesomegrl77 and all the rest... **

* * *

To Observe

**_Severus_**

There was something going on. I didn't know what and hell would I admit, even to myself, that I was curious. Nonetheless, there was definitely something out of place. First it was the covert glances of some of the boys in the common room. They would sneak glances at the youngest Black and there was something in there gaze that shouted Slytherin cunning. It was like they were waiting for something or like they were getting ready to pounce at the slightest stumble. That most of them were known DE's, at least in training, didn't particularly help my suspicions.

Regulus himself wasn't looking all that good and spent many hours sitting in the corner with Irvine talking in hushed voices. His eyes carried dark bags and sometimes, if you stayed long enough into the night to see him head to bed, I could see the way his hands shook. Irvine came to be a constant presence around him, his cold mask effectively challenging the sliding looks of suspicion. There was something oddly protective in the way the ice prince watched over the younger boy and anybody with two brain cells to rub together could see where not to pick a fight.

Darien Irvine was one of those people.

I tried once to talk to Regulus. We weren't friends, few Slytherins above the age of fourteen would be able to call anyone around them friends, it was too competitive for that, but we had an agreement. I hated his brother and he had to hate his bother, we were a good pair.

"They're all watching you, you know that right?" I'd whispered, slipping into the seat opposite him.

He looked up, scanned the room casually and turned back to me.

"Yes" was his simple reply.

I'd paused then, feeling the words trying to push themselves out of my lips.

"Be careful. These people won't hesitate to throw you to the wolves, I know them" I had whispered breathlessly to him. My voice had been cold, frank and realistic.

When he'd raised his head I knew that he was perfectly aware of what my words really meant and I think, _I think,_ I may have seen gratitude there.

It was odd. I had given the boy advice, warned him against the very thing I was meant to support. What did I care if the Dark Lords servants were keeping an eye on my semi-friend? I was meant to trust his word, wasn't I? I had to work for my own skin, for my own cause.

If I didn't know better then I'd say that Regulus was working on a mission. A mission for the cause. A mission working against Muggles, mugg- _mudbloods_, blood traitors and similar ilk.

So why was it that I suddenly felt the need to root it out? I was over Lily and anyway, she was different to the others. So why did I feel like I should be trying to prevent… it?

Unbidden a voice returned to my ears "_your opinion was not based on the facts but one of the above prejudices"_

Why was I thinking that? What did that even mean? What did that have to do with anything?

I'm not going to think about that, it was dangerous.

"You're still talking to Larissa Grey" Regulus said suddenly without taking his eyes off his book and I jumped, thinking he'd heard the voice in my head.

"Unfortunately" I drawled although unable to quiet sustain the usual venom.

Was it so bad that I didn't mind the stubborn traitor's company so much anymore?

…Did I ever really protest though? If I did then why was that? I didn't ever know her then…

Dangerous thoughts. Dangerous thoughts.

I don't know her. She's a blood traitor; she's dating a werewolf for Merlin's sake! I don't enjoy… her company, I don't think about her words over and over in my head. They don't challenge me, those words. No, because that would be… wrong. Yes.

"Have you thought about learning Occlumency, out of curiosity?"

That certainly pulled me up short.

* * *

**_Alex_**

I knew he was still confused and hurt that I hadn't told him aboutDarien. His eyes, though softened, were still cold and I knew I would have to talk to him. I wasn't looking forward to it.

If it were just a case of me and him being in a romantic situation then I wouldn't have cared but when it came toDarienit was about so much more. It wasn't about a single relationship, not with us; it was about my life, my sister, my family. It was about our childhoods and backgrounds. It was about his betrayal. It was that that I didn't want to speak about though I knew there was no better person to understand it than Sirius.

He was like us. He too came from a family that had great expectation and shady ideals. He never spoke of his family, or childhood, but I knew the reputation of the Black family and I knew from my own experience and knowledge what parent like his could be like. They were just about as dark as you could get and they didn't hide the fact. It was funny, now that I came to think about it because the Blacks were, well, black. My family, Grey, was neither on the side of the light nor black (or that's how it used to be). We preferred subtlety so that people didn't quite know where to put us, even my sister and I had dabbled a bit with black magic but held the firm beliefs of the light side. Of course we had been raised knowing the dark arts and our school had not exactly been squeamish either. To us, my entire family that is, magic was magic, to be used whatever the type. Our surnames were well suited don't you think?

I sighed.

Sirius sat across from me next to James as they enthusiastically planned some prank involving three roles of double sided spell'o'tape, two jars of raspberry jam and a disillusionment charm...

I don't want to know, to be honest.

I lost myself in my thoughts until I heard a cry from James. It didn't take long for me to understand what was going on when I felt the familiar presence of a certain redhead just behind me.

"Lily! You left your Charms essay- I mean book. Here, I have it here, see?" he said enthusiastically, jumping up and spilling one of the jars of jam onto an essay that Peter left before. He cried out and I rolled my eyes, twitching my wand at the mess as he uselessly flailed his hands "Not the jam!"

I heard Lily laughing as the sticky red stuff flew back into the jar, leaving the parchment slightly pink and gluey to touch. Prongs fished out a book from his bag and passed it over to her with coloured cheeks.

"Thank you James, well... I guess I better go then..." she said shyly and she sent us a small smile.

So it's James now, eh?

James, still standing, shifted as she turned away and walked to the portrait hole. I looked across at Siri and he calmly, with a black face, raised three fingers and periodically dropped them.

Three.

James bit his lip.

Two.

There was the sound of the portrait hole opening.

"Wait! Lily, I'm coming too!" James rushed towards the red head that'd turned and was now smiling with relief in her mind.

"Bye guys" he called to us vaguely.

I caught Siri's eyes and we sniggered.

"Little Prongsy is growing up, bless him" Sirius said with a sigh.

"I bet they're together by August"

"Nah, June"

"Five Galleons?"

"You're on"

We shook hands with secret sly grins on each others faces. His hand was calloused in mine, worn from playing Quidditch, and tanned. My own hands were as pale as the rest of me and my fingers were long and look strangely delicate, though I knew they were pretty strong from years of playing music. Sometime, when I sat next to my boyfriend, I though I was going to fade away. He was so bright, so full, whereas I was monochrome and quiet. Sometimes I felt like I a ghost. Sometimes I would see myself in other people's thoughts and they would often wonder at my cool exterior or the way that I just seemed to drift. Lara was similar but she was the one out of the two of us that could truly shine with life. She was the star light and I was the star shadow.

We'd become quiet as I stared at the brown hands in mine. I looked up and saw again the uncertainty in Siri's eyes. I coughed and looked away.

"…Al?"

"I'm sorry I never told you about Darien" I cut in and I felt his hand clench slightly around mine "At Amalia's being gay was… indecent, I was so used to hiding the fact. After we left there though… it hurt too much to speak about him, so I didn't"

"I'm not-" he tried to break in and I could tell he was uncomfortable but I squeezed his hand gently.

"He wasn't always like he is now you know?" I said and he twitched "I grew up with him; he never used to be so cold. He had a mask, of course, but it was never… like this. Underneath that he was our friend but he was a coward, he did what he did for his own sake because he didn't have the strength to do anything else. He used to, and probably still does, hate war and killing but he doesn't have much choice."

Sirius was quiet and when I looked at him he was looking back at our hands. Finally he nodded, looking up at me, he nodded.

* * *

**_Lara_**

"What are you reading?" I asked the boy who sat across the table.

He looked up briefly with half a sneer and raised the thick book off the table see I could see the title. It was a plain dark blue book, slightly scuffed and aging, which was titled in a small silver print _MAGIC OF THEE MIND: Edwin Marble_. I arched an eyebrow, seeing where this was going.

"Occlumency? Ah, of course. Has anyone told you it's impossible to learn from a book?" I asked with a chuckle. Of course he was trying to protect his mind, I bet it really riled him that I could hear his thoughts.

"Yes thank you. I know that" He said curtly before continuing to read.

I could hear is mind buzzing opposite me and I cocked my head to the side. He _did_ know that he couldn't learn on his own but he seemed to be preparing for something. I frowned.

"You know Severus, you are a very difficult person to understand" I mused out loud "and I don't just mean personality wise either... and Merlin knows that's hard enough to figure out anyway"

"What do you mean" He said slowly.

I thought about how to phrase it.

"Well, put it this way. I've never met a person whose open mind is more difficult to read. People's minds are complicated three dimensional things and what I do is only read the first few layers but with you... Okay, imagine this: say every mind is a oblong, now on most minds the outer side has quite a large surface area so you don't have to delve too deep to reach the thoughts but your mind is like a long thin oblong which means I would have to go through more layers to understand the same amount as with others. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah... sort of" He said unsurely.

I nodded.

"That means that you have a great advantage when it comes to Occlumency because a Legilimen who is only testing the first few layers will find it harder to find a lie" I briefly wondered if I should be saying all this but to my mind it wouldn't make any difference either way. Knowing about it wouldn't increase it.

Besides, if my plan worked it wouldn't matter anyway.

"Does that mean when you force through more of the layers you can hear more of my thoughts then?" He said and I could tell that he was curious but really he should have chosen his words better.

I kicked him under the table and he cursed.

"What do you mean _when _I force through. How dare you presume that I try to deliberately read your thoughts" I sent another kick.

"Would you stop kicking me? For Salazar's sake how do I know if you're not reading my thoughts?" He said angrily.

"Because it is completely rude and you may not have noticed but I don't actually mean you any harm, I thought I had already got that across?" I said in exasperation.

He pursed his lips in a threatening manner, clearly thinking that he didn't think it bellow me.

Then something else came to my mind and I smiled cheekily.

He didn't seem to like that.

"...What?"

"I just kicked you" I said happily.

He blinked.

"Really? I hadn't noticed" he said sarcastically and as ever my eyes were induced to roll.

"Sarcasm is the lowest for of wit" I said.

"Yeah- well. Like you have any wit" He scrambles and I laughed. I saw his own lips twitch and tried to hide the triumph – speaking of triumph…

"I just _kicked_ you though" I repeated earnestly but it didn't look like he was going to get it "Last time I did that you said:" I pushed my face into a scowl "I swear to Slytherin that the next time you kick me I will hex you till you can't even remember your own name!"

He grunted and clamped his hands on either side of his temple.

There was silence apart from the distant sound of whispers and turning pages. I raised my eyebrows.

"Well?" I asked, slowly feeling a sense of success rising in my chest.

"Well what? Do you want to be hexed?" He asked with growing scorn.

"Not particularly but I'm wondering why I'm not"

He paused, a deadly (but not particularly scary anymore) glare coming to his face.

"We're in the library" He said stubbornly.

I couldn't help it this time. I chuckled.

"Right, funny. You and I both know that there are ways to curse people without drawing attention, so what is it?" I replied, watching closely as his face twisted.

"I'm beginning to lose the point of this conversation" _Damn this stupid Gryffindor_.

I smiled but this time it was sad as I shook my head. That would be his reflex reaction – pretend not to understand.

"Only because you're not looking for it"

* * *

**_Alice_**

"Check out the big bad Slytherin boys" I muttered to Frank as we sat by the lake.

It was a sunny day and we, like pretty much every other (at least a little bit) sane non-busy person in this place, had jumped joyfully into the blissful light and warmth (literally and metaphorically). It so happened that at this exact moment I had a splendid view of just a few of these slightly sane people and it was currently the green snakes that drew my eyes.

There was a little group of them (to my left, looking decisively unsure of whether they should relax in the sun or not) and it was three in particular that I found myself eyeing. There were several things that linked them (aside from wearing clothes that were too dark for the weather). For one they were all sitting ramrod straight with black-or-nearly-black hair and tense as… something solid and unmoving, I guess, and they were all staring straight across the lake. What really caught my eye were their expressions. Usually I didn't take too much heed of the grumpy Slytherin boys and gals, they could be just as unpleasant as they wanted just as long as they stay the hell away from me, but even I could see that there was something odd about them right now.

It was all the same. Irvine (hissss!) pursed his lips just like the others. Snape (hooked nose and all) crossed his arms in exactly the same manner. Even the furrows of mini Black's eye brows were the same. Was I really the only one who noticed?

Frank just looked over at them then turned to me with a shrug.

"Which ones? They all look big bad and, if I must say so, damn uncomfortable" He said and I nodded in agreement.

What was it with them and wearing all that black and stuff? They must really be steaming in there… the prices some will pay for fashion I guess...

"Irvine, Snape and Mini-Black" I replied, taking my eyes off them to scan the rest of the people around. My eyes settled on a group to my right – opposite the Slytherins – a group which I knew very well.

There was Black and Potter talking enthusiastically to each other as the former played with his boyfriends hand and the latter snuck looks and a certain redhead. Said redhead was chatting to Lara who had _her_ boyfriends head in her lap. There was also Eliza Attia who was talking to the very odd Xeno Lovegood enthusiastically.

I glanced back at the staring Slytherins and frowned.

"They do look very annoyed and thatFlintgirl is pouting like somebody insulted her nose" Frank conceded.

"Hmm... it's all very odd" I said and my boyfriend laughed at the tell-tale gossip radar that must have gone off in my eyes.

* * *

**_Lily_**

"Ben?"

"No, too boring. Elliot?"

"Cousin's called that, Tristan?"

"Hmmm... I like that..."

"Nathan?"

"Really? It's a bit, I dunno..."

"I've always liked the name Harold"

"Harold?"

"Harold!"

"Yeah, it's pretty"

"It's an old man name Lily"

"What about Harry?"

"Yeah! That's sweet!"

"Yeah maybe... what about girls?"

There was a pause as we thought.

"What the hell are you three talking about?" came a small scared voice and we all turned around to see a shocked looking Remus standing next to us.

I grinned widely as I saw Lara's face heat up.

"Baby names. Want to join?" I said and the boy spluttered.

"Join? Baby- why- what?" he croaked out, his eyes moving from his girlfriend, to me, to Alice and back to Lara, his eyes widening.

"You're not-?"

"Remus!"

Alice and I burst into laughter as Lara turned a rather prominent pink and Remus just continued to look baffled. Lara's voice had gone up and octave and Remus was turning more and more plum coloured by the second.

"We haven't even-"

"Right well-"

"How exactly could I-"

"Good- I mean-"

"Don't you think I'd have mentioned-?"

"I'm just going to, um-" He ran out of the room, nearly tripping in his haste.

Lara huffed and turned back to us (still giggling us) with a scowl.

"Great. Now he's going to be up there thinking about babies and families and why he shouldn't-" She broke off sharply and tugged at a piece of her hair.

I raised my brows, wondering what she'd been about to say. Why he shouldn't what?Alice, ever the curious one jumped on the slip.

"Why he shouldn't what?" she chirped and Lara squirmed.

"Oh, well. Um. You see he has this odd thing about deserving stuff" She muttered and I nearly gasped with understanding.

Of course! Because he's a werewolf, he must not want a family or thinks he can't have one. Does she know about him than? Lara's eyes locked on mine and she rolled her eyes and nodded. I sighed.

Alicewas watching us with confused eyes.

"What am I missing?"

"Doesn't matter" we said as one.

* * *

**_Remus_**

Baby names? _Baby_ names! Why the hell are they thinking about baby names! Do girls usually do that? Are they serious? _Baby names? _Is that, does she think- does she expect-

I needed to calm down. We hadn't even been dating for that long, just five months, she couldn't surely be thinking about that sort of thing. I mean, I love Lara, I really did and not just because I'd found somebody else who accepted my condition. I had hardly thought about after graduation. Of course I'd love to still be with her then and I didn't doubt we would but... could I do that?

After we left school I'd be living off my inheritance money and I just knew that I'd find it difficult to find any steady job. What if she wanted to, um, marry me? Oh Merlin. Calm Remus, deep breath. If she wanted that then could I give it to her? I wanted to, oh Godric how I wanted to but I was a werewolf. I was a werewolf dammit! This was my life; I wasn't the same as everyone else around me. Being in this school made me forget how different I was, Lara made me forget. I couldn't give her a proper home, I couldn't support her and I could support a child. A child!

Breath...

How could I have a child? How could I bring something so innocent into the world and force it to be chained to my reputation. Merlin! What if it was like me? What if it was a werewolf? Oh damn. I couldn't do that. I couldn't. Lara deserved so much more; she deserved normalcy and safety not the pressure of prejudice on top of everything else. Werewolves were hated, despised. I couldn't do that to her or a child.

A child...

I wanted it so much...

It hurt, just to think about it, it hurt so much. I couldn't have that, I could have a family to love, to call my own. I couldn't, ever. That sent needles into my heart that twisted in my chest like nothing else. I wanted to have that. I wanted...

But I couldn't.

And I couldn't give Lara any false pretences.

* * *

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	35. To Repair

To Repair

**_Darien_**

"That's enough for now, it's not quite Occlumency but it'll keep them from reading the first layers of your thoughts" I said in satisfaction.

"And if they push through that?" The boy said blandly.

"They won't"

"Right. Moral code. Whatever"

I looked at the boy sharply. He was moping. Again.

_Of course he is - he's still got something akin to morality. Unlike some. _

I ignored my thoughts. As ever.

Damn those twins. Damn their stupid pride and beliefs. Why couldn't they have just followed their family's principles, eh? Why couldn't they have just suffered to be like the rest of their family, not showing where their loyalties lie? It would have been so much easier. But no, Lara was hooked up with some half-breed and Ally was openly gay. Bastard. Next thing it would be that they were joining the bloody Phoenix brigade. Merlin that would be just so classic of them.

Now I had to help kidnap the one person I used to consider a sister.

Great going Irvine, you've really done it now.

"Regulus Black, if you don't stop moping right this instance I am going to leave you to organise this pathetic excused for a plan and it will be just you, one sad broken looser, got it?" I snapped.

Regulus' lips twitched into a smile.

"I am pretty pathetic aren't I?"

"Welcome to the club"

"We can be called the GLD, for the guilty lamenting duo" He said with what I think was a chuckle.

I blinked before sniggering.

Merlin, we were in such bad shit.

* * *

**_Remus_**

"Should we sit down?"

I was nervous. No, that would be an understatement; I was terrified and very unwilling to do what I knew I had to do. My palms were sweating and it took all my effort to speak around the lump in my throat when we got to a secluded spot by the lake.

She could tell.

Lara always knew, always. She knew if I was hungry or depressed. She knew if I was getting cranky because of the moon or if I was nervous. She knew when I was hiding something.

I was hiding something.

She hadn't said anything; she just walked oddly quiet with me after I suggested we go for a walk. It wasn't the nicest day for in, the grass was damp from a resent shower and the sky was a morose grey but she hadn't complained.

She already knew what I would say, I was certain...

She was going to be so pissed off, I just knew it. There was an edge to the way she walked that told me all I had to know. She wasn't going to go down without a fight.

I had to do this though. I did, didn't I?

I settled down on the tree branch next to her and bit my lip. I tried to gather my thoughts and think of the best way to say it.

"Lara-"

I took a breath but Lara interrupted (no surprise there right?).

"Don't say it, I can guess" She said and her voice was resigned "You think we shouldn't be together because you, number one, don't deserve me, number two, couldn't provide for me if we ended up married and, number three, don't want to risk spreading your affliction to a child?"

I gapped at her and she turned to me with weary eyes.

"You know the best part?" Her voice sarcastic "I didn't even have to hear your thoughts to know" she rolled her eyes and stood up.

"Lara I-"

She turned on her heel and clamped a hand over my lips.

"Don't. Remus, just don't. I have so many arguments against every reason you can muster for us to stop being together and I won't hesitate to use every single one of them if you try and complete that sentence"

I was silent as she lowered her hand. She didn't sound angry, just tired and annoyed. I didn't know what to do. Damn. I couldn't do this, she shouldn't do this. I loved her but I wanted what was best for her... and that wasn't this relationship.

"Just hear me out," I said and she gritted her teeth "when we leave this school-"

"-In a year and three months"

"Shush now" I reprimanded gently and she flicked up her eyes again "When we leave school I'm not going to be able to find a job, I will be living off the money my parents have left me. As for you, if you're with me then you're going to have to live with the constant prejudice surrounding me. It'll be difficult for _you_ to get a job, to do the things _you _want, never mind me. If you want to settle down with me then every single week we'll be wondering where we're going to get the next meal from. I can't live with that, not while I know I'm dragging you with me." I walked up to her and let a single finger run beside the now pink scar over her face. Her skin was cold and I just wanted to wrap her up in my arms "You've already been hurt because of what I am. It sounds easy saying that we'll stay together but you don't understand what it's like to be a werewolf. This is my life, Lara, in the eyes of society I am an animal, a liability, a monster. I can't hurt you..." I trailed off.

Lara wasn't looking at me.

The silence seemed to fall heavy on my shoulders and still she didn't look at me.

"I just think we should think about-"

"Have you ever heard of the mirror of Erised?" She cut in with a voice that was scarcely above a whisper.

I blinked.

"Um no?" I said, confused.

She didn't look at me.

"Well, I suggest you find out from somewhere. When I look in that mirror I see you, you and me. When you know what that mirror is, then come and find me and I'll let you finish that sentence designed for my sake"

She walked away without looking at me and I felt something hot land in my heart, seeing her walk away. Her hair danced around her in the wind, wrapping around her slim waist and over her white shirt clad shoulders. Her arms were crossed over her stomach and from here she looked small amongst the wide dreary backdrop.

* * *

**_Lara_**

I bit back my tears as I slammed the massive tome onto the table and was rewarded with a barely suppressed yelp and a plume of dust flying into the air. The ink bottle jumped off the surface of the table and came down with a clink and glug as the dark blue liquid pooled over parchment. I flicked an impatient wrist at the mess but didn't bother to watch as the ink was siphoned away.

"Severus" I said curtly.

"Somebody is in a bad mood" was the predictable sneer in place of a greeting. I shoved my bag under the table and collapsed into the seat.

"My boyfriend is being a Gryffindor" I said through gritted teeth.

There was a pause and I looked up to see Severus smirking.

"Something funny?"

He chuckled.

"Let me guess: he was being overly noble and thinking 'for your own sake'" He said and this time it was me who was the one scowling.

"Something like that, yeah"

"That's Gryffindor for you" He said with a ironic twang.

"At least we have morals"

"At least we don't throw away the things we have"

"I'm not being thrown away!"

"That's because you're stubborn and annoying, it's very difficult to get rid of you and I would know"

I beamed.

"Can't argue with that I guess"

He snorted and shook his head in amusement, turning back to his essay. He'd gotten over his unease around me by now.

I, meanwhile, turned back to the stupidly heavy book now taking up half of the table on its own. I had charmed the cover and writing to be incomprehensible to anyone but me (for the time) so that I could study in the library. I would have done it in the dorm room but Amy and Alice's curiosity combined would never have given me any peace. Right now all I needed was something complicated to keep my mind preoccupied.

Every page of the huge book was stained yellow with random streaks of other colours (some I didn't even want to think about). In the margins I saw numerous drops of candle wax and the parts nearest to the spine were becoming black and sooty with slight mould. Every time I turned a page little dust fumes came up.

I sighed and began pouring over the dense script.

In all the chaos, Alex and I had hardly had any time to study how to become Animagi. I had, at least, been studying human biology for a while now, mainly for my healing work (which Poppy was grudgingly allowing me to continue after our torture). The self-legilimentic magic would be, while tiring and time consuming, fairly straight forward though it was beyond anything me or Alex had tried. It was the complex spells that I really needed to study up on.

The first spell would help with the process of diving into my own psyche. The first spell had to be said in exactly the right way with exactly the right wand movement. You had to be in a certain mindset, used for Occlumency, while visualising a certain rune while you said it.

_Inspice mentis anima..._

"Hey...?"

Once 'there' I would have to perform a spell that finds the creature suited to my nature. The second spell would only be at its best if done nonverbally. You had to stay completely focused while you chanted the spell and waved your wand in precisely the right way, a sort of cross shape in front of you and an odd spiral movement around your head.

_Mihi sumo veri simillima..._

"Grey?"

The third spell was done wandlessly, though it was more Legilimency that spell work, and it was like crystallising an image into your personality... or something like that.

_Et sic patet..._

"Hello?"

That image then had to be linked meticulously to your human anatomy in every tiny way. This was the part that had to be done purely with your mind and could take hours of nonstop thinking to be completed. It was also this part that was the most dangerous because if you missed a single link and continued-

"Larissa!"

I jumped out of my focus.

"What?" I snapped.

Severus rolled his eyes and jabbed his finger at the clock on the wall.

"Ten minutes till curfew you deaf workaholic" He said with a grin...

A grin?

I grinned too.

"You called me Larissa" _and you grinned!_ I said cheerfully as he began to pack away his things and I did the same, he rolled his eyes.

"You still call me Severus" he shrugged "despite my complaints"

"True"

How things had changed in these few months, now I had a year to work my wicked ways with him. Ah, the taste of corruption is sweet...

We walked out of the empty library together, wordlessly, as I cradled the massive tome in both my arms. Madam Pince, the strict librarian with a mind as sharp as a needle, eyed the large book in my arms but just squinted at me as I walked out of the door. I sent her a little wave and grin as the doors closed, chuckling at her look of outrage.

"Should I even bother asking what that thing is about" The Slytherin asked me as I hefted the book in my arms.

"Nope"

"What about asking over the reason Pince was looking at you as if you'd put an author beginning with B in the E section?"

"Now come on! I only did that once!" I exclaimed indignantly while the boy next to me snorted with a small twitch of his lips.

"Okay, what about the reason Lupin's decided to act on his better judgement?"

I sighed, having forgotten about my problems with Remus till this point.

"Alpha stuff" I muttered.

"Ahh" He said knowingly and I rolled my eyes.

"Out of curiosity what's it like knowing your boyfriend becomes a fully fledge beast every month"

I send him an impish look and twitched my eyebrows suggestively.

"Kinky"

He chocked and I saw two little spots of pink on his cheeks.

"Actually, I don't want to know" He said with horror laced in his voice, his thoughts had the interesting swirling effect of trying to avoid itself.

I laughed but in doing so I inhaled some of the rising dust from the book, making me chock.

"Serves you right for asking" I through the tickling in my throat.

* * *

**_Lily_**

"Prongs, Padfoot, Wormy, Alex, Lily. Help. I need help" Remus said desperately as he slid into the seat with us "I need to know what the Mirror of Erised is"

Alex's head snapped up and the others just looked at him clueless. I tried to think if I'd heard the name before but just shrugged. Remus seemed to slump into his chair.

"The mirror of what?" James said from next to me.

"Never heard of it mate, sorry" Sirius said and Peter just shrugged and continued to poke the apple he was trying to transfigure.

Both Remus and I turned to Alex whose lips were pursed.

"Alex?" he said as if it were his last option.

"Don't ask me. I can't tell you. Strict orders, you have to work for it" He said quickly with an odd furrow between his eyes.

"Ugh" Remus groaned and placed his head in his hands.

Alex looked... indecisive. He looked like he could quite figure out whether to be annoyed or supportive. He crossed his arms in front of himself and flicked out a bit of silver hair from his face. He sighed.

"I wouldn't waste time if I were you Remus" He said gruffly and the boy nodded miserably before pushing himself up to his feet.

"I only thought that we should talk..." He said, running a hand through his hair.

"No you didn't" Alex said harshly and his eye glinted, they shared a look and Remus bowed his head.

"I guess. See you guys..." He muttered as he began to walk out of the room.

"Remus!" Alex called across the common room and Remus turned "Try Dumbledore but when you do remember just how stubborn my sister is and remember what she told you the first time you said this. Also" his gaze sharpened "remember she's not the only Grey in this school"

Remus nodded weakly at the barely concealed brother threat, before exiting the common room. Alex stared off after him, jaw clenched.

"Well then" I said bluntly into the silence that had descended on our table (apart from Peter's muttering over his apple, bless him, I didn't have the heart to tell him he was using the wrong end of his wand) "who else suspected that would happen sooner or later?"

They all, apart from Alex, turned to me confused.

I rolled my eyes.

"You know, doing the whole 'I'm dangerous and not worth you' argument" I said and the Marauders just gapped at me "Oh, come on. There is a reason he never went out with anyone before Lara, you should know well enough" they continued to stare at me like I'd sprouted a trunk, I snorted "Merlin, boys are so clueless"

Alex chuckled.

"I don't think that's what they're staring at you for Lily." He said "I think it's more that they've just realised you know about Remus' furry problem"

The boys all spluttered at Alex and I blinked and made a noise of understanding.

"Seriously? Is that it? I've known that for years" I said with a chuckle.

* * *

**_Regulus_**

I tried to shut my eyes. I tried to still my thoughts. I tried.

The boys in the room around me slept quietly save for the gentle sound of breathing. There was the gentle ticking of the grandfather clock in one corner and in another the slight rustle of Parkinson's snake in its cage.

I bit my lip.

I'd known it was coming to this. I'd known it was going to happen. So why was that now all I could do was tremble at the thought? It was easy, simple; I'd hardly have to do anything. Easy.

I gulped in more air.

Darien had done it, twice, sure it was different but... I could do this. I could.

Darien lived with guilt, sure he knew what he was doing, he was cold and he could do that. I was a newbie, I was an optimist and completely hopeless _romantic_, as Darien said. I was tiny in the role of things, even if I tried to say otherwise. Darien though, he was suited to this game, a cynic who stopped caring enough to argue with himself years ago.

I curled up inside my duvet, pressing my knees to my chest.

At least I didn't have to kill her or something - that would be bad. I could do this. All I'd have to do was appeal to her better nature, the nature that trusted, that gave others a chance. Maybe in the process I'd stamp on that innocence so that if she ever lived she'd be better protected.

If she ever lived.


	36. To Stare

**Sorry took a while. Thank you everyone for all your reviews and all the story Alerts and Favourites! Completely made my day when I saw the amount who added this story!**

**This story is unBetad at the moment (again) so sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes! **

**Anyone else go to Brighton Pride? Wasn't it great!**

* * *

To Stare

**_Albus_**

Albus Dumbledore sat reading a thick book; something that seemed very intellectual but was actually just a very old copy of some Greek poetry which he found helped to sooth his ever working mind. When there came a soft knock on his door he raised his head and called out to his visitor to come in. The door opened and in walked in the dishevelled and uneasy student named Remus Lupin. For a moment the headmaster was concerned but he soon realised the boy's visit was more of a personal nature from his face.

Remus' looked around nervously and his hands were twitching at his sides. He licked his lips.

"Ah, Mr. Lupin what can I do for you?" Albus asked benignly as he observed the boy over his half moon glasses.

The young werewolf gulped and twisted his wrists.

"Well sir... I was wondering if you could tell me – if you know – I mean I hate to interrupt" he stuttered and the headmaster waited patiently "I was wondering if you could tell me what the mirror of Erised is."

The headmaster raised an eyebrow in slight surprise. This hadn't been quite what he been expecting. It would not have been so surprising had the boy been one of those that he'd known to have visited the elusive mirror from his carefully placed wards. As it was however, the mirror hadn't been visited for months and that had been by Mr. Jason Jarde, a third year Hufflepuff, not unless you counted the odd magical distraction before Christmas. So this visit begged to ask how he knew of it.

"Why, I do believe it is a mirror that may be found in the west part of the fourth floor, there to be found by unlikely wanderers"

Remus Lupin chewed his lip and looked at the floor. After a few seconds the headmaster decided to take pity of the young Werewolf.

"I feel that that does not quite still your curiosity but I am afraid I could not tell you the precise nature of the mirror unless you had seen it yourself. That is the way of the mirror" Albus said seeing the disquiet in the boy.

He nodded glumly and seemed to be deep in thought.

"Lara- Larissa Grey I mean, told me to find out" he said uncomfortably and the headmaster chuckled.

"Ah, a lovers dispute no doubt. She certainly has some fire, that one" he said with mirth his mind cataloguing the fact the she knew of the mirror and her brother undoubtedly did too.

"You don't know the half of it" Remus said with an exasperated sigh and then blushed, obviously realising he was discussing his love life with his headmaster, no doubt a very unusual feeling for the young man.

"I- um – sorry for interrupting you sir, I'll go now" Remus stuttered.

"Not at all, my boy, not at all" Dumbledore said with a sigh.

It was one of the follies of the youth to believe that the aged did not mind discussing things such as this. Of course there was also the explicable respect that Mr. Lupin had for the aged headmaster after allowing him to enter the school, he probably did not want to distract him. He didn't think explaining the material of the book would help either. Ah well, that's how it is.

"And Mr. Lupin," he called out "you should know 'the hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn', just think about that. Try and think for yourself now and then, it is not the biggest sin to be selfish now and then" Albus looked over his glasses with a sparkle in his eyes and the young man blinked and flushed before leaving the room.

So, Lara Grey had seen into the Mirror of Erised…

It was time to restudy that odd disturbance of magic in his wards again. The headmaster had a feeling he'd find something rather unusually this time around.

Unusual seemed to be a rightful title for the twins.

* * *

**_Remus_**

_"When I look in that mirror I see you, you and me. When you know what that mirror is, then come and find me"_

It had taken me an hour to find the room that Dumbledore had told me about. But I'd found it aright. I could see the inscription and it didn't take very long to realise it was just reverted and thus find out the mirror's use. That moment of shock hadn't lasted very long, as I'd stepped into its view.

Now I didn't know if I'd be able to move.

It was…

It was there, it was…

I didn't know what to think or how to react, I didn't know…

There was me. I was standing straight up like I'd never seen myself do. My back was proud and my eyes didn't hide secrets. I was wearing simple robes that were clean, fresh and without the shabbiness of too many _raparo_'s . My shoes were firm and polished. What confused me was the fact that I still had all of my scars, every single line and imperfection still covered my skin. What did that mean?

There was a ring on my finger, a simple gold band like I had seen on my father's finger. It was on my left hand, my third finger.

I smiled at myself, the mirror that is smiled at me and it was… a safe smile, comforted, unafraid. I saw my own eyes upturn and I saw in them no fear, a glimpse of endless opportunities. I saw many things in my own eyes. I saw a house, with a washing line in the garden, hung with white linen, dresses, shirts and robes. In the window of the house I saw a room of warm polished wood floors and photos hanging on the walls. I saw a white couch and a coffee table. It was a simple room but it looked lived in, with shoes and coats slung over chairs. On the window sill there was a vase of flowers, fresh and alive. I could hear the sound of a singing voice, light and carefree, the sort of song that one absently sings in the comfort of their own home. I couldn't understand the words; they weren't in English that was for sure. I was certain I had heard that song before...

I came out and I was standing in a storeroom in front of a tall mirror.

The reflection smiled knowingly at me.

* * *

**_Lily_**

"- so if you add newt eyes the potion will become too acid and will react with the Belladonna seeds too early but you need the eyes to add the thickening charms. What that means is that you have to add something of equal Alkali, usually we'd use the Pilkaly but that reacts with- are you listening?" I asked sharply as the boy stared out of the nearby window.

He jumped.

"Sorry Lily, I'm just thinking about Remus" James said and his hazel eyes became worried.

I sighed and tapped my quill on the table.

"Did he not come back last night?" I asked quietly so that Lara and Alex didn't hear, though they probably already knew.

Remus had supposedly stayed out all night after he'd come asking about the mirror and now, four o'clock the next day still hadn't been seen apart from a few reports of him in the grounds and random corridors.

James shook his head and bit his lip.

"He's just been walking around all day, or sitting near the forest. He ate in the kitchens and I wanted to go find him but Sirius said I should leave him... I haven't seen him since he came in asking about the mirror of Elissed or whatever"

"Erised" I corrected "I've tried to ask Lara what it is but she hasn't said, just been sitting there all depressed… I'm thinking it's time for drastic actions"

"Like with?" He asked curiously and I smirked.

"Now that would be telling"

He laughed but quickly subdued and looked off to where Lara sat with her brother, looking out of the window. As we watched Alex threw her a weird blue flask about an inch long. She didn't even look up as her hand shot up to grab it in midair.

I frowned.

"That was a calming potion… their PCE must be playing up…" I muttered and my hand clenched on my parchment.

A warm hand covered mine to stop me wrinkling up my essay and I looked up to see James looking at me. I blushed and pulled my hand away before ducking my head. It was in those odd moments when our eyes met that I saw the things I had been avoiding. That wasn't James Potter the bigheaded pranker with the Marauder smirk pasted on his face. That was… James, just James.

"So, yes. Pilkaly… it react with the, um, lavender roots so you have to use…"

I looked up briefly as I continued to explain the potion of restlessness and James was looking at me with a small little smile and a shine in his eyes that no matter how much I tried to ignore stayed in my vision even as I turned away.

* * *

**_Lara_**

I stared back at myself. Wet silver hair clung down my back and over my shoulders, the ends already drying even without the help of my wand. In the centre of my chest the sapphire pendant Remus had given me gleamed. My eyes travelled again over the scar over my face, chest and stomach. It had started to scar over, though it was still faintly pink. It was a deep winding chasm that stretched over me, not just a healed over line but a crack.

I sat on the floor in front of the full length mirror in the prefect's bathroom that Lily and Alice had brought me to out of pity. The two girls in question were swimming behind me with Eliza Attia, the dreamy blond Ravenclaw I met on our first train journey and another Slytherin girl called Chloe Jay, a pretty girl with long black hair and the brightest blue eyes. I had seen her around school a little bit but the difference in our house didn't bring us together much. I had discovered that the girl prefects had an unspoken rule to be friends inside the confines of the bathroom, regardless of house. The Slytherin girl had patted my back in sympathy and readily agreed to help when Lily told her I needed 'girl time'...

They were chatting and laughing quite happily but I could hardly hear them.

I knew they were trying to distract me from the fact Remus was still wondering around the school aimlessly. I'd felt him the moment he'd snuck into the common room last night, though I had decided to leave him to himself. He needed to think the over.

I wondered if Remus was looking in the mirror now or if he'd seen it already, I wonder what he would see. Would he see himself, unflawed and no longer a Werewolf? Would he see acceptance for his kind? I hoped in my heart of hearts that I played a role like he had in my reflection. He had more desperate problems of course though and if he were not a Werewolf then I would not be sitting here thinking of his incomplete sentence.

I had heard it in his mind before he'd even started the explanation. I hadn't lied; I didn't have to hear it to know that that was what he planned but it still hit harder hearing it in truth.

It hurt so much, even knowing the reasons. It seemed to grasp something fragile in my chest, something that didn't want to be touched. It shook me that he would try to give us a shot. Did he… did he not love me enough to risk it all. He said it was for my benefit and I knew that's what he believed but he knew nothing really. He didn't know what it would do to me, to him, to have a broken heart. Alex had felt his heart being shattered before and, in that way that we had, so had I. Sharing our minds so much had its effects and truly in an odd twisted way I had fallen in love with Irvine as well, even Sirius and Remus were connected now to both twins. I had felt Alex's pain almost as strongly, though it was not my heart that was breaking. It was not a feeling I wanted to feel again and it wasn't a feeling that me or Alex would be easy to pick up from.

I saw the words forming on his lips and I cringed.

I saw us, I saw the little girl who'd sat at my feet, a symbol of my dreams.

I saw his clear blue eyes and the light golden brown dusting near the centre. I saw the fine scars that patterned over his skin. I remember once when it had been a hot day he'd removed his shirt. I had spent so long running my fingers hesitantly over the ribbons of scars that travelled over his back and chest and arms. His skin had been a gently tan, not had strong as Sirius' but nor as pale mine and Alex's alabaster pale. He'd laughed at me then, while still being the self-conscious boy he is.

I remembered the times when he would tease James over some suicidal prank or the latest love letter or when he would help Peter patiently when we were studying. I saw the way he flicked his quill as he read or indulgently rolled his eyes at the boys' antics. I remembered how soft his hands were when he'd bandaged them just before our first kiss. I remember waking up to his sleep deprived face as he'd sat next to me in the hospital wing. I remember sitting next to him as he recovered after the full moon.

I felt his lips on mine and closed my eyes.

"Lara, stop mopping and come over here so we can give you a makeover!" Alice shouted over and my eyes snapped open.

"A WHAT!"

* * *

**_Regulus_**

The whole school had been prattling on about the latest Grey development. I snorted. This time it was because Remus bloody Lupin hadn't turned up for breakfast or lunch and Larissa had been sitting looking depressed. Everyone thought they had broken up which sent a flurry through the whole student population as they tried to figure out why and if they could jump in on their single statuses.

I didn't know what to think.

In one way a small creature in my belly leaped at the idea while another was hunting for Lupin's blood for making that face of hers look so broken.

It was all very distracting and too many times Darien had wacked me over the head for staring at her or nothing, ignoring him and leaving him to the claws of Luciana Flint. He wasn't happy with me because he of course saw through me like glass.

It was now six in the evening and I was abandoning dinner to sit in an alcove and think moodily. Darien had sent me off with a wave of his hand, obviously annoyed and I'd taken the order whole heartedly.

"Regulus"

I span around and bit down the growl as I saw the very person I'd been thinking of all day walking towards me. He had his hand shoved in his jeans and when he raised his head I saw his face wearing a tired expression.

"Well if it isn't the man of the moment" I sneered.

"Shouldn't you be at dinner?" He asked nonchalantly and I narrowed my eyes.

"Shouldn't you?" I snapped back at him but he just shrugged.

He said nothing more, just slumped into the alcove opposite mine. I crossed my arms and looked at the pathetic boy.

"What do you want?" I spat at him.

Here he was, he could have everything that I wanted and even being a bloody werewolf didn't stop that. And he was throwing it away, throwing it in my face. Bastard.

"Simplicity" He said promptly and I cocked a head.

Simplicity, there was an odd one. Of course, I had meant the question as rhetorical but it seemed he'd been giving a lot of thought anyway.

"Then why, pray tell, are you throwing it away?" I said with bitter malice.

He looked up at me with a scarred face and bright blue eyes.

"Because it's not simple" he said quietly, his voice bland.

I shrugged.

"Could be, if you let it" I stood up "From what I've heard from Irvine, the Grey's look for normalcy more than everything, despite their anomalies, and they'll protect that with all they have"

I began to walk away, already regretting not going to dinner.

"Regulus" I paused.

"Thank you"

I glanced over my shoulder and saw him leaning out of his alcove with sincere eyes.

"Don't waste it. I'm trusting you, Remus Lupin, to be ready when things go wrong, got it?" I said before I could take it back.

I marched away without looking back.

* * *

**_Lara_**

"- That fringe?"

"... Little less there-"

"Here?"

"-Yeah, Lara?"

"-Err, sur-"

"Hey guys, nails are done"

"Awesome! Try this-"

"Nah, this one-"

"-Um, rea-?"

"Chloe, pass me the gloss-?"

"Red?"

"-Green"

"No! Blue, yeah-"

"-You guys really don-"

"Glitter!"

"OW! I know the best Charm for glit-"

"-Please, guys jus-"

"Toes too do you think?"

"Yeah, Alice you do it"

"Hey!"

"-Guys! Stop, just st-"

"Oh relax Lara"

"Tosh, honestly wouldn't catch me saying no to a makeover"

"Do you want me to transfigure some rope?" Chloe said with a gleam in her eyes.

I gapped and groaned tragically as they smirked and continued to attack me from all sides with a variety of brushes, bottles, phials, scissors and wands. Honestly, if I had known that Lily's innocent little purse contained that much torture equipment, I'd have put up more of a fight. But no, I was now stuck here under the influence of four overenthusiastic girls.

* * *

Three hours later.

Three whole earthly hours...

I sat on my bed in a state of shock. My hair hung over my eyes in a new annoying fringe that I had to keep tossing away. My finger nails were a dramatic blue colour that twinkled with silver and I swear, if paint had emotions, they were staring at me smugly. Oh yeah, my toe nails too.

Tabby looked over her book from where she sat next to a curled up Amy and chuckled.

"Girl time?" She asked and I mutely nodded.

"They did that to me once when I broke up with my boyfriend..." She said and a voice came out of the mass of black curls.

"I thought you l-loo-looked very pretty" Amy said between a yawn.

Tabby snorted but smiled nevertheless.

"And traumatised" she said with an eye role, pocking the small girl in the belly and laughing when she squealed.

* * *

**Review? :)**


	37. To Resign

**So sorry for the delay, been on holiday and writing a story called Real Emotions and etcetera...**

**Few things I'd like to address before we full stream ahead... **

**Firstly Alclemene who reviewed (thanks by the way) Bellatrix, Andromeda and Narcissa are all older that Sirius, Bellatrix, the eldest, is something like 9 years older than him and Narcissa is 4 years older. Check out Harry Potter Wiki it's a great research tool.**

**Secondly Kenzieloveify who asked if it was canon. It is in all the ways that count, the plot of the Harry Potter generation won't change too much but in my 'extended epilogue/second part' thing I haven't figure out yet my influence shall be there in places. I'll tell you this though: Tonks, though I love her, will just be a chirpy cousin and who knows what the final battle will end in... that part is not as important to my story, it's just... there to come, maybe, if I can be bothered...**

**So... that it?**

**Here we go!**

* * *

To Resign

**_Sirius_**

I looked up as the dorm door slammed open and Remus strode in with an unreadable face. I watched as his walked to his bed and flopped onto the covers without hesitation. He didn't say a word and I exchanged a look with Prongs across the room. The window above Remus' bed was open and the sky was visible, I saw Remus stare out of the window.

"Full moon in two days" He said blandly and I shared another look with James.

"You say that as if we don't know" James said slowly.

The boy on the bed shrugged and sighed.

"Have you sorted things out now Moony? It's just that..." James looked at me uncertainly and I shrugged. No point him not knowing.

"It's just that the Grey's are getting... y'know... depressed" he finished and Remus sat up quickly, so quickly he obviously felt it, as he raised a hand to his head.

He blinked us back into focus.

"What do you mean?" He demanded.

We glanced at each other again and I took up the initiative. This stupid business was messing up my relationship as well after all. I'd seen the way Al had been the last few days. Most importantly I had been there in the dead of the night as my boyfriend shook and shivered and whimpered in his sleep until I was almost pleading with the boy to wake up. Even then it was hours before he calmed. I'd known that Lara too was doing exactly the same in the other dorm room and it had only made me pull the boy deeper into my arms.

I clenched my jaw.

"You know what we mean Remus." I said steely, Prongs looked at me shocked.

I got up and walked to the head of Al's bed and pulled opened the top draw of his table. From there I brought out a small leather case I knew was always there, just like the one he carried in his bag, and Lara too, I suspected. Turning around I saw Remus eye the bag fearfully. Prongs looked confused; he only knew half of the story.

I threw the bag to Remus and he caught it. I stood waiting, my arms crossed.

"Go on then, open it" I snapped, growing impatient.

Remus gulped and undid the buckle of the case. He glanced at me then flipped it open to show the many pocketed interior. Looking down we all saw two rows of phials, secured tightly in place by leather and corked closed. There were ten phials per row and half of them were filled with cerulean liquid and the other half a pearly pink: calming and dreamless sleep potions.

Six were empty.

"That was full last week." I said.

Yeah, I'm a nosy boyfriend but it's not my worst trait. I have a pretty bad temper too.

"Now you think she'd be better without you?" I snapped and Remus cringed "You haven't seen what I saw last night and even then he had me." He winced but I didn't care "You didn't see him, even with two bloody calming potions down his throat, crying out, shivering and bloody _begging_. You know as well as me that those twins do everything together and I don't think it was Al dragging Lara this time." I paused to let the words sink in "You might have seen the PCE before, but that was _before_ and those scars they have weren't the only thing that left a mark" I walked closer to him, my fists clenched; I lowered my voice to a whisper "Imagine it."

He put his face in his hands and I pulled out my final bomb.

"Now imagine ten hours of it"

I turned on my heel and stormed out.

I needed a snog, right now, before I started to hit something.

* * *

**_Severus_**

Larissa practically fell into her seat and when I looked up I raised a delicate eyebrow.

"You look shit" I remarked bluntly.

"_You_ need to wash your hair" she retorted, palming her face.

"You need to slap Lupin"

"You need to get a girlfriend"

I chuckled, unable to help myself.

"Slag"

"Bastard"

"You've outdone yourself, really, I feel so wounded" I said, closing my book with a crack "but seriously, you look crap"

There were dark bags under her eyes and the scar over her face looked a darker red colour than before. Her eyes practically sagged with fatigue and her hair fell past her shoulders in a hasty plait that was uneven and coming undone. Her hands seemed to be quivering slightly and her shoulders sagged.

Larissa rolled her eyes.

"You almost sound concerned" She drawled sardonically.

_Perhaps that's because I am._ I thought to myself unwillingly and hoped she didn't hear it. I could just imagine the way her eyes would smirk at that comment. She was insufferable when smug.

"Don't flatter yourself" I sneered and the silver haired girl stuck out her tongue in the most immature way ever.

I paused. What the hell could I say that wouldn't sound like I was becoming all chummy with the persistent Gryffindor? It was bad enough she was now 'Larissa' in my head. I mean, honestly, she was the sister of Black's girlfriend; she was a blood traitor, a Gryffindor for Salazar's sake! If any of the Dark Lord's servants found out then I would never be accepted into his inner circle. Nonetheless, I was getting this strange feeling that I should be helping the bitch reign in her fool of a werewolf.

"You know" I started and the girl looked up "Lupin always seemed" I scowled "intelligent. I'm sure that he'll get over his Gryffindor tendencies. He's probably just wallowing in self pity" snorting I crossed my arms "Which is just typical of course"

The girl blinked in that way that she had that made me feel uncomfortable and like I'd done something wrong. She could bloody well stare a person out, I'll give her that.

I levelled off her look and she blinked.

"Thank you... Severus" She said quietly and I grumbled under my breath.

"I don't need your gratitude" I said in my cold voice but totally ruined it by adding "Larissa"

Damn.

I froze and sighed in resignation as I saw the Gryffindor perk up at my use of her given name. She was never going to let that go.

"You called me-"

"I know what-"

"Does that mean-"

"It means nothing pest-"

"But you _finally-_"

"Ugh!" I cried and slammed my head into the table.

When I looked up Lari- _Grey_ – was smirking and looked at me in amusement.

Great, now she'd be under the unfounded believe we were friends. Which we weren't, no, never ever would I be friends with a blood traitor and pesky annoyance.

_Not going to happen. _I thought stubbornly.

"The lord doth protest too much, methinks" she said in an overly elegant and refined voice, to the point of chanting, her eyes glinted.

I scowled and pursed my lips, deliberately opened my book with a snap.

Damn her.

"You still called me-" she sang.

"SHUT UP"

* * *

**_Remus_**

That was it.

I couldn't do this anymore. I had thought over every single disadvantage, every single flaw with her reasoning. Dammit, I had tried to live away from her for two blasted days and look at us both.

It wasn't bloody working!

We'd both been depressed. Lara and her brother had been _hallucinating_ for Merlin's sake and I had lost the small amount of fat that I had held to my already near the edge body. Full moon was in two days, I couldn't sleep, think, eat, and I was spending the hours I should use for homework just... just being an idiot!

School would start tomorrow, Monday, I would have lessons with her and we were paired together in many of them. I would have to talk to her, have to be next to her, have to work with her.

Sirius had glared at me. Alex had frowned. James had huffed. Lily had stared significantly. Alice and Frank had shaken their heads, identically. Happy go lucky Amy had crossed her arms and glared till Tabby had taken her by the shoulder and led the tiny girl away. Even Dumbledore had told me to be 'selfish'.

And Regulus! Regulus Black had given me his weird talk: told me in a threatening voice 'not to waste it'.

I was suddenly very much the bad guy, from everyone, including me.

And dammit! I was just so miserable thinking of ending it. Perhaps I was just being so irritatingly stubborn that I couldn't, wouldn't...

I had seen in that mirror normalcy and truly I knew that Lara, (beautiful, animated, passionate) Lara could and would give me that should I let her.

If I could let her.

I was a monster though... a beast... I was... unworthy.

_But she wants you._

I looked up as I heard a giggle and looked out of a window to see a couple running across a courtyard. They were hand in hand and running, laughing, to a nearby bench that they collapsed in. Their heads were close together and the boy laughed and wrapped an arm around her waist. He kissed her temple as she continued to speak and giggle and I saw his face a mixture of tenderness and amusement.

Damn this.

Stuff it; to hell was I going to throw away the girl I loved only to see her wilt away. Bugger them all that would be prejudice asses, my girl was stronger than any of them. I didn't care if I was a monster, why don't I deserve that. Why can't I just be simple and happy and, damn it all, in love. Dumbledore had never given me bad advice, so you know what? I'm going to be a selfish bastard and those who complain can find a small dark hole to hide in.

So there.

* * *

**_Lara_**

Lily and I sat together in the Library catching up on Transfiguration homework McGonagall had set for Tuesday. Lily got up and said she was off to look for a book and I was left alone. I was just referencing something when a shadow fell across the table and a mind became apparent near me.

Looking up I saw a tall boy in the same year as me which I recognised as Ryan Davies, the Keeper for the Ravenclaw team. He had immaculate dark brown hair, creamy skin and brown eyes. He was one of those boys that made girls giggle when he walked by, the kind that winked and smirked. Wasn't so different to Sirius in that respect, I thought wryly. We had been Herbology partners last term and I knew that he was an intelligent boy but a little too proud.

"Hey Lara" He said smoothly, sliding into the seat next to me.

I shifted uncomfortably.

"Oh, hey Ryan" I said and he flashed me a smile of pearly white teeth.

Ryan's mind was horribly open as well and as much as I tried to blank it out I could still taste the emotions bounding inside him. A mixture of smugness, confidence and excited apprehension wound up inside him like a spring. I didn't like it.

I was suddenly very conscious of the fact we were alone.

"What's up?" I asked uneasily.

To my horror he moved closer to me on the window chair we shared and just when I thought it couldn't get worse he slung his arm around my shoulders. The smell of thick musty cologne caught in my throat hideously and the too strong chemicals scratched at my throat. He was too close. Heat from his skin surrounded me and I felt sweat break out. I resisted the urge to gag and remove his arm that was a dead weight on my shoulders.

Remind me why girls like him?

I glanced around, hoping to see Lily coming back to still the tension. The walkway was completely clear. I pressed myself back against the window, trying to get as far away as possible. He didn't seem to notice, his face too close to my own. His breath felt heavy on my cheek.

"I was just wondering if you wanted some cheering up and would join me tonight" he whispered in my ear with a cocky smile.

I gapped at him, shivering at the feel of the husky voice.

He's joking right? Tell me he's joking. But my Legilimency didn't lie and I knew when someone was joking, and he wasn't now. He really wasn't joking.

"Ryan, I-I'm flattered, really, but-" I started.

"Oh come on Lara. You're not with that Lupin guy anymore" I bristled at the audacious assumption "and you obviously look like you could do with a little... relaxation" he smirked and I tightened my eyes at him.

"Excuse me?" I stuttered and he leaned in closer.

How dare he? How dare he even suggest...

I was lost for words and he took that to mean he could continue to 'flirt'. He totally ignored my exclamation and the fact I was gapping at him in shock and trying to push away. I choked in horror as I felt his hand slip from my shoulder and slid under my shirt to land on my naked waist. His hand was hot, too hot, too sweaty.

I looked up and saw that my wand was lying on the other side of the table where it would be much too obvious to try and reach

"You're a very beautiful girl Lara" He whispered, making me shiver "Even with that scar, I'm sure I could-"

"You had better take your hands off my girlfriend right this instance Davies, preferably before I make you" a voice hissed above us and I sighed in relieve as the Keeper drew away with a scowl, even if his hand was still on my waist.

I looked up and saw Remus standing next to the table with clenched fists and a face filled with contempt. His jaw was clenched and I almost expected him to snarl. Ryan sneered and I felt his hand tighten on me, drawing me closer, I gasped in pain as he squeezed the tender part of my scar that usually rubbed against my trousers.

"What makes you think she doesn't want me here?" the Ravenclaw said with a snigger.

* * *

**_Remus_**

After watching the couple out of the window a little long I clenched my jaw and started to jog to the common room. I was out of breath by the time I reached it and a quick glance around showed that Lara wasn't here. After some contemplation I ran up to our dorm room. Lots of people stared at me as I walked through the room but I ignored them.

Flying into the room I hardly paid any attention to the lounging boys in there already.

"Hey Remus, what you-"

I paced quickly to James' bedside table without heeding Frank's voice, or caring why he was in our dorm when he was in the year above, and pulled open the bottom draw. Riffling around I soon drew out the battered bit of parchment I had been looking for.

"See you" I called, waving the piece of parchment for Wormtail to see and ran out of the room.

Once outside the common room I checked the map and saw Lara was in the Library with Lily. I quickly made my way there.

I had hardly thought about what I would say when I got there. I just knew that if I tried to think too much about it then I would end up changing my mind, or spend even more hours in useless contemplation. I concentrated on the image I had seen in the mirror. Myself, calm, secure, dreaming of a loving home and simple comforts.

I could do that.

Reaching the doors to the library I checked the map again.

There was the little label 'Larissa Grey' but who was that? 'Ryan Davies'? The Ravenclaw? What was he doing with her and why, pray tell, were they sitting so close?

Shrugging, I walked in, shoving the map into my pocket.

Finally, Lara's table came into view and what I saw made me see red and the inner wolf in me jumped up in anger.

There was Lara pressed up against the window and there was Davies with his hand sliding down her side to push up her top and touch the pale white of her waist. His face was close to hers and he was smirking and whispering things in her ears and I could tell that she was truly uncomfortable.

How dare he! How dare he touch _my_ girlfriend like that?

This boy was going to pay.

Striding up to them I quickly announced my presence.

"You had better take your hands off my girlfriend right this instance Davies, preferably before I make you" I growled at the boy who jumped back in shock.

He sneered when he saw me and I felt my insides boil with dislike. He pulled Lara closer to him possessively and she fell forward with a whine of pain.

"What makes you think she doesn't want me here?" he said obnoxiously and smirked as if he were right.

The wolf didn't like that. This time I really did growl.

"Quit it Davies, before I do something we'll both regret" I snapped and I saw a glimmer of something in his eye before they hardened.

"I don't see why I should; it's not your business anymore who asks out Lara" he said and his chest puffed out superiorly.

"Funny" I drawled "last time I checked, it was my business, seeing as she's _my _girlfriend"

This time uncertainty was clear in his face and he glanced at Lara who scowled.

"And its Larissa to you" Lara added coldly, standing up and pushing him out of the seat in an amusingly easy motion. She stepped out from the table and stood next to me, without thought I wrapped and arm around her waist, staking my claim.

He jumped to his feet and looked between the two of us, both of us glaring. I saw understanding light up in his eyes and he groaned.

"That will teach you not to listen to the rumour mill" Lara said and with an instinctive flick of her hand I watched in amusement as the bag I hadn't seen under the desk flew at the brunette and wacked him full in the face.

We watched him stumble away.

"You're really getting the hang of that wandless magic" I said with admiration.

I glanced at her and saw she was wincing and holding her side.

"What's wrong?" I said urgently, steering her to the seat and crouching before her.

"Ugh, just that bastard opening up my scar" She said, lifting up the side of her top,

I saw a dribble of blood leak from the rawest part of the scar where it looked like the scab had come away. I fluttered my hands, unsure what to do and Lara laughed at me before grabbing her wand and pointing it precisely at the gash.

_"Vulnera Sanenture" _She whispered, the word flowing off her lips liquidly, and the blood stopped flowing _"Vulnera Sanenture" _when repeated I watched as the gash began to loosely re-knit together.

I shook my head in amazement. This girl just kept surprising me.

"You would not believe how long it took me to get that spell right" Lara whispered and I grinned up at her.

My smile slipped.

I hadn't noticed before but it was now that I saw just how exhausted she looked. I winced in pain seeing the fatigue in her eyes and the dark shadows. I bowed my head and bit my lip.

Dammit.

I saw her jaw clench and slowly I rose and sat in the seat opposite her. I didn't know what to say. She bit her lip and a bit of hair fell over her eyes which she impatiently pushed away. I noticed vaguely that she'd had her hair cut and had a new side fringe. I didn't know what to say.

Then it came to me in a flash and I took a deep breath. I concentrated on my own thoughts, concentrated on every single feeling I'd been feeling over the last few days. I saw Lara cock her head and frown so I knew it was working. I shut my eyes and I forced out my thoughts, pushing them out of my head, as if that were possible.

_Fear:_ what if I hurt her, what if I changed her, what if people hurt her because of me, what if I couldn't look after her, what if I passed on this... disease to some innocent child, what if she couldn't get a job, I couldn't get a job, what if the DE's came for her, what if...?

_Pain:_ I couldn't have a family, I couldn't live normally, I was a monster, hated, ridiculed. I couldn't drag someone else into that life. I wasn't even human. Wizards hated me. The ministry hated me. Even Muggles had stories about me, the monster. I was so pitiful and so... lonely...

_Loneliness:_ I felt so empty, the idea of being alone all my life. I had had a taste of what it was like to be loved, to be _in love_, I had felt that warmth and now it was gone. I felt like... something inside me was withering away till it was just me inside my own head...

_Longing:_ I wanted it all so much! I wanted a family and a home. I wanted a cottage with a washing line and clean white furniture and pots and pans hanging on the walls. I wanted to watch a child grow and know it was mine. I wanted to know I was safe, know where my meals were coming from. I wanted peace, love, _simplicity_ and I wanted _Lara._ Why couldn't I have that? Did I even deserve that? How I wanted...

_Regret:_ I saw her drained eyes, the empty phials, the hard (desperate, in pain) look in Padfoot's eyes, the threat and ache in Alex eyes, the way Regulus glared. _She_ had been _hurting_. I had just spent the whole weekend pretending, being a coward, that I wasn't worth it all when in fact I should have thought if she deserved something...

_Jealousy:_ if we broke up would some other guy get her, would she still say no to some guy like Davies, or would she give them a go in the hope they could give her what I couldn't? I was giving up her...

_Resolve:_ I didn't care dammit, I wanted normalcy and, hell, I wasn't going to give it up! I couldn't, wouldn't. I didn't want to, I was going to be a bastard, sure, but I didn't care. I was going to be _selfish!_

_I need you Larissa Astra Grey._

* * *

**_Lily_**

Turning to the table where I had left Lara, I back peddled and, after a shocked moment, quickly turned away to find something else to do for the time. My cheeks heated up but I still felt a smug smile rise up on my lips.

I didn't feel in the mood for interrupting Lara as she snogged the brains out of a certain Remus Lupin. The consequences of that action didn't bear thinking about.

So turning away from the newly reinstated couple with a small smile I scratched my head and wondered what I was supposed to do now.

Oddly, when I saw two brunettes near some shelves I was draw to them without thought. It was only once I was a meter away that I realised I had inadvertently and yet willingly sought out James Potter. Oh dear Merlin, what was happening to me?

When I approached them I saw that they were peering through the shelves at a first year Ravenclaw boy and silently shaking with laughter. When I looked at what was happening to him I nearly started laughing as well, not that I'd admit that to anyone.

Every time he picked up a book it would seamlessly switch in his hand with one of the others on the table. He'd then put that book down with a huff and pick up the other book which would again disappear, leaving another in its place, and reappear back on the table. The poor boy was getting more and more frustrated, throwing down the switched book and grabbing at the other. I heard the soft footsteps of Madam Pince and she immediately hounded on the boy throwing her precious books around.

"It's not my fault! The books-"

"Impertinent boy, disrespectful-"

"It was the books, I swear!"

"-Juvenile the lot of you-"

"-Was holding one, then it just-"

The two boys were clinging to the shelves in their amusement as the Librarian started snapping at the indignant boy who was being led off by the scruff of his collar.

I tapped my foot at the two boys, crossing my arms in my 'prefect stance'. When they looked up at me Sirius just continued to laugh and James looked sheepish. I felt my lips curve into a smile and I relaxed my posture and flopped into a seat.

"I should probably report you" I told them and Sirius gave me a smirk.

"But you won't will you, not when your lovely bo- ow!" He cried as James hit him.

I looked at them in amusement but I still felt my face heat up. I knew what he'd been about to say.

"I doubt reporting you would do much. Detentions don't seem to work on you two" I said, more to persuade myself than anything.

James casually leant into the seat opposite me, his cheeks an amusing pink colour and his hazel eyes still crinkled up in amusement. His dark hair was ridiculously messy, as ever, and I tried to silence the thoughts that it actually looked quite endearing...

I bit my lip and looked away, flushing.

"So Lady Flower, what brings you to our humble side once again?" Black said with a smug look, though he still looked exhausted as hell.

I sent a look down the corridor where the love birds were hidden and smirked.

"Remus has stopped being a prat and Lara has... taken it to heart" I said with a chuckle.

James grinned and Sirius sighed and smiled tiredly.

"See that Paddy? Our Moony Poo has seen the light" James crooned nudging Sirius with his elbow "He's becoming all grown up"

Sirius barked out a laughed and fell into the seat next to his friend. I thought it looked like a massive weight was off his shoulders and it confused me.

"About time too. We may have brought him up right but it took a bloody long time" He replied, swinging an arm over James' shoulder.

"Easy there tiger" James 'whispered', pushing the arm away with mock embarrassment "don't want anyone to know you actually have the hots for me"

Sirius pouted.

"Prat"

"Poof"

"Bitch"

"HEY! There is no way I'm bottoming in this relationship I'll have you know" James cried indignantly as I laughed at their stupid antics.

"But unfortunately for you Potter, I'm the only one who is allowed to top Mr. Black" a voice said above us and I looked up to see Alex leaning up against a shelf with a small smile and reached his eyes.

I forgot how tall he was sometimes and how thin everything about him was. His arms were long, his fingers long and his legs long. He was wearing a plain white shirt and dark trousers under his black robe that seemed light on his shoulders. Silver hair fell over his eyes and with a pale hand he pushed it back. As he did the sleeve of his shirt fell down and I saw the still pink scaring on his inner arm that I knew said GREY in bold over his pale skin.

I watched as Sirius relaxed palpably and turned in his seat to see the boy at his shoulder. He eyes had a shine to them as he raised a hand to grasp the other boys. Alex face also seemed to soften at the touch and when their eyes met the air seemed to still slightly.

There was silence for a moment as they looked at each other. After a while Alex nodded lightly, flushing slightly, and a bright but small smile spread over his face. I briefly wondered at the odd relationships between the twins and their partners but to be honest I was just too caught up in how _cute _they were.

"Wait a moment" James said breaking the moment and I looked at him to see a look of dawning coming over his face "does that mean that you, you Sirius Black, are the bottom?"

Sirius blushed generously and started to splutter as Alex laughed as he slid into the seat.

"Wouldn't you like to know" the silver head said with a smirk.

* * *

**I love you reviewers, subscribers and favouritors! I can't believe you actually like this story! **


	38. To Trust

**Thank for all the reviews and sorry for the last comment, I still can hardly believe people like my writing, it's only my first story :)**

**This chapter started really long before I cut it in two so sorry if end a bit odd.**

* * *

To Trust

**_Darien_**

It was a cool day with a light whispering breeze sweeping up the valley of the winding river and played with the branches of the trees. Fresh greenery was everywhere and you could smell, taste and hear the life around us. The grass, though slightly dry from the resent bout of sun we'd had, was fresh and vibrant under foot. Dragonflies, with their elegant bodies, hovered over the flowing water, their bright burst of blue and green reflecting in the clear surface. Further away I could hear the sound of the students talking in the main forest area, separate from this hidden bay we liked to visit. But it was the sound of the running river was an ingrained in my heart and seemed to echo the peace of my mind.

We were at school, though it was the Easter holidays and nobody was thinking much of study. St. Amalia's was surrounded by forest on all sides, warded to stop people coming through and pathless where the wood became dense. Because of this the only way in and out was by magic or over the river in boats. This spot we sat in now was surrounded by high ground and bushes, making it almost invisible to anyone who wasn't on the river. It was our little secret.

We lay next to the river, under the old tree with its bending branches and gnarled trunk. Lara sat on one of the branches humming softly and skimming small stones into the flowing water. Ally had his back against the trunk and was reading as he let his hand play with my dark hair. I was sitting in between his long out stretched legs munching on an apple and looking out over the water.

This was our favourite place in this prejudice school we lived in most of the year because here nobody else could spy over our shoulders and gossip over our clasped hands or weird political views. Not that they knew of any of that save the whispers that could be found regarding every student. Here we could forget that our parents were pure bloods and demanded things of us we didn't want to give. Here we could we normal.

Without warning Ally grabbed the back of my robes and pulled me leisurely back, just in time to avoid Lara swinging backwards off her branch. She hung there from her knees, exactly where I had been sitting, with a mischievous grin. I blinked. Long silver hair fell like a sheet to the floor and I laughed when a hand extended down and ruffled my hair. An apple from the bag next to me flew up into the air and landed triumphantly in her hand.

"You could have just asked" I said to the upside-down head that was now smirking.

"And where would the fun have been in that?"

_Show of,_ I projected.

She grinned again and with a sweep of her wand she was back up into the branch, humming away.

I glanced behind me at her brother who just rolled his eyes continued to read his book. He pulled me closer to his chest and I relaxed into the warmth. I felt his chest rumble as he hummed in harmony with his sister in the tree above.

Hummed...

A voice on the river shook, shattered, me alive and I pushed away from the chest. A dark boat turned the corner of the river, a wizard standing on the deck. Dark eyes.

I woke with a shudder and cold sweat dribbled over hot skin. The sheets, silk and pearly, clung to my legs and chest. The room was dark, a strict contrast to the world of my memories. I could hear the sounds of the other boys sleeping. Mulciber, cold hearted, Avery, beetle eyed, and Snape, the weak link.  
I didn't know them, I had never seen the days when they had been normal boys, slightly unsure but crudely full of their heritage. Perhaps they had been like us, hesitant, unwilling, once upon a time. I hadn't seen the world coming at them with whips and stripping what little innocence there may have been. And they had never seen me as the boy who could joke and laugh and had the wrong views under the wrapping. We didn't know each other.

Who knew me anymore, really?

Regulus, sure, knew I must have been that once but I had never let him see it. I had never let myself go since those moments that were just memories... just dreams of another life.

I looked down at my arm and the inky words slid onto my forearm, sensing my eyes: _Verräter, we wouldn't have._ I was just a traitor, a Verräter, somebody_ not_ to trust.

I was just the bitter Slytherin Prince.

I wasn't a friend, a brother, a lover.

Just Darien Irvine, the boy no one knows.

* * *

**_Sirius_**

The screams through the charmed door sent the usual shivers down my spine and I cringed at the pure animalistic cry of agony. There was something about that scream that you never quite forgot, something that touched you right in your heart and left its wedge to jump out on you when you were down. I had seen Remus transform before, three times, and each time had made me feel shamefully ill. I had seen the way bones stretched too quickly and how they could be too great for the body and skin they were still in. I had heard the cracks as particular bones pushed over others and snapped into new positions. The inflamed flesh had dulled and greyed and hair had pushed through pores. Teeth had sprouted out of an extending snout before the mouth was large enough and the sounds of screams, the sounds of my friend Remus Lupin, had morphed into that of a wolf, that of Moony.

I had never been able to look away though because to do so, I felt, would not be respectful of my friend.

I peered through the tunnel that led to the willow, biting my lip. It was dark and you couldn't see the slightest glimmer of the outside world from here. It was still, nothing moved.

"Where's Wormtail?" I asked Prongs who was leant up against the side of the tunnel, the balls of his hands pressed to his eyes. He hated this part.

"Dunno, haven't seen him since Herbology" He replied, not shifting.

The voice was becoming a howl.

I sighed in frustration.

"Oh well, too late to find him now" I muttered and James shrugged.

"Ready?" he said, pulling himself up and pointing his wand to the door; I nodded once and shifted into my dog form.

The world suddenly became sharper, the darkness less dense, and my sense of smell filled my brain with complex and instinctive signals. I could smell the faint odour of old blood, the fresh smell of the earth and the porous stench of rotting in the wood of the shack. There was the lingering chemical smell (disgusting, too clean, not right) that Madam Pomfrey brought some two hours ago and the familiar scent of myself, Remus and James, who smelt of the chicken pie he'd eaten at lunch and the tang of orange juice. With my other sense, the new one that felt the moods in the air like an intensified prick on the back of my neck, I could feel the wolf in the other room scream dominance and pain and slight anger. James felt nervous but steadfast bravery coursed through his being.

Prongs twitched his wand to open the door and quickly shifted into his stag so Moony didn't try to hunt out the smell of humans. He briefly twitched and stamped his feet in reorientation before glancing at me and pushing the door open with his antlers.

I skipped around Prongs and Moony, on the other side of the room, sniffed me out and growled lowly in his chest. Gold wild eyes met mine as I heard the sound of him smelling me and slowly I saw natural recognition in their depths.

Right, I was a part of the pack.

* * *

**_Peter_**

Two o'clock.

I passed an open window as I was sneaking to the dorm and winced again as I saw the full round pendant of the moon suspended atop the dark shadow of the forest. The lake glimmered in the magical way it did at this time of the month. Few realised just how the world changed during the full moon, we Marauders being some of the few. Everyone with two brain cells knew that the magic in Hogwarts, with its ancient stone and spells bound to the very land, was intense and thick but on nights like this...

I cherished the moments when I could look out at this time because everything seemed to thrum and glow and there was always something just out of sync, just off, and I couldn't ever tell what it was.

This one night when the werewolves were abroad.

And I had missed it.

I had_ missed_ it.

Somewhere out there my friends were helping each other. They were doing what they should always be doing, what I should be doing. It didn't matter that I had grown away from them; it didn't matter because I was still their friends. I was still a Marauder and Marauders looked out for each other.

And I had missed it.

I had slipped up and I knew in my heart that something was broken, something had been disrupted. They may not feel it, I could blag it up to falling asleep or something, but I knew it. I knew it had changed for me.

I had missed a full moon, I had, in a sense, failed them.

Willingly.

I sighed.

The common room was predictably dark, the fire in the grate glowing red under the black of their bark covers and the light soaked into the cosy room. Dark shadows flickered and the red and gold of the Gryffindors seemed to wrap around me, warm, easy, simply. Though we had many proud tapestries on the walls, it wasn't an extravagant room and sometime that annoyed me. Why couldn't we have the elegance of the Slytherins, the freshness of Ravenclaw or the exotic comfort of Hufflepuff? We were just... cosy.

Times like now though (when I was being weak and sentimental) I liked it. It might not be powerful but it was home.

Tiptoeing across the room I made my way up the spiral staircase with the quietness of my animagus form.

Alex would be in there, I knew, so I'd have to be extra quiet not to wake the mind reader. However, pushing open the door I saw that a candle was lit and floating through the air and the silver head in question sat on the window ledge, his forehead pressed to the glass. He turned to me with a frown as I came in and I froze.

For a moment we didn't say anything, just stared at each other.

Finally Alex lowered his legs from the sill and put his bare feet on the floor, fully turning to see me.

"How come...?" He said and his voice was confused.

I licked my lips and opened my mouth, only to close it again. What could I say? The mind reader always knew when someone lied; he'd know I didn't just forget. I couldn't tell him though...

Then something clicked behind his eyes and I groaned.

Damn him. Damn him, how dare he steal my thoughts, how dare he and his sister just come in here and...

"Alright, alright" I growled "I had a date okay, is that such a crime? It's not like they need me anyway, it's not like I do anything!"

His eyebrows arched and it made me want to spit. He was just so full of himself; he acted like he knew everything, like he was smarter than all of us. Well stuff him because he was wrong, him and his oh so incredible sister with her stupid long legs, her battering eyelashes and long silvery hair like capture stars or whatever they prattled on about. Yeah, those twins were just perfect in every single way weren't they?

"Anyway once you and your whining sister become Animagi and worm even further into our group there will be even less reason for me. You think you're so..." I snarled, struggling for words "So central! I know what you're up to Grey, you don't fool me!"

He stood and magic manifested and twisted through the air, I could feel it on my skin.

I get it; he was getting all proud now. I knew their game, they were just waiting, waiting to spring and catch the fly. He could intimidate me all he wanted but I didn't care.

"I think it is pretty obvious of our opinion towards each other" Grey said with diamond hardness "We don't trust or like you, you don't trust or like us. We couldn't care less what you think of us, we've dealt with people like you before and we can do it again. Don't test us and we won't mention this Caitlin girl you are practically screaming about every other hour"

I hated the way they talked in plurals as if they were one person.

I hated the way they brimmed with energy and magic.

I hated the way they made me feel chilled to my bones in a way only needle sharp wind could.

He stalked over to me and his eyes were stone, instinctively I pulled back but I needn't of as he stopped several meters from me. He had stolen Caitlin from me now. The Bastard.

"But what would you care? It's only a girl right?" He said sardonically, lips curling "why don't you want them to know Pettigrew?"

I gulped and the sound seemed to travel. I wouldn't back down. I may be a pathetic Gryffindor but a Gryffindor I was. I would be brave dammit.

He gave me one long hard look before turning away but I felt no pride in not backing down. It felt more like the bastard was still lingering, his look still penetrating my thoughts. I saw his hand shoot out and suddenly the candle was extinguished and heavy blackness fell on me, so abrupt it made me stumble.

I heard his curtains draw shut and I stood there in the darkness, alone.

* * *

**_Remus_**

I woke up as sunlight dappled over my face and with a groan I tried to sit up. A cool hand pushed me back down though and I opened my eyes to a curtain of hair around me.

"Shush" She said lightly as she pressed a sweet kiss to my lips, I relaxed and I felt her smile above me.

I moaned as she pulled away and I heard a chuckle, she perched on the edge of my bed and I let my arm fall onto her lap and wrap around her belly. I watched through veiled eyes as her deft hands started to open a flask and pour a generous amount of the glutinous liquid onto a spoon. I cringed but knew I'd have to take the disgusting stuff if I wanted to be able to walk in a straight line any of today.

The cold of the metal spoon pressed to my lips and I rolled my eyes as she smirked and fed me as if I were a child.

She had a faraway look when she pulled away and I managed to sit up. Her hand was twisting a piece of her hair around her fingers and her jaw rotated as she obviously became lost in thought. I trailed my hands through her fine hair and pushed back her robe to finger the scar over her neck. Grey eyes moved to mine and she fell back into my arms with a sigh.

"What's wrong" I asked quietly.

She paused and fidgeted.

"It's... Peter, he didn't turn up last night, to the shack that is" She said and her voice was even, too calm.

I frowned, trying to remember last night events but not having much luck. I thought about what she'd said and found that I felt a little upset he hadn't come, though I knew I shouldn't care for all the things he'd already done for me. It was a selfish thought I knew.

"But that's not what's got you in a twist" I said and was confirmed when she squirmed next to me.

"Not exactly..." She paused again and I nudged her but she just shook her head.

"No. It is stupid, you needn't worry." She said and I heard the chords of stubbornness I knew I shouldn't try to push.

"Alright then" I conceded unwillingly.

Something was off there I could tell but I'd have to find out in my own way.

* * *

**_Sirius_**

"Where were you last night Wormy?" I asked as Pete flopped into the seat opposite me at the dinner table.

His eyes flashed to mine and then to Alex who stabbed at a piece of sausage with his fork. He wet his lips and a red blush played over his cheeks.

He sighed and frowned, staring at the table with a guilty look.

"I fell asleep while studying, I haven't had much sleep lately..." He muttered and I patted the boy consolingly on the shoulder.

"That's alright Wormy; everyone slips up now and then. It's no big deal" I said but it only seemed to make his shoulders sag move.

"...Slips up..." I heard him muttered but ignored it and turned to Al who was tearing open a daily prophet that had just landed.

"Anything interesting" I asked and he glanced up and heaved a sigh.

"Just the usual I'm afraid. A bunch of Muggles found dead, the ministry having another failed raid and Crouch did another speech... oh and it seems the Death Eaters have started to leave signature marks in the air above homes after they kill... it's disgusting..." I looked over his shoulder and saw the photo of a large skull and snake over a Muggle home, I scowled.

"It's looking more and more like a war each time we look at that blasted paper"

* * *

**_Lara_**

"Happy Birthday for tomorrow; heard idiot one and two talking about it yesterday" he grunted as I slid into the seat with the Animagus book.

It was a week after full moon and Alex, Peter and I were being overly polite around each other, none wishing to break up the peace of the Marauders for the sake of unfounded distrust.

"Thanks. Lily is really excited but she doesn't know yet how annoying _I_ can be when excited" I said happily before seeing Severus' face becoming cold "Oh sorry, you used to be friends, didn't you?"

He shrugged and flicked an empty ink bottle lid across the table, leaving a streak of dark ink.

Our table became quiet as we descended into awkward silence. He was obviously thinking hard about Lily and I could feel that his thoughts were angry and regretful, an odd combination. I had hardly spoken to Lily about her old friend, when she'd heard I was 'friends to be' with him she had given me a hard look and her face had tightened into confusion and sadness. I had gathered that they knew each other from childhood and then he'd called her a mudblood and she'd cut off all the ties. I had always got a feeling of regret from her when he was mentioned but there was a resignation and determination to forget that overrides any fond feelings.

It was partly for her that I was sitting here.

"I don't suppose you could give me a hand with something" I asked to break the silence.

Severus looked at me quickly and I saw slight distrust in his eyes. I rolled my eyes.

"It's nothing that will threaten you or make you spill any secrets. I was just wondering if you'd test me on these" I held out a long list which he took from me.

His eye brows furrowed when he saw the long list of Latin names and he glanced up at me in confusion.

"Bones? You want to be tested on every bone in the human body?" He asked in confusion.

"Yeah" I nodded "It's for my healing studies, when you apply for healers training you have to sit a test about anatomy and charms and stuff" I said.

It wasn't a lie, but I also needed to know it for my Animagus training.

He nodded in understanding.

"Okay" I smiled but he held up a hand "If you help me with something"

I shifted wondering what he could want.

"What do need help with?" I asked.

He gulped.

"I need someone to tell me if I'm working with my Occlumency" He said nervously and I sighed.

That couldn't hurt could it? He'd just end up asking someone else if I didn't do it for him... I wanted him to trust me after all.

"Alright... I'll keep an eye on whether you succeed or not, perhaps I'll give you some tips too..." I conceded and he smiled at me.

"Thank you" he said quietly.

I smiled back at him

"Call me Lara"

"...Thank you... Lara" he said and I grinned. Surprisingly it didn't look like the words were killing him. "Now, this list... shall we start with the..._ Cranial bones_?" He asked snorting, picking the top from the list.


	39. To Vow

**Rightio... I had A LOT of trouble with this chapter, it is also my longest one yet and a lot happens...**

**I've just started my A-Levels so if the updates become shoddy, sorry, but I wont stop writing somehow or other unless it's exam time and I'm going mad with work! :)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

To Vow

**_Cynthia_**

Today was the twins' birthday, I know because the elves tell me the date every morning at my instance. May twenty-fifth. I remember the day they were born as if no time had passed at all. I remember being handed their tiny bodies, so light and precious, the way they fit perfectly into my arms. I saw their beautiful faces, their miniscule hands and the little strands of silver hair on their heads. I remember looking into their eyes and knowing that these tiny things, these beautiful little beings were the children I had carried inside me, that these two were a part of me. I loved them; I loved them so much it hurt. I knew I'd do anything for them.

I will do anything for them.

Soon… it's not long now, not long…

My mother used to be distant from me and my siblings when we were young too. When I married I swore that I would be different, so much for that plan…

My sister, Druella, hadn't cared, she was the middle child, the second born, and when she'd gone off to marry dignified Mr. Black she hadn't cared about the daughters she carried. I had seen that much. Sure, she loved them, in her own way but really they were just possessions, responsibilities. She was colder even than I used to pretend to be and I had seen my own children trying to avoid her at any family gatherings. Those daughters of hers had taken the effects too.

There was the eldest, Bellatrix, with her mad eyes and her cruel tones. Then there was Andromeda who had rebelled and suffered from her family hating her. Finally, the youngest, Narcissa who was cold, bland and didn't know to use that well formed Black spine of hers...

Yes, Druella had done well with them...

My brother on the other hand…

He'd turned out to be just as crazed and sadistic as my husband is now. He'd always been a pompous boy, being the first born, and he'd taken after our father. Too many times I had seen a glint in his eyes that whispered trouble and he'd been in the Dark Lords good books for much too long. It couldn't be healthy. His only son, Evan, was growing into a mini replica of him too…

I knew Evan Rosier was at Hogwarts now, a year older that mine, but there had been close to no interaction between the cousins, mainly due to my intervention.

There was a knock on my bedroom door but I didn't get up. I was too tired. I was too deep in thought. The covers were warm around my curled up form and the pillow was plump under my head. It was finally quite in this house. Finally I couldn't hear the pleas through the floor boards.

"Mistress? Would you like your breakfast now?" came the chirpy voice of one of the elves.

I didn't answer.

What was the point? I could get up now and go about the same thing I did every single day. I could push the covers away and put on the clothes I had worn last week and the week before. I could eat the food that tasted bland on my tongue and take out the book I'd already read. I could pretend to hope, pretend to be a noble woman that never existed. I could dream of running feet, dirty stockings and high pitch giggles. I could dream of warm hands, warm looks and warm beds.

What did it matter?

Was time even moving?

I was just waiting, just waiting.

I was…

I was here, still, again.

The same wall paper and the same carpet. The same pillows and tabled and chairs. The same view from my window. The same soap, towels and conversations. The same mindless motions in the same place with the same creatures and the same pains.

I was here, still, again.

Again…

* * *

**_Alex _**

_HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER! WE'RE SEVENTEEN! WE'RE OF AGE! ADULTS! ARE YOU AWAKE YET?_

I groaned and pulled the cover over my head as Lara started jumping on her bed in her room somewhere to my left. Some distant part of her mind remarked briefly on the grumbles of her room mates. Unfortunately for them, the thought was so distant even I had trouble catching it.

_Go away Lara; it's five in the morning…_

_GET UP LAZY!_

Sometimes having a twin bond was no fun at all.

Well, I wasn't going to get to sleep now. Lara would never let me do that even if I tried to avoid the fact her very awareness would keep me up. I sat up in bed rubbing my head: she was still shouting, mentally of course.

_WE'RE OF AGE! WE'RE OF AGE!_

This was worse than the time she realised the Keeper from her favourite Quidditch team was coming to our annual ball. I was sure I was going to have a pounding headache for hours now. I shivered as cold morning air touched my arms and raised goose bumps.

I decided to put the rest of my morning to good use and padded across the cold floor to the adjacent bed. Climbing in, Sirius moved slightly in his sleep and I rested my head on his shoulder. The warmth of another body wrapped around me and I snuggled in closer to the tanned skin. I tried to block out the screaming girl in my mind to no avail. After a few minutes _(SEVENTEEN! Oops, sorry Tabby) _my boyfriend slowly became aware of my presence.

"M-morning?" he yawned.

"Morning. Lara's being a bitch"

_OI! I HEARD THAT!_

I groaned again, clamping a hand to my head. As if that would work…

Sirius chuckled and started rubbing the back of my head slowly.

"How so?"

"She's overexcited and is screaming at me so I can't sleep" I said, pressing my face into his shoulder, breathing in his unique scent.

"Ahh… well you are seventeen" he said in a voice as close to reasonable as Sirius Black could get.

"Totally not the point…" I grumbled into his neck.

_"LARISSA GREY! I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU" _I heard Lily shout through Lara's ears.

_Uh ow… RUN AWAY!_

* * *

**_Remus_**

"You know Lily gave me some very creative threats this morning concerning controlling you? They nearly came to the same level as those she used to use on Prongs, I was rather impressed" I said casually as we walked to the lake where we were all meeting for lunch.

Lara chuckled as she continued to skip next to me; I shook my head in bafflement. I hadn't seen her_ this _hyper since the party after the Quidditch match – and that had been when she was drunk no less.

I turned my head and saw Alex rolling his eyes with me; I noticed he seemed to be rubbing his head and smirked.

"And I still haven't ruled them out either" Lily said, taking up the rear with the blanket we were going to use for a picnic.

"Oh hush all of you" Lara teased and with that she ran to Alex side and tugged on his hand till they were both running down the hill. I saw Alex roll his eyes but grin nevertheless.

I watched the twins run off with a fond smile and felt Lily come to walk with me.

"Aww, Remy, You've got the sweetest 'I'm in love' face I've even seen" she joked, punching my arm teasingly.

I felt me face glow red.

"Yeah well... so have you" I whispered to her and she was instantly flushing with me.

* * *

**_Peter_**

"Hey, Wormy!" I turned around quickly and had to force down a scowl when I saw Sirius jogging towards me.

Somebody just _had_ to interrupt me when I was in a rush didn't they?

"Where you off to? Are you coming down to the lake with us?" he panted as he caught up to me. I saw that he was carrying a large basket that was wafting the smells of food.

"The lake? Oh no, I have to study, you know, for that test on Tuesday?" I lied quickly, being a Marauder you quickly learnt to make excuses for something or other.

I saw his face fall but he shrugged.

"Oh... well, if you want a break you know where to find us. I was hoping we could catch up... I feel like I've hardly seen you" He said and he really did sound very sincere.

I knew though that he hadn't really missed me all that much. He'd been too caught up with his boyfriend to notice how I hardly spent any time around the loud group. He had hardly protested when I gave my excuse for full moon. They hadn't noticed when I used the same excuse more than once or if I came back later than I told them. At first I had been offended that they hadn't noticed but now I saw that really it was better for all of us. Only Alex made any indication that he had noticed. I had seen the way his head had turned to me sharply when I spewed the false excused, Lara too, if I made them near her. Those two thought stealers could jump on lies faster than a dog to a bone and their eyes glinted as they stored the information to use for themselves later. It was unnerving.

They had been... marble cool to me ever since full moon, though they hid it well, and I knew it wasn't just because I'd missed it.

"Just been busy is all" I said, which was true "I've been falling behind in class" which was also true, not that I was trying very hard to rectify that.

Sirius nodded, gulping up the reasons easily. I checked my watch, I was late.

"Okay, well I'll see you later?"

I nodded in assent and watched him turn and walk briskly away. I snorted and made my own way to my destination. I checked my reflection in a window and straightened my robes.

"You're late" a voice said as I slipped into the empty room, I smiled apologetically.

"I know, I'm sorry. Sirius got in my way" I told her as I slipped my arms around her waist.

She snorted and flicked her blond hair out of her blue eyes. She was a pretty girl with an oval face and long pale lashes and when she smiled she got little dimples in her cheeks. Caitlin was my perfect match, she was sweet, friendly and she always knew how to make me feel better. She understood my annoyance with my friends and she was sympathetic. I didn't have to settle for some muggle born or snobby, thought stealing girl or, Merlin forbid, guy. No, Caitlin was honest and had a dignified family and she saw me for me.

"I still don't understand why you hang out with them" She said, crossing her arms over her chest.

I shrugged, she never could but then sometimes I didn't either. I was just a third wheel to them, or a seventh wheel more like.

"They're my friends. I just wish I could tell them about you, those Grey twins" I scowled "are getting infuriating, Merlin how I hate them"

She smiled sadly as she started to work the tie around my neck off.

"You know we can't. They are all too prejudice, they'd never understand"

I sighed.

"I know, but they don't know you yet and they don't understand what could be gained"

She nodded wisely in agreement before throwing the tie to the floor to join her green one.

* * *

**_Alex_**

Sirius joined us after fifteen minutes of getting food, James tagging on.

"Pete's studying, as usual" He said before setting down the large basket the elves had given him.

I frowned and exchanged a look with Lara.

_No surprises there_, she drawled.

"Bless him, I offered to help him the other day but he got all jittery" James said, grabbing a chicken wing from the basket.

Siri frowned and his thoughts were ticking.

"He's been a little odd lately, missing full moon and off at all parts of the day to study..." he sighed and I saw the other Marauders grumpily eye their food "I'm feeling a little worried for him"

They all nodded.

"I'll talk to him later" Remus said decisively "see if we can all help him catch up"

We all munched on our food while Lara and I communicated silently.

_Perhaps it's our fault, _Lara said throwing out memories of him glaring at us and his words '_worm even further into our group'._

I gave a metal shake of my head.

_It may be a little but we have done nothing to him, his reaction to us is unfounded._

_And is our distrust founded? _She thought uneasily but I knew in the back of her thoughts that there were real reasons there.

_He knows that he could tell them about this Caitlin girl_, I added.

_Whoever she is. _Lara thought, drawing out the mental image of the petit blond.

_But he doesn't, is there something else there?_

We thought over it, hardly noticing how the others had started talking. What was it about him...?

_It's not our place_, we thought together, catching each other's eyes.

"Larissa"

We looked up at the foreign voice in surprise. Our friends fell silent and Sirius' face went dark. I exchanged another look with Lara as she stood slowly before the other student.

Regulus didn't look at anyone else but just kept his vision squared on Lara. His thoughts were hazy, unclear, with only the deep rooted thoughts visible as a clouded frenzy, unreadable. It intrigued me, this boy didn't know how to shield his thoughts but what he did know was how to shield them from _us._ I didn't want to think of the implications of that.

He clenched his jaw and pulled out a letter from his robes.

"This is for you" he said stiffly.

We all stared at his outstretched hand and the heavy expensive paper with an elegant script over it saying: _To Miss Larissa Grey_. I got to my feet to stand behind my sister, putting a hand on her shoulder, and I watched as she stretched out a hand to pluck the letter from the youngest Black. He looked at us blandly then his eyes slid to the birthday presents still unopened on the blanket.

"Many happy returns" He said blandly before nodding and walking away with one last look.

We kept standing, watching his walk away uneasily.

_What is it with all these bad feelings...?_

_Beats me..._

"Well that was odd" Lily said from where she was sitting next to James.

We sat back down slowly and Lara glanced at us all before breaking the unrecognised heavy seal.

She opened the letter and I read it through her eyes because she sat with the back of the letter to all of us.

* * *

_Dear Miss Larissa Astra Grey_

_ We would like to inform you, if you were not aware, that a magical contract was made by heads of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black and The Gracious Family of Grey entitling that the children of the Black family and the Grey family were to be bonded. This contract, made at your birth, has been automatically activated due to your coming of age._

_ As the eldest of the Black family has been disowned and there are no other daughters under the name of Grey it has been decided that you and Regulus Arcturus Black are to be joined._

_ Despite any unwillingness at this point this contract cannot be terminated without the vow makers' cooperation. We cannot, in this document, reveal the identities of the vow makers so should you wish to remove this magical contract the decision must be made between the members of the two families._

_ The contract shall terminate and leave you and Mr. Black cursed should you not either marry before the year anniversary of Mr. Black's coming of age or re-establish the contract (for a maximum duration of five years) before that point._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Lucretia Nott_

_On behalf of The Pureblood Oath Society_

_Keeping the Traditions Pure_

* * *

Lara went pale and stared at the letter in shock. I blinked unable to comprehend what was going on.

"No way" I said in disbelieve and I scooted to her side to make sure with my own eyes that I had heard right.

"What? What's going on?"

"Lara? Alex?"

Lara was in shock, her brain not moving but just trying to drill in the meaning behind the words. This can't be happening. But there it was, _there_ it was.

_A magical contract. Are to be joined. Made at your birth. Re-establish. It has been decided. Despite any unwillingness. Terminate. Cursed should you not._

"Merlin..." I muttered just as Lara folded up the letter.

Who made magical marriage contracts anymore? What sort of curse? Who made the vow? Why didn't we know? What the hell could we do?

"What the hell is going on?" somebody shouted and we both looked up in a daze.

All of our friends were turned to us and looking nervous or scared.

I looked at my sister, and she looked at me. In that instance we were the twins who had grown up in each others thought more than ever. This was us now, _us_, and we were basically one. Thoughts flitted ceaselessly between us.

We nodded as one.

Lara lifted the letter off her lap and threw in to the middle of the blanket where it was instantly grabbed by Siri and opened. The other three all crowded around him. After a few seconds we heard everyone one by one gasp in shock while Lara and I just sat numb.

"They can't do that" somebody whispered.

Sirius looked grim and shook his head. He came from a strict pureblood family like us, he knew about these sorts of arrangements, it wasn't unheard of. James unconsciously tightened an arm around Lily next to him and she in return turned into his chest.

"Yes" we said "they can"

Remus got up and grabbed Lara before she could say a word and pushed his lips to hers. After a few seconds of intense pretty one sided kissing (it was a testament to how shocked I was that it didn't make me uncomfortable) he pulled back with an angry look on his face.

"We_ won't_ let this happen. We _will _find a way" he growled.

She stared at him with wide scared eyes.

"So wait, I don't get it, if you don't..." Lily started in confusion.

"If I don't marry Regulus by his eighteenth we'll both be cursed. We can extent it, by taking another vow that overrules the first, for five years but then the punishment is death should we not marry in the five years" Lara said blandly.

There was silence.

"Well shit"

"You don't say" our one voice said.

* * *

**_Darien_**

Mother pulled me along by my hand and I trudged up the gravely path, staring at my feet. It wasn't fair. I didn't want to be left at some random house with people I didn't know. Why couldn't mother and father just stay at home instead, I was more important.

"You are to be good, understand meDarien?" Mother said sternly as we approached the large house.

I looked up at it and scowled. It wasn't as nice as our house, it was too wide and the brick was the wrong colour. The gardens we too boring and the curtains didn't look as pretty as ours. I was going to hate it, I just knew it.

I wanted to grumble but mother hated it when I did that.

"I will" I muttered in reply and she continued to drag me up the path to the door.

I didn't look up as mother greeted the house elf that had been waiting for us. I just stared at the grey stone doorframe and the glass windows that glittered in the summer light.

"Welcome Lady Irvine and young Mr. Darien, Totsie is here to show you to the Mistress if you would like to follow Totsie" the elf squeaked and I sneered internally at the name Totsie. Our elves were called much better names than _Totsie._

We followed the elf through the large bright entrance hall and into a living room.

_"...Irvine"_

"Cynthia darling, it is good to see you" Mother said in her 'posh' voice.

"Mathilda, welcome and this must be young masterDarien?" A woman said and I looked up to see a woman wearing a dark blue dress.

I nodded to the floor.

"Splendid" the woman said "Alexander and Larissa are just through that door if you want to say hello, they are both your age as well"

I looked up at mother and sent her one last pleading look.

"Why don't you go make friends with the Grey twinsDarienwhile Cynthia and I catch up?" she said and my eyes stung in rejection.

I don't want to!

Mother's look was hard and I sighed before walking to the door that the weird Lady had pointed to.

Inside was a glass conservatory room which looked out onto the expansive garden. I heard a voice coming from behind one of the chairs and I uneasily walk forward till I was peering around the side of it.

_"Irvine?"_

There were two other kids there, lying on their bellies under the table. They were pocking little magic people who kept charging at each other across the battle field between them. They both had weird silvery hair and pale skin. The girl had hers in long pig tails and the boy had a braid down the centre of his back.

"No fair Lara!" the little boy shouted and I saw one of his little men fall to the floor in defeat, a little white flag appearing in his hand.

The girl giggled then suddenly they both gasped and span around to face me even though I hadn't made a noise. Identical grey eyes stared at me wide and I stood with my mouth agape. They didn't say anything just stared, completely still, there little men forgotten about. I shifted uneasily.

"Who are you?" They asked at exactly the same time.

Then the boy cocked his head.

"Darien" he said.

"Irvine" The little girl nodded back.

"Mother said before -"

"- that you'd be coming"

I blinked and said nothing, a little scared of the twins that talked together, not that I'd say so. I was anIrvine, we didn't get scared.

They crawled out from under the table and the magic men ran for safety as they were nearly trampled. They stood up in front of me and then they, instantaneously, broke into grins and stuck out little hands.

"She's Lara"

"He's Alex"

"Nice to meet you" they chimed.

I continued to gape and they both rolled their eyes and pulled back their hands. The boy was slightly taller than me and the girl slightly shorter and they both wore dark grey clothes- her a little dress and him a shirt and trousers.

"You're scared-"

"-but that's okay"

"Did you just get here?"

Yes, I tried to answer but I didn't have time before the girl nodded.

"We thought so"

"Would you like to play?"

_"Irvine!"_

I wasn't sure anymore, Mother said to make friends but I didn't like these twins very much. They were obviously weird and Father said people who were _abnormal_ were not good and I was pretty sure _abnormal _was the opposite of normal, therefore weird. But he also said _abnormal_ people were dirty and mother wouldn't ask me to play with dirty people. Anyway, they looked clean to me. I was also really curious at how they managed to talk like that. I wondered if they could teach me.

There was the sounds of voices from the door I'd come through and I looked up to see Mother and Lady Grey walking in.

"Darien, I'm going now. Trixy will be here when it's time for you to go to bed to help and I will see you in the morning" mother said and I nodded, upset again.

"Yes mother"

She looked at me firmly and I knew she was telling me to behave. Lady Grey looked at the twins.

"Alexander, Larissa?" she asked and I thought it odd she said little else.

"Yes mother" They said together after a few seconds and I got even more confused.

I saw slight surprise on mother's face as well.

"Okay then, bye bye darling" then they left and I turned to look at the twins who were suddenly looking at each other intently.

They both then turned to me and the boy smiled again then much to my surprise he grabbed my arm and started pulling me to the table.

"We're going to bestest friends, I just know it" He said and I could only nod mutely.

* * *

"But Muggles aren't as powerful as us!" -_and they're stupid_, I protested and the twins chewed they lips in contemplation. We were sitting on the bed in one of the spare rooms, an abandoned chess board between us. We didn't really like chess all that much, it was too complicated and never seemed to end but it passed the time. The pieces were scowling at us and would shout random insults when we jogged them.

We were currently hiding from my dense cousin Gerlinde who had decided she had to educate us young ones how much more superior she was to us because she could do magic.

"They're not stupid" they said.

"You should of seen the things they've made" Lara said and I sighed.

_"Darien!"_

"Like the trains"

"Or the Telephones they have"

"And the Televisions"

"All without magic" Lara concluded.

I looked between them and pressed a hand to my cheek. Mother and Father always said Muggles were stupid and like animals, even Mr. and Mrs. Grey said that too, so why were the twins saying otherwise? Granted, some of those things were pretty cool – not that I went near muggles.

"Father says that it's because of the Muggles that we have to stay in hiding" I said slowly and they shrugged.

"So does ours"

"But he's a bully"

I gapped at them and then snapped my mouth close, pretended I hadn't heard that would be better for all of us. I knew it was true but that wasn't the point.

"But Mudbloods" -_they don't belong;_ I thought adamantly, this had been what we were talking about originally.

"Why?" They asked together and I frowned.

_"For Salazar's sake! Darien Irvine, snap out of it!"_

_I blinked._

Regulus stood over me with a face to kill and I scowled as my dorm room came back into focus. I had been doing that a lot lately, getting lost in memories.

"What?" I snapped and the boy had the nerve to roll his eyes, no respect, honestly.

ThatIrvineis the result of slipping your mask; you lose all the reputation you worked on.

"Oh_ now_ you want to know" he sneered in typical Slytherin fashion.

These houses were so stereotypical.

"Get on with it Black"

He threw a letter to me and I caught it deftly. I looked from him to it and arched an eyebrow.

"Just open it will you" he sighed, slumping onto the high-backed chair, the one I hated because it was too stiff, too cold and too pure-blood.

Unfolding the letter addressed to _Mr. Regulus Arcturus Black_. My eyes scanned over the words and I let a small frown slip onto my lips before I pushed it away. Keeping my face black I looked back at the youngest Black and saw he was eyeing me intently.

I held out the letter for him slowly.

"Well?" he said in annoyance.

"Well what?" I asked mildly "there's nothing you can do about it"

He growled in annoyance and snatched the letter back.

"You should have seen her face when I delivered hers" he spat.

Gritting my teeth I rose to my feet and I snapped my fingers in front of his face.

"And _you _need to remember that that is the same girl you are going to betray. Sympathy is a worthless emotion in this world"

I strode from the room but paused before I left.

"I'd be thankful; this may be her ticket to staying alive"

Then I left and in my mind I was leaving a different boy behind as I slammed the door.

* * *

**_Alex_**

Sirius was staring at me. I was, to be blunt, ignoring him.

What? My sister just got sentenced to an unwilling marriage to my boyfriend's brother, I'm _deep in thought._

"I've been thinking"

"Gathered" I replied, his brain hadn't calmed down once since he'd read that letter.

I felt his frustration and sighed.

"Right, sorry. Continue" I said and took his calloused fingers in mine.

He stared at our joined fingers for a moment and I could feel him weighing his words, a slow but precise action.

"It said the children of Black and Grey" he said slowly and I nodded, trying to figure out where this was going.

"So it doesn't apply only to Lara and Regulus" he added.

"… I guess not, no" I replied hesitantly "it could apply to my cousins too, maybe, though they don't have the surname Grey…"

He paused and he was biting his lip and staring at our hands.

"… Or it could apply to me" he said and I froze.

Thoughts travelled slowly and two possibilities occurred to me. Two trains of thought that my boyfriend might be thinking of.

"…Lara would rather not marry you Sirius, we may be close in mind but not that close" I said evenly and he looked up and quickly shook his head. I only felt a little relief.

"No. I'd never be able to marry Lara, too weird" he said "But…" he stared into my eyes and I tensed up.

I knew what he was thinking of.

Quickly standing I backed away, his hand falling from mine that the springs of the bed whining.

"Al?"

No.

No, I couldn't do it, I couldn't. I hurt, I remembered, I couldn't.

"Al, please"

No.

I turned quickly to the dorm door and it sprang open at a hasty stab of my palm. I felt him move behind me but I couldn't look back. Don't look back!

I can't. What he was considered, I just couldn't do it. There were other ways. Always other ways.

"Alex!"

No!

I ignored the voice and sprinted down the stairs two at a time.

He was thinking of marrying me and I couldn't…

Not like this –no! Never, I couldn't! Never could I think like that, it hurt too much. It already hurt, it had hurt, it did.

There were lots of people in the common room when I chased through and many looked at me as I ran. Lara, sitting with Remus in one corner, tried to run after me but I sent her a small silent plea to stay and she froze in her tracks.

The castle was still alive around me as I ran down the staircases while they still moved. I leapt over memorised steps and within five minutes I found myself in a deserted corridor. I couldn't feel Lara from here and for once I was grateful. Lara sometimes made me think too much and in ways I didn't want to consider.

That and I felt guilty.

I sunk into an alcove and pressed the balls of my hands into my eyes.

I saw Sirius' open, slightly hopeful, slightly apprehensive, eyes and mind. I heard the unspoken words.

_But I'd marry you…_

"_I'd marry you"_

_"Ally…"_

_"Who cares what they think! They don't rule us"_

_"I can't… I want to…"_

_"Look Dari, if it's a matter of-"_

_"-I love you Ally, I do, more than my life…"_

_"So we'll run away" I chuckled "We'll elope"_

_"They can still find us"_

_"They won't care, we won't be apart of their families"_

_"… I'll think"_

_"Okay… I'm not ready to give you up Darien Irvine"_

I can't do it again. I can't go through that again.

* * *

**I ummed and ahhed a lot in this chapter and I'm still not sure if I should have done that contract thing... bit clichéd? I don't know... it just sort of came out and then whole other little things began to sprout from in in my head... Good / Bad? This is when reviews are vastly appreciated because well... to be honest I could do with some convincing that I haven't made the mistake of the story :)**


	40. To Blink

**HOLY CHICKEN FRICASSEE! 40 CHAPTERS! Somebody catch me, I'm about to faint! :)**

**In light of this I want to scream and hug (virtually that it) every reviewer from my first reviewer** **Hpfangirl-1991 from 2011-01-10 to my last meandthedoctor from 2011-09-11. I have been writing this story for NINE MONTHS. Queew... if you've been reading from the beginning I salute you!**

**Now this chapter (the 40th!) be prepared for major cheesiness, there was just _no other_ way to write this :L **

* * *

To Blink

**_Lara_**

Watching my brother run away and feeling memories passing over my eyes I quickly came to a decision. He had been trying to block it from me, he felt guilty, for not being able to consider it and help me. Stupid boy, I'd never let him do anything he wasn't sure about - for my benefit or not. Turning on my heel I sprinted up the stairs after giving Remus a quick kiss. He looked at me in concern but just sighed and said he was off to the library.

I found Sirius standing in the middle of the room with a shocked look in his eyes, bordering on pain, as he stared straight ahead.

He looked at me and his lip trembled slightly.

"I don't understand" he said in a quiet broken voice.

I pressed my hands into his chest so he sat.

"He didn't let me finish…" he muttered with hurt in his voice.

"He knew Sirius, even if you said it" I said emotionlessly before taking a seat on another bed.

He looked up at me with dark confused eyes.

_We remembered the first kiss, the feel of soft black hair, the press of a warm body._

I blinked back the shared memories.

"Then why?" he asked and if possible he sounded worse.

"Because he loves you and he's scared" I said bluntly.

"Why?"

I sighed and crossed my legs under me.

"At Amalia's we used to have a German Charms teacher who would always speak in proverbs. One of them was 'Ein gebrochenes Herz kann nur heilen, wenn Sie Angst es zu vergessen' which means 'A broken heart can only heal after you forget to fear it'. I've always remembered that but knowing is easier that doing. He's scared of his heart Sirius" I looked him straight in his eye "but mostly he is scared of it breaking because it hasn't really healed yet"

The room became silent as Sirius turned to stare at his hands, deep in thought.

"He's scared I'll break his heart..?" He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"He was just as close to Darien, if not more, than you two are. There was basically no warning, nothing, to tell us he was going to betray us. We trusted him and because of that he's lost trust in trust. Considering what happened with Darien there is no certainty you won't do the same. It doesn't matter how much we do not believe it, it has happened before, it can happen again"

"Does… he love Irvine more than me?" He asked suddenly, not looking up.

"You cannot measure love" I said slowly "it is not a case of whom he loves more"

Sirius' face became taught and his mind was a whirl of many emotions.

"So he does?" he said and I could tell he was trying to stay calm, keep up that cool boy image.

"Yes" I replied honestly "but it is love that has been built up over ten years. It is love like that of real family, brotherly, though they were lovers. It wasn't sudden and full of risks like with you. He would die for you Sirius, like he never would for Darien"

"Because Irvine betrayed him" _If he hadn't, they'd be together, _I heard and felt and each time was bitter.

"Perhaps they would…" I whispered "but he's happier with you now than he ever was with him"

If Irvine had never done what he'd done they would surely be together, in secret now, unless we were to find out his elegance in some other way. What would we think of his ice prince face then? Would we ignore it as his mask, not him, or would it turn us from him. I doubted that. We have to hide it, from everyone, that we were even friends and as for Alex...

He glanced at me with an uncomfortable look "Look at me, whining to my boyfriend's sister"

My look was sad as I fiddled with the corner of the bedspread.

"We're practically the same person Sirius" I said in a hushed voice "two people cut in two. There is nothing I know that Alex doesn't and vice versa. I may not love you like he does but it is a fine, self created, line and it shall always be so unless we break the link"

Again he didn't answer and I sent my thoughts out to find my brother. He was quite far away but I could feel the general direction and estimate it was the third floor.

"I had never thought of it before" Sirius said and I drew myself back to my own body "Marriage, that is. I had always oddly hated the idea of being linked to one person mostly because my parent always made it clear they would be deciding, which now I come to think about it must have been you." he added with slight amusement "Then today… with that letter and I realised that you were going to be forced into one you didn't want. It wasn't even that that really hit me; it was that it would be taking away _your_ chance to marry who you wanted, that maybe you actually had plans... And then I knew how to get you out of it… I realised the idea didn't feel as opposable as it had before. I spent all of today thinking about it, I remembered the time when I saw you and him unconscious and covered in scars, I remembered what it was like when I knew he – you - had been tortured. I remembered when he was hit by that curse and we didn't know if he'd live or not, spending hours in that room knowing I'd rather die than have him die. It occurred to me that it wouldn't matter to me if we_ were _bonded because I didn't really want to live without him either way…"

He trailed off and I felt warmth glow in my heart that wasn't entirely me, or at least, it wasn't the part of me that was Larissa Grey…

"Then what are you waiting for: east part of the third floor - go"

* * *

**_Darien_**

_We broke into laughter as the sound of the house keeper's shoes faded into nothing. That had been close!_

_"Merlin! That was so funny, did you see her face?" Ally said, holding onto the shelves to keep him up._

_"Like a plum, the daft banshee!"_

_"I thought she would realise for a moment there, she did get a little suspicious" he said with a chuckle._

_"What? When I tripped on the bucket?"_

_"No: when you started laughing during the imitation of him singing!"_

_I laughed; she was so gullible it was pathetic._

_I looked at the boy in front of me, his face only just visible in the darkness of the broom cupboard. His silver hair shone out and a single stripe of light crossed over his face. I saw a cobweb on his shoulder and reached out a hand to brush it away._

_"Cobweb" I muttered and as I pushed it away my finger brushed his neck._

_He gasped quietly and grabbed my hand where it had paused. For a moment we stood in tense silence as we looked at each other unsurely. Alex's eyes touched the very back of my mind, not breaching it, just staring to the depths and I let him. His own eyes looked silver (that silver that I loved, the one I caught in his hair, in his eyes)and they too were open for me to see. I had felt this building up, this weirdness, this feeling. It had been slow in coming but I could feel it now trying to escape._

_"Ally..." I breathed and he moved closer to me, I backed away, my spine hitting the wall._

_"Dari..." he replied, equally choked and the coarseness of his voice did odd things to my stomach._

_"What...?"_

_"...I don't know"_

_He was closer now, his nose almost hitting mine and I unconsciously flicked my tongue over my dry lips. I felt his eyed zero on that movement and I wanted to faint just seeing the dark look in his morning fog eyes._

_I gulped and ever so slowly I bumped my nose to his._

_Something flashed between us and my eyes zapped to his but it was too late. Our lips collided like somebody had released the elastic tension joining them and I was sure they would be bruised once I could be bothered to look in a mirror. It was desperate, clumsy and out of control. Hands came up everywhere to pull painfully at hair, to tug on ears, jaws, clothes and everything they touched beyond the centre that was our furiously moving mouths. We pushed from wall to wall, tripped over buckets and upset brooms just in the battle for dominance with our fighting lips._

_I lost._

_Not that I cared all that much._

_It didn't feel weird, this, it didn't feel wrong even though I was kissing one out of two of my oldest, and only true, friends. It didn't feel wrong even though he was, well, a _he_. This was Alex, Ally, this was..._

_"Dari..." my name was panted out, almost a sob._

_"...Al" I moaned in reply, my heart catching in my throat._

"...Al?"

I snapped up out of my thoughts and my veins froze. I span around in panic but the voice had come from just outside the room I was _not _hiding in – just... spending some time.

"Sirius" I heard someone say but there was no doubt who it was. I knew that voice anywhere.

Alex...

And he knew I was here. He must do. There was no way, even with my thoughts blocked, that he couldn't know I was here when he was so close.

"Not here Sirius" Alex said tensely and I heard in his voice a confirmation to his awareness of me.

"We have to talk" Black said and I heard desperation in his voice.

"Okay – just can we go some-"

"-No! I mean... please, just talk to me..." He said pleadingly and I arched an eyebrow.

What the hell had I stumbled on?

Ally could easily reveal I was hear so why wasn't he? I didn't understand, had he and Black had an argument? It sounded like Black had done something wrong, and knew it, from the nervousness in his voice.

"I really don't- oh no, don't give me that look" he pleaded and I heard him sigh and groan slightly "... fine... stubborn bastard" Alex said and I heard steps outside the door.

I growled silently, knowing that I would have to listen to their damn conversation now. _Thanks Alex._

"Lara talked to me..." Sirius started uneasily.

"Thought she might"

"She said... that you already knew what I was going to say before... that you knew-"

"Don't" was the desperate voice of my ex "I can't do this again Siri... I just can't..."

"Because of Irvine"

I tensed and pressed an ear closer to the gap between the door and wall that couldn't remember pressing against. I hadn't realised I'd moved from the window to here...

I heard Alex gasp.

"Yes" he choked out and I could tell now that he was pressed against the other side of the door. It was so bizarre, knowing how close we were.

"I'm not him you know?"

_Well duh, he's nowhere near as cool as me._

"You might as well be" he said with a sigh and then he added, with a trace of pointed emphasis I couldn't ignore "Though you're a hell of a lot more_ polite _than _him_"

"Better looking too" he added in a mutter under his breath, just loud enough for me to hear.

My eyes blinked and I mouthed silently to myself with a grimace.

"Ouch"

I heard Black chuckle.

"He_ is_ a snake"

Then the air became serious again and I wondered for the first time if I should really be here, listening it. Alex was going to kill me even more because Salazar knew he needed more reasons to kill me...

"Al... I want to spend my life with you" I cringed and found myself sliding to the floor.

That was the one thing I had never been able to say.

_Do you have to do this now?_

"I don't care what people think, I don't care. I didn't ask... well, you didn't even let me ask... but I didn't _nearly_ ask just because of Lara... Though it wouldn't matter either way to me because I still don't want to ever let you go but... I want to... give you that"

My eyes widened as I began to understand what was going on.

"Siri..."

"Do you trust me?" I heard the quiet whisper and there was a kind of sincerity I had never had.

"No... Not with the future" Ally whispered back.

Black paused and it didn't take a master to figure out why.

"Can you take a risk for me then?" was the new reply.

"… I don't know Siri, I…" There was silence apart for Ally's fast breath and my own pounding heart.

I heard Black shifting and the sound of rustling robes.

"... Alex...?"

"Oh my Merlin, this_ can't_ be happening..."

_Why? What's he doing?_

"Alex Cassius Grey...? Will you marry me?" _WAIT, WHAT? _There was the sound of a box opening but before I even had tome to control me shock, pain and jealousy Ally broke into manic laughter.

"You bastard!" he gasped in between loud echoing laughs.

"Sorry, only thing I could find" Black said I heard a combination of amusement, sheepishness and smugness in his voice.

Now _I'm not confused, _I thought acerbically to myself (and Ally too if he was listening).

"I've final been proposed to" here I cringed "and it's with a plastic lollipop ring!"

He broke into laughter again.

"See, I managed to make you smile" He replied and this time it was definitely smugness.

"My husband the prankster" I heard Alex say and by this point I was pretty damn sure I didn't want to be here.

"... Is that a yes?" Black asked and I wanted to smack my head against the door.

Yeah, this is just the most perfect position. Here I was listening to _my Ex _being proposed to. Proposed to! And he knew I was here.

_Bastard, you couldn't have stunned him and dragged him away could you?_ I found myself projecting and then hundreds of painful vibrations were running up my spine as he kicked the door. I resisted a snort.

"Dammit Sirius" Ally whispered "I'm only _just _seventeen –_ literally_ – this is hardly even legal..."

"It's not like we have to do it now" Black replied quietly "we have five years right?"

Suddenly the contract came back to my mind and I gasped inaudible. That's what this was about – not totally but it initiated it alright. _This_ was how they were getting out of it!

Shit.

I'm betting the last person who should know that is Darien bloody Irvine too.

"Ugh... Merlin... Siri... I don't know if I..."

"Do you love me?"

"Of course" He answered and a knife fell in my stupid betraying heart.

"...Will you marry me?"

There was silence and I did the only thing I could. The one thing I didn't want to do.

_Don't be a coward Ally._

The sound of him taking a deep in breath came to me through the wood of the door.

"I'm no coward" he said, a faint whisper of a voice.

"... Yes"

* * *

**_Sirius_**

I blinked. Then I blinked again.

"Wait. What?"

It suddenly occurred to me that I had just proposed. At the age of seventeen. Proposed. With a cheap lollipop ring – cherry flavoured no less – which I had found in James' top draw. Cherry. To Alex. Marriage. To _Alex._ Plastic... muggle... ring...

Oh. My. Freaking. Merlin. Almighty.

"Yes. You idiot" Alex said and he kicked the door again. He rolled his eyes.

"Yes?" I heard my voice say distantly.

"Yes"

"Oh, right" I blinked then removed the tacky plastic from its 'box' and randomly grabbed my boyfriend's – fiancés – hand. The ring slid on, too big and slightly sticky.

I stared at it for a moment then just had time to giggle hysterically before everything went dark and I fainted.

* * *

**_Lara_**

"Hey, have you seen Sirius?" James asked as he came into the boy's dorm.

"He's proposing" I said absently.

"Oh right..." he said nodding and turned back to the door before pausing then spinning back around to face me "Wait what?"

I looked at him amused.

"Sometimes I really am amazed at your intellect James, it's truly incredible"

He gapped at me.

"Did you just say...?"

"Proposing? Yes, I did" I said turning back to my book then looking up again "Oh and he took that ring you had in your top draw, you know the..."

"Plastic, cherry flavoured, lolly ring?" he said slowly.

I grinned.

"Yeah! That one!"

James slumped onto his bed.

"Oh. My. Godric"

* * *

**_Alex_**

"Oh great. My fiancé is an idiot" I drawled sardonically as I looked at my one and only unconscious boyfriend – fiancé – on the floor in a heap. I prodded him with my foot.

"I could have told you that" an equally sarcastic voice said through the wooden door.

"Shut up Irvine"

"Shutting up"

I sighed. Bloody hell. I guess that was one way to accept a marriage proposal.

As if the Ex who was sitting just behind a piece of wood, listening in, and dropping in snarky lines wasn't weird enough I was now wearing a plastic ring bejewelled with a chucky red hard sweet diamond (not your traditional engagement ring for sure). It also happened to be the day I came of age and I was currently standing before the temporarily comatose version of the boy who had just given said ring to to me to help save my sister from a forced marriage to said boy – now my fiancé - 's brother.

Was it just me or was something about this just a little surreal?

"So what's it going to be? Alex Black or Sirius Grey? Or would it be Alex Black-Grey? Or maybe Alex and Sirius Dark-Grey, perhaps you could be-"

"Shut_ up_ Irvine"

"Shutting up" he replied through the wood and his voice was amused.

Merlin he drives me insane.

I knelt by my bo- _fiancé _(bloody hell…)and looked at him fondly. _My_ stupid idiot. Merlin... I was stuck with him now, I thought in entertainment. Or he's stuck with me... I snorted; the boy doesn't know what he's got himself in for. I reached out a hand and brushed the hair from his face with a smile.

_Sappy Alex, real sappy..._ I thought to myself.

Then I blinked.

"HOLY _CRAP_, I'M ENGAGED!"

"You _don't_ say. Ooo! Can I be best man?" he asked mockingly "Oh that would be just so classic: my fraudulent Ex: my best man and me! I'd have the best speech-"

"SHUT UP IRVINE"

* * *

**_Remus_**

"So let me get this straight. Padfoot is proposing to Alex so that they can get you out of the marriage contract?" James said as he paced.

"But he's not just proposing for that reason right?" Lily asked in concern and Lara rolled her eyes.

"Of course not, he really doe-"

"Are you sure it was actually Sirius? _Sirius Black_?" James demanded, spinning on his heel to face Lara.

I rubbed my head.

"Wait... did you say a candy ring, a strawberry flavou-?" I asked almost painfully.

"Cherry actually" Prongs cut it.

We all looked him and he shrugged uncomfortable.

"My baby cousin gave it to me..."

There was silence as we processed this irrelevant fact.

"Well... you have to admit, Pads has a unique way of doing things" Pete drawled with an eye roll and smile.

"You could say that" I said weakly.

"I think it's cute"

We turned to stare at Lily who was grinning, then as one we looked at James who was resisting a smile. We looked at Lily again.

"What?" She asked innocently.

"I guess it's certainly something to tell the kids. 'And then your daddy went on one knee with a piece of muggle sweet attached to some plastic' he'll never live it out" Peter said and we laughed.

James looked horrified.

"Oh Merlin, _Padfoot_ with kids,_ kids_ of _Padfoot_! Holy crap... I don't know which one sounds scarier!"

I snorted.

"You're forgetting Alex would have say in the matter" I said.

We paused.

"No, that would be worse" Lily said slowly.

"Thank Godric it's biologically impossible" Peter added.

I opened my mouth to talk about how there were actually researchers on the matter then closed my mouth as an image of Alex and Sirius with _children_ came to my mind. Oh dear…

"Are you certain...?" James started suddenly.

"Yes, it was_ definitely_ Sirius Black" Lara said with a grin.

"Oh..."

* * *

**_Sirius_**

I blinked and the darkness began to clear slightly, the blobs of colour swirling around me. I saw a face above mine.

"Wh... what? Al?" I said hazily.

"Hey there" he replied in a hushed voice.

I looked around; coming to the conclusion I was lying on my back in the middle of a corridor.

"You're such an idiot you know" Alex said with a snort.

"Yep" I agreed easily.

Then it came back. Then _it _came back.

My jaw fell and Alex chuckled.

"Remembered now?" he asked and I mutely nodded, pushing myself up onto my arms.

I reached for his hand and studied the stupid ring.

"You can take that off if you want..." I mumbled, flushing bright red.

Al just chuckled and removed his hand from mine and decisively popped the sweet into his mouth. I blinked rapidly at him before he pulled it out and smirked at me.

"Maybe I don't want to, husband"

* * *

**_Alex_**

I laughed out loud as Siri started to skip down the corridors, dragging me alone. He was such a little kid. We began passing a few people and they predictable stared at the excitable teen, the notorious recently gay Sirius Black, who dragged his almost equally notorious Grey Twin boyfriend.

"Come_ on _Alex! We have to go tell the others!" Sirius whined as I pulled on his hand to try and slow him down.

"I'm coming, I'm coming" I said between laughter.

We reached the fat Lady and Sirius practically shouted the password before yanking me up into the hole. There were plenty of people in the room but Sirius just charged straight through them all and pulled us up to the dorm room. He threw the door back violently and skipped further into the room. We paused seeing the others there.

James was obviously in mid stride from where he was pacing stared at us with a gaping mouth. Lara was sitting on Remus' bed exchanging a smug smile with Lily, who was practically bouncing where she sat in the window seat. Remus was staring at us dazed, next to Lara. Peter was lounging on his bed looking bored with a Charms book in front of him.

"Hey" I said weakly while Sirius grinned at them all with at smile to match the sun, I smiled indulgently at him.

I pulled the boy, who looked like he'd shoot out of the tower if someone didn't restrain him, into my arms and wrapped them around his waist easily. A bright flash went off from Lily's direction and I snorted in amusement as I saw the camera in her hands.

"So…?" James said and Siri jumped in my arms.

"HE SAID YES!" He cried, hands flying into the air.

I shook my head and the others started raining on congratulations. My eyes met Lara's and she smiled sweetly and pointedly eyed the fake ring on my finger (which I had been determinedly hiding the entire walk/skip here). I instantly glowed bright red.

_Alex Grey, a married man! _She said to my thoughts and she started to giggle ridiculously.

I groaned and blushed even brighter.

_MARRIED! HA!_

_Shut'up..._

_HAHA!_

* * *

**_Lara_**

It was two weeks later. The boy dormitory was darkening but nobody moved to light the lamps or create a_ lumos_. Alex sat next to me, his hand clenching mine while Sirius paced around the room, moving things and muttering. Lily was reading over and over the book we'd found in the back of the library, where the dust had gathered. James' eyes followed his best friend and he had a look of overcome shock on his face. Remus was looking between me and Alex in contemplation.

Peter was 'in detention'.

"Merlin... Shit and crap... Holy Godric... Hell" Sirius muttered he glanced at Alex "I mean- it's not like- I'm just- I just-"

"I know Sirius" Alex said calmly.

"You're practically shouting it" I added.

"I'm feeling exactly the same"

"So for Merlin sake, calm down you ninny" we said together, unable to prevent the duality caused by nerves.

We swallowed at the same time.

We glanced at each other guiltily.

"Sorry" we chimed awkwardly.

"Okay, it's fairly simple. All you have to do is say the words exactly right –which will be instinctive once the spell is made – you have to mean it or the spell will break. The charmer – Lara that's you – has to wave the wand above the hands, not too close, in a clockwise semicircle with an anti-clockwis-"

"Lily, stop" Alex said quietly.

"We know" I whined.

Sirius turned to us and took a deep in breath.

"No point delaying... Al?" He said, stretching out a hand.

We both stood up and looked at each other. I looked at my brother hard.

_Thank you,_ I said.

_You know it's not like that, _he replied.

I nodded, _I know but still._

_Nothing's changing Lara..._

_I know that too... it just feels like... like I'm letting go..._

_We're still one..._

I shook my head.

_No, you will be his, like he is yours._

He looked at me with sadness in his eyes before smiling.

_And you are for Remus like he is for you._

I smiled back.

_Listen to us, acting like this is the last time we'll see each other, better take that hand quick before his arm falls off._

_I love you sis, you know that, don't you?_

_Yeah yeah, get on with it_

He snorted.

"Bitch"

"Not my fault" _Love you too, idiot._

Alex turned back to Sirius and smiled before taking the still ready hand. He released mine and I smiled sadly.

"Right, no point to delay" He said quietly looking into Sirius' eyes.

They looked at each other for a while before lifting their clenched hands and looking at me expectantly. I pulled my thin grey wand from my robes and stepped towards them.

"Ready?" I whispered and they both nodded.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes before starting to speak the carefully pronounced words in time with my wand movement. The spell seemed to direct my hand and I let it free with minimal effort.

_"Ad manum imponit manum, anima animae, vita vitae, votum fiery"_

Bright light seared my eye lids, a powerful fiery yellow that lit up the veins in my lids. Warmth touched my skin and my eyes begged to be open but I forcefully kept them shut. Magic, wild and free, sparkled over my skin, over the air, till I could nearly taste it. My wand vibrated and I gasped.

Then I heard them speaking over the thrums I didn't know surrounded my ears. I heard them but could not feel them. My own thoughts had become singular, like when I'd been under the crutiatus but without the pain. I couldn't feel Alex and I couldn't feel Sirius. I just felt the magic coursing through my veins. Their voices came to my ears.

_"I, Alexander Cassius Grey, Child of Grey, swear now on my magic and life to bond with Sirius Orion Black within five years from this day, this vow I make to fulfil the contract made between The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black and The Gracious Family of Grey entitling that the children of the Black family and the Grey family were to be bonded"_

There was a brief pause as the light became blue like the freshness of the sky but brighter and clearer.

_"I, Sirius Orion Black, Child of Black, swear now on my magic and life to bond with Alexander Cassius Grey within five years from this day, this vow I make to fulfil the contract made between The Gracious Family of Grey and The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black entitling that the children of the Grey family and the Black family were to be bonded"_

The light became a vivacious, almost alive, white that would have blinded me had it not been magic and my eyes hadn't been shut tight.

_"Fiat, fiat vota facienda, fiat." _My voice rang out clear and almost singing, though I had hardly told my lips to move.

The light exploded.

Then was gone.

I opened my eyes and saw on each hand in front of me a white line that bound the two hands together in a ring.

"... well that was dramatic" Sirius remarked and like that the spell of silence on us was broken.

I snorted.

"Smooth" I said, rolling my eyes "that's it Alex, you're stuck with him now"

Sirius pouted but Alex just grinned.

"He's the one stuck with me" he replied and an evil glint came into his eyes "hope you can keep up Black... I have lots and lots of plans..."

There was the sound of a gulp.


	41. To Hear

**Sorry this took a while :L**

**150 REVIEWS! THANK YOU ALL, I LOVE YOU MUCHLY! I'm sad to say this story is slowly drawing to a close :( I'd say another... 4-5 more chapters.**

* * *

To Hear

**_Severus_**

"Almost, you're not quite, but nearly, there, it just needs a little more concentration and practice, you're letting out thoughts."

"I'm trying" I growled out.

"I know" Lara said "and you're doing very well, it just takes time"

I gritted my teeth and calmed my thoughts again. I could almost feel the fog-like shape around my thoughts but I kept slipping, getting bored or something.

"Clear your mind and let the thoughts that come to the front of your mind sink away. Don't stop them from coming but don't acknowledge them. That's how you stop them from being visible." She said calmingly and I sighed and tried again.

It was relaxing, even if it was in the library with many people hidden around corners.

"Good, now when you feel my presence just lightly push it past you, raising a wall around you, as if you're redirecting a floating stick when it meets you as it comes to you on a river" her voice came to me through the haze.

Then I felt it, the gently prod on my thoughts, the unwelcome intrusion. I pulled my thoughts up around me and pushed it away with a grunt.

"Good" Lara said as I opened my eyes.

She was grinning at me and I rolled my eyes.

"You were being easy on me" I complained and she chuckled.

"Starting small and building up, better that way" she said "you did good, usually even that's pretty hard for a beginner"

"But I've been doing it for months!" I gapped at her.

"Yep" she smiled with a glint in her eye "and you're still an ickle newbie"

I grumbled.

* * *

**_Lara_**

Time moved with the speed of a train, flying past the days, unhesitant and unyielding. Weekends came then started again in what felt like hours till you couldn't recall which week was which because of the way they were wedged together. The weather got warmer without us noticing, the first years grew taller and more gangly as we watched, the exam preparations started before we realised they were coming.

Alex and Sirius had become gooey in their sweetness and I found more time in my full timetable to be with Remus.

Nothing had changed between me and Alex, we were still the same confusing joint personality and we still talked silently throughout the day but it felt different. It was like we really were two people now (almost), like there was something that distinguished ourselves as just us. Alex was engaged to Sirius, I was in a committed relationship with Remus. Alex and Sirius, Lara and Remus: that was us now, the separation we'd never had. Before, it had always been Alex and Lara, the Grey twins, us, we.

Remus and Sirius had noticed, I was sure, though it was hard enough for us to notice.

I still met up with Severus, sometimes dragging an unwilling Remus who would sit with us we studied. Severus was more conserved, cooler, when Remus came but he still bickered like he did before. He just never called me Lara or Larissa when he was there.

"Honestly Lara, are you thick?" He said with a scowl "it's spelt I.T.U.S not I.N.T.U.R"

"_Sorry_, Mr. Perfectionist, I've been at this essay for two hours" I bit back.

"At least I actually care about my grades. If you're bored go waste someone else's time"

"Humph"

He smirked.

"What's with Black and his girlfriend? They expecting a baby or something? They are absolutely disgusting these days" he asked with the customary sneer.

I lifted an eye brow and chuckled.

"Not exactly" I replied vaguely.

He rolled his eyes but I saw a small – oh so tiny – smile on his lips.

"They're just... going through a... transition" I added.

He snorted.

"Looks like they've been overdosed on Amortentia to me"

"Yes... they do seem to have that appearance don't they" I said thoughtfully with a fond smile.

One day Regulus came to me as I was walking to see Umbra. I had nearly forgotten about the younger Black after our engagement became null but it occurred to me now that he wouldn't know that. We hadn't let Sirius and Alex's engagement become public so of course Regulus would believe we were still being forced to wed.

"Larissa" He called and I looked up to see his dark figure in front of me.

He looked exhausted, large shadows under his eyes and his hair becoming slightly greasy. I frowned and slowed to a stop before him.

"Regulus Black" I said and he cringed slightly.

"We need to talk" he said, gritting his teeth.

I chewed my lip and stared out over the lake.

"Do we?"

He growled slightly and rubbed his face.

"Of course we do, think about it"

"I am"

"So you know we need to talk. If we're going to do this thi-"

"Which we're not" I said flatly and he looked up in annoyance.

"It's not like we have a choice" he said and his voice was oddly angered as his weird blocked thoughts buzzed like suppressed lightning.

I sighed. I could feel in my heart that I couldn't tell him about why we didn't have to; something just tingled in my chest at the idea. It had to stay secret... at least for a while. I didn't know why.

"We'll discuss this after the summer; I'm not going to argue about this. I have things to do" I said steely and he frowned, confused.

"After summer" he muttered as if something had laid heavily on his shoulders in an instance.

Then he had walked away and I had watched after him utterly confused.

Later as I sat feeding Umbra and stroking his leathery, but soft, head I found myself muttering to the large flying foal.

"What is it with him, Umbra, which makes me feel so damn uneasy?"

* * *

**_Severus_**

Lara fell into her seat but this time she was frowning, a lot. I cocked an eyebrow, unwilling to let her know of my concern – no, not concern – just... curiosity. It didn't take long to realise what was troubling her though when I saw the prophet sticking out of her bag.

Today had not been a good day for the resistance, there was a reason many of my fellow Slytherins were being particularly malicious today of all days.

"Why did you choose the losing side?" I found myself blurting out unceremoniously, I winced at the rudeness but Lara didn't seem to be offended as she should have been.

That was the think with Larissa; she never reacted quite the way you would expect, even now when I considered myself to be someone who knew the strange girl at least a little.

"Why shouldn't I have?" she asked - her voice entirely curious and sincere.

"… Because it's loosing?" I said slowly, _well duh_.

She studied my face for a moment but I had felt none of the mental probes I may have used had our places been reversed. Another thing about Lara.

"But what would I have gained by joining?" she said and the way she said it made me pause.

I knew the answer to that question, it was obvious, but when she said it she made me think I didn't really understand.

"Well... freedom... the control to do as you chose and responsibility in our society... and power" I replied slowly.

She cocked her head and perched her chin on her hands.

"Freedom? Freedom from what? Why am I not free now?"

I grunted and gritted my teeth.

"Because you have to stay in hiding from the Muggles. We all have to cower away from them even though we have the more power"

"But if you win then I will be under the power of the Dark Lord" she argued calmly and I admired her determination and surety. Even if it was all wrong.

"You wouldn't have to do anything" I said earnestly.

This time she levelled me off with a cool gaze that was as powerful as it was controlled.

"Apart from give up many people who I'm close to?" she said brusquely in the form of a question and a half concealed sneer.

"They don't belong" I clenched my jaw.

Damn her, damn this witch with her voice and opinion.

"Why not?" was her answer, fast and definite.

"They knew nothing about magic-"

"Knew. You said_ knew_ because they _know_ now, they, the muggle borns you hate, _know_ what it is to wield magic, sometimes better than the pure-bloods. I am pure-blood but there are muggle borns who know more magic than I, know more about a world_ I_ grew up in" she paused "Tell me, if the Dark Lord were to win then what would happen to Remus? He grew up in this world as much as you. What would happen to my brother, to Sirius, simply for their sexuality? They are both as pure blooded as you get. Tell me that they do not belong Severus... you can't. So what makes them the ones who would fall?"

We were silent and I twisted my tie under my fingers. This was stupid, I had my path, it's not like I could even join the supposedly 'light' side even if I wanted to (which I don't) because I knew firsthand the prejudice of Gryffindors. I glanced up at the girl before me who had sat opposite me countless times. No. No, that was not my path. Their side would lose, they would crash under the power of the dark lord and only those who had shown loyalty would be able to live at the top. It was not a matter of who was right, we had to do what we could for ourselves. They did what they needed and I did what I needed.

"We all have our own paths" I said coming to my conclusion and I saw something shift over Larissa's face.

She rose from her seat and slung her bag over her shoulder. She turned from me as I stared at her in confusion. Then she paused and turned to me. Her face was thoughtful and she met my eyes full on.

"Do you ever wonder why I approached you?" she asked and I blinked at the abrupt question.

"Yes, many times" though, I thought, I have not really paid it much mind.

She nodded slowly then her voice began and there was something poignant and slow, not quite hesitant for her voice was strong and sure, it would stick in my thoughts for weeks after I was sure.

"I would have saved you Severus, even had I not got to know you, if for no other reason than every person deserves to be saved" she paused and a pair of pale fingers reached up to twirl a strand of hair "I would save you, if I believed you wished to be saved"

I frowned.

"Saved from what?" I asked indignantly at the suggestion I was weak.

She stared at me hard and then blinked with the smallest smile.

"That, Severus Snape, is a question only you can answer"

Then she turned away and I was left sitting in more confusion than she had ever left me with.

* * *

**_Remus_**

"What are you doing this summer?" I asked Lara suddenly.

She looked up at me surprised, her lips forming a small O.

"Did I not tell you?" she asked shocked and I shook my head.

"Dumbledore arranged for Alex and me to stay with our cousin Andy ages ago" she said and I blinked.

"… Cousin Andy? As in Andromeda Black – Tonks, I mean?" I asked, remembering Sirius talking about her once or twice.

"Yeah"

"Isn't she Sirius' cousin too?"

She nodded.

"He's through Andy's dad, we're through her mum" She said as if this made perfect sense.

"Oh… okay…"

* * *

**_Darien_**

Regulus strolled over to my table in the common room and sat in the seat opposite me. The others watched him shrewdly as he crossed the room and I saw several whisper. Matthias Greengrass, who had been talking to me, clenched his jaw and stiffly turned away with a nod to me and Black.

"Well?" I asked tiredly.

"It's done, I tested it on Emma Tarner and it did exactly what we thought it would but we still don't know if-"

"There's no way to test that, either it will work or it won't" I cut in lazily.

I rubbed my temple discreetly. I'd been having the worst headaches these days, unable to sleep and constantly thinking of one of two things – or both at the same time sometimes.

"And if doesn't?" Regulus asked tensely.

"Then I won't go in and we hope nobody comes looking" I replied sternly and the boy worried his lip.

"They all think I'm going to fail, you can see it in their eyes" He said quietly.

"Yes but you won't" I said, trying to keep what bitterness I could out of my voice.

He caught it, knowing too much already, and smiled grimly in agreement.

* * *

**_Sirius_**

I grinned as I left the examining room with James, having just taken the Charms practical exam – our last exam. That had been easy! Honestly, you'd think they'd actually try and give some challenging spells but no – avis! Ha! Talk about easy! Take that Flitwick– you said my birds were too purple!

"That's it! We're free! A year until anymore exams Paddy!" Prongs cried letting out a whoop.

I looked around and saw Alex leaning up against the marble staircase. I smiled when he saw me and I paused, sticking my hands in my pocket to survey the handsome silver head.

"HEY! Lils, are you going to the lake? Can I come-?" James called like a loon, disappearing into a group of people.

I shook my head as I watched the messy head of my best friend bob through the other people.

I strolled over to my waiting fiancé and he immediately wrapped an arm around my waist. He rested his forehead to mine and I shut my eyes happily.

"Hey" Al whispered.

"Hey"

He chuckled.

"Good exam?"

"Avis, Aguamenti and Imperturbable: easy"

"Of course, what could get in the way of the O student if a total disregard for rules and homework doesn't do the job?" Al teased and I gently hit him over the head.

"And what about you?" I asked curiously.

Alex and Lara had been in separate rooms in a different part of the castle due to the fact they were Legilimenatus. A ministry official had to come in to put Occlumency charms around them for the duration of all of their exams so they couldn't cheat by hearing the answers from other students, the examiners or each other. I hadn't seen him all day.

"Okay" he said shrugging but I knew he must have done brilliantly, him and that sister of his were stupidly intelligent.

"Hmm... how about we go up to the dorm and celebrate?" I whispered, pressing a kiss to his lips (ignoring the sound of sighing girls behind me).

I heard him take in a harsh breath, something he'd been doing more often. I grinned.

"Hmm... I'm sure we could fit that into our tight schedule" he breathed back.

I chuckled.

"I hope you know your schedule is going to be _very _full once I have a proper ring on that finger of yours" I replied, nibbling his bottom lip.

He chuckled and I felt the very vibrations travel through our connecting chests.

"Not as_ full_ as yours, lover boy"

* * *

**_Severus_**

I approached my dorm room slowly that evening. Everybody was downstairs at dinner but I wasn't hungry, I was thinking. I was thinking about_ the_ offer. That offer that many of us got in this house of snakes. It was an honour, something I had been planning for this for years. We were all going to do this, Nott, Rosier, Avery, Wilkes… all of them. I had been waiting and finally, this morning, I had been given the message. I had almost grinned there and then at the table but as I thought to something fell on my heart like ice.

It was always the same.

I had never cared about the things I had done to my fellow students till I saw the frown that crossed Lily's face. I had never felt any guilt for the spells I had created till that time Lily had taken my potions and note books and deciphered the meanings behind the darkest. I had never doubted my path in life till I remember it was Lily who stood on the other side. I had been sure I would become just the same as the others if it hadn't been for her.

Then she'd pushed me away and nothing was there to make my choices. I was ready, I was _willing_.

Wasn't I?

"_Your opinion was not based on the facts but prejudices"_

I scowled because there was the second route of my problem.

_Lara Grey…_

I had thought of that quote so many times in the most annoying occasions. Your opinion… prejudices…

_"What makes them the ones who would fall?"_

I frowned. Lupin, he was a werewolf, a monster who could kill – had nearly killed me – of course he could not becoming a part of this society. The other werewolves knew what they were, they didn't try to hide it, and they were useful to the Dark Lord. And Gray and Black? They were gay. They wouldn't help further the pure blood line; they were helping the decease of the great family names...

_"Every person deserves to be saved"_

No, some people didn't deserve to be...

Anyway, it was impossible to save everyone and sometimes saving someone was not for the good of the people...

_"I would save you, if I believed you wished to be saved"_

She hadn't approached me again, I had left her seat empty and had returned to the library at the undeclared times we met up.

It was funny... that it was we now. She still annoyed me... I think, but I had got used to the presence of the girl, the friendly banters. Yes... you could say we were friends...

That was even stranger, Slytherin's didn't have friends, as a rule, it was too risky. I had had Lily yes, but I was different. Yet Lara Grey had become my... close friend.

I rubbed my head.

_"I would save you"_

* * *

**_Cynthia_**

The house elf named Cyndi came to me one evening as I sat in the chair by the window watching the sun set. She, who I had grown up with, whispered frantically in my ear as she tried not to twist her ears in punishment, though really she'd done nothing. No, because Cyndi was different. Cyndi was _my_ elf, she was a Rosier elf, not a Grey elf, something Alexander had forgotten. I listened to her squeaky voice impassively, calmly, without changing a muscle in my face.

When she finished I rose from my seat and my eyes narrowed as my hands clenched at my side.

"Thank you Cyndi. This weekend, we'll do it this weekend, you know the plan" I said coolly.

The elf nodded rapidly and her large ears flapped before she hurried away with a pop.

"This weekend…" I whispered to myself and, despite the anger boiling in my chest and the fear I had for my daughter, I smiled a small wicked smirk.

I looked up now at the blooming stars and they glinted down to me: _Yes_. _Yes,_ they whispered in confirmation, _yessss…._

"Here I come, ready or not"

* * *

**_Sirius_**

I was awake; the sheets were warm around me but not as warm as the body of my fiancé next to me. He was still sleeping, which was odd because usually my very being awake would draw him into the realm of waking. Usually his innate ability to hear other's thoughts would mean that any buzzing mind would draw him out of his own dreams. Usually... but it had been an hour, at least, or so I thought, and still he slept in my arms.

He was wrapped up in his dreams tightly and he squirmed slightly in my arms. He was beautiful, truly beautiful, this man. His silver, fine and weightless, hair was tousled and his lips softly parted. He groaned and I stilled with a frown.

He shook his head and his face creased into a frown, his face was pink... flushed.

Suddenly his eyes were snapped open and his hand sprung to his lips before I could even utter an exclamation of shock he was tumbling out of the bed and staggering away. I blinked, mouth agape, then quickly jumped up, grabbing both mine and his sleeping gown before running after him.

I followed him into the bathroom and saw him on his knees emptying his stomach into the toilet. I rushed without faltering to his side and lifted his hair from his face as he continued to puke. My thoughts were running a hundred miles an hour, worry being the most predominant.

Eventual he calmed and slumped, exhausted, against me. I held him close and rubbed his back, my heart thrumming with concern.

"Ugh..." he groaned and he lifted a hand to press against his temple "S...Siri...? Is that you?"

I froze in shock, though I knew not why such a statement had me feeling so scared.

"Yeah Al... it's me. We need to get you to the Hospital wing... you probably ate something..." I replied, frowning in scrutiny.

"Ugh... my head Siri... there's something..." he blinked and moaned in pain, lifting another hand to grasp his head.

I bit my lip and shifted so I had an arm around his waist. Pomfrey, she'd know what to do, she had to... we were going home today...

Thank Merlin Al is organised and is already packed.

"C'mon Al... hospital... Pomfrey..." I gasped out as I pulled him to his feet.

Damn this boy was heavy.

He was an almost dead weight in my arms, seeming to be unable to hold his own weight. I grunted but luckily help was at hand because not long after the door swung open and Lara stood in the door way with a worried expression.

"Alex?" she said in confusion and Al jumped nearly out of my arms in shock... well... he nearly fell out of my arms more like.

"L-L-Lara?" he stuttered in fear and my brow puckered in confusion.

Lara ran forward and took Alex's face in her hands so they were staring eye to eye, both in shock.

"Oh Merlin Alex. Oh Godric" Lara said and my head whipped between the two, completely confused.

"Sis- Sister?" he voice was fearful "Why? Why c-cant I hear you? Why... Wh-why can't a he-hear anything?"


	42. To Initiate

To Initiate

**_Regulus_**

Darien sat with his fiancé, a decisively grumpy look under his carefully laid mask. I almost snorted as I walked over to the couple, seeing the ignorant Flint girl positively maddening her ice prince sweetheart. Irvine looked up as I came close and I fancied I saw relief. Luciana snapped her lip-sticked-lips together, curling them into a light sneer – one that was meant for a near equal, not quite disrespectful but still aware that I was at a disadvantage compared to her. I ignore her.

"Irvine, we have plans" I said in my pureblood superior voice.

The other boy sneered and nodded in acceptance before turning to the black haired girl next to him.

"Luciana dear?" he asked smoothly and the girls eyes glinted, charmed.

"Yes love?" she said sappily.

"Would you be a treasure and find me Miss Meliflua?" he asked, pushing a strand of her coarse hair out of her eyes which misted over.

"Meliflua? The fifth year?" she asked and he nodded "Okay then, anything for love"

She walked away after pecking his cheek.

We watched her walk away and I lifted an eyebrow deftly at Irvine.

"Don't you dare" He said, he face slumping into exhaustion.

"Wasn't doing to do anything" I said silkily.

He rolled he eyes.

I paused, waiting to ask the question that had been gnawing at my brain all evening.

"...Are you certain that he drank the potion...?" I asked quietly and Irvine glanced at me coldly.

"Yes. I'm certain and before you ask, yes, everything else is ready" he said in annoyance.

"Just checking..." I said, becoming quite as I saw Flint and Meliflua walking towards us.

The younger girl, a small blond girl with blue eyes, looked slightly nervous as she approached our table and I noticed many Slytherins watching curiously. Luciana bent down and kissed Darien slowly in view of everyone, placing her claim, before sneering at the blond and strutting away.

Meliflua watched the girl walk away (with plenty of hip) then turned back to us and slowly walked forward.

"You wanted to see me...?" she asked and Irvine smiled thinly.

"Yes, sit down Caitlin" Darien said coolly and the girl flushed at the use of her first name "we'd like to talk to you about a certain Gryffindor you've been meeting up with... right under our noses" He said with a knowing smirk as the Slytherin girl paled.

"What do you want to know Lord Irvine, Mr. Black?" she asked, lowering herself slowly into the seat.

"What we want to know" I said and she turned to me "is just how much this rat of yours is willing to... cooperate"

The girl, innocent as the Slytherin she was, smirked slowly.

* * *

**_Lara _**

I woke suddenly as a sudden panic came to the mind of Alex. Sitting up in my bed I looked around the half formed darkness of our room. Alex was filled with a sick sensation and a dizziness that overruled every other emotion. He rushed away from bed and fell when he reached the bathroom. I swung my legs over the side of my own bed.

_Alex? What's wrong? _I called to him but he didn't acknowledge me as vile acidic liquid dominated his thoughts.

I pushed away and stumbled down the stairs of the girl's tower. It was cold and dawn had not come yet, nor had the elves lit the fire in the grey common room. Alex had stopped puking now and was rested in Sirius' arms.

_Who's this? _I heard him think and I paused at the foot of the stairs.

_"S...Siri...? Is that you?"_

... Why didn't he hear Sirius?

_"Yeah Al... it's me. We need to get you to the Hospital wing... you probably ate something..." _Sirius said, though he voice was clouded to Alex.

_Alex? _I called. Nothing. _Alex, can you hear me?_

His thoughts so open to me, made no suggestion to hearing me or my mind, there was no unconscious remarks, no... Nothing. Just a pounding headache.

I felt my heart skid to a halt and my mouth popped open. No. No way. I ran up the stairs, taking two at a time and opened the door I felt Sirius and my brother in.

_Alex?_ I practically shouted mentally at him but he didn't even look up or twitch.

"Alex?" I said out loud and my brother, who always knew where I was, always knew my thoughts so well he was basically a part of them, jumped in shock.

"L-L-Lara?" he said, his eyes connecting to mine.

I felt his thoughts, fear thrumming through him, and I felt the emptiness he found in my gaze. He was searching desperately around the pain in his head for me. It was silent in there.

I ran to him my face contorted in pain as I grasped his face in my hands.

_She really is here! Why can't I hear her? What's happening! Where is she? My sister! Where am I?_

"Oh Merlin Alex. Oh Godric" I groaned as utter fear filled his thoughts and thus infected mine.

_Alex? Alex! _I screamed mentally.

"Sis- Sister? Why?" he stuttered "Why c-cant I hear you? Why... Wh-why can't I he-hear anything?"

"It's okay Alex, I'm right here, we're going to get this sorted, just you see, we'll get this sorted"

* * *

**_Sirius_**

I watched nervously as Poppy fussed around Alex, my own hands desperate to reach for the boy who still had that look of fear in his eyes and hunched shoulders. It had taken the help of both me and James to get him down to the hospital wing and he has passed out several times on route. Lara had her 'this is _my _brother, failure isn't an option' look like the one she'd had when Al was hit by that spell.

Poppy was frowning, looking between the two siblings with a twitch appearing under her eye.

"The effects are already fading. He'll be fine and should regain thought connection with you in a week at the most" she said promptly, shoving a phial into Lara's hand "a standard dose of this every morning should help, both the dizziness and mental recovery"

Lara nodded weakly and passed the potions into my hands. I looked down at them, feeling the crisp cold glass in my calloused fingers and clenched my jaw. I hated medicine, I hated that my fiancé would have to take it and I hated that unnatural blue and green that was so alike to the calming potions.

Suddenly I heard a sob and I looked up to see Lara pressing the ball of her hands into her eyes and her lips trembling. Alex had fallen asleep shortly after Poppy had finished with him and I paced forward to pull the silver haired girl into my arms. She pushed her face into my shoulder and after a while her sobs calmed slightly.

"S-Sorry, just b-b-being sil-l-ly" she stuttered , palming her face and looking away, her eyes resting on the oblivious form of the boy who was so important to both of us.

"I don't know what I would be if he were to..." she gulped "I'm hardly me without him..."

Her forehead wrinkled and she looked at me in confusion.

"It's odd... I wasn't like this when he was dying..."

I shrug.

"There wasn't much time to think about that sort of thing" I said, helplessly.

She nodded, looking back at her twin. We were silent for a time, the distant sound of Poppy bustling around our only soundscape. The sun began to filter in through the high windows of the infirmary and I felt a cold hand reach for mine.

"Sirius?" she whispered and I squeezed her hand "If I ever... if I die, you should know that Alex won't be the same – not just emotionally – but literally, personality wise. If that were to happen-"

"-Which it won't" I cut in and she glanced at me sadly.

"Shush, let me finish." She took in a deep in breath "If that were to happen you have to promise me to help him re-build himself and not to... abandon him, if he seems different. Promise me that"

I looked at my soon to be sister-in-law and felt brief hurt that she thought I would abandon the man I loved. Seeing her face, however, I stilled that thought. She looked so desperate, so confused and so dead serious. There was something in her eyes that looked foreboding.

I nodded slowly.

"I promise"

* * *

**_Darien_**

Above the sun was shining and everywhere the students were talking rapidly and in excitement. Smiles lit faces and people rushed around saying an early farewell to the people they wouldn't be travelling with on the train. They were stupid.

They had been shielded in this school, sure, they had been receiving the mail and news of the world came to them, through filters. They didn't understand, they didn't get what their families had been going through this year. The Dark Lord's servants had been busy in the world. We had been busy.

The resistance had been falling fast and heavy; the legend of the Order of the Phoenix had been sneered at and stamped on. Pesky Gryffindors. Plans were falling into place and yet all these naive kids were laughing and grinning at the prospect of going home. Idiots.

Not everyone was laughing.

A group I knew well were slowly weaving through the crowds, close together and protective.

Potter and the mudblood Evens were walking close together, both supporting nervous looks. Black was frowning deeply, supporting his fiancé, his boyfriend, his Ally. I felt the familiar coldness creep into my heart when I saw the scared and helpless look on Alex's face. Lara was next to him, Lupin close to her side, clinging to his hand with a determined face. The scar across her face, that cursed concave red mark, that disappeared beneath her blouse. It slapped me, as ever, seeing my lifelong friend (now enemy) marked like that. Those damn Grey twin again.

Dammit!

I told myself this wouldn't happen again, I told myself after the last time, the Christmas time. My oldest friends, the boy I loved and the girl who was my sister. But no. I had done it again.

What the hell was wrong with me?

Would I ever escape this guilt?

* * *

**_Remus_**

We sat in our compartment in relative quiet. Alex was snoozing on Sirius who was talking quietly with James about the coming summer. Lily, Alice and Frank were discussing Frank's imminent Auror training and his NEWT exams. Peter was taking tapping his wand against this new book he'd got from someone, looking tired, his eyes darting around the compartment. Lara was quiet and Alex's tired state was drawing her into fogginess. I sat with her on one of the seats with her leant up against me in a snooze.

Suddenly Lara sat up and blinked several times. She looked confused for a moment, glancing at her brother but then shook herself.

"Lara? You alright?" I asked and Alex looked up, painful confusion on his face.

She looked at me and blinked, before nodding.

"Yeah, I've just to use the toilet" She said getting to her feet.

I frowned and gave her hand a squeeze.

"Okay, don't be too long, we'll be getting to the station soon" I said and she nodded before leaving the compartment.

* * *

**_Peter_**

I watched as Larissa left the compartment and nobody noticed the haziness in her eyes. Why would they when she had been drowsy because of her blasted brother all morning? I resisted the smirk as the door of the compartment slammed shut and Alex jumped from the loud noise. I tucked the book Caitlin had given me into my bag, my wand slipping back into my pocket.

It had only been a small thing, I told myself, only a little thing. What harm could be reached by it? Caitlin had said it was for the greater good, just a tiny thing. Besides, those twins needed a bit of a shock if you asked me.

_"Just get her to go to the toilet"_

And just imagine what that simple thing will do for my name. I may get noticed for once by people who actually appreciate my abilities. I may be able to break out of this little circle and make a name for myself.

_"You'll be rewarded Peter, just imagine the benefits!"_

Caitlin understood - she knew what it was like to want just a little more. Want a bit more influence, a bit more power. I could help us both become something more than we are now.

It had only been a little thing really.

* * *

**_Regulus_**

"Are you ready?"

"Yes, perfectly"

"Have you got everything?"

"I don't need anything Black, stop fretting"

"Alright, alright... I guess I'll see you in a bit then"

"Yes, I guess you will"

"I'll be fine"

"I know"

"So we'll just take the portkey and then-"

"Regulus. Stop. It's working okay?"

"... I know. That's the problem"

"Welcome to my life"

"... Yeah... good luck Darien"

"... And you."

* * *

**_Alex_**

I pressed my face into Sirius' shoulder when Lara had left, desperate for a little comfort.

Merlin, I was so pathetic.

A single morning of being disconnected to my sister and I was a quivering mess.

The emptiness of the world was personified by her thoughtless mind though and it stung me as I saw her sitting across from me, so normal yet so _wrong._

I just felt so vulnerable and like half of me, _my_ personality, had been barred from me. It was like I was blind, everybody who had been so clear to me were just faces, and the double perspective I had grown up with _my whole life _was now limited to just one. It's not like had never been away from her, or vice versa, but it was different now... I had to learn how to see again. How stupid was that? This is what every normal person feels like, this quiet, this solitude.

I couldn't figure out if I should pity them or envy them.

It was so quiet in my own thoughts. I couldn't hear Lara or anybody around me. It was just me_, me,_ Alex Cassius Grey, _my_ voice, _my_ thoughts. It was cold. It was slow and dark and lonely. My own thoughts seemed to have lost their speed and I was uncertain in this new view of the world. What was Sirius feeling? Was he sad, annoyed, was he getting fed up of my weakness? No. This was Sirius, my fiancé for Merlin sake! But what about James? Or Lily? Or Peter? Was Peter sitting their stewing over the fact I couldn't hear him? What if something happened to one of us? How would I know?

Lara! Where was Lara? What if someone attacked her when she went to the bathroom? What if father had sent someone to get her?

I sat up, my teeth gnawing at my lip, I stared at the door.

What if somebody got to her? She was tired too, she must be, from my own exhaustion and someone could use that to their advantage! What if!

Five minutes passed and then ten and I began to get more and more agitated. Sirius rubbed circles into my back and I nearly got up then and there. Where was she? What was going on? Remus too was getting nervous; I could see it from his face.

Then Lara came in finally and I sighed dramatically and smiled at her ruefully. She smiled nervously back and reached out a hesitant hand for me to grasp. She seemed so shy all of a sudden and it nearly made me laugh.

"Sorry... ran into a friend" she said with a lopsided smile.

I nodded and something tingled at the back of my thoughts...

Something was up...?

Lara went over and sat next to Remus, she looked better now, more... herself? Less tense and exhausted and scared yet she sat stiffly and her smile was forced when she looked at Remus. Her boyfriend frowned and rubbed her back, drawing her close and kissing her brow.

"You better now?" He asked and she nodded.

"Yes" she said quietly and her eyes met mine across the compartment.

They lingered on mine and they were bright, sharper than normal. Her gaze was intense, pained but guiltily so I thought. I cocked my head at her, sending a mental question I knew she'd hear.

_Why are you guilty? It's not your fault._

She shrugged lightly and her hand reached up awkwardly to twist some hair, though the gesture looked off.

* * *

**_Andromeda_**

I straightened my back and flattened a wrinkle in my dress as I saw the train approaching in the distance. It was so very strange to be back here, waiting for the train to come to me, surrounded by parents and siblings. I hadn't expected this so soon, in seven years, yes, when Nymphadora grew to be that age but not now. I had been surprised when the headmaster had contacted me concerning my two cousins from my mother's side. I hadn't even known they had joined Hogwarts with my other two cousins. I hadn't seen my younger relatives in many years and had not realised, being so disconnected from the pureblood society, that they'd had so much trouble from their father. I had always know that they were more like myself in terms of allegiance, much like Sirius, but like everything the mask came first and I had only hints.

Now it seems they were under serious threat from their family for turning blood traitor.

Uncle Alexander did always seem a little unstable.

The train pulled up with a plume of steam that obscured everything and the noise of excited teenagers swallowed me up in a cacophony of noise. I peered through the white like all the other people around me and soon the sounds of greeting and joy were swirling around me. I kept my eyes open for the two silver heads of my cousins, unnecessary nervousness beginning to creep into my heart.

Then, with disorientating suddenness they were both there before me. They weren't the only recognisable faces either.

"Alex, Lara, Sirius!" I called with a smile and the three grinned at me.

"Hey Cousin Andy" the three of them chimed and the others around them laughed.

My eyes first settled on Lara and I gasped as I saw the scar crossing across her face. My blood boiled at the sight of it and I cursed my Aunt's husband with what could only be named as Slytherin brutality. Despite this she had grown into a beautiful girl, her long silver hair falling around her slim figure delicately and her wide grey eyes sparkling. She stood close to another boy with blond hair and he looked at her gently. I recognised him as being one of Sirius' friends. She looked nervous now and I saw her hand clenching in her brothers. It was so odd to see the girl nervous, she was hardly ever nervous even in the pureblood inquisition, but just as I thought this she broke into a gentle grin.

My gaze then settled on my male cousins and my brow quirked up at the sight of them. Sirius was standing close to Alex, his arm wrapped around the taller boy's waist. They were leaning close to one other and as my eyes flicked between them curiously I saw Sirius' cheeks heat up. What confused me was the way he seemed to be holding the boy up and how timid my Grey cousin was acting.

Behind them two others were standing, a messy haired boy – James Potter - and a red head girl. They were standing close and talking but I paid them little mind.

I walked closer the little group and Lara walked forward and gave me a small hug. She smiled at me and then turned back to latch onto Alex's hand. Sirius watched the two sadly then turned to me.

"Al temporarily lost his Legilimency this morning" he said, indicating the twins and my eyes widened.

"Ah, I see" I said, looking between the two in understanding.

It must be hard for the two mind readers to deal with silence – especially between them. No wonder Lara was so shy... though she did seem different in other ways too, ones I hadn't quite figured out yet...

"You'll both have to take my arm so you get to the right place" I said, becoming practical.

They nodded and turned to their partners next to them. Lara leant into the embrace of Lupin, her eyes wide and taking in his face, she muttered something I didn't hear and he pressed a kiss to her forehead, also with a quick word. Alex turned to Sirius and the two shared a look and – here I blinked in shock and looked away – a quick but passionate kiss.

Well.

Alex Grey and Sirius Black. My, my... who'd have thought my obviously gay cousin would be able to bend my equally heterosexual cousin? No me for sure... this was going to be interesting.

No wonder Alexander burst the dam.

Then the twins and I were walking to the apparition point, calling out farewells to their boyfriends, and they grasped my arms. The three of us twisted on the spot while I thought of my lovely cottage where Ted and Nymphadora were waiting.

* * *

**_Alex_**

We landed just outside a small garden which held a small house, a cottage with white painted brick. It was thatched and beautiful, the window frames and door were all painted blue and the garden was full of flowers. There was a small apple tree close to the gate and it was laden with ripe red and yellow fruit from its spindly arms. Around was a vast expanse of fields and hills and I saw a small river winding nearby.

I looked at Lara and saw her smiling sadly. I frowned but she didn't look at me, I wondered why she ignored my stare.

Andy dusted herself down and smiled at us, the last of her pureblood facade dropping away at the familiar territory. I could see plainly that she was completely content at the view of her home and much relived to be back.

"Welcome to my home" she said and I smiled back at her.

"We'll be right in" Lara said to my surprise "you go on ahead"

Andy looked at her curiously and Lara met the stare head on.

"Alright..." Andromeda said slowly "Just don't be too long, dinner won't take long to make"

I watched, open jawed, as our cousin strode away and I turned to Lara in confusion.

"Are you okay Lara?" I demanded, angry again at not being able to hear her.

She looked out over the hills then back at me. She studied my face and squirmed. What was going on?

"Alex..." she said slowly, she took a step back "I'm very sorry you know?"

_Sorry about what! _I projected but she made no mention of hearing me. I waited a moment but she just stared at me with a sad face.

"What are you talking about?" I said in frustration, I stepped closer to her but my head swayed and I clung to the fence as my headache drummed on.

"Lara?" I called but here was no reply.

I felt her step closer to me and press a kiss to my sweaty brow.

The cold wind bit into my skin and I shivered, feeling the warmth of my sister sooth the front of me but making the rest trembled with cold.

"It's all my fault, again, I really am so, so very sorry Ally" was the whisper I heard in my ear, harsh but still Lara's voice, before she stepped away.

There was a loud pop and she was gone. Gone.

Gone?

Disapparited.

Disapparited?

I fell to my knees and I barely felt the gravel dig into my skin as I stared at the place my sister had been. One word drilled through my head and confusion was null as the importance, the realisation, of that word came startlingly into perspective.

A word nobody used. Nobody but one.

_Ally._

* * *

***Chuckle* you all hate me don't you?**


	43. To Descend

To Descend

**_Lara_**

I rested my head against Remus and sighed deeply. I stared out of the train windows, the blur of the landscape, the light drifting of clouds, and tried to ignore Alex who was so blind of my presence. I felt as if I were intruding into his thoughts, now that he couldn't hear me and it confused and hurt me to no end. I kept thinking in half formed, jolty, sequences – expecting his mind to unconsciously fill in the gaps. I could _feel _him there; my brain_ expected_ him to work with me. Now I was finding I had to ignore the fact he was there just so I could think properly. It was exhausting and wasn't helped by Alex's own fatigue from the nausea and headaches that still managed to leak into my own bones.

I felt a flicker of magic in the room and my mind tensed, I tried to locate the cause but I could hardly control my own magic to find out. I shrugged it off and blinked the feeling away. I tried to settle down but now I was more aware I became very conscious that I needed to use the loo.

"Lara? You alright?" Remus' voice came to me as if through filters.

_What's wrong with her – is she okay – what-? _

Alex's thoughts jumped out at me but I forced them away, feeling guilty as I did so.

What was with that? I was either guilty for hearing him or guilty for pushing him away…

I turned to Remus and reprocessed his words again before nodding, dazed.

"Yeah, I've just to use the toilet" I mumbled, standing up. I felt him squeeze my hand and looked at him to see his anxious face and feel his worried thoughts.

"Okay, don't be too long, we'll be getting to the station soon" he said, releasing my hand and I nodded again before leaving the compartment.

I _needed_ to go to the toilet.

I shook my head, feeling as if something had wedged itself in there.

_Why do I need the toilet? _I thought to myself but shrugged it off.

I suppose it doesn't matter, I could do with a little space either way.

It did confuse me though… this sudden urge… almost like –

"Larissa?" a voice said behind me and I recognised the mind before I saw the face.

"Regulus Black" I replied, turning to see him, poking his head out of a carriage.

He looked at me nervously and shifted his feet, his hand lying flat against the sliding door.

"Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt…" he said "do you mind if we have a quick chat?"

He looked at me with large innocent eyes, large innocent eyes in front of a shielded mind. I shook my head, still feeling the dragging texture of Alex's pain – even now.

"Sure… I guess so…" I said weakly, too drained to refuse.

I walked back to him and he stepped back, allowing me to enter in front of him. The door slammed shut. I caught a glimpse of the train windows and an intense feeling of not being alone washed over me before a blinding red light filled my vision and everything became black.

* * *

**_Regulus_**

I caught Larissa as she fell and lowered her gently to the floor. Next to me Darien removed the disillusionment charm and walked to his bag, pulling out a variety of potions. I looked down at Larissa's unconscious face and brushed away a strand of silver hair, her pale eyelashes stroked her cheek and her lips were slightly parted in shock. From here the scar over her face looked so much worse but I could also see how it had started to lose its intense red tinge. It didn't really matter; it just proved what she had been through. She was still beautiful.

"That was easy" I said quietly and Irvine glanced at me.

"Of course. She's probably exhausted from the state Alex is in – didn't I tell you there was a point to the poison we added?" he said lightly.

I glared at him but decided not to comment on his blasé tone.

He knelt down opposite me, on the other side of her head and his hand moved without hesitation to the inside of her left arm, pulling up her sleeve to reveal her wand strapped there in a holster made of white leather. I blinked, looking at Irvine curiously, and he glanced at me, his cheeks pinking.

"It was a gift from her aunt. She always wears it there... Alex has one too" he said as he began to remove the entire holster from her arm and attach it to himself.

I gently moved my hand to the top of her head and selected a hair, lightly pulling it away from the root. I stood and held it out to Irvine, my eyes fixed on the fine hair, as he rose to his feet and reached for one of the flasks. I watched as he tipped a bit of the sludgy liquid into a cup then, plucking the hair from my fingers with a glance, let the single silver hair fall into the potion.

It immediately started to change, the sludgy potion twisting into a semi-translucent silvery colour, like molten metal only lighter and with the liquidity of water.

Darien took a quick gulp and seemed to ponder the taste for a moment before chuckling and rolling his eyes.

"Tastes like vanilla" he said ironically, snorting.

I watched quietly as his hair started to grow out and adjust into Larissa's silver colour and the boned in his face morphed. His normally dark eye melded into grey and he began to shrink slightly till he was a foot shorter than me. I had to look away when Darien's pale, thin (and now baggy) shirt began to show a little too much of the body he now inhabited.

Merlin. That is weird.

Larissa Grey stepped out of the overly large shoes and knelt down to collect the smaller once. Darien Irvine looked up at me watching and scowled through her eyes.

"Stop staring dammit, you pervert" he said in her voice and I cringed.

"This is so wrong" I muttered, turning away so that he – Darien – could change into Larissa's clothes in peace.

"I still don't get why we couldn't just Imperio her" I said to the compartment door as I tried to ignore the rustle of clothes behind me.

"_Because"_ the (her) voice reprimand "Lara and Alex's wills together are much too strong to hold securely –_ him_ unable to hear _her_ does nothing to that"

"And the reason _you_ were chosen?" I muttered, trying not to imagine what I would see if I turned now.

There was a feminine snort.

"_I'm _not a pervert" he said (Irvine,_ Irvine_ is saying it).

"Only because you're gay"

He laughed out loud and it must have been the first time I'd heard him laugh properly.

"Perhaps" he chuckled "but I also know how she acts, which you don't"

* * *

**_Darien_**

So that was our plan. Poison Alex at dinner so he wouldn't be able to tell that I wasn't actually his sister and additionally weaken Lara. Get the rat to confound Lara into going to the toilet with the help of his desperate secret girlfriend. Switch and have me fool the dim-witted Gryffindors into believing I was their good friend/sister/girlfriend Lara Grey then give them the slip and apparate back to the Grey manor. Meanwhile Regulus would keep real Lara Grey incarcerated till we got to the station then portkey away to wherever Mr. Grey had decided confidentially to send his only daughter. Thus Regulus and myself escape death – for now - and I once again enhanced my title as a complete and utter bastard.

Simple.

The goodbye kisses though... now that was more painful than the guilt.

* * *

**_Alex_**

"-Causality of wa-"

"- MY COUS-"

"-We'll find her-"

"-Much as we c-"

"-T GOOD ENOU-"

"-Could be anywh-"

"-Don't you worry-"

"-YOU MEAN TH-"

"-Head start-"

"-Say she was acti-?"

"-said 'sorry-?"

"Al?"

I looked up in a daze and saw Sirius kneeling before me. I launched myself at him and began sobbing blindly into his shoulder. Everyone was talking over each other in this small room and in the middle Andy was shouting at the officials, her husband upstairs with Dora. The emotions were high and, my thoughts slightly clearing now, I could feel them as a hazy, thrumming pulse around me. Doubt, panic, acceptance, annoyance... all of them tense and painful to feel.

My sister.

It was becoming obvious to everyone who knew Lara that the Aurors knew shit all what to do and the Order didn't have enough information or places to start.

My sister.

Sirius held me and I clung to my fiancé like he was my last life line.

"-Manor hou-"

"-You-know-who-?"

"-DON'T YOU SE-"

"-The father-"

"-Imperius?"

"-HAD BETTER-"

"-unlikely that we-"

"SILENCE!"

The room became quite and turned to look at me. Sirius was sitting back on his arms where he'd fallen when I'd stood up. I felt my magic course through my skin and behind me something shattered. Most people were looking at me in shock and a little fear. Andy stood in the middle looking smug. Others looked annoyed, some were just gloomy. I glared around the room threateningly, my whole being charged with anger. When I spoke though my voice was quiet, level and I imagined that if my sister were here right now that we would speak in unison.

But it was just me and I would have to make do for the both of us.

"You are getting nowhere with this pointless bickering. Either you have no hope, like you" I jabbed my finger at a ministry official that I felt resignation pulsate from "and therefore need to leave or grow a little optimism for the sake of mine. Or you actually think about what you're doing instead of discussing how pointless and difficult it all is. Do something, don't just stand there. You don't have information? Get some" _and get a pair while you're at it, _I thought to myself.

I swept my eyes over them and then I turned on my heel and stormed out of the room to the spot where my sister had disaperated.

I felt Sirius follow me; he said nothing just kept close to my side while I breathed in deeply the cold night air.

I wanted to scream and writhe and shout and hit something probably bone breaking for my knuckles. I felt every cell in my body trying to fall in on its self and my vision kept bringing back the image of Lara's figure twisting away from me and the words that her lips had left.

_"It's all my fault, again, I really am so, so very sorry Ally"_

Oh, I knew exactly who left those words for me, it didn't matter how. They reeked of him in every way. The sincerity, the guilt yet the lack of will to do anything about it. The coward. Merlin I hated him so much. I hated that I still loved him deep in my heart, though that love was plagued and twisted now with pure, unadulterated hate.

How can you hate a person but love them?

It had been a perfect plan. A perfect bloody Slytherin plan. He always did have the best imagination - we used to commend him for it. The bastard. He always made the plans and they were always perfect, loop holes stitched up, almost artistic. I hated him.

_Ally._

I hated how it used to be us. We. Irvine and the Grey twins. Ally and Darien. Me and you. The fraud. I hated how he had shattered me. I hated how he sold me and my sister out. I hated that he infected all my happy memories of my childhood.

I hated how he had stolen my sister from me.

I screamed to the sky, animalistic, my hand curled into a fist and I felt sharp pains in my palm where my nails dug. Hands wrapped around my waist and pulled me into a hard chest. The darkness pressed into my skin and loneliness filled my thoughts.

* * *

**_Remus_**

_Remus,_

_ Lara has been kidnapped. We don't know how but I think it is pretty obvious who. I've just arrived at Andromeda's house, Alex is... a state. I'm so sorry. It's completely mad here, the Aurors are trying their best and the Order too has got involved but it's... not looking good. I don't know what to say. You're welcome to come over. You can have Lar- the spare room._

_ Sirius._

* * *

**_Lily_**

_Dear Lily!_

_ Help! Have you heard? Those bast- Did Sirius tell you? Holy fu Merlin. Lily, they've taken Lara! They've taken her! I want- don't know- what to do. I wish- can't think! I'm going to Andromeda's place. Alex is there. Tell the othe- James. I'm going to kill- go. I'm going to go._

_Remus._

* * *

**_James_**

_Dear James,_

_ Remus just owled me about Lara. I can't believe it! I haven't stopped crying since I got the letter. Remus is going crazy, you should have seen his letter and he asked me to tell you about... it. But of course you must already know - you were with Sirius after all. Remus has gone to stay with Alex and Sirius, I wish I could go too, Petunia is driving me mad blaming me for my parents... and now this. I just can't believe it! Lara! What are we going to do? What in Merlin's name should we do? What if they- hurt her? What if she-_

_ I'm so scared, James, I'm terrified._

_Love Lily._

* * *

**_Severus_**

_Mr Snape,_

_ Your initiation is tomorrow evening. Go to the three broom sticks at seven sharp. You will be escorted. Stay hidden. Tell no one. Now destroy this letter._

_Morsmordre_

* * *

**In those last letters there was meant to be cross outs - sorry for the confusion.**


	44. To Land

To Land

**_Darien_******

I landed outside the proud grey manor and I stood staring at the gates where Alex had been just seconds before. I saw him, so clearly, watching realisation flicker, watching as his world collapsed. I saw him standing there clinging to the quaint little gate, unable to hold himself up. I saw him crack, crumble and collapse inside his eyes. I felt it all, saw it all.

_Lips latched onto mine again and I resisted the urge to groan. His hands moved up to cradle my face and the kiss became soft, so soft and so perfect it melted my heart. It was almost too good, this last kiss, if it had just been him forcing his lust onto me I could pretend to myself that this was all just a game really. He stroked my jaw tenderly, another hand reaching down to brush through my dark hair. This here wasn't lust though and I wanted to weep feeling his love, feeling my love, infecting me._

_My ears were listening out keening for the sound I knew would come. Lips drew away briefly to trace a line to my neck, latching onto that place that only he knew made me shiver._

_"Dari..."_

_Then I heard it, so quietly in the very far reaches of my ears. It forced me to emit a strangled cry as my hands, unwilling, so Merlin damned unwillingly, moved to press against his shoulders. He didn't seem to notice and the hypnotising way he littered my skin with kisses broke into my chest._

_The door swung open, suddenly and brutally, wand light rushing into the small space and Ally froze. I plastered my smug grin onto my face while my heart broke. I pushed him away and he stumbled away, back hitting the closet walls and feet tripping over a bucket. He looked up at me and something in his face stuttered as he saw mine._

_"See. Didn't I tell you he was ponce?" I said, turning to sneer arrogantly at the caretaker and Eloisa Vager "now excuse me I have to go pack my things"_

_I moved to walk out of the closet, sending a charmed wink at Eloisa who giggled disgustingly, but then I paused, turning to look back at where Alex still crouched on the floor. His face was in shock and confusion, denial clear, and Merlin did it hurt to see._

_"See you around Alex _sweetie_" I said, blowing a kiss._

_One last blow._

_Then it happened and it was my eyes he stared into as the heart inside his chest shattered and hope and love tumbled into a ditch. It was my eyes that watched it all happen, knowing it was my entire fault. I felt it, saw it all._

* * *

**_Regulus_**

I stood outside the heavy door that had just closed in my face. The doors that she had just disappeared behind. I stood still, so still it seemed even my heart had stopped drumming, like my lungs had given up and the blood in my veins had solidified. I didn't know what I was to do, what I was to say. It occurred to me that anybody, any Death Eater, could walk by and see me standing here, with even my gaze frozen.

Abruptly, I felt in my heart something come alive, something that had been asleep for a long time stirred like a beast blearily opening its eyes to look around. It became aware and I became aware. I realised and the thoughts that crashed into me pushed me away stumbling. It all came to me in one fell swoop and the world as I knew it seemed to crumble around me. My back hit a wall and my mouth fell open, agape in a silent cry.

What have I done? What did I do?

* * *

**_Sirius_**

The fire roared green and a figure materialized in a swirl of fabric, the boy tumbling out gracelessly onto the rug of Andy's spotless home. Ash puddle around his feet and smears had found them self covering his face. Remus' eyes darted around the room, frenzied and wide, before landing on me and Al.

I didn't move, not that I could if I wanted to. Al's head of silver hair lay in my lap, facing my stomach and the rest of him was curled up next to me on the sofa. He had finally fallen asleep and the quivering in his limbs had all but subsided. Remus' face crumpled and he was silent as he collapsed into the arm chair and pulled his knees up to his chest, arms wrapping them tightly. Nothing had to be said.

I had owled him an hour ago, just before Alex had fallen asleep and it was now about nine in the morning. Lara had disappeared last night, we hadn't slept since. We had watched the sun rise into the air from the kitchen window, holding cups of non-drunk tea to our chests. Andromeda had left some hour before dawn, saying nothing but pulling her cousins into tight, back breaking hugs.

I found myself thinking of Lara – well, obviously – thinking of the last time we had talked, just between us, in the hospital wing. Her words then seemed so fateful now and mine so naive. It was like she had known that she wasn't going to be around much longer – not that she was dead, I told myself firmly. She had felt it, that something was going to happen, she had known as she stood there looking at her brother's unconscious form that something not right was going on, something that was targeted at her.

It seemed so obvious now, blinding Alex of the world around him, blinding him of Lara. Alex would normally always know if there was something wrong with his sister so if you wanted to get her, you had to get him.

And only someone who knew of the intense connection between the two would know that. Three guesses who.

But Lara, _Lara_, that's who I'd been thinking about. She had near as told me something was going to happen.

_"Sirius?" she whispered and I squeezed her hand "If I ever... if I die, you should know that Alex won't be the same – not just emotionally – but literally, personality wise. If that were to happen-"_

_"-Which it won't" I cut in and she glanced at me sadly._

_"Shush, let me finish." She took in a deep in breath "If that were to happen you have to promise me to help him re-build himself and not to... abandon him, if he seems different. Promise me that"_

Her words had been playing through my head all night. It made me shudder; it made me want to curl up, the words twisting around me and the image of her desperate face filled my vision.

"_Help him re-build himself". _

I looked down at Alex, my fiancé, my love, soon to be husband, his soft hair disarrayed around his head and his eyes gently closed. Even in his sleep his face was tight with tension and a frown marred his lips. His eyes held the burden of heavy dark purple bags on which his lashes rested on, silver and light. Red cheeks, red from tears and anger, that looked so soft, so untarnished. His hand on my leg clenched and loosened, long musician's fingers that were tainted red on the tips from where blood had split as he clenched them into his palm.

I bit into my lips.

"_If I ever... if I die"_

* * *

**_James_**

I looked up from the letter in my hand up to the house and back again. I was nervous, no point denying it. I looked up at the house again and frowned. It was so... normal, so boring, this whole place was. I looked up and down the street again, taking in the identical houses and the tidy lawns and carefully clipped hedges. Lights bloomed in the (courteously curtained) windows all down the street and it was completely still.

It was a whole twenty-four hours since Lara had vanished.

I took a deep in breath and walked up the pathway to the door. I raised my knuckles to knock on the wooden surface but paused seeing the little button next to the door. I looked back down at the letter and read the little scribbled note at the end.

_Oh – when you get here ring the bell. They have a thing about people knocking._

I studied the word bell and looked back at the small blue button._ Weird_. I shrugged and pressed my finger to the little thing which, to my satisfaction, made the sound of a bell ring out inside the house. I tried not to look smug that I figured out the weird muggle contraption.

Noises sounded inside, a gruff male voice and the sound of running feet, and I saw a shadow appear through the window of the door. I gulped and placed a small smile on my face.

The door opened and a large man stood there staring at me with narrowed eyed. I blinked in shock. The man was large, with a small neck and too many chins, his hair was a pale blond and he sported a weird little moustache. Beady eyes looked me up and down and a sneer started to grow on his lips, especially after studying my Potter hair.

"So you're one of her friends are you?" he said with a scowl, crossing beefy arms over his cheat "another freak?"

_Did he just call me a freak? _I thought to myself as I was ushered into a plain and – oh guess what – boring hall way.

"James!" someone called and a streak of red met my eyes before I was stumbling with the weight of someone in my arms, I laughed slightly and nervously. I stroked the back gentle, feeling the muscles tremble. I could hardly believe this was actually happening.

"Hey there Lils, you nearly ready to go?" I asked and she clung tighter.

"Yes! Definitely, oh I am so glad you offered, I don't think I could – I just can't – oh James!" She shuddered in my arms and I her unleash a sob into my chest.

I looked over her head and saw a woman, a few years older than us, standing in the doorway to a living room, watching us. She had brown hair, pulled back sharply from her head, and her eyes were brown. The only thing that showed she was Lily's sister was a slight hint in the bones of her face and the fair skin. Her arms were crossed over an apron and her eyes were hard and her lips pursed. She glared as my eyes met hers and I had never seen so much hate laced into a complete stranger towards me.

"So you're Potter?" she said harshly, face twisting into disgust.

I nodded sharply once then turned to Lily who had stiffened as her sister had spoken.

"Where's your stuff Lils?" I asked - my thoughts focused on getting out of this house as fast as possible.

"At the top of the stairs, wi- with Tomi" she said, pulling back "I couldn't- couldn't – carry it"

I frowned.

"Why didn't you-" _use magic. _I silenced seeing her fearful look in those bright green eyes and glanced over to where Petunia still stood angrily.

"I'll go get it" I said slowly, pulling out of Lily's arms.

I made my way to the stairs and heardVernonshout something just as I was a few steps up.

"Don't touch anything boy!"

I bit back a growl. _Boy_, how dare he? How on earth could my Lily have such atrocious relatives, _boy?_

Getting to the top of the stairs I found the trunk waiting as she had said. There was also the basket which held her ever moody brown cat, Thomasina, who glared at me reproachfully through wicker case. I glanced down the stairs and, seeing that I was out of view of the moody couple, drew my wand. Quickly casting a weightless charm over the bulbous trunk, and, grasping it and the (resentfully hissing) cat basket, began to drag it down the stairs.

Waiting for me the small family stood in tense silence, Lily looking down and fiddling with the hem of her muggle blouse. Petunia andVernonstood in the entrance to the living room, both with arms crossed and glares. I glanced away from them and cleared my voice.

"All ready?"

She nodded stiffly, reaching out to take Thomasina from me, and turned to look at her sister, opening her mouth but pausing, unsure perhaps what to say.

"You can stay away for the rest of the summer" Petunia said before she could speak, throwing her nose into the air and sniffing.

I saw Lily's mouth shut tight with a click, teeth moving to bite her lip, and her emerald eyes glistened, something inside me snapped. I glared at the other woman, striding forward to grip Lily flower's hand possessively.

"Lily is welcome to stay as long as she wishes" I said coldly.

"Good"Vernonsaid stiffly and I turned to glare at him instead, my eyes burning in their sockets.

There was stillness in that small corridor then, the space between us clearly marking the differences between us. I found myself growing to hate them with the way they treated Lily who just stood there taking it all. She wasn't the normal fiery Lily Evens here, ready to take anything; she was tired and lonely, unsure and hurt, I could see it and it kicked something inside my soul to see.

"Seems there nothing left to say" I muttered "let's go Lily"

I pulled her away and they watched silently, I reached out and opened the door. Cold air touched our faces and we paused. I felt Lily glance again behind her but there were no more words, hateful or otherwise to be said. Together we walked out of the house into the suburban street and we left the door to swing close with a defiant bang. We kept walking, saying nothing and looking straight ahead and not pausing once. I led her to the alley I had apparated into to get here and with a gentle squeeze in warning span away, my home in mind.

We landed and the world was quiet.

And then Lily, my fair, strong Lily, broke down. I heard the sound of Tomi's cage falling to the ground, hissing, and the trunk I held hit the earth with a thud. Lily's arms wrapped around my neck and she sobbed unrestrained into my chest. I enveloped her in my arms, pulling her small frame closer to me, breathing deeply the honey smell that was all Lily. I felt my own tears roll down my face and I wondered at them as they trickled down my face unasked. The dark around us was still.

Slowly her tears subsided and almost hesitantly she pulled away and looked up at me through the shadows, green eyes meeting my own. I raised my hands to frame her face, to brush the salty tears away, to hold her. I paused, just stared, just holing her and in my chest my heart felt full and nothing else seemed to matter much but the sharp gaze of those green eyes. I felt her sigh and her eyes fell shut as I leant in, so slowly and oh Merlin so_ perfectly_, to press my lips against her soft ones.

* * *

**_Severus_**

I landed and the world appeared in a swirl of smoke, fog clinging to the buildings around me. I checked my watch, six-fifty-seven. Three minutes. It was real, I knew it – really I should have known for a while – but it was only hitting me now. It was happening, I was here and I had no choice. None. It didn't matter how much I still loved Lily, how much my friendship with Lara had affected me, I was here and to turn back now was death.

I forced my feet to move and I strode quickly to the well known pub, knowing as I did so that my memory of this place would forever be tainted. I wondered if they did that on purpose but shook my head at the pointless thoughts.

Walking into the pub, I kept my eyes alert. I didn't know who it was I was looking for. I didn't know where they would take me. I didn't know anything but what that jarring note had said. The pub was warm and pleasant, a mockery, and the bar man was busy speaking with the patrons as he went about his business. The sound of his daughter Rosmerta flirting with the men could clearly be heard over the din. I moved to an empty table, weaving through the others, my cloak flowing around me. Sitting I decided the best thing would be to wait for them to come for me.

"Severus!" a voice said coming towards me and I looked up surprised as my classmate fell into the seat opposite me "It is good to see you"

"Oh. Yes, good to see you" I said uneasily, peering around my shoulder uneasily.

Of all the times I could be recognised and accosted by somebody it just had to me now didn't it? I hoped desperately that the person coming to get me wouldn't blame me but I had low hopes, _keep hidden_, my heart sank in my chest.

"How have you been?" he asked and I turned back to him, surprised at the civil question.

"Well" I said stiffly "Look I don't mean to be ru-"

A sly smirk settled onto his face, interrupting me, and I heard a chuckle from deep in his chest.

"Ah, Snape. How you do amuse me" the other boy said and I shifted as his eyes became sly.

I paused.

"…Excuse me?" I said, wary of insulting him, who was undoubtedly one of my superiors.

Dark eyes met mine knowingly and that smirk grew. Darien Irvine, the Slytherin prince, leant in closer to me, a beckoning finger drawing me in too.

"You, Snape are here to be escorted" he drew away as my eyes rounded "and I am here to do so."

* * *

**_Lara and Alex_**

Night came to two worlds, two people fell into slumber and we danced through the land of dreams till the light we headed to, followed from the thread leading from our very essences, appeared before us each. We, together in both instances, saw the other and we clashed.

We dreamt and the world expanded from our feet, spiralling up and converging to create a corridor. There was carpet under our feet and the walls were rich and paintings whispered unseeing of our figures. We looked at each other and the faces we saw were blurred and indistinct. We were one yet we were not as we had been before. We were separate, our souls pulled from one another. The one that was Alex had a new thread leading from his soul and it disappeared at a far off vanishing point. The one that was Lara was shying away from the other who was me, who was you.

There was an I.

We felt it, two separates, one me and one you and not us within two bodies.

It was different, for these dreams.

The one that was Alex cried out emotionally at feeling the presence of the other – you – no - me. And the one that was Lara reached out a hand across the barrier that neither could see. We were too far apart, though in this dream world we were within touching distance. Whisper distance.

The corridor continued to form, slowly, like syrup dripping through a filter and my eyes – your eyes – drifted away to examine the place we were in. It was recognisable, after a time and we blinked at the unexpected place.

Then, only as the door itself became to be, a hinge squeaked and a woman strode out of the door. She was our mother but she looked crazed and skeletal though she walked with the usual dignity and energy. She didn't look behind her at the two boys that followed close but strode towards us, her eyes passing through our forms. Both boys were those who we knew too.

The tallest had long dark hair, straight and loose, with dark hair and tanned skin. He looked tired, weaker than usual and his jaw was clenched.

The other also had dark hair, this time black and greasy, with ashen skin. He looked confused and amazed at the same time.

The three passed through us and we turned to watch them.

They stopped outside a different door, several minutes walk away and our mother turned to the boys.

_"You know what to do" _she said and her voice was muffled _"I have exactly ten hours, make sure he finds me before then"_

_"I will" _the solemn one said _"And I'll go to her tomorrow. Severus will do the rest"_

The bewildered one nodded.

_"I guess I will" _He said.

Our mother nodded and walked into the other room, we knew it, the room.

The world started to fade and melt and the one that was Alex gasped and turned to the other. Hands reached out as if they could pull this reality back together.

_No! Lara. Where are you? _I called frantically.

_Not here. _I replied sorrowfully.


	45. To Control

**OMG I AM SO SORRY! It's completely inexcusable how long I made you lot wait for this chapter! Sorrry! I've just been really busy with college, with my new LotR story and I've had really bad writers block! Sorry, hope this chapter makes up for it, you probably all want to murder me...**

**Well, here we go...**

* * *

To Control**_  
_**

**_Lara_**

".. My niece…? …pity how th… be…"

"… Were not… vow, I… do awa… disappointm…"

"… Gutted… I'd murder my… so far astray; I admire… persiste…"

"…blip – that... them who is boss… quickly learn… have her…"

"… son? I heard-"

"… be dealt with… separated now… darling wife made… perception…"

"Ah! How… ely littlest sister?…ny trouble?"

"She… away... admit that… weakness… underestimated… bitch"

"…ways was a bad… moral for her own good… sense of place... not blame you, Alexa… rotten… difficult to change…"

"…deed, we'll see…"

Voices broke into my unconsciousness and I heard the sharp sound of heels on stone travelling past my head. A door far to my right was opened then fell shut with a slight click. I groaned, my head splitting and darkness veiling my eyes. I was on the floor somewhere, though for the life of me I couldn't figure out why, and the chill of bare stone was biting and ominously familiar. I strained to open my eyes and soon became aware that my hands were trapped under my body, cramped and unmovable. They were bound.

As this fact became apparent I stilled, feeling the cold stone under me, my heart clenched and fear leaked into my flesh. My eyes were half open and through my lashes I saw above me an unfamiliar ceiling, richly patterned.

"Nice of you to join us Larissa," a voice said near me and, before I had a chance to tell them otherwise, my eyes snapped wide open and my neck craned to see the speaker.

He sat several meters from me in an armchair, ankles crossed casually and long fingers resting on the spine of a book that sat in his lap. It looked entirely wrong, this casual position and it did not go unnoticed that even his wand was out of sight.

_Well shit._

My heart sank as my eyes travelled up the broad figure to meet with a pair of familiar eyes, but I felt oddly amused at the recognizable situation. Looks like I'd done it again, I officially had the worst luck ever.

"Hey daddy, what's up?" I said with a yawn.

It seemed pointless to be scared, I knew what was coming. I hardly even bothered to wonder how it was that I managed to get here again. Though, where here was I did not know. At least it was not that long cold hall again, who knew how my PCE would spike in that situation… again.

I saw his eyes flare up with anger at my blasé tone, unsurprising really. I think I'd be pissed off too if I was an evil maniac who wasted many hours and weeks trying to capture a runaway daughter only to find that she's still a bad mouthing teenager.

I allowed a chuckle, just a small one, to escape my lips.

"What? No hug? Not even a peck on the cheek?" It was occurring to me around about now that I was obviously bordering hysterical.

"Silence, you traitorous undeserving bitch, I have no time for your trivial remarks," he bit out coldly and I found myself rolling my eyes.

"I take it this is no typical social visit then? What will it be then? A prophesy to fulfil? Forcing me into service to your precious lord? Or mayb-"

"SILENCE-!"

"Oh! I know! It's an arranged marriage-"

"-HOW DARE YOU-!"

"Isn't it? Oh, the arrange marriage one is so last-"

"CRUCIO"

The pain came, waves of it, and it didn't matter how many times this had happened to me it still overwhelmed my senses. I tried to stop the screams that tried to burst through my throat, I bit down sharply and blood filled my mouth. The pain wretched through me, I jerked and thrashed. One piercing thought came to me and it was the only thing that served to sooth the pain – mentally that is – and that was that Alex wasn't here. My brother wasn't out there feeling this pain rush through his veins as it did through mine. He wasn't here to be turned to afterward, when I was spent. He wasn't… but Merlin did this hurt either way. Vision turned red and I sobbed uselessly as it continued.

Then it stopped and I lay panting on the floor.

"… Has an- anyone ever told you..." I croaked dryly "That… that you ne-need to work on your anger management?"

Was apparently a bad thing to say.

* * *

**_Remus_**

"So," I said through gritted teeth, "You basically have no idea where she is?"

They looked at one another, the two fools.

"Basically," the first said.

"Most old manor houses are unplottable and there isn't even a certainty she's be at a-"

"She'll be at a manor house. Father likes grandeur," Alex cut in behind me.

They exchanged glances, uncomfortably waves coming off them clearly.

"Look kids," the second said uneasily, "There are hundreds of people who have vanished, we can't do everything; we don't have enough people."

"Yeah our priority has to be You-Know-Wh-"

"So you're just giving up on her?" Sirius demanded angrily.

My whole body seemed to freeze as hopelessness and gut wrenching pain spread through my body. This couldn't be happening. Everything was meant to be okay after the last time, after Christmas. It was all meant to work. I was going to... we were...

I pushed down the sobs and turned away from the useless men as Sirius began shouting. Soon Andromeda would run into the room hearing the voices and start her own triad of shouts. Then the little girl, Dora, would rush in with her hair switching so fast between colours in looked like one blur. Then Ted. Then they would leave and that would be it.

That would be it.

My eyes met those of Alex and I had never seen him look so lost and confused. He sat on the sofa, the middle of the sofa with two large gaps either side of him, with arms crossed and a straight, tense back. Alex, who looked so much like his twin with his grey eyes, silver hair, long fingers and slender frame.

_We'll have to do it ourselves. _I projected to the other Grey and it occurred to me that I had never tried to communicate with my girlfriend's brother mentally. He seemed to notice it too because when his eyes zapped to mine they were widened with shock.

Then he nodded one sharp nod, and in his eyes I recognised Lara who I could always read and those eyes replied. _Yes, there's no one left who will help us now._

* * *

**_Regulus_**

I threw everything into a bag. I ignored the precious family heirlooms, I could take them but why should I? I grabbed robes and books and various things from my childhood. There was a book of photos that I had hidden from mother, full of two laughing boys with black hair and aristocratic faces. I pulled out the diaries I hadn't used for years and the gifts my Uncle had given me. I submerged myself and didn't think about what I was doing.

Outside my window the sun was rising, I hadn't slept once all night. I hadn't been able to. I'd got home to the proud cries of my mother and the dignified figure of my father, they'd showered me with praise and, had the circumstances been different, I would have been overjoyed. Then, upstairs in my room, I hadn't been able to sleep.

"I thought you might be doing this." A drawling voice from my door said.

I span around and, seeing the person there, pulled out my wand with a sound that cut the air. The other flicked theirs lazily and I watched as my wand flew out of my hand. Anger began to build up in my veins, cold anger, potent and vicious.

"You," I growled.

"Me," he replied and his relaxed form did nothing for my rage. "Your house elf let me in, with your mother's permission."

"Get out."

"I came over to make sure you didn't get any further than this."

"Get our now."

"I knew you would let your emotions get the better of you, so I though I would sooth that burni-"

"Irvine I swear to Merlin that if you don't leave right now-!"

"What do you expect to do? Prance into the manor, grab her and prance out again?"

I snapped.

"THE DUNGEONS IRVINE! You didn't see her! You didn't hear her! They dragged her in there unconscious and bleeding! I've been in those dungeons! The have chains! DON'T YOU GET IT?" I screamed and I saw again her, that, those…

"I've heard it. I've seen it too." The other boy said quietly and looking up I saw eyes burning.

"Then why are you here?" I spat.

"I can't let you risk yourself in a foolish mission."

Foolish! The bastard! How dare he!

"Oh don't give me that look," he snorted and he marched up to me, "You know that it would never work."

"I have to try." Tears clogged my voice.

"I know. Me too."

Then something happened, as our eyes met across the small space.

* * *

**_Darien_**

"I have to try," he said and his voice sounded rough as I saw his eyes glimmer.

My own emotions boiled under the surface.

"I know. Me too."

Our eyes met, and I saw the exact same feelings in the boy less than a meter from me. Guilt, hate, desperation, pain, loss.

I didn't think about it, something in the air had snapped and energy inside me had escaped. Masks had fallen to the carpet of this ancient pure-blood house and I suddenly didn't care.

I yanked the idiot boy into my chest and crashed my lips down on his. He struggled and bit my lip and I retaliated with a bite of my own until I felt our blood mingle. Then it wasn't just me and I felt him grab me as well by my shirt and his own kiss was equally brutal and hate filled.

This wasn't love, or even liking, on his side it probably wasn't even attraction though I couldn't escape the fact I was mildly attracted to the mysterious brunette. This was just hate and bitterness and the same desire running through our veins. We were connected by our equal need for the Grey Twins, knowing that it was exactly the same for the other. We clashed and grabbed and tumbled to the floor in bruises and punches and desperate painful kisses.

It was guilt and passion and when I left, after telling him my plan, it had been nothing but an escape.

* * *

**_Cynthia_**

My daughter had been kidnapped twenty-nine hours ago. The sun had set and my husband had returned home from wherever he'd kept her, my daughter. Under the floorboards somebody, a young voice, male, was screaming, always someone screaming. The house elf was at my side._ My_ house elf. She was nervous, tugging at her ears and shifting uneasily. I grasped her little hand when proffered and said nothing I felt what once was familiar.

Ten minutes later shadows stretched across a familiar room and I stood with the light of my mother, the moon, on my face.

I stood at the foot of my husband's bed, our bed. It had been our bed, once, but it wasn't the bed where we had been happy, been together, in, no that bed was inBerlin, growing cold. I was thankful of that now; it was so much easier to separate this Alexander from mine. The room was dark but the night sky outside the window lit the room into a grey palette. In my fingers I twirled my husband's wand, Spruce and dragon heart string, 13⅔ inches, while I watched the sleeping face before me.

It had been too easy, far too easy.

I smiled maliciously and decisively pointed the wand at his sleeping form. He made a grunt, a yelp, as the ropes fastened themselves to the upper corners of the bed, eyes snapping open in shock. The zing of ropes enveloping his wristed and pulling, stretching his arms from the safely of his body made me smile. I was far gone, I won't deny it.

His eyes snapped to me though the darkness and I thought perhaps I saw pure fear there.

"Cynthia," he said simply.

"Hi sweetie, did you miss me?" I said and even to my ears I sounded half mad, delirious and manic.

"How did you get out?" he asked, sweet with concealed fright.

"A rather irrelevant question don't you think love?"

* * *

**_Severus_**

I stared at the dark mark on my arm, feeling the still continuous sting, like a burn. It was a gift, I told myself, a great honour and it signified everything I had been waiting for. Years I had waited patiently for this moment. All those dark art books, all that practice and socialising. It all came to this. I stroked it and it twanged under my touch. It was disgusting.

Darien Irvine grabbed my arm and started pulling me up the stairs and a hurried pace.

"Come, the meeting is being delayed till tomorrow. You will stay here for the night" He said coldly and I winced as he pulled on my fresh tattoo.

"Here? Shouldn't I just-"

"First rule: don't argue,"Irvine snapped at me as we wended through the many corridors.

"Seemed to know you way well," I said coldly as we passed more rooms.

He gave me a cursory glare.

I began to get annoyed as he led me further and further into the house.

Finally we stopped outside a door and Darien, looking up and down the corridor first, raised his wand and began to mutter incantations under his breath. I felt magic in the air and wards around the door were removed, noticeable as being there only by being removed. I opened my mouth to exclaim over the amount of spells but the door clicked just as I was going to say anything.

It swung open and I saw a room filled with book shelves and couches dimly lit with oil lamps.

"What is going on?" I called in confusion as the ice prince stalked to a door in the far corner of the room and pushed it open. He peered in then, looking agitated, crossed the room to another door.

He placed his hand on the door knob but paused. He bit his lip and shut his eyes.

"Well, well, if it isn't little Dari," Came a voice behind me and we both jumped up in alarm "You boy, don't dare move," she said to me and I felt my wand swish out of my pocket, just as I saw Darien fly past me.

I backed up against one of the sofas.

A figure stepped out of the shadows of the corridor and into the light of the room. I tensed up and stared in shock. Standing before me was a woman, richly dressed in a silk gown preferred by pure blood ladies. She had dark brown hair pulled into an elegant bun and dark, heavy lidded eyes. She held herself tall and her whole figure thrummed with danger. For a small moment I thought she was Bellatrix Lestrange, if it were not for the age, voice, straight hair and certain amount of dignified cleanliness and lady likeness that Bella never showed. Her eyes were fixed onDarienand her wand was pointed at his chest. I saw a flicker of madness though, under the coolness.

"Lady Grey a pleasure to see you again,"Irvine said as he turned from the door, I gapped slightly at the title, "You managed to escape your room I see, I must say-"

"Be quiet boy. I care not whether you were trying to be my knight in shining armour or not. I do not like you." Her voice was filled with contempt, "I just about tolerated your affair with my son," I twisted my head to see Irvine pale, "and I even let you get away with slandering him and breaking his heart, I'll even forget that you were the one spying on them but you, boy, have gone too far now."

"Y-You knew?" He choked out and Mrs. Grey gave a dark chuckle.

"Of course I knew you idiotic boy. You think I am as blind as my dear husband? It didn't take a genius to see through the looks," She said.

I continued to stare between the two in shock. What the hell was going on!Irvinehad an affair with Alex? Mrs Grey was being imprisoned in her own rooms?Irvinewas trying to rescue her? What the hell?

"Speaking of your husband I really think-"Darien started but the Lady broke in, again.

"Alexander has been dealt with," She smirked, "he will not raise his wand on my children ever again."

Darienspluttered and I don't think I had ever seen him less composed than these few minutes.

"You killed him?" He said in disbelieve.

"You sound surprised," She replied indifferently, regally tucking some hair behind her ear "Now where is my daughter?"

"... What is going on here?" I asked suddenly and they both turned to me.

Mrs. Grey glanced at Darien and he answered her unspoken question.

"Severus Snape: just recruited this morning. I had to persuade the Death Eaters that he should stay here the night so I could be allowed to come up here."

She nodded.

"To answer your question Mr. Snape, my daughter has recently been abducted my Death Eaters, courtesy of Mr. Irvine here and a Mr. Black. And I am... retaliating." She smirked.

I blinked in shock.

"You mean Lara?" I asked and despite my cold voice I knew some of my concern had leaked through.

They both stared at me and I shifted uneasily.

"What?" I asked as they kept staring.

"You called her Lara," Irvine said slowly.

"... So?"

Lady Grey bristled.

"So, only her friends call her that," She explained as if I were five.

It was my turn to bristle, mine indignantly.

"Hey! That's not my fault, _your daughter_ keeps on ambushing me and won't leave me alone," I said angrily. No point saying I'd stopped resisting this a while back.

The two pure bloods exchanged glances.

"That sounds like her," they said in unison.

Dariensighed and crossed his arms.

"I don not know where Lara is and Regulus is under vow not to speak of it. Your Late Husband thought I would be the one most likely to be questioned by the light side," he said, "but I do know something…"

His voice trailed off as I stopped listening. Lara! Lara had been captured? Merlin. I didn't know what to feel or think. It was the Dark Lord's bidding; it was not my place to disagree. But it was Lara! I couldn't escape the fact the girl had become my friend, even if she hadn't spoken to me since… But it changed nothing. Then something came to me, something…

Voices, a quick exchange.

"I know where she is," I said suddenly and they both turned to me, "I know where Lara is."

* * *

**_Sirius_**

I pulled his body to mine, pulled him until is tears fell on my face and his arms reached out to wrap around my neck. His chest pressed against mine and his limbs jerked in the throws of a nightmare. My own tears began to fall and the darkness of the room was all around me.

It was about four in the morning.

Please. Please let this be the last one tonight. Please let his tears cease and oh Merlin help me.

He thrashed and whispers, whimpers, escaped him. My beautiful Alex.

It was a stab to see him like this. It hurt and I…

"It's okay love," I whispered again and again, "It's all going to work out…"

He moaned and I clung. He sobs and I clenched my teeth to hold my own in my chest. He was alone, and in his loneliness he had left me, and he knew it too. He clung to me physically as if he could erase the fact he was so lonely while I was right there. He hated it, hated knowing that I knew. Hated feeling my pain that I couldn't be the one to make him feel better. It was himself that he had lost and nobody can replace that.

Nobody but that girl who we still didn't know how to find.

"Lara..!" He shook and I pulled him so that there was no space left between our naked chests.

Merlin I loved this boy so much but it didn't matter because I couldn't really help him.

Suddenly his body sagged and relaxed and mine copied his movement in relief. He breathing slowed down dramatically and his face became completely relaxed and blank in the grey light. I felt a tingle and I watched in fascination, in awe, as a faint glimmer appeared on his skin and his hair seemed to rustle. I couldn't move, couldn't think of anything but…

I don't know how long it lasted; I couldn't take my eyes off the magically sparkling boy who I loved so much. It might have been minutes, or even hours. But it did end and it was his cry that punctuated the loss of light.

"No! Lara!" He called and his eyes snapped open.

He startled and was suddenly sitting up as I lay in shock under him, his eyes fell to meet mine and in the dark I saw them wide.

"We dreamt," he said and his voice was but a whisper, "She's alive, Lara is alive. My mother is free. My mother and Regulus and Darien, they're at Grey Manor. Father, she's going to kill him. Lara is alive."

* * *

**_Darien_**

We walked and I was in shock. Mrs. Grey took the lead and Severus Snape,_ Snape_, followed by my side. I couldn't believe him, her - them! We stopped and we stood before the room of Mr. Grey, where I knew his body must lie. His body. This woman, who I had known since I was a child, turned to us. I tried to figure out what to say and I found my mask was completely useless.

"You know what to do," she said regally, eyeing us each in turn, "I have exactly ten hours, make sure he finds me before then."

"I will," I said solemnly, "And I'll go to her tomorrow. Severus will do the rest."

Snape nodded, still shocked at himself for the mad plan he'd got himself into on the same night he committed himself to the Dark Lord.

"I guess I will," he said.


	46. To Visit

**Thankyou all my reviewers, readers, adders, favouriters - Merry Christmas!**

* * *

****To Visit

**_Lara_**

_No! Lara. Where are you? I called frantically._

_Not here. I replied sorrowfully._

Waking from the dream I found myself back in the cold for, what I think was, the second night. The world did not slowly appear in my consciousness as it sometimes did with waking; I was not blessed with an opportunity to prepare myself. No, the real world away, from dreams, pounced on me with body wracking brutality. It was a bite, an endless feeling of aching muscles and iron pain in my limbs and head, it was coldness and darkness and dampness and hunger.

I was alone.

It was so lightless, hopeless, I thought. I could feel the blackness pressing against my eyes and shivers desperate raked through my bones. The floor under me was clammy with who knows what, and the walls were slimy with moss. I wanted to pace, but I couldn't see, never mind move. I sat with my back against the wall, my ankles encased and my arms draw above my body from chains. I couldn't feel my hands, my arms, and my body was cramped and stiff. I wanted to punch something but that was impossible. I wanted to... Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit!

How could I have been so... so... thick!

The darkness had completely removed my foolish hysteria, perhaps that's why the bastard had put me here. The bastard I called my father. And Regulus Black! Damn him! I should have realised the moment I felt his uneasy shielded mind that something was up. I should have understood. And now I was here. Way to go Lara.

The dream came back to me, my brother's voice and image appeared before my eyes, sharp and real. Alex. Merlin I missed him, missed feeling his thoughts, feeling myself, knowing that somebody out there knew me inside out.

I missed them all.

Sirius, with his cocky grin, his lazy laugh and the way he still called me 'Greyette', the way he loved my brother and watched his every move. Lily: with her vibrant joy and stubborn glare, Lily who was smart and witty and sometimes just plain scary. James: with his puppy dog eyes, mooning after Lily each hour of the day, him with his Quidditch and pranks and charm. Alice: a bubble of positivity and slyness, constantly tripping over something or other. Eliza: the dreamy insightful Ravenclaw with her sharp blue eyes and long blond hair, always getting the root of the problem. Tabby and Amy: complete opposites but always with each other, Tabby always just a few steps behind the shorter girl. Tabby the quiet and watchful, Amy the hyperactive and spontaneous, they were a strange pair but they played off each other with the perfect ease of best friends... or something more. Even Severus… Severus who had been in my dream, with my mother. Hope flared, briefly, and I wondered if he had chosen his path…

And Remus, my dearest, stupidest, most brilliant Remus. I loved him, loved him so much it hurt. I loved the way he rolled him eyes and held my hand. I loved his quiet humour and insecurity. I loved his intelligence and the way he liked his sugar with splash of coffee. I wanted to have that little cottage with the wooden floors and comfy sofas. I wanted that little girl with his eyes and my hair.

But I was here, in the dark and cold waiting for them out there to put everything together. They had plan for me, my father might be killed by my mother but his plans were still in motion.

It was the dream now to think of. It was at Grey Manor... Mother, Severus and Irvine. Irvine...? I didn't understand. My mother went into father's room... she was going to kill him and then... ten hours? What happened after ten hours? Make sure who found her? And Irvine was helping, Irvine and Severus. Darien was going to somebody, going to visit someone... while Severus dealt with 'the rest'...

All of them were meant to be on the Dark Lord's side but...

It seemed that they weren't.

I didn't know how long it had been, down here away from the touch of the sun. Two nights at least had passed, I knew that. They had dragged me here after that first awakening, after that first taste of pain. I had woken again to the cold darkness before being dragged out again to my waiting father. I still didn't know where I was, it wasn't the Grey Manor… it was, well, here.

Father had plans for me… I remember - pain had sharpened the words, the memories…

* * *

_"You have no choice, make the vow or you will be forever cursed. You have no choice" He said, his voice cold, unyielding as if his words were law._

_I laughed hysterically, pain still shivering up my spine._

_"Stuff the contract, you're too late, the vow has already been made and guess what" I raised my unmarked fists, "It wasn't taken by me, figured that out, Daddy"_

_He growled and I was slammed into a wall painfully but my smirk didn't leave my face._

_"You lie! There is nobody who could have taken that vow!" he snarled._

_I looked up, belatedly realising my nose was bleeding, and gave my pathetic father a superior look._

_"Really? Are you sure about that?" I spat out a mouthful of coppery liquid, "Are you certain there are no other Black's? No other Grey's?"_

_Silence met that statement and I watched as Alexander's face froze and grew into a plum red colour._

_"See," I said defiantly, "No more pathetic vow to fulfil, what you think of that Papa-?" I broke off with a scream as pain came again and again and again before falling away._

_Minds could be broken with the amount of pain I had been through, I thought. Why wasn't I crazy by now, broken and lifeless, stumbling in my own dreams with sightless eyes and lank limbs? Why could I still hold my words and thoughts, why was I still here?_

_"You will marry Black. Either that or you die, don't think I won't do it," He muttered, as I panted at his feet, "We needn't tell the Black's of the broken contract… they will still have to take you… yes. And you will do it. You will, or I shall murder you slowly then find that poof and his whore and kill him too. Then the wolf, then everyone you have ever cared about – don't think I won't. You will marry."_

* * *

**_Cynthia_**

The boys left and I stood again before the bed looking down on the man I had once loved. He looked like he was just sleeping, just sleeping, and I could almost pretend that he was the same man. He looked the same as he did all those years ago, before it all shrank to power lust and arrogance. I could imagine he was the man I married, the man who held me as the snow fell and had softness in his eyes. Keen, enthusiastic, full of life... he had been brilliant.

But his time had faded now.

With that thought I swallowed the phial in one. It stung, just slightly as fire whiskey might, and I coughed slightly. It was my escape, down in one, taking no more effort and standing up. How easy it was to let everything fall away. Life, it was so fickle. A simple spell left the man I once loved a corpse. Two simple words, one single gulp. Now I only had to wait until the Dark Lord came to find out what happened to his most faithful.

Ten hours...

I felt the timer of my heart count down as seconds became minutes and those became...

Hours.

The hours did not wait for me and time could not be taken back. Time did not stop. It moved without patience, without pity.

Yet I found that I didn't care anymore. It was just what would happen, what I had chosen. Madness, perhaps, or maybe just sorrow had removed my fear. It was easy, easy to end – easier than living and fighting.

The man I had loved was dead, not by my hand but the hand of temptation. It was true; I had known it for years, though I had hidden it from myself. Denial. My children were better off without me, him, us. We had failed them, each in our own ways. We were the parents they did not need, they had each other. I would make sure of it.

My daughter would escape and she would go to her brother, my son, and they would struggle through, ever the fighters. They were always the fighters. They chose their own path, they did what we all could not and they had never had a prouder mother... though perhaps they did not know it.

Which shall always be my greatest regret.

* * *

**_Lara_**

The chains around my wrist were tight, painfully tight, and I felt it digging into my skin and drawing blood. My body ached and shudders of cold and exhaustion wrapped around my spine. I thought of Remus, how worried he must be... again... and Alex who must be going mad.

How had they managed this? Surly everyone would have noticed the moment I didn't come back from the bathroom? How did they get away with it?

Shut up Lara, you're here now, time to get out, time to get out.

Right.

I needed to get out of these cuffs. If I could do that then I could have a chance to get out of this cell by taking the Death Eater by surprise. Perhaps then I could find my wand... where was it? Alexander must have it, he must – either him or Irvine and Black.

His study, in the glass on the mantle.

That's where he always put them before – both times – but how to get there? No. Pointless. This wasn't even Grey Manor… It wouldn't be here. I can get a new wand... Okay. So - surprise the guard and _then _steal his wand

Out of the cuffs. Out of the cell. Acquire wand.

And then?

Slowly a plan began forming in my busy mind, it was weak, I knew it and still the original problem still remained.

How to get out of the chains?

And how to surprise the guard?

How could I overpower an armed Death Eater when I could hardly even stand? Wandless magic? Hiding behind the door. Pathetic. This was all pathetic. They had to let me out for the ceremony (I shivered; I was not marrying Regulus bloody Black) perhaps I could get out then?

That would be leaving it to chance thought.

I hated chance.

Then I thought of something, something that was full of life, full of possibility. It was... perfect, if only I could get it to work...

_Et sic patet..._

... All I needed was time...

* * *

**_Darien_**

Fifteen minutes...

"My Lord!" I cried, running into the room and falling to his feet, "My Lord! It is Lady Grey! She has escaped and I have not heard from Lord Grey either!"

Chaos. The Dark Lord was suddenly in action, his anger releasing bursts of screams around me. I pitied those he turned to and blessed the fates that it was not me. I was not even meant to be here really, but Lord Grey had a soft spot for me, that and I was charged with watching Severus. In a shroud of darkness the Dark Lord left the room.

I did not follow, though the clock in my mind counted away the minutes.

I stood at the foot of the stairs as high pitched female scream met my ears. I let my eyes fall shut as the sound washed over me. When it cut off and was replaced by a laugh, derisive and manic, my eyes stay shut. She had gone mad a long time ago.

"What is happening?" A voice said behind me and I turned to see Regulus standing in the doorway, looking up in the direction of the crazed laugh.

"Mrs. Grey has just murdered her husband, our Lord is not happy." I beckoned him to follow me and we entered the unused conservatory.

"It worked then? You got her out?" He asked, shocked.

"Oh no," I replied, darkly amused, "she did that all by herself before I even got there, Merlin knows how."

I turned to the other boy and looked him up and down. We had not met since that... moment. He was avoiding my gaze, rightly of course, I would too if I were straight. I could admit he was attractive, darkly handsome with a presence about him. He was completely different to Ally, I thought so at least.

"She did?" He said, ignoring my stare, "Why is she still here though? I thought you were going to get her out?"

"She had other plans," I said vaguely, checking my watch: three minutes. "But tell me, why are you here? I assume it is not for my brilliant company."

"I came to speak to Mr. Grey," he said uncomfortably, "I am to marry Larissa, because of the vow."

I paused.

"The vow..." But the vow was broken... by Ally and the other Black... but they didn't know. Horror struck my heart. The vow was the only thing keeping her alive! They didn't know, they couldn't know! Especially now Alexander is dead, she would be killed in an instant. That meant...

"When is the wedding?" I demanded suddenly.

"Oh, um, in five days." He said.

Five days... we had five days to get her out.

* * *

**_Lara_**

The sound of hinges creaked and I sat up and glared at the crack of the door. The metal door swung open and a figure bathed in light stepped in.

"I'm not available for social calls, please be a dear and piss the hell off." I called with as much sarcastic venom as I could summon.

The door slammed shut and my eyes adjusted to the light.

"Oh," I said in shock as the dream came back to me, "So I'm the 'she' you said you'd come to see."

Darien Irvine blinked in confusion.

"What the hell are you talking about Lara?"

I smirked.

"How are my mother and Severus?" I asked and I saw his hateful face fall into shock before realisation appeared.

"You dreamt," he said simply.

"_We_ dreamt," I corrected.

"Then you know that I'm going to help."

"Yes, double crossing bastard that you are. I have a plan."

* * *

**_Severus_**

It was a small cottage, peaceful and idyllic with a large garden and laundry hanging on a washing line. I stood, unsure of what to do, unsure of how to approach. I was the enemy and I had no idea how I would persuade them to listen to me...

Suddenly the door to the cottage sprang open and a woman strode out with eyes of fire and a pointing wand. _Bellatrix!_ My mind screamed before remembering that this was her sister, the one who married a muggle-born. It was uncanny how similar they looked, especially angry... uh ow.

"Death Eater!" Andromeda Tonks screamed, stalking to me, "Don't you dare move – _Expelliarmus!"_

My wand flew out my hand and she caught it just as the door opened again – this time Sirius Black. I glared at him and he copied the look, rushing over to us. I decided that my discovery couldn't have been made by worse people.

"Snivellus," he growled in greeting, crossing his arms, and turning to his cousin, "Andy, don't waste your spells on this slime ball," he glanced at me in disgust, "Al says we can trust him."

I glanced between them, only slightly shocked at what Black had said. Tonks looked me up and down in scrutiny before turning on her heel and marching away, my wand still in her pocket. Black turned to me with a sneer.

"You're lucky I trust Al's word over everything," he sneered angrily, "Or I wouldn't have stopped her having her way with you, I may even have joined in."

I ignored him.

"I need to see Alex."

"Obviously Snivellus," he drawled, drawing his wand and pointing it at me, he jerked his head towards the house, "After you."

Unwillingly I gave him my back and started to walk to the house, very much aware of his presence.

Entering through the front door I found myself in a cosy living room, full of large sofas and a large fireplace. In one of the seats Lupin sat, watching me with keen, analysing eye, he didn't move, just crossed his arms. Black came forward to stand in the corner opposite me, eyes and wand never leaving my form. I stood, ridiculously nervous, nobody moved or said a word and I dared not break the silence. They seemed to be waiting for something but the silence felt heavy.

Then I heard footsteps and Alex appeared in the doorway next to where Black stood.

I had never really talked to this Grey twin but there was something about him, in the way he walked and looked that reminded me of his sister. He was tall, about half a head taller than his girlfriend, and his silver hair that reached his shoulders was the same iridescent silver as Lara's. His face was proud, with sharp and delicate bones and wide grey eyes, again like Lara's. Now he had large dark circles under his eyes and when he smiled it was forced and broken.

He strode forward gracefully and to my intense surprise held out a hand.

I took it, hesitantly, and his shake was firm.

"Severus," he said and it was the same voice, lower yes, but the same, "I wondered if we'd be seeing you. I take it Alexander is dead then?"


	47. To Plan

**AN: Em... not much to say is there? Sorry? I'm so very sorry. I've had writers block and, honestly? I've been cheating. Yes, I'm sorry, I'm seeing another story... I never thought it would happen but... and that's not the worst of it... It's not even a Harry Potter story. I'M SORRY. Please forgive me...**

**(If you like Lord of the Rings then check out my new story Lómëlen)**

**I had to make this chapter really short, and I think I'll be returning in the future to these last few chapters, I'm not very happy with them. Sorry if it's been confusing.**

**There should be... four chapters, after this one.**

* * *

**__**To Plan

**_Cynthia_**

I felt the poison burn in my chest, it was slow – deliberately so, and I knew its movement, progression through my body, like the map had been carved into the front of my brain. I'd had it with me all this time - it was the first thing I had asked of Cyndi when I realised she was under my power. I don't even know why… perhaps I had unconsciously foreseen this.

This, this waiting, wasting away, waiting and draining…

I was already dead.

_Madness:_ A voice whimpered_ - Madness is the fickle lover who tempts you as the Veela's call…_

Madness, I had long accepted I was heading there. I was just mad, but with what? Grief, hate, loneliness, hopelessness, guilt, boredom or maybe love? I didn't know, most likely it was all of the above. I was very little now, and the masks of another lifetime held cage to my past, my everything and nothing. What had it been? This life… that life…?

"But it is over now," I cooed, "is it not, love?"

But the dead do not speak, nor will the grey eyes open.

The idiot boy, Darien, the self centred youth, the ignorant child - well, he was different now, if for the better I don't know - anyway, he would see it done. He would see it done…

The burn flared and I could not help a gasp as the heat whispered in my lungs. Soon, so very soon.

Yes, soon Darien would send the Dark Lord and I would tell him. Tell him exactly what happened and he could choke on the truth in my words. He would hate and use all he dark magic he possessed to make me scream but what he did not understand was that I was already dead.

And Snape would go to my son; he would tell my son where my daughter was. And Irvine would go to Lara. And the youngest Black would be ready to nudge the final pieces…

* * *

**_Darien_**

A plan. My plan, Cynthia's plan, Alexander's plan, Regulus' plan, Severus' plan and now Lara's. I could only wait to see if any of them would meet up correctly.

I did not look at the Death Eater who stood guard outside her cell. I kept the words, the looks, inside me as I strode out of the cellars. I kept the image of her strung up and filthy... off my face. Eyes, eyes I had grown with and loved: eyes that were filled with desperation, pain and honest point blank fear.

I cannot remember leaving the manor, nor dissaperating, I just remember landing in a forest and staring into another pair of eyes. We had chosen this place, we had decided and he was waiting for me to speak... to tell him.

"Cynthia died, just at the right moment. She didn't give you or Severus away, just as she planned," he said, walking forwards, "The Dark Lord knows nothing and the deadline is the same. It worked..."

"Yes." I replied, trying to hold up the facade.

Regulus Black stared at me, dark eyes seeming to push past my masks.

"You saw her." It was not a question.

"Yes," I looked away, feeling the guilt burning into my heart, feeling the endless drop approaching.

I felt, more than saw, him move towards me again.

"Tell me."

I opened my mouth but my lips trembled, I licked them and shut them again.

"Darien, tell me," he whispered and I shut my eyes.

"She's fine..." _Liar,_ "alive and sane if not very comfortable... she has a plan."

"A plan?" He asked excited, "but wait? She trusted you?"

I nodded and explained about the joint dreams the twins sometimes had and what they must have seen. His eyes were wide and disbelieving but he just shook his head in shock.

"This is great, that means Alex will trust Snape!" He said instead, "What was her plan?"

"She wouldn't tell me, she knows how to get out and she knows when to. Let's just hope it works..." I felt hopelessness and guilt descend again.

"It will." He said with conviction, "We're going to get her out."

* * *

**_Severus_**

"Do you ever wonder why Lara approached you?" he asked and I looked up at the question in shock.

I had heard that before.

_"Do you ever wonder why I approached you...? I would have saved you Severus... I would save you, if I believed you wished to be saved..."_

He eyes sharpened and he smiled and I knew that he had heard my thoughts, my thoughts of his sister. It was extraordinary seeing how similar he was to his sister, I could hardly believe two people could be so similar but… different, it was... uncanny.

"Yes... she always wanted to save you," he said knowingly, "She heard Lily's stories, Lily's thoughts – we heard. She felt something in your thoughts, like regret or hesitation. There was something not quite there, something that should have been there if you were a Death Eater. She saw how the Marauders acted towards you; saw the wall that had been created between this side and that. She knew something you did not and in you she saw our old friend and his decisions..."

"Irvine," I said, staring at him intently as an emotion flickered over his eyes.

"Yes," he said, "what was between us put aside, the three of us were closest friends most of our life. One of the few tense subjects between us was Black and White magic, both of us having been brought up by dark families. But Lara and I are Grey's, we are not as pure as Gryffindors expect us to be but you know this already, don't you? We are not afraid to dabble but we always lean towards light. Darien leant towards dark. Because we all had a bit of both, we were both shades of Grey; we could pretend not to know the other's allegiance. We never tried to debate it, tried to discuss it or persuade, and it grew as a fracture between us that grew and grew until Darien could not ignore it."

He seemed to pause and I glanced over to the two other boys behind him. They were listening intently but their eyes were set and accepting, to my surprise. It shocked me that they seemed not to care that he had just admitted to being interested in the dark arts, they would hate even the merest mention if I were to admit that.

"Magic is a strange thing," he said musingly and he had that glint in his eyes that was alike to his sister, alike to when Lara believed and argued and spoke, "You can never truly be completely Black, nor White. That is what gives us the name Grey, it has long been disputed in our family that the best way is to know that you lie in the middle. What is the strangest thing is that a person may stick completely to dark magic yet still be Grey. It only takes a thought, a desire or preference, to push you out of the pure Black. Choice is a magic in itself, as our aunt says."

He had not removed his eyes from mine the whole time but it seemed to me that they had suddenly focused on me more that before.

"We forgot this with Darien. We saw only the dark magic, the choices he thought he had to make. He was suited to the 'Dark side' because he is a Slytherin through and through – cunning, motivated and selfish. It seemed to all of us that he had little choice, something we ignored till the end. And you, you Severus, reminded us of that, and I think Lara wanted to prove that it didn't matter how dark the Grey is, there is always White there, especially in the choices. She wanted to save you, show you that choice is the important thing. Save you from believing you only have one choice. She wanted to save you from what Darien thought."

"Black, White and Grey: it all comes down to choice and you can never be just one – not inside. So tell me, Severus Snape, why are you here?"

* * *

**_Lara_**

I watched Irvine leave and, though I knew that I hated him to my very core, I also knew he was doing something right for once.

_Et sic patet..._

I had not told the double-crosser this part of my plan, why would I? It was nothing more than my dream and hope that convinced me to trust him even a little.

I had a plan. I had something to focus on and I had five days to complete the process.

_Et sic patet..._

A wandless, nonverbal spell. It took hours of thinking; it had to be done right... the last step... it was so simple. It was a wonder I had not thought of it sooner...

Nonetheless, I knew of it now. The depression, black vision, hopelessness was gone now, determination taking place instead.

But...

I was so exhausted.

Drained.

I still felt the tingle of past pain. The burn. The memories and chill...

I was...

But I had to get out.

For Remus. Alex.

Lily... James... Sirius...

I had to get out.

I shut my eyes to the cold and blocked my mind of the pain. I forgot it all and let myself fall.

Falling...

I was falling through myself and I felt the wide web of my mind surround me. Magic here was beautiful and strong. I felt in pulse in my veins and dreams.

_Et sic patet..._

Twenty-two points.

...I would get out.


	48. AN HIATUS PLEASE READ

**HIATUS FOR**

**Black, White and Grey and Lómëlen**

**I told myself I wouldn't do this but the fact of the matter is is that I am too busy to write these stories at the moment. If anyone ever tells you doing 4 A-Levels is easy, well guess what, it is not.**

**I WILL CONTINUE WRITING AT A LATER DATE!**

* * *

**Readers of Black, White and Grey. I cannot even start to apologise, I have left it at the worst place *winces* but I _have_ been writing BWG for 15months people. _15 months_. I love this story, I love Lara and Alex, I am not going to just abandon them!**

* * *

**Readers of Lómëlen. There is NO WAY I'm abandoning this story. I have put way too much love and effort into Aríanna and there is still so much I have yet to show you. Be sure that I will be back. BE SURE. I have TONS of material on this story which I will not put to waste.**

* * *

**Please be patient I will be back. I don't know when - yet - but I will because I love these stories.**

**~ Jenna Linda**


	49. To Jump

**Blimey! Omg deary god. I'm back. I did it. Shit. It has been so long. I actually can't hold my guilt back - I'm as bad as Darien! It's been since Christmas that I've had any steady writing of this story! But I put you lot in front of my Lomelen fans - this story is just so near the end! Ahhh! It's been so long, started this a year and a half ago...**

**Sorry for taking so long writing. I had to reread everything I'd already written. Plus I had to reunite myself with Lara and Alex and the Crew, needless to say Lara in particular was kind of annoyed at me for leaving her for so long and was giving me the cold shoulder. Do you know how hard it is to write for someone who has a grudge on you? She wouldn't tell me anything I didn't already know! Ahh, but we've made our peace now and with her they all forgave me, Al was very quick to follow when Lara agreed.**

**Well... here we go! This is a kinda shortish one (coz I'm evvvil) but the next should be out fairly soon! Then my crazy long epilogue.**

* * *

To Jump

**_Lara_**

I am Larissa Grey. I was born just outside Berlin in my family manor house on May 25th, fourteen minutes before my brother Alexander. I am a pure-blood witch, a Legilimenatus who can do nonverbal wandless magic. I am as quick to curse as to heal, though my heart is one of a healer. My father was a pure-blood sadist, a Death Eater who scarred me for life, both mentally and physically. My mother was a coward, a brave coward who sacrificed herself for me and my brother. My boyfriend is a werewolf, my brother is gay, my best friend is a mudblood, my brother-soon-to-be-in-law is a blood traitor. I am neither good nor bad but I sure as hell won't go down without a fight.

Morning rose, I did not see it, I was cold in my cell with my eyes tightly shut and my arms and legs chained. I was waiting.

It was that morning,_ the_ morning, the Black's were going to come and get me to marry me to their youngest. I was sure they didn't really want it but to their mind they did not have a choice. I was to become a slave to a forced marriage and a curse that had already been fulfilled.

Only I wasn't. I was getting ready. I was getting out.

Outside the walls of Rosier Manor, my uncle's manor, there were others moving silently through the shadows. Severus beckoned his school rivals through the undergrowth and they watched in the darkness as the sun began to crest on the horizon. Across the garden they can see the large manor rising up, windows glowing in the half light.

"We're here."

"I don't like this plan."

"You'll get nowhere by charging in, only to your own death," the first voice sneered, "we wait."

"But for how long?"

They fall silent.

Inside my cells I hear the grating whine of hinges and my eyes open to the darkness. Light flashes under the door but it's too late – the points are all buzzing under my skin, the trigger is merely waiting to be pulled, the spell unleashed.

I'm ready – they're not.

I breathe out.

My body tenses, twists - every tiny connection tugs with the magic that pulls at every part of me possible. It clings to those tiny little anchors, protecting me from being ripped apart. They take the brunt of the magic and focus it on those tiny little points. Then, magic pulsating, they began to pull at me. The pain comes then, my bones scream but I keep the hundreds of points steady, clinging, in my mind, despite the pain. They warp and pull and I feel myself morphing, changing, into something new... something I have never been before. My brain swirls in confusion, so confused, but it is focused on those many beads, those immobile points inside the chaos. It recognised each one as a part of my old human body. Yes, that's how it works.

I hear the chains clink away as I land on the floor, hands stretching out to brace my fall. Except they're not hands anymore and I'm not on my knees. My nose is suddenly overpowered by new smells, vibes drifting through the air. I smell blood, sweat and urine. I smell dirt, coldness and dampness. I smell fear and pain and hate. Raw magic, old magic, dark magic.

I roll my shoulders carefully, feeling muscles stretch with power, feeling my aches drift to the back of my head. Paws, I have paws, and a tail. I have fur and my eyes are sharp and on the surface of my tongue I can taste – taste! - things I'd never tasted before. I shake out my limbs and look around to see my body in the shape of a dog, long haired and grey. No, I was a wolf, a wolf as silver as my human hair. My muscles were strong and ready and my teeth were sharp. I felt a growl rumble deep in my chest.

Well Remus, does this prove to you that we're meant together do you think?

I chuckled low in my throat at my bad joke. Wolf indeed.

The cell door opens, and I see red.

* * *

**_Alex_**

I bit my lip and my mouth filled with the coppery liquid while my brain focused on the pain. While my brain focussed on the hand on my back. While my brain focused on the manor house that contained my imprisoned sister, my imprisoned twin. I was so exhausted but yet my whole body thrummed with tensely contained energy. I was desperate to move, to do something, Merlin anything!

Behind me Siri pressed a kiss to my neck and some of the tension leaked out, replaced my fear. I licked my lips.

"Severus, how long do we wait." I levelled at the Slytherin slowly; he glanced at me, anxiety in his own thoughts, just barely visible under his shields.

"We have to give them a chance. Lara has a plan. Irvine has a plan."

Right. Plans. Everyone has a plan.

"Have you any idea what Lara will do?" Sirius asked.

I was silent as my thoughts whirled. Yes, I had an idea... I only hoped it would be enough. We were natural fighters; it was bound to show... it gave me a bitterly satisfied feeling to know... but it would break her, what with Remus...

"Alex?" Remus asked, breaking my thoughts.

"No."

* * *

**_Lara_**

I grunt as I pull the two bodies into the cell I had been in for so long and when I'm done my human limbs are shaking, aching, and I feel an intense exhaustion trying to take over my heart. I quiver, pausing, trying not to notice the coppery taste in my mouth, trying not to gag as I look down on my captors. For a moment I hate myself, looking down on what I did, and I want to vomit. Are you the monster now?

I wonder if there is a difference in what I did to the dark spells, the slashing, cutting, soul bruising spells that I had studies with my brother, that I had felt bite my own flesh.

I hadn't known what my animagus would be, yet I hadn't doubted that it would help me. Perhaps in the back of my mind I had always known that my inner animal would be capable of attack, that I myself was a being of violence. My father –

I grew cold and stood straight. Turning my back on the bodies, the blood, I exited the cell and with the flick of a stolen wand the heavy iron creaked shut and the locks clicked. This was war and it was a long time ago that I chose my side. To take part in war was to kill and to risk death and perhaps my way wasn't the most pleasant but I was the one walking out.

I looked around quickly, the damp floors, the lamp light shining dirty and grotesque shadows over my prison. I hated it. I hated my father for his attempts to use me. I hated the Rosier's for keeping me here. I hate the Dark Lord and his followers.

I left quietly and didn't look back.

* * *

**_Regulus_**

My mother was still glaring. Her fingers were tapping angrily at the arm of her chair. Anger. She was very angry at the situation.

"Just typical," She snarled abruptly, "forcing you to marry that revolting blood traitor then getting himself murdered. Deserves it in my opinion, slimy fool, that family is bad news and now - ! I should never have allowed that vow." She growled.

My father looked over at his wife, lips pursed, irritated.

"You needn't blame it so on Alexander," he said evenly, "we all agreed it was a good idea at the time, the Grey family has-"

"The Grey family have always been shifty," Mother sniffed, "Grey I tell you! The clue is in the name, who knows how far their tendency to jump between sides goes. At least we Black's know our loyalties!"

Father hummed before pulling out a watch and checking the face.

"Perhaps you should get her Regulus, it is high time..."

"The guards will bring her Father," I replied as calmly as I could, while my heart boomed in my chest, Darien's words in my thoughts:

_Delay them as much as possible; we don't want people looking for her too early..._

* * *

**_Darien_**

I looked my old friend up and down, the ratty clothes hanging off her figure, her hollow cheeks, the dirt encrusted on her. The blood on her face and hands. As I watched she stumbled on her feet and caught a nearby crate to stop her falling, her muscles obviously weak from disuse and torture. She looked up, saw me standing watching her, my mouth hung open, and her eyes were hollow. She looked down at herself, almost ashamed.

I'd known she'd get out – somehow –as impossible as it seemed, but, but... now I found I didn't want to know how. It caught in my throat, in the bubbling mass of guilt seething in my chest, seeing her –

Merlin. What had she done? What did I do?

We were in a storage room close to the cellar, full of large unidentifiable black boxes and the dry smell of dusk. There was one small window at the back of the room, tucking into the top corner, letting in a grey light. It was plan A.

"You got out." The words fell from my lips. I tried not to study her bloody face.

"Let's check out the window," she flinched and turned her back to me, hobbling to the back of the room.

I paused.

"The guards..."

"They're dead Irvine." She snapped.

Of course.

I gulped and followed her quickly; she was now reaching a hand up to the edge, just touching it, running long fingers into the furrows of the ledge. Dust motes lifted up under her fingers and danced through the air.

"I checked it earlier," I said quickly, "it's spelled shut but I don't know how – beyond my ability, I thought maybe you could tell..." she pulled her hand back ran it through her dirty hair nervously. In the mucky light her face made harsh shadows over her drawn, stained skin and the bright scarlet shined out. She twisted slightly and I saw how her sunken eyes carried dark purple rings that stood against those clear grey eyes and pale skin.

She pulled out a short dark wand from her sleeve and lifted it but I halted her with a hand.

"I'm sorry, I forgot..." I said pulling out the small bag from my pocket and handing it to her. She peeked at me shrewdly and pulled out the contents.

Inside was her white leather holster and the neat grey Aspen wand, so similar, if thinner and shorter, to that of her brothers. As she touched it a slight shower of white sparks flew from the end and the girl gasped and chocked back a glad sob at the reunion. Also in the bag she pulled out the delicate blue crystal tear drop necklace that Regulus had had the sense to take and give to me before Lara was taken. The silver head, my eldest friend, bit her lip as she raised it from the bag, it glinted in the light, the vibrant colour standing out sharply in the setting, and I saw a tear streak over her grimy face, leaving a pale trail.

"...Thank you..." she whispered, heartfelt tears slowly running down her face, "I thought... I thought I had lost them..." she sniffed and blinked, turning away.

"Give me a boost, I can't reach," she waved me forward, taking in quick breaths, "I'm getting out I tell you, just you watch me."

_You shouldn't be here in the first place. _I find myself projecting to her as I cup my hands for her to step into. _Not again, not like this._

She grunted at I lifted up but she made no reply as she began to twirl her wand over the window.

"... spell, yes, pretty strong, shared bond..." I heard her mutter above me, "The locking spell is shared over many windows," she said louder, "Saves time and magic... but," she made another series of twirls and incantations under her breath, "blood magic – it's blood magic, I don't-"

Suddenly a voice sounded behind us and a spell hit me square in the back, throwing me back, Lara crashing down.

Everything went black.

* * *

**Next chapter out soon! Promise! I'll be deleting that AN chapter when the story is finished so people who replied to that can still review this one! Hint-hint-hint ;) I'M SUCH A BAD PERSON SORRRYYYYY, love you all! (p.s. what the hell has happened to the site since I've been away! O.o)**


	50. To Creep

**Okay, so this took longer than I thought but I suddenly realized I hadn't done any of my summer work and went crazy finishing it... I'm also doing that thing again when I say I'm going to do so many chapters then decide, what the hell, I'm going to annoy you all even more and give you another cliff hanger for you all to gnaw on... So I'm basically dragging this out... The chapters are slightly smaller than previous ones but... well, I'm the author and I'm a meanie ;)**

**I hope you, er, like this one :) and thank you the people who reviewed the last one after so long, keep it up!**

**Lara is getting a little darker, if no one else has noticed, but tbh, she's been through a lot no? I'd be pissssed too!**

* * *

**To Creep**

**_Lara_**

It happened fast and before I knew what was happening I was crashing to the floor as Darien collapsed under me. There was a crack, a crunch and, amongst the confusion and mass of limbs, I didn't know from whom the ominous sounds came. I felt the mind in the room move forward and I cursed silently to myself as I jumped up from the tangle. It was Rosier! Damn him, just one more of my annoying pure-blood brute cousins to deal with. I flicked my wand up but I wasn't fast enough.

"_Expelliarmus!" _The voice shouted and my wand flew out of my hand and clattered to the floor.

From the shadows Even Rosier's face passed through a shaft of light, his lips twisted into a leer as he looked from me to the sprawled, unconscious figure of Irvine at my feet. I resisted the urge to look down. Rosier twitched his wand and tight black ropes twisted over me bruisingly tight.

"I knew this idiot was bad news," Rosier sneered finally, "it was in his eyes when they brought you in. I saw him. Weak," he flicked his wand again and Darien's comatose body lift up like some sick puppet, "cowardly," he threw him against the wall with a crack, "blood traitor."

I watch with loathing as he finally let Darien fall down.

"He will hardly be a loss to the Dark Lord, though," he said thoughtfully, "it's a shame he'll never have the pleasure of being in his gracious and," he grinned at me, "oh so forgiving company again. I'm sure he'd have some interesting last words."

He seemed pleased with his obvious wit; I wondered briefly at what type of last words _I_ could coax out of _him_.

"And you," he turned to me again, "my_ cousin_. Your family, you've been nothing but problems. Grey's." I sent my mind out to Irvine on the floor and breathed out when I felt his mind stirring, alive. "I heart Aunt Druella nearly had a heart attack when she found out her little sister was marrying a Grey," he spat but seemed to gather himself as he cocked his head at me where I stood still, silent and glaring fiercely. His mind was shielded, I could feel it cold against my senses, but I felt his maliciousness leaking through and perhaps, just maybe, a slight trepidation, "But you always were a slippery bunch." He continued, "Can't be trusted..."

"You know what my father says about you-" he started again.

"For Merlin sake," I said suddenly, "do you ever shut up? Only, I'm getting really, really bored of all these 'you're such a disgusting piece of work' speeches. It is really very tedious." I stretched my metal muscles, so to speak, "In fact," I met his eyes, "I think it is high time I shut you up myself," I told him before giving one more little push through the hair line cracks of his mind.

The wall crumbled and I pushed further in like I never had before to another person. Before me his mind stretched up and I was met with a whirlwind of thoughts memories and connections. It was familiar, this landscape, and years of touching upon this with other people led me to where I wanted to go, to where I grasped on and didn't let go. He froze.

"Oh," I smiled, "there you are."

Hate. Shock. Panic. Confusion. _Let me go!_

"I don't think I will. But be a dear and release these ropes?" I asked and twisted in his mind. He pushed back but his hate got in the way like a fog.

Slowly he raised his wand and gave it a disjointed twirl that had the ropes unravelling. I felt blood rush to my hands and I gasped quietly, flexing them. I dove back into his mind.

_Black's waiting up stairs... they'll come... Dark Lord, he told father that the giants... GET OUT OF MY HEAD... I'm going to kill her; I'm going to make her scream... Death Eaters at the door, not many in house... Regulus said the guards... GET OUT... I knew Irvine was bad news, nothing for him now..._

"What do you mean, about Darien?" I asked sharply.

Through my control he sneered, "I cursed him... you'll never have time now... tick tock, poor Irvine..."

"_Stupefy!_" I narrowed my eyes angrily, too exhausted to listen to his petty, malicious, black stained thoughts, and he fell to the floor in a burst of red from my palm.

I pulled my wand to me quickly and wandlessly and rushed to my former best friend, former enemy. I felt the truth in his words as I looked down as Darien again and I noticed on the back of his neck a black scorch. I rolled him over and felt his pulse, sending my mind into his and gently drawing him awake.

This was Darien, Dari, the boy my brother loved and had loved, the boy who had been there all our lives. Our childhood friend. He was the one who defended us in the first years of school because we were too opinionated. He was the one who we used to leave the dorms with at night and sneak to the old willow with. He was the one who showed us the secrets of the stars when we were nine, who held our hands after father had gotten angry for some reason or other. This was Darien, the one person who had made every bad thing in me and my brother's life possible, because he _knew_ us, our weaknesses and our secrets. And now he was going to die for saving me.

"Darien," I whispered urgently, "dammit, Dari wake up!"

And it broke me.

There were tears falling down my face now, hot tears of hate and pain and _why did the world have to be so damn rotten!_

"Darien?" His eyes opened blearily and looked up at me, falling in and out of focus. There was a pool of blood forming around him now.

"La-Lara?" He coughed, "did you just call me Dari?"

I choked out a laugh.

"Oh you complete idiot." I whispered through my tears.

"Hey," he whispered, "why are you crying?" he looked at me now, focused, flickering over my tears, "... Oh..."

The spell that had risen to the front of Rosier's mind came back to me and I hated it. All the time he had been preaching at me, as I had stood there silent, the spell had moved quickly to take root in Darien's bones. And I could do nothing.

"I can't do anything..." I whispered, "I was too late, I wasted time. I'm so sorry," I cried quietly looking down at this stupid, betraying, important person.

"... Oh..." he sighed again, blinking around the dark cellar now, "I'm going to die."

I bit my lips and tasted blood, coppery dry blood.

"I thought..." he whispered, quieter now, "I thought I might. I deserve it..."

I sobbed again, for I wished I hadn't been thinking it myself just a few weeks ago, I wished I hadn't wanted it just a few weeks ago. I hated it but it was so true and it stung in the centre of my heart, in the back of my throat.

"Lara..."

"Y-yes?"

"Will you... I never wanted to... I hate myself more and more for it all... For Ally... I hurt him so bad... stupid..." He coughed and blood landed on my shirt, thick and black, "I was such a coward... will you..." he sighed.

"Will I what, Dari, tell me?" I whispered softly, still holding him in my lap. He looked up at me with dark eyes.

"Tell... him. Just tell him, I'm sorry... and that I- that I-" he coughed harshly and it rattled his whole body, I noticed two black spots, dark magic, appearing in the centre of his cheeks.

I held him still and pushed the hair from his face as he calmed down again, hands trembling. His eyes moved away from my again and stared up at the cobwebbed, dirty ceiling, the storage crates and the dust motes.

"I wish..."

He shuddered, I could feel the black magic now, leaking, spreading...

"Darien?" I whispered but he didn't seem to hear me.

"I wish... I could see... the stars..."

I blinked and licked my lips, scrunching my eyes up to keep the tears back.

"Then you shall see the stars," I whispered before picking up my wand and waving it over the air, creating a play of shimmering lights that whizzed out and twinkled above us, blocking out the stone cellar. It was the most beautiful thing I could imagine. Darien sighed and I looked down at him just in time to see the light fade and be replaced by an endless reflection of stars.

* * *

_**Regulus**_

"Where is that little bitch?"

"Don't call her that darling, she's to be our daughter in law soon."

"I don't care if she becomes Mrs. Dark Lord. She's a slimy, filthy blood-traitor bitch."

Dear Salazar.. would she shut shut up for a moment? I drew in a calming breath and checked my watch again. I wasn't sure how long I could delay them...

"Where is she!" She hissed, "I thought Even Rosier went looking? Regulus!" I snapped to attention.

"Yes Mother dear?"

"Where is your bride being kept?" She hissed, getting to her feet, my eyes widened.

"In the dungeons mother –" I stood up hastily as she started marching to the door, "Mother! You're not honestly going to go down into that filthy place are you?"

"Yes dear – that really is quite uncalled for – darling," father reasoned, also getting to his feet and following after the large strides of mother.

We followed after her into the entrance hall, the dawn sun sun beginning to peer through the stain glass windows above the door.

"You there!" She shrieked at a Death Eater walking through a far door, "come with us."

She ruffled her dress and sneered at the Death Eater before walking to the door which lead to the dungeons.

"Mother! Please," I said, placing a hand on her arm, wincing as I did so, "let me go down with the servant and bring her to you. I'd hate for you to have to go down there and dirty yourself."

I hoped playing to her pure-blood dignity would persuade her to let me go alone... with this Death Eater of course, but I could easily dismiss him. I would just have to deal with Rosier then... make sure Larissa gets out...

I saw mother think about it, her lips were pursed and I could see that her deep desire not to do 'servant's work' was waging war with the side of her that wished to have control of the situation. Finally, she stiffened her back and sneered.

"Very well Reggie, I will trust this to you. Bring me this bride of yours... she is, after all, your responsibility now," she waved her hand forward before spinning on her heel and marching away.

"You, go with him," father said to the Death Eater who nodded his consent.

Dammit! What the hell was going on? Had Larissa escaped the cell? Had Rosier found her? No, no, surely I would hear of that the moment it happened? Then what had happened to Rosier? And what about Darien? Had he managed to get away from Grey manor, where he was still posted? Had he managed to get downstairs to meet her, like he said he would? What in Merlin was happening?

I was so lost in thought I had forgotten about the Death Eater behind me.

Suddenly, I was shoved into the wall and my wand flew out of my pocked and several meters away. I grunted as a hand reach up to press my face into the stone wall. I felt the press of a wand at my neck.

"Don't make a sound, or I'll curse off your head, don't think I wont." a voice whispered in my ear.

* * *

**Oooo! Who is it? ;) **

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	51. To Edge

**Um. Hi. This is writing I did maybe 9 months ago. I recently got some reviews that made me want to cry. I wasn't going to post this at the time, wanting to post a fuller chapter, like my norm. However. Enough is enough. This story needs to start the finishing process. I have been so cruel! Honestly, this story is SO long ago for me that I can barely stand to keep writing it. But I DON'T want to ever let this be an abandoned story. Especially so close. I still have a lot of writing in storage for this. This is still officially a HIATUS but here's a bit to stem you across. Thankyou for all the heartfelt (evil, manipulative) reviews, I still get them! And you make me sad each and every time. **

**Anyway. Here's a clip for you. Hopefully there will be more soon eh?**

* * *

**To Edge**

**_Lara_**

I slipped through the corridors, my thoughts silent, my eyes wide and my hands trembling. Darien was dead. He was gone, and that was that. He was gone. Memories… my memories were darting. Lazing around under our tree at Amalia's, sun streaking through the leaves, the sound of the water. His cold face after selling us to the school. Running through a corridor late, still laughing at Al for tripping in front of the charms teacher. Seeing him for the first time at Hogwarts. Stealing his mother's potions and mixing them in the bath tub. _Verräter, we wouldn't have._

And pain. But pain was pointless right now. I was alive, despite my inexplicably bad luck, and I had to find my brother.

For Darien, I had done what I could, the traditional funeral flames of a pure blood would suffice. It was looking after myself now, that was what I had to do.

I had a rough idea of where I was… that was Even's last gift to me, supplying a floor plan, before I left him hung up between some boxes. He would be able to tell the Dark Lord less than those I had killed about me or Darien. I hadn't been able to kill him, not with the blood staining hands. My guilt touched the root of my heart. Oh, black magic, I had been there, black magic was something I knew and would use with little regret. But this. The guilt of my treachery ran deep in my soul. Taking a person's mind using this, my gift, my curse and treasure. No, this was my true black mark. I felt it settle, like a scar.

The corridors were quiet and my heart was in my throat. I levelled my breathing. And tried to concentrate, they would be wondering about now why I was not being prepared for marriage.

Up ahead I heard footsteps coming my way and I froze, searching around for a place to hide, seeing only a small cupboard. As quick as I could I jumped for it and pulled the door in, just as the steps turned the corner. I silenced my breath and peered through the gap.

It was Regulus! Regulus and another Death Eater. Regulus! Darien had said he was on my side but could I trust the boy? If I were captured again I would be his bride, something I'm sure he didn't mind, love does strange things to a person. Dammit! What could I do?

Before I could decide though, matters were taken out of my hands.

I watched in shock as the Death Eater shoved Regulus against the wall and pressed their wand to his neck. Reg's wand shot out of his pocket and rolled a couple of meters away from me. I heard a muttered warning but my mind was reeling. I gaped and sent out my mind, testing this surprise attacker. My brain was slow to roam and weary from forcing Even, but I touched the Death Eater and recognition hit me.

Oh.

* * *

**_Regulus_**

"Don't make a sound, or I'll curse off your head, don't think I won't." the voice hissed in my ear.

I gasped with recognition and I tried to turn my face toward the figure, but the hand was insistent as it pressed me against the rough stone.

"You-!"

The wand stabbed into me.

"Quiet Regulus, what did I say?" He growled in my ear, before cursing quietly, "What the Merlin do I do with you now."

He released my head and I span around to face him just as he pulled off his mask.

"Sirius."

I could barely drag my eyes from him, dressed as a Death Eater, here in this house, as I break every rule my family set me. The irony was not lost on me. He in turn watched me through narrowed eyes, dislike, distrust, it was all there but perhaps… something more akin to how he used to see me. I looked away, years of animosity surfacing awkwardly in the air.

"Ah…" I found myself mumbling, "How did you…"

"Get in?" he said coolly, "With help. Sniv- Snape," he corrected himself, scowling, "he is waiting out in the garden. I doubt we have long."

I nodded, pulling myself in and trying to caution the part of me that was ten and looking up to my big brother. It was no time for this.

"We do this and go back to normal," I winced internally at the word, "your side, my side. I still don't think you will win."

"Agreed," he grunted in reply.

"Good. Now can we go?" Someone new said and we both twisted around in alarm, my hand reaching for my fallen wand, "Oh relax. Though really, you two should pay more attention to your surroundings."

And there was Larissa, standing there against the wall watching us. Her eyes were darting up and down the corridor, frequently landing on us. I couldn't rip my eyes away, there was a barely healed hole in my chest and the stiches were slowly being tugged apart.

"Lara!" my brother cried, rushing forwards and pulling her into his arms, "how did you get out, are you… why…?" his eyes drifted over her form and saw the same as me; namely, the blood staining her hands and clothes.

She pushed away gently, looking neither of us in the eye.

"Darien is dead," she said, her voice flat, "Rosier… came looking. Which, I assume, means we do not have very much time left to us. The windows are sealed. I do not know how we shall simply stroll from the building."

"Darien is dead?" I asked, shocked.

She nodded mutely, lips pressed tight as grey eyes folding in briefly.

I jerked, turning from them and looking at the stone walls. There was a spider's web between the stones, and the mortar was crumbling but held firm against its will by magic. Darien was dead. Ah. I thought of our crazy kiss, stupid, improbable, nothing attached but pain. The unity of falling in love with those stupid twins. An odd stain on my record, one I could explain or convince myself to regret. I thought of his fiancé, proud and bitchy as any Slytherin. I thought of the dark shadow of guilt, plaguing his soul.

_I do not think he ever planned to live. _I thought, shocking myself before realising it was true.

"Regulus, we must go," Larissa said and I turned around, making my face blank.

"Yes. I think it best you go out through the side entrance. I'll go down to the dungeon and then, after a time, sound the alarm. Sirius, do you have any more of those robes?"

"Yes, the one," he said, pulling out a robe from his pocket and handing it to Larissa, "but no mask so we'll have to make sure no one sees your face."

She nodded then pulled it over her head. I watched as the blood stains vanished and were replaced by plain black. I turned away.

"It will not hold if you're met," I said, "You will not being able to leave the boundaries of the property unless in contact with a Death Eater."

"I know, Snape is waiting. But-" He said, nodding.

"Okay, do you know the way?"

"Yes, but-"

"There's one Death Eater on-"

"Reg-"

"The porch, but as long as you-"

"Regulus!"

I paused and scowled.

"Don't even bother to thank me Sirius, I am not doing this for you or your precious side. Now go." _I did this to save someone I love, but cannot have_. "We don't have time for this. Go."

I watched Sirius open his mouth. He always had to have the last word, to question things. He thought I was doing this for him, or for her, or for some turn of heart. He was wrong I was selfish, I was doing this to protect me from guilt. I was doing this so that I didn't have to imprison her, having her there to remind me of what I was actually doing – being on this side.

* * *

**_Alex_**

I growled, close to tears, my whole being awash with frustration and pain. ACH! I was out here, on the boarders of a bloody DE house, in which my boyfriend, my _fiancé, _and my _twin sister_ were currently in an unknown state. We were sitting ducks! Doing nothing.

It was the best plan we had, we knew it. Sirius was the best for the job. Lara wouldn't know to trust Snape (though she'd always had a soft spot for the Slytherin). I didn't know the layout of the place, unlike Sirius, who had visited before. And the rest of us… well.

I wanted to break something.

Remus was crouching near me, jaw clenched, watching the silent figure of Snape, who was pretending to be on guard so as to bring Lara and Sirius through. Hoping beyond hope that he wasn't noticed, but above all hoping the _fool_ of a plan would work.

* * *

**_Lara_**

The cold corridors watched us as we slipped through the wide spaced. It was like a dream, and the edges of reality drifted, the floors were shifting under our feet and the heavy air caught in my throat. This would never work.

Let's just stroll out of a Death Eater manor, yes that sounds like a fool proof idea. Let's forget all the spells probably up. Let's forget that there was Merlin knows how many Death Eaters guarding this place. Let's forget that we are the two biggest blood traitors known. Yes, let's!

"Salazar have mercy…" I whispered, as we came to the door which led to the foyer, slipping into my old Pure-Blood curse.

"You have to change your hair," Siri whispered, "it's way too noticeable."

I nodded, quickly tapping my hair, concentrating tightly as the magic around me stuck distrustfully. Black leaked over my hair till it was dark to the tips. I could feel the weight of the walls looking down at me, prodding at me nosily. Suspicion. Bloody pure-blood sentient buildings.

"Alright," I gritted my teeth and pushed everything away, "let's give this a go."

* * *

**:S hahaha, well. Sorry guys. I'll try to get back to you. Sorry if this is horrendously self-Betad. I didn't have much time (wanted to catch the urge to post before it ran away).**


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